It seemed the conversation with Ivory Spark ruined Emily’s mood. She wasn’t up much for talking the rest of the day, but she did try to smile as she drew and talked about things she liked. She wanted to be an author and a singer and a weather pony from what she said, although also claimed to be a pretty good cook. She seemed like she could potentially be an artist, too, if she kept on practicing. For a thirteen year old, her art was pretty good.
She definitely seemed a little more sad today though, and showed it throughout the day. Ivory Spark caught more sighs and sad frowns from her now than she did before, her mood definitely altered from the two’s conversation. She hoped though that she could bring it back up again, and if not, that seeing her parents would.
Ivory Spark left in the evening, writing her notes in her hotel room, and then came back the next morning to see the filly at the same time as yesterday. She wished there was a way she could talk to her guardians while they rode on the train to Ponyville, but would be forced to settle for being patient. In the meantime, she wasn’t sure if Emily’s mood had improved from yesterday, something that made her sad to see. If her mood was hurt yesterday with their conversation, she wasn’t sure her assessment for a dissociative disorder would make her feel any better.
But it had to be done, and so out of her bag was coming the worksheet the mare was going to ask her to fill out. She actually had two of the sheet– she had multiple of a lot of papers, since, as she’d learned during her time as a foal psychologist, you never really knew what you’d be getting on the job– and was planning to give one to her parents. But first, she wanted to see what Emily’s answers would be.
“What is this?” she asked as she looked over the paper. She looked up at the mare with curious eyes, no more interest in her tone than she would have if she was asking about something weird she found on the ground. And once again, she was sounding like a filly half her age, something that she seemed to switch back and forth in between a lot. Ivory Spark was getting more confident that it was unintentional.
“Well, I want to have you do a little test to see if you ever disassociate,” she said kindly. “That just means you feel like you’re not yourself or like your environment is different than what it should be, or even like you're disconnected from your thoughts or your body.”
She looked like she breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m pretty sure I don’t have, like, dissociative identity disorder or something. I’m pretty sure somepony would’ve noticed by now if I did.”
“And I never said I think you do,” Ivory Spark reassured her, not a lie since the test wasn’t necessarily specific to DID but more about any dissociative disorder. “If it’s okay though, I’d like to be extra sure. Think you can do this quiz?”
“I guess,” Emily sighed. “If this is about me kind of acting like a six or seven year old, I do that mostly because it feels nice to be a kid and I never really got to do that before. Plus, I was about ninety eight percent sure I was that old since I definitely don’t look thirteen.”
“I understand, and we can talk about that later if you want. For now though, I’ll give you some time to fill this out, okay? Be sure to answer honestly for me. I’ll give you some space for a minute to answer.”
“Okay, but I’m pretty sure this is gonna go nowhere.”
Ivory Spark left the room with that, taking time to mail out a letter to one Princess Twilight Sparkle. She didn’t know when she’d get back to her– the Princess of Equestria was swamped with work day in and day out, and normally had her assistants answer requests for mail– but didn’t think it would matter either way. Still, she wasn’t going to leave anything off the table. She’d heard the rumors of strange things that happened in Ponyville.
The essence of her letter was explaining that a foal she’d met said she was from another world, and asking if such a thing was possible. She did detail how she thought the foal might have a dissociative disorder, and told of some of the weird things that were brought up before sending it out with a spell she cast. She thought she’d get a response back in several months, but was actually astonished by the speediness of her reply, the princess apparently finding the message and sending back one of her own in just a half hour. Apparently, Princess Twilight Sparkle gave messages from Ponyville special status, which Ivory Spark figured made sense, considering what she’d heard about this town. The reply was very short, and very technical.
No, such a thing is not possible because of the constraints of the physical universe and how magic operates inside of it. Without boring you with the details, the idea that one mind inhabits the space a previous mind inhabited without large scale detection on any magical signature is nearly impossible. Any case of a creature having alternate personalities has almost always been a dissociative disorder caused by trauma according to the literature I’ve studied on dissociative disorders. Especially for ponies in Ponyville, higher incidents of this and other disorders have arisen because of repeated exposer to the violence of creatures that live in the nearby Everfree Forest, as well as continental attacks that seem to focus themselves on the town.
All in all, what you’re describing is statistically improbable. It’s more likely for all of Equestria itself to quantum tunnel to another universe than it is for a sentient being to quantum tunnel to another world, and have previous knowledge of Equestria and the ponies living in it, and to have the perfect chance to jump into a physical circumstance where it not only speaks the same language, but also calls itself and its parents by the same names as those from the universe it previously inhabited, and for all of these things to be either missed by the scientific community at large or to be so localized and imperceptible that it has been made to be indistinguishable from a dissociative disorder.
