You were sitting quietly in your front room late at night, way past the time everypony would have normally gone to bed. It was only around midnight, but ponies tended to go to bed around 8 or 9pm after a glass of hot milk otherwise they woke up cranky. You were gonna go to bed shortly yourself too, just as soon as you finished the chapter of the book you were reading. Without any television or internet in Equestria you had taken up reading way more often than you did back on earth, but to be fair pony literature was hilarious to read. The genre didn't even matter; sure some were funnier than others, but since ponies seemed to have the mental age of 5 year olds their books were written in the same manner, meaning that even non-fiction could be absolutely comical at times.
Right now you were reading a "horror" book, funnily enough about a book which summons a ghost to come and haunt whoever reads it. Sort of like a ponified, child friendly version of 'The Ring', except instead of those that read the book dying brutally, they just got haunted by some spooky ghost mare for 7 days who also ate their food and slept in their bed. Honestly it was less of a ghost and more of a squatter, and this was apparently supposed to scare ponies senseless. You chuckled to yourself, and then almost choked on your spit as there was a loud boom and a flash of light from outside.
Fucking thunder storm! Scared you worse than all of the pony horror books combined could ever hope to, but you reminded yourself that jumpscares are cheap so they don't count. Come to think about it though, you could have sworn there wasn't a storm due tonight. You could be pretty forgetful even at the best of times, but whenever a thunder storm was scheduled the weather factory would send leaflets to everypony's house and teams would be dispatched to put up huge warning signs all over town, so it was almost impossible to not know when a storm was coming. This was because nearly all ponies were terrified of thunder, and without appropriate warning or preparation the town would devolve into absolute chaos as scared ponies freaked out and stampeded. Well, there was definitely going to be a lot of terrified ponies tonight, poor things. Maybe you should grab a deck chair and some popcorn and head into town.
You glanced out of the window at the rain, then stopped to do a double take. Something about the darkness outside; it seemed....darker than usual? It sounded retarded to even think, but really though, the darkness outside your house was almost all encompassing. You couldn't even see the light at the end of your street, and when the lightning cracked it merely seemed to glow inside a thick black fog that engulfed everything outside of the window.
Well this was certainly unnerving.
You put the book down and stood up to get a better look outside. As you moved, the storm seemed to pick up, gaining in intensity with each step until the house began to creak and shake under its assault. Okay, this was going from unnerving to genuinely concerning. The only thing you had ever been genuinely concerned for in this world was your sanity, but never your safety; this entire planet was virtually baby-proofed. You calmed down a little as you realised that. You were in some children's fantasy world where scary by your standards was non-existent, it was probably just some really weird weather.
Your sigh of relief was cut short by a sudden sound at the front door which had you almost wetting your pants. It sounded like scratching; something scraping and banging against the door persistently like it was trying to get in. As you slowly turned your head to the door in horror the candles in the room began to flicker and dim, as if caught in some invisible breeze, before blowing themselves out one by one. You whimpered to yourself as darkness surrounded you, the only light now coming from the flashes of lightning that barely pierced the ominous black fog outside your house. The scratching persisted, and you curled up into a ball on the floor as dread filled your soul.
Then there came a voice. A voice so silly and out of place it snapped you straight out of your thoughts.
"WooOOOooo~ let me iiin" it wailed.
You'll admit the build-up had you shitting your pants, but that had to be the worst spooky ghost impression you had ever heard in your life. You picked yourself up off the floor, rubbing the back of your neck as you laughed to yourself in embarrassment. You'd been well and truly got, and you needed to go and congratulate the pony who'd finally managed to give you a genuine fright. By now almost everyone in Ponyville had tried their hoof at pranking or scaring you in some way, and so far this mystery pony outside was the only one to succeed. You fumbled about in the darkness until you managed to find a match and relight your candles, then went to open the door. Wonder how they did that from outside your house anyways. Whoever it was, they were still scratching at your front door, and you hurried to open it before they left a mark.
As you opened the door something squeaked and jumped back, looking at you with a startled expression. You looked right back at it, only your face was one of bewilderment. It was a... pony? Except it seemed to be glowing slightly, and if you looked closer you could swear it was almost translucent.
"O-oh, well that was easy.." It mumbled to itself.
"W-wha-?" You stuttered in confusion.
"Well nopony's ever actually opened the door after all that, I only really say 'let me in' just to try and freak them out some more" it, no, she replied. You could see now that it was a mare, though her unnaturally translucent white coat and mane had you questioning whether she was even real. "I usually have to phase through the wall to get in, and then that's followed by chasing the inhabitant around their house as they scream and kick over all the furniture".
