//------------------------------// // Setup // Story: Human in Equestria any% speedrun (kill Celestia ending) // by Anti-Tachyon //------------------------------// “‘...Fallout Equestria was one of my favourites growing up. Good luck to the runner and I can’t wait to see how they turn 600,000 words into 5 and a half paragraphs. HYYYPPEEEE’. Thank you very much for the donation! And we also have a $200 donation from Anonymous that says ‘Greetings from Germaney...’” It was almost time. He glanced toward the sound-crew table and nodded. The tech gave one last adjustment to his mic and hurried off stage. Alain Harrison had hit the big time. He was up on the main stage of the world’s premier speedrunning event and his nerves were already starting to get the better of him. He menued through to his game’s settings for the fifth time in as many minutes, quintuple-checking every setting, and especially checking that the ‘foal start’ option had been disabled. No need to start the run with a disaster like that. Chat would never let him live it down. He selected “start” and a pony-creator menu popped up. A grey, expressionless pony stared back, blank but brimming with possibilities. Perhaps this would be the one… The one to get him world record. Imagine that. A record, live on camera, in front of tens of thousands of audience members, here and online. It was hard to believe this had all started as a joke. He had no particular interest in ponies, but the guy behind him, his couch co-commentator Gage, was at least a casual fan. If by ‘casual’ one meant “insane enough to spend 12 hours a day grinding Any% Good Ending”. Although, he was practically normal and well-functioning compared to most other speedrunners. And MLP fans for that matter. He had never revealed how or why he had started running it. Gage (just Gage, no pretend names) was the sole reason he was even here. On Alain’s first ever livestream on Hitch.tv, Gage had challenged him to a race of this game, but every time the player character started crying or said “friendship” they would take a shot and see who could survive the longest. Alain couldn’t remember even half of what had happened on that stream, but he’d definitely lost. And it was wild. That day, he became PonyRunner420. Or just PonyRunner, as the stream overlay called him. Strict no-funny-numbers policy. Within a week he was well and truly down the rabbit hole. With the sole goal of making the run as short and cutscene-less as possible, the Bad Ending category was the obvious choice. Of course, he had branched out into plenty of other speed games, but there was still something that kept him coming back. Something... special, in spite of how janky and silly the game was. Or, perhaps, because of it. PonyRunner turned to face the couch. There was Gage, getting his mic adjusted by the audio guy. And there was– He frowned. To Gage’s left, there was another guy, just sitting there, on the couch. He didn’t recall requesting another guy to commentate. Suspiciously far from Gage too, in the way one does when they don’t really know someone, and know they probably shouldn’t be there. He had the distinct look of someone who had just turned up, inserted themselves into a random friend-group, and just hoped everyone would think he had been invited by someone else. And he was wearing a Rainbow Dash shirt. Huge red flag. PonyRunner gave Gage a patented “speedrunner look” and glanced towards the other guy: a look exclusively understood by speedrunners to mean “who is this guy?”. Gage replied with another look, which conveyed “No clue dude”. The last thing he wanted was one of those situations during the run. It’d be a terrible shame (and huge embarrassment) if his first marathon appearance, and the first showcase of this run, was just weird, uncomfortable drama. Clipped and shared on every social media site under the sun (and several under the moon, probably). He looked over at the tech station, hoping to catch the eye of some technician or other. No-one was looking at him. The donation reader was announcing his run. It was already too late. Gage gave him one last, meaningful look: if anything happens, I’ll manage it. Just focus on the run. He had this. He had to have this. “And I’ve just heard that it is TIME. Up next is a run of Human in Equestria by PonyRunner!” A moment passed. The crowd clapped modestly. “You’re on screen”, said a voice in his ear. Here goes everything. “Hello fast horse fans! I’m PonyRunner and this is Human in Equestria Kill Celestia%, and I am joined by my couch commentators…” He turned to face the couch behind him. Lets see how this goes… “Hi, I’m Gage. I run this game and The Enchanted Library.” “And