//------------------------------// // Chapter 42: When the Heart Comes Calling // Story: Electro Swing // by Rego //------------------------------// Gimme, gimme, gimme, Gimme more of it. I refuse to quit. All your magic keeps me spellbound, baby! Do it, do it, do it, Do it all night long. There’s no way that it’s wrong. We’re gonna keep dancing until all our starlight’s gone! The beat stopped as the practice session for the bridge of “Starlit Sunrise” came to a close. It was the third time they’d run through the verse to tweak the details. Luckily, it was the first Sauna Summers song that Vinyl really enjoyed. The singer was quickly growing into her famous role as the Queen of Disco with each passing record, but that was part of the problem. “Sensational everypony!” Summers announced loudly to the group. “I’m feeling real good about the flow we got going on. I’m think if we get some of the brass to jump up an octave—” As Summers cut out, Vinyl hoped against hope, but if the pattern held, she knew what was coming. “And there will be another pop in three. Two. One…” “Okay, let’s take it from the top! Everypony ready? Alright! One-two-three-four!” Summers counted before the horns roared to life once more to play “Starlit Sunrise” again. Vinyl threw her headphones off and slammed her hooves on the table, jostling the crystals scattered about her workspace. “Why?” Every time. Every. Single. Time. Just as the songs finished and they were going to take a break, the recording cut off. The best part of the collection was just listening to them talk, but they’d just stopped doing it. With each passing record, Summers’ history was fading further and further into obscurity. Vinyl’s best reference to measure how much time was passing was lining up the songs with the albums’ releases, and it was disheartening to say the least. She’d skimmed through records all week with months of history passing in a blink of an eye, leaving Vinyl starving to hear from the real Summers again. There was no way to know the reason behind the sudden change, but she couldn’t help but speculate. Maybe the higher-ups had told them to stop going through so many records to cut costs, or perhaps Suede Shoes had suggested they streamline their process. She’d probably never know. Whatever the reason, it meant Vinyl had skipped past arguably the most critical point in Sauna’s career when taking on the CMS head-on. It was all just… missing. Still, there were at least a few clues Vinyl could pick out just from listening to the music, but they weren’t good. She couldn’t hear Springstep, Autumn Aria, or Sunny anymore. They’d been replaced by nameless backup singers with the occasional guest appearance of Suede Shoes for a duet. Meanwhile, Summers had finally found her famous golden voice alongside the band settling into their unmistakable funky disco beat. The quality of the music had undoubtedly improved with the ascension of the Queen of Disco, but it came at the cost of her friends' absence. Vinyl wondered how Summers felt about that. It was absolutely maddening. Summers’ breakout story had been building up for so long, but now the climax had just passed in the dark. There were only bits and pieces to pick up anymore in the brief moments she could catch a word or two before silence swept it all away. Vinyl kicked off her stool and stomped her hooves on the ground. She wanted to break something, to scream, and to cry. The archive was more than just a job now. There was so much more to learn about Summers beyond the queen’s shadow. It wasn’t fair! Above everything, it hurt. Vinyl hadn’t expected that. She’d been spoiled by the sheer depth of the collection. It had allowed her to get to know Summers so well in the little moments. Her passion, her kindness, her tenacity, it was not only inspiring, but comforting. There was a pony she could look up to, model herself after, one that maintained who she was despite all the fame, riches, and power that fell around her hooves. Vinyl wanted to be like the Summers she hoped she was. To be strong enough to resist the influence of others, and stay true to herself and what she believed. Unwavering in the face of infinite temptation. If Summers could live her values, maybe Vinyl still had a chance to be the pony she wanted to be with the pony she wanted to be with. But if the record stopped, Vinyl would never know how it really played out. She’d never find out if Summers finally gave into the pressure, if she changed after marrying Suede, if she became the queen history remembered her as. Vinyl wasn’t stronger than Summers. If she fell, the same thing would happen to her if she stayed with Fancy Pants. She’d start taking one little step after the other, a cheat here, an exception there. There’d be a string of excuses to justify her actions until she’d lose sight of herself and become somepony else. Somepony she hated. A monster. Looking at the reflection in the observation window, she could already see the results of her myriad of compromises. The DJ from the same time last year wouldn’t even recognize Vinyl anymore. Thanks to regular, balanced meals, the stubborn junk food flab around her barrel was vanishing while she was putting on healthier weight across her body. Her electrified coat shined brighter than ever thanks to said diet, along with better fur care products she could never afford on her own. She was also having the best sleep of her life thanks to a bed that put her apartment’s cheap cot to shame. Beyond the physical improvements, her mind hadn’t felt so liberated in years. She could pursue what she wanted, whenever she wanted without survival stress gnawing at her. The muses of music came easier, her studies flowed faster since her basics were covered ten-fold. She could actually say no to a gig for the sake of her research without worrying about next month’s food budget. She had time to enjoy the things around her. She’d never even noticed the park Fancy took her to last week when she tagged along on his jog. It was visible from Celestia’s school, for heaven's sake! She didn't have to worry about staying afloat. She was thriving in her pursuits. So why did she still feel absolutely terrible? It was stupid. She was being stupid. Decadence surrounded her constantly. A gracious stallion bankrolled all of it without a second thought, and she wasn’t abusing it. Despite the riches constantly around her, she still tried to hold on to some sense of modest living, but even then, modest living was a moving target these days. Vinyl had no clue how much the so-called basics cost, but she knew the brands were far beyond her previous means. It didn’t matter. Doing the opposite wouldn’t affect Fancy. If she did give into pure hedonism by succumbing to every little desire she had using his money, his pocket book wouldn’t even flinch. She’d be little more than an itchy mosquito bite or a wart to be removed. Vinyl could burn the rest of her life away in a superstar spree of debauchery, and all of the lavish spending would amount