Either your mind was playing tricks on you or this was an extremely elaborate joke somepony was pulling.
"Who... what are you?" you asked, peering into the howling darkness to see if anyone else was hiding there waiting to jump out and laugh at you. The odd translucent mare gave you an incredulous look as she took a step forwards, the darkness seeming to ebb in closer around her.
"Really?! You're not even a little scared? You should be running and screaming right now!" She cried.
It slowly began to dawn on you that maybe this wasn't just a prank. It did seem far too scary for any normal pony to come up with, at least the part before you opened the door, and most ponies would have dropped the act by now. The mare looked away sheepishly and rubbed her foreleg.
"You should know who I am by now! Y-you did read the book, right?"
Wait. Was she talking about the shitty children's horror book you were just reading? There's no way she was-
"-Oooh horseapples, this is gonna be so embarrassing if I've just shown up and haunted the wrong house" she cursed to herself, beginning to pace back and forth.
You looked at her, then back inside to where you could just about see the book on the living room table. It was open and glowing slightly. Looking back at the mare on your doorstep, who was still nervously trotting around in circles muttering something about other ghostpones making fun of her, you realised that you were indeed being haunted by a ghost pony from a cheesy horror book. Suppose this is what you deserved for grabbing a book from the forbidden section in the hopes that it would actually be kinda scary. Now that you'd opened the door and met her though, you didn't feel particularly haunted. Sure the mysterious storm of darkness was still raging and it filled your soul with a twinge of dread when you stared out into it, but now that you knew the home intruder was a ghost pony and not some savage beast trying to kill you, you felt a lot more at ease with the whole situation.
"I read the book-" You said, interrupting her stressed out ranting. "-you've got the right place I suppose, I just thought this was a prank or something".
She gave you a confused look. "A prank? This is a little over the top for a prank don't you think?" She asked, gesturing around at the imposing black clouds. "Nope, this isn't a prank, I'm here to haunt you!" She exclaimed, clopping her front hooves together with a grin.
Normally 'cute' would be one of the last adjectives you would use to describe a ghost, but just look at her; she was so excited to be haunting you. Guess even the paranormal spirits in this world ran on the same innocent logic as the rest of it.
"Seriously?!?!" She exclaimed again after you had been stood there staring at her for a few seconds. "I just told you that I'm here to haunt you and you're STILL not going to scream or run away?"
By now you were so not-scared that you were trying to suppress a snicker. You didn't want to upset her by laughing though. Even if she was supposedly here to haunt you, from what you had seen of her so far she was just a cute immaterial pony, and you couldn't imagine her being capable of doing any real harm, so you made up the lamest lie you could think of.
"I-it's late, I don't have the energy to run around and scream right now."
The ghost mare rubbed her chin with a hoof, contemplating your words.
"Weeellll, I guess that does make sense..." She agreed. "But you don't even seem scared at all! And I've never seen anything like you before, never mind haunted one. I- I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be doing things differently or what."
You rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly.
"I'm a human, not really from here. And I've never been haunted before so I'm afraid I can't give you any tips."
She gave a small smile at your joke, but still seemed a little put off that things weren't going the way she planned.
"So... what now?" You asked, not really knowing how things were supposed to proceed from here. "Do you want to come inside or...?" You trailed off, gesturing inside with your arm.
"I... guess so...?" She replied hesitantly, slowly taking a hoofstep towards your beckoning arm.
It seemed that the entire situation had gone completely off-script, and neither of you knew what you were meant to be doing now. Unexpectedly becoming politely acquainted with the one you were supposed to be getting haunted by made it rather difficult for her to actually haunt you in any meaningful way now. and besides that, she just admitted herself that she doesn't actually know how to scare you since she's not familiar with your species. So now you were more or less just hosting her as an uninvited guest.
She trotted in past the door you were holding open, and as you closed it behind her you noticed that despite making a walking motion, she was levitating a couple of centimetres off the ground and her hoofsteps made no sound.
Neat.
You stopped for a second to appreciate how cool it was that a real life ghost was in your house. Back on earth shit ghost hunter shows scammed millions of viewers trying to pass off some grainy footage of a reflection in a mirror as documented evidence of ghosts, but here in Equestia they appeared before you clear as day, and fairly talkative too so far.
"So how does this all work?" You asked as you both made your way into the living room.
You took a seat on the sofa and beckoned for her to sit next to you as she replied. Briefly you were surprised that she could even sit on it without just phasing through it, although you'll admit you knew nothing about ghost physics.
