//------------------------------// // The Beginning of...Vodka // Story: Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombies?!?! // by Awesomedude17 //------------------------------// Nikolai Berlinski and Equesria, with no zombies?!?! By Awesomedude17 It was just a normal day for Nikolai Berlinski, Drinking, insulting his nominal friend Takeo, a Japanese warrior as he called himself, praising Tank Dempsey, who never really took his compliments with much gusto, and zombies on the moon... Okay, maybe this isn't a normal day, well to a normal person at least. "EAT SHIT AND PUKE!" said Dempsey, still angry about three things, Richtofen tricking him and his friends into switching a little girl's soul with his own, thus taking over the zombies. The fact that the Earth pretty much blew up, and... "Oh SHIT, no vodka!" screamed a very upset Nikolai. "Nikolai, enough about the fucking vodka!" Dempsey screamed. "Dempsey, prease watch your rangauge, Samantha is stirr too young to hear what bad words you'rr say." Said Takeo in a scornful manner. "Thank you Uncle Takeo." Said Samantha, "I do not like this ugly man body." "Yeah, Richtofen is an ugly ba... an ugly pig." said Dempsey. "Anyone have vodka?" said Nikolai. "No we don't, you sad, sad man. What about ammo?" said Takeo. "I got plenty of that." It was true, Nikolai had the H115 Ocillator, 150 round in the mag, plus 750 in reserve left Nikolai with 900 rounds total, Nikolai already expended 3 magazines so he had 450 rounds left. Takeo sighed, "Ret's go to the Tereporter now, I need to upgrade my M14 and my AK-74u." "Yeah, I want to get the Skullkrusher now." said Dempsey calmly. "And my Zap Guns too!" said Samantha, holding her Wave Gun with no lack of enthusiasm. "Okay, but we better stop by liquor store on way there." And so the the group of four walked in Griffin Station. On the way, they meet up with the jerk-off German, better known as Doctor Edward Richtofen, in the body of Samantha. "Ah, sO goOd to SEe yOU dUMkOFFs right NoW." Richtofen said in a distorted voice. "Fuck you." Retorted Dempsey while flipping off Edward. "Dempsey! Watch yo..." "It's okay uncle Takeo, I have watched you guys for, mmm... 23 years." interupted Samantha. "..." No one said a thing about what Sam had seen, or heard, or maybe smelled. "Alright, we jump in, upgrade our guns, go back, kill zombies and drink. Rinse and repeat until we either die, the zombies are gone, or maybe until we win." Said Nikolai. Dempsey then added "Or until Treyarch brings in Black Ops II to the mix." The others were confused and sure Dempsey was insane now. "INSANE! Listen author, when this fanfiction is done, I'm kicking your ass 6 ways from sunday, all the way to Texas." Okay Dempsey, sheesh, this story isn't about you anyway. "Whatever, the reader better enjoy what reading time they get of me or so help me..." "Umm, Dempsey, I think the zombies are here to kirr us now." "To the teleporter!" Screamed Nikolai. The four warriors landed on the teleporter. Nikolai just happened to ready his Q.E.D. device at the same time. The teleported activated and our main warriors end up back at a Mars-like Area 51, with one minor detail. "Alright, let's upgrade our guns!" "HAI!" "YES!" "Wait, where's Nikolai?" Takeo and Samantha looked around, and didn't see Nikolai, and then yelled in joy. The horrible Russian was gone, GONE! Dempsey, could somewhat believe this, but they lost a vital, if somewhat sluggish, member of their group, and the zombies were everywhere. "Where the hell did you disappear to, Nikolai?" Twilight Sparkle and Applejack were just hanging out in Sweet Apple Acres. It was nice afternoon. They had notice Fluttershy and Rarity hang out more, other than their weekly trip to the spa, so they decided they would do the same. "Boy Twi, Ah sure do enjoy quality time with friends" "I sure do too, Applejack" Yep, just a normal day. CRACK! "AHHHH!" "What the hay was that!" asked Applejack. "I don't know, But it came from over there!" Nikolai was ready to move and did, until he noticed something. "Hey, shouldn't Earth be blown up now? And why am I in apple farm? Oh, I need drink." Nikolai proceeded to take off his P.E.S. helmet and take a bottle of vodka from his bag, and drink it, straight from the bottle. He must been here a few minutes, because he noticed 2 colorful blurs approching him, completly norma... Blurs! That could mean zombies! "Hey, colorful zombies, can you leave me alone, I'm trying to drink!" Nikolai said as he brandished his FN FAL, or as he called it, the falafel. "Zombies? Wait, that thing can talk?" "Of course I can talk, I am human; armed, drunk human Russian!" "What's a heyoo-man?" asked the orange blur. Nikolai saw his vision clear to see two... horses. Talking horses, seems normal to Nikolai, well normal by my, erm... damn lost my train of thought, thank you vodka. I want more, I want m... "Erm, you there?" asked the purple horse. "Da, just drunk. Heh, look at me, talking to colorful fucking horses." "Hey, watch yer language there pardner, and we're ponies, not horses!" Said the orange hor... err pony. "Alright already. Sheesh, like third wife" "What was that?" "Nothing, so take me to private place to talk, Nikolai, that's me by the way, needs three things." The two ponies looked at each other, then the orange pony said "Shoot." "Okay." Nikolai then shot his falafel at a rotten apple on the ground, scaring the ponies. "Ah didn't say to do that!" "You said to shoot, so I shot gun, my favorite." Nikolai said patting the gun in his hand, "Ah falafel, you kill so good." "Ah meant name yer terms." Orange pony's last nerves were being strained. "Oh, okay, sorry." Nikolai cleared his throat and named his conditions. "One, where am I?" The purple pony spoke up, obviously fixated on both Nikolai and his gun, "Equestria." "Two, what government do you follow?" A strange question "Um, we have a princess, two actually that..." "Ugh, bourgeois." Nikolai hated royalty, maybe because of his communist ideals. "Hey, what is your problem with the princess, you don't even..." "I just don't like royalty, or capitalism." The purple pony sputtered, then just gave a sigh of annoyance. "Oh, and three..." The orange pony spoke up "Yes?" "Is there liqour store near here?"