to little more than a rounding error on his balance sheet. So, what was the point of worrying? It didn’t matter how much or how little she used, frugality was a performance. Theater. Pantomiming a sense of morality Vinyl clung to for dear life. But why fight it, or give into it? Either way, she had changed so much, and was still changing no matter what she did. Vinyl just wanted to know they were really for the better. There were answers that she wanted, but they were lost to time, unwritten and unrecorded. Without them, she was adrift on the open sea. She could easily bask in the warmth around her, but one wrong step and she’d plunge back into the static below. Vinyl liked being warm. She didn’t want to be cold anymore, but at least the cold preserved who she was. A frozen pony submerged in suffering stillness, ignorant to how painful the static felt. There was no way to return to it, and deep down she knew she never wanted to go back. There was too much to sacrifice now, not just the comforts of a richness, but the relationships that warmed her heart. It was a sweet poison she never wanted to be without again, and the dependence scared her. The desperate mare cried out in frustration as she swept all of the useless crystals and implements off the table, letting them rain down on the wooden floorboards. There was no need to care if they were broken or not anyway. Fancy could replace all of it. He could easily fix it like he’d fixed her turntable. If he felt like it, he could just as easily replace her as well. Order now to get the new DJ Hoar-C, a smarter, stabler, normal-er Vinyl Scratch with none of the glaring downsides and a 30-day, money-back guarantee! Vinyl slammed her head on the table as her throat burned from the strain of holding back the tears she wanted to shed. There was no reason to cry, or at least she didn’t have a good one. Crying because she couldn’t listen to a record that didn’t exist would be the epitome of pettiness. Nopony else in the world had unlimited access to the Summers-Suede Collection like she did. She might as well be complaining that her pool filled with ice cream didn’t come with sprinkles. Vinyl wasn’t suffering at all. It wasn't real, just the performance of a spoiled, entitled mare. A soft knock came at the door, snapping the DJ to attention. Vinyl quickly snatched her shades from their place above the soundboard and shielded her eyes from whoever would come in. There was no reason to bring somepony else down over something so stupid. “Vinyl? Are you okay?” Fluffer Duster asked carefully as the meek pegasus slowly opened the door. “I heard a crash.” “Yeah. Sorry about that. It’s nothing,” Vinyl said coolly, trying to play her mood off. “It’s fine, Vinyl. I know you’ve been having a rough time lately.” Vinyl blinked and tilted her head in confusion. “You did? But… how?” “Oh!” Fluffs said as she rolled her feather duster nervously between her hooves. “Well, you’ve just looked down at dinner recently… and in the hallway… and a bunch of other times.” Vinyl sighed into her hooves. Of course she’d been spreading her petty woes with her mere presence. She was Vinyl Scratch. Leaking misery everywhere she went was just what she did. “Sorry, Fluffs.” “No, no! You don’t have to apologize.” Hearing the distress in Fluffer Duster’s timid timbre, Vinyl sank lower as she groaned in frustration. She was worrying everypony again. The pegasus trotted to Vinyl’s side and lightly draped a wing over her back. “It’ll be okay, Vinyl. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” “Unless I find a time traveling spell, I don’t think I will. The records have been slim on the details, and I haven’t found anything useful in forever.” “Oh. That’s not good.” “Yeah, it’s just been song after song with nothing worthwhile to add.” “But isn’t that what you’re archiving?” “No—well yes, but not…” Vinyl trailed off as she let her brain catch up to her mouth. She didn’t want to let anything unnecessary slip out. “The interesting stuff is hearing Summers talk to her friends. Outside of that, it’s just coming up with music and getting the performance working right. Sure, that stuff is important, but it’s not interesting. Who cares about music you can hear anywhere when you can meet the pony behind the mic?” Fluffs nodded along in understanding. “So it’s like juicy gossip?” “It’s not gossip!” Vinyl fired back before she could check her temper. Guilt wracked her as her friend took a step back, fanning out a wing to shield herself on instinct while holding back the one Vinyl had injured before in her blind panic. “Sorry, there’s gossip sometimes, but that’s not…” Vinyl grunted in her hooves, trying to calm down enough to think straight. “She wasn’t a larger-than-life disco queen, but a pony. A real pony. Everypony remembers her for the glitz and glamor, but really she just wanted to make ponies happy with her talents. Her insights were just… she was something else.” “It almost sounds like you're friends with her.” Vinyl forced a hollow laugh, not allowing herself to cry over nothing. “I know, right? She died a month before I was even born, but I still feel like I know her. It’s so stupid.” “It’ll be okay, Vinyl.” “Unless I can find some more stuff about her, it won’t.” Vinyl lifted the master record from the player with her magic and slipped it into its sleeve. She trotted towards the archive closet to put some distance between herself and Fluffs. “Wait!” Fluffs fluttered her defenses away and hovered over to Vinyl’s side, not letting her run away. “What about asking somepony else?” “Yeah? Like who? I have no idea where any of the others are. If I did, I wouldn’t even be having this problem in the first place.” “Are you sure? Have you tried asking Mister Dapper or Sir—I mean Mister Fancy Pants?” “No. Fancy wasn’t born yet, and Dapper was—” Vinyl stopped as her eyes widened. She’d tabled the butler’s perspective for so long that she’d forgotten that he’d eventually enter into Summers’ life. The performers were in a relationship at this point, so Dapper might actually have something to tell her now. “Fluffs! You’re a genius!” “Thanks for noticing,” the pegasus bragged, straightening her stance and puffing her chest out. “Come on, let’s go find him!” “You want to go too?” Fluffs bobbed her head enthusiastically. “Mister Dapper always tells the most interesting stories. Did you know he’s been engaged to a griffon for over a decade now?” “Wait, what?” Vinyl’s ear flicked, unsure if she’d heard the pegasus correctly. “Is that why he keeps mentioning an old bird?” “It’s true! Her name is Julia Razorwind. Her family makes all of the Griffonstone Brandy Mister Fancy Pants likes so much.” “Huh. Why is Dapper always so low-key cool?” A small grin grew on the pegasus. “Because he’s just Dandy.” Vinyl smacked her forehead, having walked right into that one. She nearly groaned in exasperation, but it was hard to be sour hearing Fluffs descend into a fit of cute giggles. Her joy was so infectious. Vinyl pushed her shades down to