"Well like it says in the book, once you read it I show up to haunt you for 7 days, and during that time I'm supposed to torment you ceaselessly and make your house go all spooky and stuff. See?" She asked, pointing to the back wall of the room.
You had pictures hung up with you and some of the many friends you'd made since coming here, except now their faces were contorted in wicked expressions and their eyes seemed to follow you around. She pointed out more, and your eyes followed her translucent glowing hoof to see evil glowing eyes peering out of the darkened corners of the room, the clock going backwards and small ornaments shuffling and moving around on their own.
"Woah, that's really cool! Are you making all that happen?" You asked her, taking it all in.
"Yup, all me!" She exclaimed proudly, puffing her chest out. Then she suddenly scowled as she remembered something.
"Wait, it's not supposed to be cool, it's supposed to be scary! Aren't you even a little frightened?"
This time you did chuckle audibly as she made a cute little pouty face at you.
"Maybe I would be if I didn't know it was all being controlled by an adorable little mare, but now that you told me I'm mostly just impressed that you can do all that yourself."
Her pout intensified and a fierce blush spread over her cheeks at being called adorable, which only served to make her look even more adorable. You didn't even know ghosts could blush Honestly if she wasn't intangible you would just pick her up and hug her right now.
"I-I'm not adorable!" She squeaked. "G-ghosts can't be adorable! I'm supposed to be spooky and terrifying and-"
Your laughter cut her off as she huffed in exasperation. Her snoot was all scrunched up and she refused to meet your gaze. How could one deny their cuteness whilst persisting to do such cute things? You tried to calm down and stifle your laughter as she continued to scrunch her muzzle at you.
"So what's your name? I don't think you ever told me" You asked, trying to bring her back out of her embarrassed silence. She looked slightly taken aback at your question, but stuttered out an answer anyway.
"O-oh, I don't think anypony's ever asked for my n-name before" she said as her ears folded down. "I think ponies sometimes call me things like 'the darkness' or 'the spectre', but if I had to give you a name I guess you could just call me Ghostly Apparition."
"Can I call you Ghostie?" You said with a smile, making her blush again. Ponies had a funny think about getting worked up when you called them cute nicknames, especially your friend Rainbow Dash. Even now after all the years that you'd known her she still got in a cute little huff whenever you called her Dashie. Something about the name making her sound cute when she was supposed to be cool.
"N-no you can't call me Ghostie! I'm supposed to be scary, that just makes me sound cute!" She cried, trying to glare daggers at you. You grinned widely, feeling like her and Dashie would definitely be good friends.
"Okay Ghostie, you can call me Anon."
You held a hand out for her to shake, but she just sat there and glared at it. Oh yeah, no physical body and all that. You sheepishly withdrew your hand as the totally not-cute ghost mare continued to sulk over how cute she actually was. If you could get her this flustered already then the next 7 days were definitely going to be fun. Supposedly it was her that was here to torment you, but you seemed to hold all the cards now. Not that you were gonna be a dick, but getting ponies adorably worked up was something you often couldn't help yourself from doing.
"So, are you hungry?" You asked, trying to break the ice again now that the embarrassment had made her go all quiet. "I know I remember reading in the book that you liked to steal all the snacks and treats."
Now you had her attention again as she looked up at you with hopeful eyes.
"Y-you're just going to give them to me?" She asked in disbelief.
Well you figured that if you didn't hand them over willingly she was just going to steal them anyway, so you might as well offer them out. Plus she was your guest now, so it would only be polite to share them.
"Of course, but not all at once though. I don't know if ghosts can get tummy aches but I'm not about to be the one dealing with it at this time; I do kinda need to go to bed soon", you replied as you headed into the kitchen.
You grabbed a small variety of snacks from the kitchen as Ghostly waited patiently on the couch. You didn't usually eat too many snacks yourself as the ones here were completely overloaded with sugar, which is probably what made ponies so hyperactive, but you always kept a good stock for when you had friends calling. Apparently it made you look like a bit of a psychopath if your house was completely devoid of sugary food, and it was so crucial to a pony's diet that your friends would get genuinely concerned for your health if you were running low, so you bought it mostly just to keep up appearances. You grabbed her a muffin and juice box, and a bag of chocolates for you both to share, then headed back into the living room. Ghostly beamed up at you, eyeing the snacks eagerly.
"Um, thankyou Anon... nopony ever just gives me their sweets willingly like this. I usually just sorta help myself when the owner is hiding under the bed."
It was quite understandable why nopony had ever shown her any sort of kindness before, she did kinda show up at their house with the sole intention of tormenting them for 7 days after all, but it still hurt you to hear it. Even if she was terrifying to normal ponies she still deserved friends and to be shown kindness.