No, I don’t believe any creature from another world has made its way into Equestria. It sounds like you have a difficult case ahead of you, and I wish you luck in dealing with it, and hope for the filly that she can work past these issues and lead a healthy, happy life. If you find any new information to add, feel free to contact me. My assistants are always on the lookout for messages from Ponyville because of the nature of the town and the extreme unpredictability of it compared to most of the rest of Equestria. As they say, you never know what you’ll get in Ponyville.
-Princess Twilight Sparkle
Yup, Ivory Spark couldn’t say she was very surprised, but like the princess herself said, this was Ponyville. It only made sense that she dot her I’s and cross her T’s while investigating every avenue available. Not something she would’ve done for other cities outside of maybe Canterlot, but Ponyville took exception.
She went back into the room Emily was in afterward to see how much progress she made. She was already done, and now drawing on some paper like she had not a care in the world. She looked pretty relaxed, and Ivory Spark wondered if the answers she put down would be the opposite of what she thought. She wondered what she would do if they were. She didn’t know.
Not that it looked like it mattered. She picked the paper up, just a quick glance showing exactly what she thought she would see. She let out a sigh and frowned. As right as she knew she was, she always wished she was wrong on these things, hoping not to find the issues that she knew her patients had.
“Sorry I disappointed you,” she shrugged. “I knew that nothing was going to turn up, because I’m not from Equestria.”
“Emily.” The mare drew her attention, and she made sure to look in her eyes and speak carefully, her words coming out slowly so she could fully comprehend what she was telling her. It wasn’t normally the kind of thing she would release to a foal, but with how relatively well she’d been taking everything and how mature she seemed to be, Ivory Spark decided to take the risk.
She didn’t even get the chance to say it herself though, because the filly was already refuting what she was going to say. “I don’t have a dissociative disorder,” Emily insisted. “Half of the questions didn’t even apply to me. There’s no way I have a disorder that my psychiatrist didn’t pick up on yet.”
“I’m not trying to come off as mean, Emily,” she said softly, taking a seat next to her. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about because of it. It’s just how a creature’s brain operates when exposed to extreme stress. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed of anything,” the filly told her as though what the mare was saying made no sense. “I’m just telling you straight up that I don’t have that. It just doesn’t make any sense.”
“How does it not make sense?”
“Because I can’t know somepony I’ve never met before, or recognize a place I’ve never been. No mental disorder in the world turns you psychic. Besides, it’s not like I hear voices in my head or switch between personalities or something. I already told you about the ‘me acting like a little filly’ thing. It just makes me feel happier, and I didn’t think I was really this old.”
“That’s just a generalization of dissociative conditions, but why don’t we go through some of your answers, okay?” She glanced down and asked, “Like this first one. You said you have trouble remembering whether you’ve done something or just thought about doing something. Can you give me some examples of times that comes up?”
“That’s something everyone does. Like remembering whether you put food in the oven or locked the door or took out the trash– that’s not a DID exclusive thing.”
“I told you before I didn’t think you have DID, Emily.”
“If you don’t think I have that, then what exactly do you think I have?”
“Well, there’s a lot of things that can cause extreme dissociation, like–”
“But what do you think I have?” the filly pressed.
Ivory Spark gathered a breath before explaining it to her. “I think you have something called OSDD. It stands for Other Specified Dissociative Disorder. It’s not as severe as DID, and normally doesn’t have dissociative amnesia, which would explain why your psychiatrist might not have picked up on it.”
It was Emily’s turn to sigh as she crossed her hooves. She clearly didn’t like what she was hearing, and had a look on her face like Ivory’s explanation made an uncomfortable amount of sense.
The mare gave her a moment to reply, and when she didn’t, continued, “You said you talk to yourself out loud a lot, too. Can you tell me what that’s like?”
Emily looked extremely frustrated, but answered her. “It’s just, like, it’s– I just talk to myself. A lot of people do that.”
“What kinds of things do you talk to yourself about?”
“I don’t know. It’s just random things. Like, what kind of music to make or a story to write, or random arguments I had and stuff. Or saying things like, ‘Alright, we need to start cleaning our room now’ or ‘we need to get out of bed’. It’s not like I’m talking to someone completely different in my head and they’re talking back.”