look over the rim at her friend. “Really, Fluffs? I would’ve expected that low level pun from Steeplechase.” “I know!” the pegasus said between snickers into her foreleg. “That’s because it was!” Vinyl chuckled and shook her head. “You really shouldn’t take material from him. They’re not good jokes.” “So? You’re still smiling,” Fluffs countered proudly. The DJ paused to note the slight pull at the corner of her lips. The warm feeling grew, forcing the sensation to spread further as her smile broadened. “I guess you’re right.” “Mister Steeplechase says that if you don’t find the joke funny, you shouldn’t be laughing. If it makes others happy, they can’t be all bad.” “Of course he’d say it stupid like that,” Vinyl complained as she pictured the stallion’s self-satisfied grin. Knowing Steeplechase, he’d strike a pose too, at least until Octavia had enough and playfully smacked him on the back of his head. You want to see them again, Desire chimed in. You haven’t been to the ESPA all week. That was true, but she hadn’t found anything to archive all week thanks to the constant cuts in the recordings. She didn’t have any justification for going. Do you need a reason? They’re your friends. They make you warm and happy. But— “Maybe you haven’t done something you feel is worthwhile, but friendship isn’t a black and white transaction. It’s true that all relationships have some level of give and take, that’s a given. You don’t need to earn it, though. You’re a great pony that anypony should be glad to have in their lives.” Octavia smiled softly as she leaned over, trying to catch Vinyl’s face. “Even if you don’t believe me, I know it’s true. I’ll believe it for the both of us until you can, okay?” “Fine. You win,” Vinyl whispered to herself. I always do. “It’s not about winning. It’s about making everypony happy,” Fluffs assured as she patted Vinyl on the withers. “Now, come on. The last time I saw Mister Dapper, he was heading towards the bedrooms. Let’s check there after we clean up this mess.” Before Fluffer Duster could get close, Vinyl scooped up all the accouterments and crystals in her magic and spread it neatly across the table. Nothing seemed broken, but she’d still check it for damage later. She gave Fluffs a friendly nod and the maid then ushered Vinyl out of the studio, shutting the lights off behind them. Dapper wasn’t too difficult to find with Fluff’s help. It was common practice for maids and butlers of Canterlot to always leave the door open in the rooms they were cleaning alone. Usually it was to make sure servants never stole from their masters, but in the Suede Shoes Estate, Fluffs and Dapper used it for finding each other. Fancy did the same if he was in a room he didn’t normally use. Despite living in an enormous mansion, he was almost always in the same four rooms: the study, the kitchen, the dining room, or the room Dapper was in now. “I think I’ll just wait here, Fluffs,” Vinyl said as she shrank away from the open door. “Why? It’s just the master bedroom.” “I get that, but… it’s Fancy’s bedroom.” Fluffer Duster hummed to herself. “I don’t think he’d mind. I go in there all the time to clean.” Sure, that was easy for Fluffs to say. She wasn’t the one with the crush on him! “It’s quite alright, Miss Fluffer Duster. Miss Vinyl is simply choosing to observe decorum in this instance. Please give me one moment,” the old stallion called back from inside. With calm haste, he strode to the door, shutting it behind him as he approached the two waiting for him and bowed. “Good day to you both. How may I be of service?” Fluffs curtsied back. “Sorry to bother you, Mister Dapper.” “It’s never a bother to see either of you two,” he said as he smiled behind his bushy mustache. “Now, is there something you need?” Vinyl scratched the back of her head, feeling a bit guilty for interrupting his work. “Well, it’s more something that I was hoping you’d know.” “Ah, so a question about archiving again. Have you run into something else during your research beyond that Sunny pegasus you asked about?” Vinyl nodded weakly. “And I ran straight into another wall.” “Most vexing indeed! Perhaps I can be a little more helpful with the pesky barrier this time around,” he chipperly replied with an exaggerated wink. Even though he was clearly playing his reactions up to raise her spirits, it didn’t make them any less effective. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, and she didn’t want to. “I hope so. Do you remember when Suede Shoes and Sauna Summers took on the Canterlot Musical Society?” Dapper’s dandyism diminished as he assumed his usual, dapper self. “How could I forget? It was such a bold action against the powers that be. I must admit that even I was against them at first.” Vinyl balked. “You mean you supported the CMS?” “Without question,” Dapper stated matter-of-factly. “It brings me no joy to admit that I once referred to the good lady as a corrupting influence.” The fur bristled on Vinyl’s neck at the admission. “What? But—but she never did anything to any of you!” “At the time, I was far more caught up with the gilded trappings of high society; an elite butler with the foppish ideals of ‘Proper Harmony’ drilled into me from birth. There was a natural order to be followed determined by your status and talents, and her mere presence was challenging that bedrock belief. A common spa pony stepping into the limelight to become one of the most popular singers was unthinkable. When I noticed the change in Master Suede, I took him aside and… oh, how did I put it again?” The old stallion swept a hoof in front of him as he tilted his head up and away, framing his face in profile. He dusted off an old smolder that burned from behind his copious eyebrows and mustache with an unmistakable charm. The only thing missing was a wine glass to swirl around as he showed off the thick of his neck. “‘If I may, Master Suede, a flower, no matter how beautiful, wilts into nothingness when plucked from its proper place. And I find the Sensational Sauna Summers to be exceptionally beautiful.’” He finished the act with a pompous smile that likely swooned many hearts in his prime. Fluffer Duster covered her mouth in shock. “That’s horrible.” “Yes it is,” Dapper agreed firmly as he popped his neck and back. A grunt escaped him as he returned to all fours. “It goes to show how easy it is for high society to forget the lessons of Hearth’s Warming. Why worry about the common laypony when her highness is there to maintain the nation? The nobles serve a higher cause by maintaining Proper Harmony amongst those who orbit the closest to the undying sun.” Dapper paused, a sad smile waxing his face as he laughed to himself. “Come to think of it, Lady Summers did prove me right in the end. She absolutely corrupted my Canterlot sensibilities, and I couldn’t be happier that she did.” “Nopony’s perfect, I guess,” Vinyl admitted, swallowing the bile rising into her mouth. “Oh, I am far from it, I assure you. And I apologize if I offended you. I don’t hold