I‘m Rainbowdashfan266. I run 100% for HiE and Friendship is Optimal”. Well, that explains why he’s here...and the shirt. Wonder what happened to the other 265 Rainbow Dash fans… True ending was an absolutely deranged category. Easily 50+ hours time invested. Most people would get bored half way through a run and give up, maybe come back for one last session to prove they totally hadn’t given up and they definitely had the motivation to finish, before abandoning it for real. Maybe this guy’d submitted it to the marathon, the organizers went “Haha, no”, and put him on this couch as a commentator instead? “Before we start,” he looked over at the donation reader. He couldn’t see the comentator’s table from where he was sitting, but they had one of those ASMR voices, which was basically all that mattered. “What palette won the bid war?” “Gimme a sec… looks like… Yellow coat and red mane won”. “Nice. The classic Varia suit look”. He knew putting “(Based)” after that choice in the donation tracker was a good idea. Especially since… He quickly customized the blank pony, selected unicorn, made sure the foal start option was disabled for the 6th time, and rotated the pony sideways so the audience could see the screw attack power-up cutie mark on it’s flank. A harmless texture edit, and totally legal by the category rules. A few members of the crowd went “woo!”, and one guy in the back screamed “IT’S SAMUS” at the top of his lungs, prompting laughter from the rest. “Or Sunset Shimmer.” said the Rainbow Dash Guy. PonyRunner had no idea who that was. “If we’re all ready to kill Celestia, I’ll count us in”. He hovered over “Begin”. 3... 2... 1… And… Celestia shovelled another waffle into her mouth. Luna was uncharacteristically late to breakfast. Something must have come up during her dream realm escapades. After the Starlight Incident, Celestia knew all too well how awful that place could be. Maybe if the retirement master plan worked out, Luna would get a taste for freedom and relaxation. Then perhaps Celestia could finally convince her to get an apprentice. Or let the Shadowbolts deal with it like they were supposed to. Luna had, perhaps unsurprisingly, become obsessed with her public image since she’d returned. She was absolutely mortified at the prospect of them impersonating her in the dreams of little fillies and colts Equestria over, no matter how much Celestia tried to reassure her that they were all still dream magic professionals. She turned her ears towards the door, as the sounds of hoof-steps echoed down the hall. Very stompy. Definitely a bad night. The door handle was wreathed in blue magic and in stepped Luna, bags under her eyes and snout scrunched into a frown. Celestia swallowed the waffle. “Good morning sister”, she said with slightly restrained cheerfulness. “uhg”, came the reply. “That bad?” “I went into the nightmare of a little colt, and it was one of those dreams. The one where you are late for a test, but you can’t leave until you find your quill, you know?” Celestia nodded. She knew all too well. “Well I spent an eternity chasing that colt down an endless maze of locker rooms, trying to return his quill to quell the nightmare, and when I caught up to him, do you know what he said?” Celestia’s face fell. This again. “He said ‘You’re not the real Luna. The real Luna says Thee and Thou’!” “Did you get angry again?” she said, taking another forkful of waffle. Honestly, the Shadowbolts should be the least of her concerns. “No, sister, I did not get mad this time. That is why I am mad now”. Luna picked a pineapple out of the fruit bowl and bit it in half, spikes and all. Celestia winced. One of these days she really ought to teach her how to eat them properly. “I do not speak like that! Why does everypony still think that I speak like that? Did I waste four months of my life in speech therapy for naught?!” she said, spraying pineapple flavored spittle across the table cloth. She was getting dangerously close to Royal Canterlot volume. “Lulu, please,” said Celestia, “it takes time for ponies to adjust their expectations. We’ve been over this”. Luna merely hmmph’d. “But I can tell that is not what’s really bothering you, is it?” Luna seemed to deflate as the anger seeped out of her. “The entire time I was there, I felt that I was being… watched by something.” “In the Colt’s dream?” “No, in the dream realm itself. It felt… alien.” She frowned. “As if thousands of eyes were suddenly turned upon our world from somewhere... outside”. It was Celestia’s turn to frown. “And you have any clue as to what it could be?” She shook her head. “No. I just feel as if something is about to happen… and happen fast”.