"Well, you can help yourself to whatever you want in the kitchen as long as you don't go overboard." You replied. "Although truth be told I didn't know ghosts even ate food, how do you even pick it up?"
She giggled like you were a fool as she levitated the muffin up into the air between her hooves.
"What am I supposed to eat other than food?-Silly! Even ghosts get hungry sometimes."
She took a bite, and you could faintly see the bit of muffin floating through her body towards where you guessed her stomach would be before it faded away and dissolved into nothingness. This mare was just full of strange surprises.
You returned to your seat next to her on the couch, watching for a little while at the strange way ghosts apparently ate food. As you sat there, your attention turned back to the book on the table which was glowing with a strange magical energy. You'd assumed that all the books in the forbidden section were just there because they were either too scary or taught ponies how to do bad things. You'd had a good laugh last week when you read the pony version of the Anarchist's Cookbook, only to find that instead of bomb making instructions it was full of prank recipes designed to trick ponies into eating awful tasting food. Guess some of them were actually dangerous magical artefacts and had been put there for a reason.
"So, um... what did you think of the book?" Ghostly asked as she noticed you staring at it. "Pretty scary right?" She looked at you hopefully, still convinced that she was going to find something to give you a fright or even just slightly unnerve you.
"Well to be honest, I haven't even finished it yet. I was about three quarters of the way through when a certain somepony came knocking at my door" You replied with a chuckle, conveniently forgetting to mention the fact that you were absolutely wetting your pants before you opened the door. Earlier you'd wanted to congratulate whoever it was that actually gave you a scare, but now you'd calmed down your ego took over and you refused to give anypony the satisfaction of knowing that they'd actually frightened you. You had an indomitable reputation to uphold, and seeing Ghostie get flustered over not being able to scare you was quite frankly adorable.
"O-oh, horseapples... I'm not even supposed to show up until you've finished it" She muttered. "Y-you're supposed to read the end so that you can actually figure out how to b-banish me and break the curse."
You wondered why the supposed monster would be the one telling you how to defeat her, but then quickly remembered that out of the handful of cartoonish villains you had come across here all of them either had a super obvious flaw to defeat them with or would just reveal it themselves in some dramatic monologue, so this was just par for the course.
"Well I think I can stay up for another hour or two, why don't you finish reading the rest of it with me now?" You suggested.
"Oh, that's a great idea!" She exclaimed as her eyes lit up excitedly. "We can do all the voices- I can be, well, me, and you can be the scared stallion that I torment! I can even tell you all about the real story behind it!"
Wait, real story?
"You're telling me this isn't just completely nonfiction?" You asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Haha, nope!" She laughed. "Well, a good amount of the story is, but back before I became a ghost pony I was an author. I wrote horror books and scary stories as you might have guessed already, but even though they scared most ponies senseless they just never felt scary enough..."
You listened intently to her tale, realising that this book must actually be a lot more personal to her than simply an exposition device to give reason for her haunting ponies.
"I wanted to give ponies a real fright, not just a story! So one day I took a copy of my scariest, most terrifying book that I had ever written, and I magically bound my soul to it! After I added a couple of other runes and enchantments to it and, um, after I... *died*..."
She spoke that last word carefully, almost in a whisper. The concept of death was a very taboo subject in Equestria, with most referring to it as the 'forever sleep' in the occasional instance it was ever talked about.
"After all that, my soul was bound to the book and now I can come and haunt anypony who reads it! How's that for a real fright!" She exclaimed.
Wow. That seemed like a bit of an extreme length to go to just to frighten some ponies. Almost sounded like complete madness to be honest. But hey, if her ambition in life was to become a ghost and terrify other ponies then she'd certainly succeeded, and she looked so happy and proud of herself as she told you her story, so you couldn't really fault her for it.
"So you actually wrote this book? And your soul is inside it?" You asked, still somewhat disbelieving. Not that you thought she was lying, but you'd never encountered a pony that liked scary things at all, nevermind liking it to the extent that they would magically turn themselves into a ghost.
"Yup, that's right!" She beamed. "It's my finest work if I may say so myself, although nopony seems to read it anymore. I don't think I've actually haunted anyone except for you in at least a couple decades..."
You scratched the back of your neck and gave a nervous chuckle.
"I uhhh... kinda stole it from the forbidden section. I don't think anypony's actually been allowed to read your book."
"The forbidden section?!" She cried, startling you slightly. "They banned ponies from reading my book? That's not fair, how else am I supposed to get to haunt them?"