such noble nonsense in my head anymore. I’ve long replaced it with much better, egalitarian nonsense,” he said with pride. Fluffs giggled in relief. “Good. You were like a different pony there for a moment.” “That’s who I was before. Remember, we are all constantly changing. Even an old pony like me. But I’m sure you’ve heard enough about that. You were asking about the CMS?” Vinyl cleared her throat. “Yeah. I hit a snag around the time that all the CMS stuff came to a head. Were you there for any of Suede’s or Summers’ recording sessions when that was going on?” “Very briefly, and only if my duties included going by one of the studios. Unlike Master Fancy Pants, Master Suede Shoes didn’t drag me with him all over the world as his personal assistant.” That was not the answer she wanted to hear. Vinyl bit back a flurry of curses as she stamped a hoof in frustration. It was just dead end after dead end with this obscure history. “Now, now, don’t give up before you’ve even tried, Miss Scratch. What was your question?” “I don't know anymore! The problem is the stupid records keep getting cut every time, and I’m missing out on some of the most important moments of Summers’ life! I don’t know anything about what was going on around then, and if you weren’t there to see if, what the hay am I supposed to do?” “Oh. That is quite a predicament. What exactly were you looking for?” “That’s, uh, well….” Inspiration? Comfort? Desire suggested in the back of Vinyl’s head. Maybe a little dating advice? “I guess, ‘why?’” Vinyl quickly deflected before her desires could seep through. “She was trying so hard to fit in and play by the rules for so long, but then she winds up protesting the CMS with Suede? What gives?” The stallion hummed to himself in thought as he reflected on the past. “It was a strange turn of events, even to me. I wouldn’t be able to tell you when their relationship began. Their engagement came out of the blue to everypony. I never saw her at the old estate before they announced it publically. High society was thrown into absolute chaos.” “All because of a stupid engagement?” “It was what their engagement said about Proper Harmony that became the problem. If Lady Summers was just a simple spa pony plucked from obscurity, their marriage would've been frowned upon, but likely unremarkable. No, the issue was who she'd become: a talented singer who went beyond the call of her servile cutie mark to succeed more than the naturally gifted Suede Shoes, a noble. She was an invading outsider that flew in the face of everything they held dear, and the aristocracy wouldn’t stand for it.” “But wait, I thought Princess Celestia was a fan of Summers,” Fluffs recalled. “Why didn’t she just give Summers a noble title and make all of this go away?” “You’d have to ask Princess Celestia about that, but knowing who the good lady was, I don’t believe she would’ve accepted one.” “Why not?” “Because everypony is supposed to be welcome in Canterlot,” Vinyl answered aloud as she realized it herself. “She was set on staying in Canterlot, despite almost all of her friends saying they should give up and leave.” “You took the words right out of my mouth, Miss Vinyl,” Dapper agreed with pleasant delight. “It would’ve undermined what she was trying to prove in the first place. On top of that, it probably wouldn’t have helped. Their minds had already been made up about her long before then, thanks to the favor she’d garnered with Princess Celestia. I recall several ideas bouncing around that Summers had somehow tricked her highness into liking her.” Vinyl knew from the earlier records that Sauna Summers was fighting an uphill battle to perform in Canterlot, but she never really got just how stacked the deck was against her. No wonder Springstep was so adamant about them leaving for better venues. Summers really was being played for a fool by acting in good faith. The thought made Vinyl’s stomach churn. And the worst part was, none of it was helping. It was just reinforcing how screwed up everything was. Vinyl took a calming breath through her nose. “Look, all of this snob stuff is just getting me angrier and angrier instead of getting the answer I actually need! Could we shut up about stupid nobles and just focus on Summers and Suede? Please?” “My apologies, Miss Vinyl. I didn’t mean to upset you.” “I know that!” Vinyl yelled, her voice cracking from stress. “Sorry, sorry. I know you didn’t, and it’s tied to it, but—” She tried to get a grip on her anxiety, but slowing down wasn’t working. Everything was beating in her head, ratcheting up an endless crescendo that would never drop. She fell back on her haunches to ruffle her mane with her forehooves, trying to shake the overwhelming frustration from her head. “Please! I need something to work from. They’re all gone now, and I don’t know what to do!” Dapper stepped forward and leaned his head down to catch Vinyl’s eyes behind her sunglasses. “Who is gone?” “Everypony!” she cried as she slammed her forelegs on the tiled floor. “Springstep, Autumn Aria, Sunny! If it got so bad that Summers broke down the doors of the CMS, why didn’t anything change in the way she wanted? She just wanted to sing with her friends, to make ponies happy, but all she got was loneliness! Why? She deserved better! It’s not fair!” Petulant and pathetic. That’s all she was. Vinyl couldn’t decide if she was more embarrassed or angry at throwing a temper tantrum in a hallway. It wouldn’t matter in the long run anyway. All she was supposed to do was find interesting records in a closet and preserve them. She didn’t need to be so obsessed with finding answers to a story that already ended before she was born. Dapper chuckled to himself. “You really care about Lady Summers, don’t you?” She looked down at her useless hooves and bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it. Summers deserved better than she got. Better than what ponies remember her for.” “That’s just the kind of pony she was, too. She cared deeply about the ponies around her. To a fault if you asked me. Anypony that looked beyond the popular narrative saw somepony truly special. You remind me a lot of her.” “What, did she get fixated on stupid stuff and go crazy too?” “Fixated, yes. But, I’d never denigrate passion with such language. Much like you, she never stopped working towards her goals, even if her priorities shifted over time.” Dapper straightened up and offered Vinyl a hoof off the floor. “I think I might know something that could help after all.” Vinyl’s ears flicked up as a spark of hope shot through her system. “What? What is it?” “Stand up and I’ll show you.” Taking the offered hoof, Dapper helped Vinyl to her hooves before he dug into his suit pocket for an old key ring. He began to flick through keys with his magic, trying to determine which one was correct as he walked past the mares. Vinyl and Fluffs quickly fell in behind him, following him until the end of the hallway. He stopped at the last door which stood before a large window looking