After relating my run-in with the enigmatic Madame Tarocchi to the group, Princess Celestia dispatched a task force to hunt the fortuneteller down and take her into custody. Apparently, there was a law prohibiting the average citizen from using memory magic without the proper registration, chiefly signed documentation from either the Equestrian Education Association, the Archmage of the School for Unicorns or from one of the princesses. By the time they'd located her garishly decorated wagon, it'd already been abandoned and completely emptied of its contents, leaving them with no clue as to Tarocchi's whereabouts. If that wasn't alarming enough, the unicorn mages sent to investigate the surrounding area were unable to pick up her trail even with tracking spells. It was as if the mare had vanished without a trace yet I was the only one unperturbed by this act, seeing as how Madame Tarocchi had already pulled this trick on me back in Ponyville and I knew the authorities didn't have a chance of catching the n'er-do-well.
It left me wondering if I shouldn't have bothered tattling on her in the first place.
"You did the right thing coming forward, Fenrir," Princess Celestia soothingly replied when I told her of my concerns. "We have zero tolerance for the usage of illicit magical practices, dark or mundane."
Princess Cadence nodded, "Hundreds of ponies everyday come into contact with forbidden items and spells but are afraid to go to the authorities and each time they don't, that's another victory for crime."
The three of us spoke privately in Princess Celestia's study, an otherwise forbidden area that she was currently allowing me to be in since she was present as well. The room was spacious, as befitting a noblemare, the sky blue walls covered in thousands of miniature suns and the borders along the dark azure trim painted to resemble fluffy white clouds. To my right, there was a fully-stocked bookshelf, a gilded walnut desk and blue velvet-backed armchair, the desk's polished surface glistening lightly like the sea at midday. Behind it, there was a large Prench window with pink silk curtains that led to an outside balcony. It was nowhere near as overwhelmingly opulent as I was expecting but still very ostentatious, if I do say so myself.
While everypony else was going about their day, Princess Luna was holed up in Tyr's room trying to once again enter his dreams, though I had no clue if there'd be any degree of perceivable success. Twilight and Spike were down in the Royal Archives researching obscure mystical ailments and their effects on humans or humanoid beings, believing that finding information on similar species like satyrs, minotaurs, trolls and yetis might yield a plausible remedy. Fluttershy and the rest of our friends went into town for some sightseeing while Shining Armor personally took watch over the corridor to 'the god room', leaving me alone with the Princesses of the Sun and Love.
"I wouldn't imagine there being much crime here, to be honest."
Princess Celestia gave a little titter. "I know we portray ourselves as an innocent and happy society but there is a wicked underbelly to it, a system of malevolence that threatens the peace and harmony of our way of life. Primarily, it is dark magic and the selling of illegal objects on the black market but there is also a market for drugs and pony trafficking."
'Pony trafficking'?"
"The kidnapping and auctioning of innocent ponies, usually to foreign parties as free labor, gladiators and sex slaves. Sadly, most of the traders are ponies looking for a quick way to get rich, selling off their own kind just to indulge their greed and vices."
For the longest time, I was a cold-hearted and selfish bastard, that I can admit to but I never approved of the concept of slavery or the rigid social hierarchy that came with it. First there was the thrall, or slave, though this term could be used to indicate someone working as an indentured servant known as a bondsman, usually put to work in order to pay off a debt. A bryti, or "foreman" was a thrall that was entrusted with overseeing work and looking after the homestead when the owners were absent. Next, there was a karl or freeman, an ordinary citizen consisting of the working class, i.e., farmers, sailors and craftsmen, all of whom were allowed to carry weapons and participate in public administrative meetings. At the top was the jarl, or nobleman and I don't think I need to tell you what that means.
Back in Asgard, my exact role was unclear. They never asked me to perform physical labor like pulling carts or helping build houses so I wasn't quite a thrall but I didn't have any autonomy to own property or take part in voting like a karl either. I think because of my unique heritage, I was viewed more as an animal rather than an intelligent being and thus not really subject to definition within the social class. You wouldn't see a pig as a jarl or a hawk working the field, as humorous as that sounds, and aside from that, I doubt neither the Aesir nor the Vanir were particularly concerned with figuring out where I stood on the proverbial totem pole. At best, I'd say I was a pet that no one wanted and whose presence was unwelcome but tolerated, sort of like an annoying cricket that refused to stop chirping at two in the morning when you were trying to sleep.
"We've made an effort to crack down on pony trafficking," Princess Cadence admitted. "We've managed to arrest many traders and free thousands of would-be slaves but we can't catch them all."