Awww, you didn't want to see the little ghost pone sad. You supposed telling a ghost not to haunt ponies was like telling a fish not to swim. It was just in their nature, something they had to do. You tried to put an arm around her in a comforting gesture, only for it to go straight through her translucent ethereal body. Oh, yeah, intangible ghost pony. You put your arm over the backrest behind her instead in what you hoped looked like a comforting manner.
"If it makes any difference, you can keep haunting me if you want, I don't mind. I can't really give the book to somepony else in good conscience because you'd probably give them a heart attack or something, but I don't want to take this back to the forbidden section and leave you all alone again."
She still looked a little sad and pouty at her book being restricted, though you felt like even she had to admit that there was a pretty valid reason why nopony was allowed to read it. Sure she might have gotten a kick out of scaring the pants off ponies, but here in the world of the living the ponies tended to enjoy being safe and unspooked.
"C'mon" You said, picking up the glowing book off the table. "It really is starting to get late, why don't we finish this off before we go to bed?"
"O-okay, yeah. Good idea" She replied as a small smile started to once again grace her lips.
You opened it up at the page you had bookmarked, and began reading out loud. You narrated the story, doing your best impression of what a scared pony sounded like complete with frightened neighs and whinnys which had Ghostie in hysterics. For her part she did the same adorably silly spooky ghost voice she had used when she was scratching at your door, which equally had you cracking up with laughter.
It was deep into the night by the time you finished the book, and it was revealed in the end that the way to banish Ghostie was to use an 'ancient arcane device' who's description was suspiciously similar to that of a vacuum cleaner, and literally hoover the ghost up to trap her spirit inside it. You suppose the device was actually more akin to the proton packs that the ghostbusters used, but even still those were just glorified hoovers. The catch, and the reason that nopony had successfully trapped and banished her yet, was that vacuum cleaners were loud as fuck and absolutely petrified ponies, and no one that she'd haunted so far had the mental fortitude to operate the device without bolting away in a blind panic the second they turned it on. Thank god she'd never haunted any deaf ponies you guess.
As you put the book down Ghostly cracked a huge yawn, stretching her forelegs out and leaning back on the couch. You were about to ask how ghosts could even feel tired as you thought the need for sleep would only apply to mortals, but then remembered that you still knew next to nothing about ghost physics or biology. Either way she was tired, and after the evening's events you were almost exhausted.
"I think it's about time for bed don't you think?" You said, standing up and stretching yourself out. Your joints made a few clicks and pops as you did so after being sat on the couch for so long, and she gave you a slightly concerned look but chose not to comment on it.
"Well this is the part where I'm supposed to steal your bed and make you sleep on the couch or hidden in the closet" She replied with a sly smile. You raised an eyebrow at her incredulously, almost daring her to try and pull that card. "Buuuut, since you're the first pon- erm, person I've haunted in a long time, and because you've been so nice to me, I think we can... share the bed?"
She looked up at you with a shy but hopeful smile, brushing her forehoof against her leg awkwardly. Seemed like she'd fully given up on trying to scare you by now, and was now just embracing the fact that she had a companion and a friend to be with after all this time being hated and feared by everyone who accidentally summoned her.
"That's mighty generous of you allowing me to sleep in my own bed" You grinned at her widely, and she returned it with a smug little grin of her own. "You're uhh, not gonna make me have any weird nightmares right? Can you even do that?"
She trotted past you, leading the way up the stairs to your bedroom, and looked over her shoulder at you as she replied.
"Course I can! But only if you hog the blankets!"
She giggled as she bounded up the stairs and into your room, diving onto the bed. It was a little weird to watch as you half expected her to just sink straight through it like you thought was going to happen when she sat on the couch. Instead she just landed on top of it, the covers barely even moving except for the outline of a pony faintly depressed into the creases. She made herself comfortable as you stripped off your shirt and pants and then slid in under the duvet next to her. As you settled down, she gave one last big yawn and then scooched up next to you. Sort of like she was trying to snuggle against you, though since you couldn't physically interact with her it was almost like parts of you were literally inside her.
No, not in that way you sick fuck.
The sensation was strange, though not unpleasant. The parts of your body that were in contact with her felt oddly cool; not freezing, but sort of like you were permanently laying on the cold side of the pillow. As you settled down and relaxed, it actually felt remarkably pleasant.
"Goodnight Anon" Ghostly whispered, tucking her head down into the crook of your neck and closing her eyes.
"Night night Ghostie, sleep tight." You replied.
And with that you let yourself drift off to sleep, your mind turning over the events of another bizarre, nonsensical day in Kinderquestria.