out towards the peaks of Mount Canterhorn. Cycling through the final keys, he chose an ornate one with an inlaid pink gemstone and opened the door. As they entered the room, he pulled open the curtains with his magic to reveal a large bedroom. Like the recording studio before it, the room’s furniture bore a distinct vintage groove from decades ago. Rounded, oblong edges of polished wooden edges flowed with the overly plush cushions and bedding, all with deep and warm colors. It came with all the staples of Vinyl’s own room with a bed, dresser, vanity, and desk, but also had chairs and a sofa around a table, perfect for intimate meetings. “Wow! I’ve never been in here before,” Fluffs said as she fluttered into the air to get a better look. “You haven’t?” Vinyl asked. “Most of these rooms are cleaned monthly by a cleaning company,” Dapper answered as he approached the desk. “Miss Fluffer Duster and I only clean these rooms if they are added to the rotation. I can’t rightly recall the last time I was in here either.” She looked back at the door behind them. “So, why the special lock and key?” “Like the Ambassador Suite you’re staying in, every bedroom has a key to give guests of the mansion some control over their privacy. These last three are the only guest rooms on this floor, and the largest: the Emerald, Garnet, and lastly, the Pink Sapphire Suites—the one we’re in right now.” Dapper pulled open the drawers of the desk, searching through them. “This one is unique as all of the furniture here was swapped with the Ambassador’s, formerly known as the Studio Suite.” “Okay?” Vinyl said absently as she joined Dapper at the desk. “So what’s so special about that?” As she drew closer, the butler pulled out several notebooks and papers from the desk and laid them on top. He looked back at Vinyl with a smile and stepped aside, giving her room to look over them herself. Curiously, she popped open one to a random page and began to skim. Dear Diary, Sorry to be gone so long but, for real, I gotta ask— Vinyl slammed the notebook shut before she could read anymore. “Is something the matter, Miss Vinyl?” “You can’t be serious. I can’t read these!” “Really?” Dapper picked up one of the loose sheets and looked over it pensively. “The prose doesn’t seem that dense, and the hoof-writing is perfectly legible to me.” “You know what I mean!” Vinyl scolded, ripping the sheet from his magic before shoving it in one of the notebooks. “These are all diaries!” “Not all of them. That one appeared to be a draft for a song,” he said, dipping his horn towards the stowed page. “If you mean to say that you are breaching her privacy, then no, I don’t think you are. At least not any more than you would be in your research into the collection.” “But that’s totally different!” “Are you so sure? You are reliving snippets of her life without her permission.” “But anypony could just go in there and listen to it.” “Not entirely accurate. Only those who had access do, such as yourself. And now you have access to this. I’m not saying you should archive these; rather, if you need to ask Lady Summers a pressing question, you might find the answer here.” Vinyl placed a hoof on the cover of the notebook, feeling the temptation of cracking it open to pour through it. Desire was screaming at her to buy a six-pack of energy drinks and binge read everything until her brain turned to mush. She recorded every little thing and took pictures all the time, so there was no telling how many stories were contained within them. If she was lucky, Summers might’ve even written Sunny’s full name somewhere! But diaries were books of secrets. They were all the outlets for ideas and embarrassment that she might have had good reason to keep to herself. Vinyl knew that she wouldn’t want anypony reading anything she ever wrote in one. She wasn’t even comfortable keeping a written record of her innermost thoughts to begin with. Those were all too sensitive even for her to commit to anywhere but memory, and most of them she’d rather forget entirely. Vinyl sighed and withdrew her hoof. “I want to, like really, really want to, but it just feels wrong, you know?” “I understand your respect for the privacy of the departed. However, I cannot agree with the notion. Diaries are biographies of those that have gone before us. If we ignore their history, we risk losing their accounts forever, along with the lessons we could learn. Who knows? Perhaps it was such respect that led to us losing our history during the Silent Era.” “But Fancy Pants…” “Has said to ensure everything in this estate is properly maintained, which includes you. You were given access to all that you needed, so if you need answers now, please seek them here from Lady Summers herself. If you wish to check as a formality, then I will ask Master Fancy Pants, but I’m certain you know what he would tell you. He trusts you. We all do.” Her thoughts wound all the way back to the day in the study next to the fireplace as they looked through Fancy’s old family albums together. He recounted as much as he could with little stories and anecdotes from the past. As far as she could tell, he struggled more with trying to recall the information rather than withholding anything. Fancy was an open book when it came to trying to help Vinyl learn about Summers. Of course, he thought he was just being helpful with her research while she was enjoying the whole experience listening to him and his stories. Another time spent together under false pretenses. Vinyl pushed the nagging thought into the back of her head, and flipped the diary open again with her magic to the page they were reading. She swallowed any misgivings and yielded to her desires. “If it gets too personal, I’m gonna stop.” “Of course, Miss Vinyl.” With one final, sharp breath, she braced herself to dive in. As Vinyl opened it again the other two joined to read along. Dear Diary, Sorry to be gone so long but, for real, I gotta ask you something right off the bat. How the hay do mares have more than one foal? For real, this just keeps getting worse. One night in heaven gets you eleven months of pain, and I’m still in for at least two months. Okay. This was personal, but not in the way she was expecting to read about Summers when she was expecting. It’s not that bad… Desire noted, urging Vinyl to keep going. Makes me wonder if the princess ever had one and keeps to herself to avoid having another. Bunch of the nobles say they can trace their lines back to her, but Tia says that’s all nonsense. Think she ever had a kid? Would they be alicorns too? Tia? Vinyl knew Summers was close to the princess, but not nickname close. She’d only heard that Princess Luna calls her sister "Tia" from Fleur. They must’ve gotten a lot closer after Suede and Summers got married. I’m sorry, momma, for everything I ever said to you. I can’t believe every stupid stereotype is truer than true, and then some. I feel sick all the time, want the trippiest food combinations, and heaven knows my temper’s so bad, even