"Even with my sister personally leading the charge," Princess Celestia smirked.
BUM-BUM!
"Yes?"
The door slowly creaked open and a royal guard entered.
"Greetings, Your Majesties," he bowed. "Princess Luna wished to inform you that there has been no visible improvement on Lord Tyr's condition and that she will be taking her supper in his room."
I couldn't help but snort at this. Following my little speech, the younger co-ruler decided to order that all of the castle's staff refer to my friend exclusively as "Lord Tyr." Perhaps it was due to his previous position as a god and prince of Asgard? I'd heard that Princess Luna could be a bit old-fashioned in her thought process as a result of her imprisonment and subsequent reintroduction into modern society but it seemed to be a bit overkill to me.
"Thank you, Sharp Blade. That is all."
The guard departed and the fresh topic of conversation made me wonder about something.
"Your Majesty? What was Luna talking about when she called Tyr a 'Star-Branded Warrior'?"
Princess Celestia looked at me thoughtfully. "I'm not sure. Lulu has always been rather secretive, keeping herself secluded and concealing her thoughts, even before her banishment. She still refuses to say."
"Could it be in reference to some sort of prophecy?" Princess Cadence suggested.
"That...could be the case. Luna was the more studious of the two of us, sequestering herself in her room to read dusty old texts instead of making friends. In fact, that was part of what drew me to Twilight as my pupil, that similarity to my dear sister. Prior to her emergence as Nightmare Moon, she spent an unhealthy amount of time in the private library back in our old castle. Most of it was destroyed during our battle but I'd managed to salvage some of the tomes and scrolls that hadn't been touched by flame or stone so it's certainly worth looking into."
Despite her skill at hiding it, I could tell that Princess Celestia was deeply concerned about her younger sibling, more specifically, her conduct as of late. I could only speculate as to Princess Luna's odd behavior and fascination with the comatose man, concluding that there was some merit to Princess Cadence's theory about an obscure prophecy. Whether or not it was for better or worse, I couldn't begin to guess and wondered if I had a role to play in it too. I hated the idea of once again being bound to another prognostication but fate, or rather, the Norns, were tricky mistresses that made it clear no one, not even the gods, had a say in their degree of participation. Then again, it was possible that fate was responsible for my being here post-mortem so it couldn't be all bad.
"Oh, and before I forget," Princess Celestia then announced. "There's one more piece of business we need to attend to, namely the retrieval of your memories."
A golden light erupted from Princess Celestia's brow like a lit torch.
"What are you doing?" I hissed sharply, not at all appreciating the alicorn's invasion of my personal space or the horn burning with arcane energy.
"Hold still please. This will not hurt one bit."
She pressed the tip of her horn to my forehead, from which a long, finely-woven thread of shimmering incandescent string bordered by a soft silver-green aura emerged from my skull. The thread floated in midair, uncoiling itself to form an inflexible skein almost twelve feet in length, the rest dangling just above my eyes in a decidedly liquid-like fashion. A series of knots, each tied together half an inch apart, ran the length of the thread and appeared to pulsate as if in the process of being slowly undone by invisible fingers. Perking my ears up, I detected the faintest sound of voices, a collection of overlapping whispers of different genders and volumes that appeared to emanate from the knots themselves, though even I was unable to make any sense of them. Princess Celestia began lightly counting under her breath as she inspected each and every knot, evidently looking for a specific one.
"What is this thing?"
Princess Celestia didn't take her eyes off of her current task.
"Think of it as a physical representation of all of your life's experiences, every knot representing a memory."
"I'm surprised I don't have a longer thread or more knots," I joked, to which Princess Cadence chuckled.
"I think Aunty only chose a specific part of your life to view. Am I right?"
"One-hundred percent," Princess Celestia confirmed as she continued to inspect the knots. "I specifically targeted the part of your memories of your time in Equestria. If I'd chosen to unwind your entire thread, we'd be here all night, possibly the next day as well."
The alabaster mare peered more closely at the material, looking more astonished than I'd ever seen her be.
"You are old, indeed. Normally, a living being's life-thread appears nearly solid, almost crystalline in texture. Yours, however, is more vaporous and completely translucent, the mark of an extremely long life. I've viewed my own, as well as that of other semi-immortal beings and this is the first one I've seen that looked like this. You might just be older than the two-thousand years you originally claimed, perhaps closer to five or six."
Five or six thousand? Had it really been that long?
