Nikolai Berlinski and Equesria, with no zombies?!?!
By Awesomedude17
After Nikolai nearly killed the six mares over vodka, they decided to go over to the 'Hard 'n Tipsy', a bar that is owned and run by Berry Punch. Rarity and Fluttershy told the group that they weren't joining them, the former because she doesn't like Nikolai, the latter because she has had bad experiences with alcohol. The group say their goodbyes or in the case of Nikolai to Rarity, a prompt middle finger to her, which did nothing because ponies had no hands, or fingers, and left her confused, yet sure he was insulting her somehow. The group of 5 entered the bar and are welcomed by the smell of booze and bad smells from the stallions. Nikolai proceeded to a stool after given 25 bits from Twilight for spending. Berry Punch then trotted to Nikolai and asked:
"Welcome sir, what can I get you?"
"Vodka, lots and lots of vodka."
The request was vague, but she assumed he was trying to get drunk, she hated ponies like these. She wasn't much of a drinker, more like a server. She nonetheless grabbed her bar favorite and a shot glass and gave it to the human.
"Enjoy."
"Thank you." Nikolai poured himself a shot and drank it down. He soon widened his eyes.
Such purity, such flavor from pure water and alcohol, I must have MORE!
Nikolai then began to drink the shots slower to enjoy the flavor more, which surprised Berry Punch.
Wow, this guy must have been living on the cheap stuff, I'm afraid to tell him that the price is... I'll let him figure it out later. Berry gave a smug grin and went to another guest who just ordered an Manehattan.
"Girls," Twilight started off, "For once, I hope I don't learn everything about him."
"C'mon Twilight, It's not like he doing anything wrong by drinking, right?"
"Rainbow, he blew up a planet, an ENTIRE PLANET!"
"Yeah he did," Applejack said "but did ya ask why?"
"Huh?"
"Ah mean, he may be dang bit annoying, but is he really that dangerous. He mentioned three others, he probably didn't even mean tah do it. Those guys might have been the true culprits. Twi, this guy may be an alcoholic, but when ya been fightin' monsters all the dang time in the world, ah probably be drinkin' too. Maybe insane or both."
Twilight tried to retort, but Applejack made a valid argument, so she sighed in defeat, "Okay, you maybe right Applejack, but he's still dangerous."
"But I don't want him to go away, I haven't even thrown him a party yet."
"Trust me Pinkie, when he relinquishes his weapons, he'll just be another drunk out in the open."
The other three mares nodded and tapped their glasses of hard cider.
"To friendship!"
"You know what, you are both eagle and lion at same time, what the fuck."
Nikolai then got punched in the face from a tourist gryphon who had heard of the bar from his 'friend', knocking out the drunk.
"Excuse me," Berry walked over to see the two, the gryphon then said "this thing was constantly annoying me."
"I'm on it." But before Berry could do anything the man stood up, and snored. The four mares who barely drank little more than a drink or two trotted over and looked at the human. Applejack decided to speak up.
"Nikolai."
Nothing.
"Nikolai!"
Still nothing.
"NIKOLAI!!!"
Nikolai just moved towards the bar exit, snoring and mumbling as he went drunkenly. Twilight couldn't believe it.
"Nikolai is sleepwalking while drunk. Oh, this is a one in a million problem."
Rainbow knew one thing, drunks tend to cause chaos and pain wherever they go, good thing it was nighttime, the foals did not really have to see him now, especially the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Let's follow him."
"Wait!"
The four mares turned to Berry Punch.
"He hasn't paid for his drinks yet."
"Oh, sorry, how much?" Twilight was sure it wasn't going to be mu...
"That'll be 42 bits, please."
Twilight gave a shocked look, then an angry one. Nikolai is going to pay for this.
Nikolai was just drunkenly walking and walking. No more fighting means Nikolai could take naps more often. Nikolai had a special talent of being able to sleepwalk when he was drunk. This is how he managed to avoid zombies when out of ammo, especially at that abandoned cinema in Germany. He then walked, or to be more accurate, stumbled to Carousel Boutique, unaware that something was going on in there.
The four mares split up and agreed to meet up at the library. The four came together to discuss what they found.
"Applejack."
"Nu uh."
"Rainbow."
"Sorry Twi."
"Pinkie!"
"I saw him going to Rarity's. He must be going to apologize for his rude behavior earlier."
"Pinkie, sleepwalkers cannot apologize. Quickly, Rarity might be in danger now." Pinkie is oblivious to the fact both of them hate each other now too, and I don't think the drunk can really be a good pon... person if he was... well, drunk.
And then the four mares ran over to Carousel Boutique.
They reached Rarity's home shortly after and noticed the door was open. Rainbow was now fearful of Rarity's life.
"Oh no, let's go."
Nikolai couldn't understand what was going on but he was near something that would be ammo for Nikolai's gun of insults to Rarity. Some sounds were being heard and the sleepy Russian walked up the stairs, narrowly missing Opalescence's tail by mere inches. Nikolai was by the bedroom door and just stood there.
The four mares quietly moved through the house. After about 5 minutes, they thought he might be upstairs, so they quietly moved up the stairs, trying to avoid Opal. They did want to go get Nikolai unharmed.
"Ah found him, on three."
They positioned themselves.
"One."
Nikolai mumbled something about how a 'Takeo' sucks balls.
"Two."
The mares were ready to pounce.
"Three!"
They then tackle him through the door, waking him up.
"Ah, what the... Where the hell am I?"
Nopony answered that question, for they were shocked by something else.
Fluttershy and Rarity, in the same bed, embracing each other. And they also had shocked looks.
Nikolai took one long look and finally said, "Heh, lesbian ponies, who would have thought?"