I don’t want to be around me half the time. I made Suede run to the store for me just so I didn’t have to see him for a spell. I love him to death, and I know he’s trying his best, but sometimes he says the stupidest things, and I feel like I gotta throw a horseshoe at him. Maybe I’ll strap a couple watermelons to his barrel, see how he likes it. Vinyl couldn’t help but laugh to herself, knowing exactly how the mare would say it aloud. Her sass would sneak her intention under the radar. Maybe if she looked through the photo albums, she’d see if Summers actually went through with it. There was no way there wouldn’t be a picture. Still, I can’t wait to meet you, whoever you are. I’ve been avoiding the doctors spoiling the surprise. No gender, no species, no nothing. I don’t care who you are, I just wanna be a good momma to you. Feels weird to think about. Never thought somepony like me would ever be one. Am I gonna take you on your first cloud walk or is your daddy gonna teach you how to do magic? Maybe you’ll throw a curveball and be an earth pony. That’s right, diary! Some of these uppity yuppies say they’re pure Unicornians, but there’s always a chance for anything. Far out, right? Given the songs in The Aristocrats, Vinyl wasn’t surprised to read that there were Neo-Unicornians mixed in with the gentry at that time. As if the idea of Proper Harmony wasn’t enough to drive the point home for her, there was always extreme tribalism to cement their long-standing bigotry. Just think about that for a sec, diary. An earth pony. Maybe we could use all this land for growing something like they used to. Keep this on the down low, diary, but I’ll be hoping they get a strawberry cutie mark if so. Chocolate strawberries are dy-no-mite! Come to think of it, chocolate hayburgers with hot sauce sounds good too right about now, but that’s not just me talking. Gotta go and see a stallion about some cooking experimenting again. “I recall that request,” Dapper said as he tapped his chin in thought. A smile crossed his face as he laughed. “I’m not sure if I wound up trying to drizzle the hay with chocolate sauce while I was cooking it, or if I melted a block of chocolate over the patty afterwards. I was too distracted by her dousing the whole thing in red pepper sauce.” Vinyl scrunched her face in disgust. A quick glance at Fluffs, who had turned slightly green too, told her she wasn't alone in thinking it. "And how did that turn out?" she asked warily. "She asked for seconds halfway through the first." Fluffs grimaced and shook her head at the thought of such food. "Pregnancy is weird.” “Indeed, but it's what we're stuck with as a species. It’s not like other creatures have it any easier. Griffons get to leave their eggs at home, but according to Julia, their nesting instincts can be quite mentally taxing. It varies, but the old bird told me she'd suffer intense separation anxiety and even panic attacks if she left an egg alone for too long, even though she knew it was perfectly safe at home. It sometimes made working her vineyard next to impossible.” “I didn’t know that. I always thought nesting would be easier.” "Just like everything in life, it’s a trade-off. Part of me somewhat regrets not having any myself, but watching over Master Fancy Pants all of these years has kept me busy enough. It also warms my heart seeing Julia’s little Lara anytime she makes a delivery to the estate.” The stallion smiled as he pulled away from the book to look at the young mares with him. “What about you two? Think you might want foals of your own one day?” Vinyl’s mind screeched to a halt. It was the first time she’d ever seen Dapper blindly step on a blatantly explosive question. She couldn’t help but weigh if it was more him being from a different generation or just a clueless stallion stumbling into an awkwardly personal question. “I played pretend as a filly, but I never thought about it for real,” Fluffs admitted as she pondered the question while nervously tapping her forehooves. “I don’t even have a special somepony. Kids are nice, but…” Dapper nodded. “A very prudent answer, Miss Fluffer Duster. No need to rush into such things.” Before Vinyl could even think of why Fluffs was going along with the question, the butler turned his bumbling curiosity towards her. “What about you, Miss Vinyl?” Vinyl backed up defensively. “Why are you even asking me? I’m not a good pony for the job.” Dapper’s brow furrowed in concern. “Why not? I’m tempted to throw out the ‘nopony is ever ready to be a parent’ cliché, but I can’t speak from experience either. I for one think you’d make a great mother.” The DJ laughed and shook her head. “No, I’d be absolutely terrible at it.” “Now why would you say that? If Lady Summers could do it, I don’t see why somepony cut from the same cloth as her would be a bad choice.” “Thanks, but no. I can’t be a—” The forbidden word died on Vinyl’s lips. She felt its unspoken whisper strangling her throat from the inside. Fluffs hovered closer. Too close for comfort. “Vinyl? Are you okay?” Vinyl was glad she had her shades on. Even though it was healed, she couldn’t take her eyes off of Fluffer Duster’s wing. Even if she wanted kids, she’d just wind up hurting them. She’d want to give them a better upbringing than she had. To have a good family. To have a warm home. Support and affirm them, like she never was. You know, Fancy said— “I just know, okay? It’s none of your business!” Seeing the other two back away made Vinyl regret her words as quickly as she’d spat them out. After clearing his throat, Dapper bowed deeply. “My sincerest apologies Miss Scratch. I didn’t mean to pry.” She waved her hoof, trying to wipe away her words and salvage what little she could from the train wreck. “No-No! It’s—I mean, it’s what we just read about, right? We were just having a conversation.” “Ah, I see. Well, still. No excuse is a good excuse, so let’s drop it, shall we?” The stallion powered through any embarrassment he may have felt and placed a firm hoof on top of the rest of the writings. “Do you believe these will help you, Miss Vinyl?” The whiplash from his forcible subject change was welcome. Vinyl tried to push her discomfort aside to refocus her thoughts, but her mind was still reeling from foal-talk. She lifted the diary with her magic, looking over the cover and wishing she could get Summers’ permission to look into her life so intimately. Though, if she could do that, she wouldn’t even be here in the first place. At the end of the day, Vinyl was here to archive the collection, and she needed all the context she could get. Summers had already helped her so much, and her diaries could be the key to setting the record straight in return. “Let’s ask Fancy first. I’d feel better if he said I could.” “Of course, Miss Vinyl. Right away.” “I believe that’s everything I recall in the study,” the ever-helpful Fancy Pants said as he placed the last photo album on the towering stack of books, boxes, and binders. As she expected, the generous stallion