And yet she admitted to using plural pronouns. Interesting. The filly definitely didn’t catch her use of it, and Ivory Spark knew better than to bring it up yet. Instead, she continued, “You also said sometimes you’re listening to someone talk but then you don’t really hear what they said even though they said something. How often does that happen?”
“What did you say?” Emily asked as she raised an eyebrow. Ivory Spark blinked, and the filly smiled. “That was just a joke,” she smiled, letting out a little laugh and earning a small smile from the mare. Then she continued, “I don’t know. Like, sometimes I’ll be talking to someone and then get distracted by my own thoughts and not hear what they said. The same thing happens when I’m reading a book and start to let my mind wander. I’ll end up reading but not comprehending anything I read and have to reread it.”
It almost got Ivory Spark to chuckle at the filly’s innocence, but she forced herself not to. “What you’re describing, Emily,” she said carefully, “is dissociative behavior. That’s what that is.”
And now Emily blinked in confusion. “I– no, that’s not– I mean, I guess it is, but it’s not the same thing. That’s not the same thing as having DID, or OSDD if that’s what you think. That's just from ADHD.”
“On its own, it’s not, but when you combine it with other things–”
“Lots of ponies dissociate and talk to themselves, though,” she interrupted. “I’m pretty sure you’ve done both those things, and no one would say you have OSDD.”
“How frequent and intense it is when it happens matters though, Emily,” she said calmly. “Yes, lots of ponies do those things, some ponies more than others, but if you’re dissociating for long periods or doing it more than usual, then that’s a sign that not everything’s normal.”
“That… that doesn’t make sense though. I wouldn’t just not know if I was disassociating. I’m pretty sure I’d be able to tell if I was, or if I had an alternate identity. At the very least, somepony would know.”
“Everyone’s experience with dissociation is different, Emily. Not everyone’s going to have amnesia, and not everyone is going to have a separate identity. A pony just staring off into space thinking about nothing is dissociating. It’s about how frequent and how severe it is when it happens. It’s very easy to miss somepony having if it’s not obvious, and even more easy to not know that you’re doing that if you do.”
“But I also can’t know somepony I’ve never met! If I’ve never met you, the only way I would know who you are is if my claims are true!”
“If you live in Baltimare,” she said slowly, trying her best to help her understand, “and get psychiatric care there, then it’s not very unlikely you ran into me before. I see a lot of foals in the office, and go to a lot of schools around the city. Most of my work is in Baltimare. If you’re dissociating, you can feel like you’ve never met me before but also know who I am.”
Emily let out an irritated breath and put her head in her hooves. Ivory Spark took a chance and carefully petted the filly’s mane, able to hear frustrated tears making their way down her cheeks. It made her sad to see her so upset.
“It’s okay to need help,” she told her as she cried. “Everypony needs help sometimes, it's just some ponies need it in different ways. You’re going to be okay.”
“This doesn’t make any sense though,” she whispered frustratedly. “This isn’t how these kinds of stories are supposed to turn out. In Mind Over Matter, it was a genie that brought him to Equestria. He didn’t have a dissociative disorder.”
“It’s okay,” Ivory Spark whispered just as quietly. Emily let out another frustrated breath, and the mare continued to lightly pet her. “It’s okay,” she said again. “It’s okay, Emily. It’s okay.”
Something about the repetitiveness of it helped the filly calm back down, eventually able to take a breath and regain her composure. Ivory Spark only pet her for a second longer before lowering her hoof away from her mane. “Feel a little bit better now?”
“Yeah,” the filly whispered. “It doesn’t make sense that I’d have a dissociative disorder though. There’s no way I wouldn’t know I was dissociating. That doesn’t make sense.”
“When you dissociate, that’s your brain actively trying to hide information from you because it thinks that’s what’s best for you. It doesn’t want you to know that something’s wrong, and is gonna try to hide that fact for as long as possible.”
“Oh, well isn’t that convenient? I won’t ever have proof that I’m dissociating because my brain is working against me. What a perfect way to make sure I can never be proven to not have DID or OSDD.”
“That’s not exactly how that works, but I promise you, Emily, we’re gonna work through this. It’s gonna be okay, okay?” She didn’t seem to believe her, although she at least didn’t look as grumpy now as she did before. She breathed out a resigned breath as Ivory Spark started, “I’m gonna ask you some more questions, okay?”
Emily nodded, and the doctor went back to talking to her. It was a good thing she lived in Baltimare, because she had a feeling she was going to be spending a lot of time with the filly in the future.