was more than happy to offer any assistance he could, which proved to be several rooms worth of help. “If I remember anything else, I’ll be sure to bring it around.” “Thanks, Fancy.” Vinyl said as she left the closet after slipping into something more cozy. Fancy chuckled to himself, earning a frown from her. “What?” “Nothing at all. I’m just trying to determine if Athena would be able to fit in that sweater or not.” “It’s not that big,” Vinyl complained. She’d blow some errant mane out of her face for added effect, but she’d already pulled it into a ponytail. Instead, she opted for an eye roll as she began sorting through the haul with her magic. “Either way, you look enviably comfortable.” Vinyl took the compliment, hoping it wasn’t a roundabout way of saying ugly. “We’ve only got a little bit more winter before wrap-up, so gotta enjoy it while it’s still cold enough for fireside sweaters.” “I completely agree.” Fancy looked over himself in his black turtleneck. “The only thing missing would be a hot drink. I think chai is in order. Shall I ask Dapper to brew you some tea?” Chai sounded awesome, but she usually went for chai lattes when she had the chance. There was nothing better than sipping something spicy and sweet next to a roaring— Vinyl froze in place. What was she thinking? Dapper had already spent enough time of his day helping collect the diaries, and now she was considering having him make her a latte. She smacked her head, chastising herself for even entertaining the idea for even a moment. Rich thoughts were seeping into her head again. If she wanted a drink, she should make it herself rather than force somepony else to do it. “Actually, I’m not doing anything. I’ll make you some if you’d like,” Fancy offered instead. She sighed to herself. Vinyl hadn’t even been looking at him, and he’d read her mind like a book. “No, it’s fine. Sorry.” Fancy hummed to himself in thought. “Perhaps that was the wrong question as well. Let me ask in a different way: do you want some chai?” “I mean, yeah. That’d be nice,” she said with a shrug. “Would you let me make some for you?” Vinyl turned around, leveling a flat glare at Fancy. “Do you actually want to do that?” “If it’d make you happy, yes.” Vinyl quickly looked away again, bit her lip to try to stop her blushing, and cursed his sweet answers making her heart skip. She reminded herself that was supposed to accept gifts now. It’d be fine. “Okay.” “Wonderful. It’s the least I can do for all the hard work you’re putting into the archive. I’ll be right back with it.” The sparking in her heart was smothered slightly by him couching the gesture in gratitude for her work. Fancy was already providing her so much, yet he still felt like giving more. Looking back over the material she was about to pour through, she could see how somepony would think she was just doing a job. Vinyl wondered what Fancy would say if he knew she was doing this more for herself than anypony. It was those answers that she wanted more than anything she’d add to a library. It was all for her under the guise of research to satisfy her needs. Really, her wants, if she was being completely honest. After sparking the fireplace to life, Vinyl began to shuffle the stacks of material with her magic. There were a few spells she could use to physically sort the material by size or shape, but figuring out the best way to tackle the order of information would still be tricky. Unlike the studio’s chronological archive, this sprawling mess was an interwoven story of photos, journals, and other documents that she’d have to somehow structure herself. Her eyes drifted down the stacks of aging cardboard boxes. She popped the first open and lifted a smattering of notebooks and unknown keepsakes out of it. Just a month ago, she had stacks of boxes filled with her things from the apartment sitting around the “Ambassador Suite.” Now, they were unpacked and folded in the closet after both Dapper and Fluffs had pleaded for her to do so. It had been the right call. Even Vinyl had to admit that dusting cardboard boxes seemed wrong on some level. Looking around the room, though most of her posters were still packed away along with anything she’d hang on the wall, she’d set out several picture frames, books, and a few other personal effects she’d amassed over the years. It wasn’t a lot, but it was hers. It made her feel more comfortable, made her feel… Feel at home? Desire offered. Vinyl grabbed the album in her magic and smacked herself on the face over and over again. “Nope-nope-nope! Stop! Thinking! Stupid! Things!” She was starting to really hate being alone. It gave herself ample time to come up with something to plague her mind. Hey, if you start dating Fancy— She cranked up the force behind her bludgeons to derail her train of thought. That last thing Vinyl wanted on her mind was the benefits of that sweet stallion’s— Vinyl beat down the creeping desires infecting her brain. “Stop it!” Seriously? You know the whole reason you’re doing this research is— “Because I want answers!” … About? “I said stop it!” You want to make sure that it’s okay to like Fancy Pants. “So? What’s wrong with that?” What’s wrong with… Desire groaned in exasperation and grabbed Vinyl by the heart. She turned herself towards the vanity mirror so she could give her a piece of her mind. Why can’t you just like Fancy Pants? You went on a date with him for peat’s sake! “He didn’t see it that way! And if he comes back and sees me yelling at my reflection, he’s going to think I’m insane!” Vinyl’s heart dropped as the words left her mouth. “And he’d be right! You’re not even real!” But what you want is. You want to try, but you’re scared. You can’t even talk about foals because they’d be his. “I don’t want kids!” But you do want a family. You would want to give somepony else the home you never had. You’re not exactly against the idea. “Look, I can’t, alright? Stop thinking about it already! I’d just mess it up! I can’t be a—” A mother? “What?” Vinyl asked herself as she shrank away from the mirror, seeing the looming visage of somepony that wasn’t supposed to be there, standing behind her. This constant back and forth, back and forth. It’s absolutely exhausting! Not to mention a bit on the overdramatic side, Mother chided as she snaked her foreleg around the trembling mare. You’ve been around your little performer society far too much. Vinyl shook her head in disbelief. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Her life was getting better. She was supposed to be getting better. Why was her mother’s voice back now? Why hadn’t Desire warned her? Mother tutted as she lowered her head next to Vinyl’s. Do you really think you could give a foal a better life than the one you had, dear? The one you rejected? Vinyl wanted to look away, but she was too scared to take her eyes off the reflection. She’d only ever had memories of her mother flash through her mind, never speaking directly to her now. Was it even that bad? Here you are, combing through a dead mare’s hoard, and for what? To see if it’s okay to be with a rich pony? To see if you can be better? The words were a paralyzing poison, coursing through her blood and locking Vinyl in place as she stared at her useless self as the image of her mother circled around her with an aloof smile. It makes sense. You like being here, and now, you want even more. All it took was a little stint of rebellious poverty tourism for somepony to finally take pity on you. The taunting mare clapped her hooves slowly with a saccharine smile. Mommy would just be so proud of your grifting. “I just want to be me.” Oh, give the moral high ground act a rest already! Say it anyway you want, but it doesn’t matter. You’re comfortable. Secure. Healthy. Maybe a little too healthy? She laughed as she admired Vinyl’s firmer flank. All of this, delivered on a silver platter, just for you, you precious little gold digger. Simply seduce one lonely stallion, pop out a couple heirs for leverage, and you’ll never have to worry again. After all, why do you think you’re here? Her mother’s cackling turned the warmth in her heart into a toxic firestorm, burning her from the inside with guilt. She gasped for breath as she tried to regain control of her thoughts. “It’s all in my head,” Vinyl whispered to herself, trying to make the throbbing pain stop. “You’re not real.” Exactly my point. This is all in your head, you absolutely crazy mare. It’s not real. None of it. Not even you. Vinyl knew that. She knew that deeply, and it just made it worse. Her rampaging thoughts just wouldn’t stop. The best part is, no matter how you actually feel about him, it won’t change anything. The result will be the same, and the only thing that will change is you, mommy’s little girl. Vinyl stumbled back, gripping her aching heart as she tried to glare at the tortuous visage of her mother, but was blinded by her own, pathetic sobbing. “I. Hate. You.” Mother knickered softly as she approached the fallen little pony. Oh Sweetie, I know. After all… she leaned down and placed her lips next to Vinyl’s ear to whisper a secret. … I’m you, too. No. That wasn’t right. This wasn’t right. She wasn’t right. Vinyl’s head was throbbing as her toxic heart pounded into overdrive. Trapped with herself, herself, and her thoughts. She tried to think of Maman, Tavi, Fleur, Athena, anypony else, but there was only mother’s laughter as the world turned upside down. Circling, spinning, twisting, spiraling, repeating. Tripping, tumbling, falling, breaking, collapsing. Hurting, crashing, cutting, bludgeoning, weakening. Sinking, freezing, drowning, popping, crackling. Creaking, shattering, galloping, shaking, calling. Vinyl, Vinyl, Vinyl, Vinyl— “Vinyl!" Vinyl needed air, but everything was blurred, erratically static, and sideways. Vinyl was choking on noise. Her head hurt. It hurt so badly. “I know it does, Vinyl. Please, focus on the sound of my voice and breathe.” No. She couldn’t focus. Especially not on Fancy. Not now. He’d see her again. Low. Pathetic. Weak. Not again. “You’re not—Curse my blasted magic! Listen, Vinyl. You’re bleeding a little, but it’s all right. Everything will be fine.” No. It wasn’t fine. He’d see her. She had to stop. Make it stop! “I will. Just give us a little time. What do you need me to do?” What she needed. What did she need? What did anypony need? “Blasted horn! Dapper! Fluffer Duster!” There was a piercing ringing amid the assault of static. She’d scream, but there was no oxygen. Nopony would hear her. A firm hoof tugged at her leg. “..rry! Sor…! I …uldn’t have done that. Stay with me, Vinyl. You’re alright. Stay here. Stay with me.” Why would he say that? She wasn’t worth keeping. She was searching for the impossible. “Oh my gosh! Vinyl!” “Stay calm, Fluffer Duster. Get the first aid kit out of the closet, quickly.” “Right away, sir.” There was no point. Trying to fix what was beyond repair. Broken, worthless, trash. It was hurting her head. “None of that now. You’re fine. You just hit your head a little.” The static began to slip away slowly. Things became more comprehensible. Fancy was kneeling over her. When had he gotten there? Why did he always have to see her like this? “Don’t worry about that now, Vinyl,” Fancy whispered softly. “Just focus on my voice, okay?” A few moments later, Fluffs fluttered down from above with a kit in her hooves. “I’m here, Vinyl. We both are.” Why was Fluffs there? Vinyl deserved this. She was a bad pony. She’d hurt her wing. Fluff’s eyes bulged as she shot a quick glance towards Fancy Pants. “V-Vinyl? Please just focus on breathing, okay? My wing is fine, see?” Fluffs unfolded her wing, revealing a perfectly pristine wingspan and feathers. “I’m… sorry…” Vinyl choked out between dry heaves. Fluffs shushed her gently. “I know, I forgave you already, remember?” Vinyl nodded and did as she was asked. Her lungs burned from the lingering venom in her system. She could finally feel again, which wasn’t good. Her head was throbbing and the top of it felt wet and warm. They said something about bleeding. Was she bleeding? She was lying on her side, but she felt pressure on her barrel from both sides. She tried to tilt her head up to see what it was, but Fancy held his hoof firm. “Try not to move,” he urged gently. “You might have a concussion.” “What’s on me?” Vinyl mumbled. She felt absolutely exhausted for some reason. “A few boxes and notebooks. I tried to move them with magic, but…” Fancy chuckled and tapped his fluctuating horn. “Just a useless clumsicorn when it counts. Does it hurt?” She shook her head “no” as much as she could manage. “I don’t like it.” “Okay. We’ll get it all off of you after we address your head.” “Is it bad?” “I’ve seen worse bleeding, but it’s under your mane. You may need stitches.” Vinyl looked Fancy in the eyes. The worry on his face over her. She didn’t want to see it. Not again. Not because of her. “I’m sorry. I messed up.” Fancy shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize, Vinyl. It was an accident.” She didn’t want his pity, but Vinyl couldn’t help it as her vision began misting. “I’m so sorry.” “Vinyl, please. There's no need—” “I’m sorry!” she pleaded. “It’s okay!” he relented. “It’s okay. I forgive you.” “R-really?” “Of course. It was an accident.” Vinyl focused on the stallion’s kind eyes, staring into it as things began to blur again. “Yeah. I didn’t mean to. It just happened.” “Exactly, Vinyl.” “I’ll figure it out. I promise.” “I know you will. I trust you.” Her heart surged with relief as she leaned into Fancy’s supportive hoof. “I trust you too.” Fancy’s eyes widened slightly before he averted them. “Good. I’m glad. Let’s just get you cleaned up first.” “Okay...” Despite the throbbing in Vinyl’s head, she smiled at his gentle touch. Fancy’s assuring presence was an enveloping security blanket that she didn’t deserve. She didn't know if it was right or wrong, but she was too tired to care. She shut her eyes, and as the world faded away, Vinyl savored the feeling of his warmth again.