Finding a bare space in the thread, Princess Celestia paused, her brow furrowed in both agitation and bewilderment.
"Aunty? What's wrong?"
"Cadence, do you see anything?"
Princess Cadence stepped closer and inspected the spot.
"No, just an empty section of string."
Princess Celestia met her niece's eyes and I was startled by how appalled her expression had become following her discovery.
"That's the problem," Princess Celestia uttered breathlessly. "It shouldn't be. Whoever this 'Madame Tarocchi' is didn't just block Fenrir's memory, she completely erased it."
Shaking her head, Princess Celestia temporarily turned her back on us. "Altering one's memory isn't an issue, not if you have the right incantation, herb or elixir but to remove a memory or set of memories takes a more advanced degree of skill in magic. Even if you can't recall certain events, remnants of the memory should still be there."
Turning to me, she asked almost pleadingly, "Fenrir, are you certain that Madame Tarocchi was an earth pony? Think long and hard about the answer."
I was thrown off by the near-desperation of her tone, the otherwise composed and imperturbable Celestia now displaying an unusual degree of alarm.
"She certainly didn't smell like anything else so I'm mostly positive that she was."
Princess Cadence turned to me. "What do you mean?"
"Every animal and creature that I've come across has a different scent that allows me to tell their species apart even if I'm not actively focusing my attention on them. Ponies, as it seems, also each possess their own special fragrance; your smell is different from Celestia's, Celestia's is different from Luna's, and so on. Then, there are the varieties of equines: unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies and alicorns, all of which have odors that are inherently distinctive from one another. My sense of smell is so attuned that I can tell a pegasus from a unicorn by smell alone. Madame Tarocchi's own sub-species equine scent was very odd to me but still matched that of an earth pony."
"Odd in what way?" Princess Celestia's past worry was thankfully replaced by curiosity.
I scrunched up my nose. "It's difficult to explain. The best way that I can describe it is if a squirrel was covered in mud. You might smell the mud but the squirrel's own scent is still present, just intermingled with that of the wet soil's."
"So what you're saying is that Tarocchi's earth pony aroma was mixed with another scent?"
I had to paw it to Cadence, she was quickly understanding where I was coming from.
"Precisely. Madame Tarocchi knew how keen my olfactory senses were so she introduced another scent in order to throw off my trail. I'm honestly not certain I could track her even if I wanted to."
Princess Celestia's ivory face somehow became paler. "Listen you two, I don't think we're dealing with just an earth pony fortuneteller. Tarocchi must secretly be a unicorn enchantress, even another species altogether. Whoever or whatever her true identity, she is far more powerful than she lets on and it is imperative that we find and contain her as soon as possible."
A gurgling roar, like the bellowing of some great ettin, boomed inside the lavish room.
The two mares blinked in my direction.
"Sorry," I answered somewhat meekly, hoping my stomach would quiet down soon. "It's been a long day."
"That's quite alright." Princess Celestia flashed her pearly whites in a motherly grin.
It was honestly assuring to see her once more in high spirits.
"Let's adjourn to the dining hall and see what the chefs have prepared for dinner."
~*~
The dining hall was a massive rectangular room supported by fourteen cracked white marble pillars leading from the mauve-colored ceiling to the black and white checkered floor. Giant windows, some opaque and some stained-glass, lined the interior of the room, the latter crafted from pink, blue and orange panes and continued the cosmic motif of the rest of the castle with its depiction of suns, moons, stars and planets. Dark purple banners were strewn around the room, the immaculately wrinkle-free silk fabrics matching the cloths that draped from the ceiling. The room's centerpiece was a giant hanging chandelier dressed in chains of gold and lozenge-shaped crystals, an antique that Princess Celestia proudly informed me was well over two-hundred years old and had been crafted by one of the finest glass-makers to have ever lived. In the hall's center, there was stationed a long table, presumably cut from oak if my sense of smell was correct (and it usually was), that had been topped with a glittery snow-white table cloth that sparkled with little golden flakes.
Eleven cushioned black-wood chairs were arranged around it and all but two, that being the ones belonging to Spike and myself, were claimed by a pony. The entire group, minus Princess Luna, occupied the dining hall, freely chatting and laughing about regular day-to-day topics, such as vacations, jokes, fond memories and embarrassing recollections. Nearby, a resplendent array of food, ranging from fruits and vegetables to soups and pasta dishes. I was seated between Fluttershy and Applejack at the center of the table, my gaze facing Twilight and, more importantly, the main entrance behind her. I could get over the initially uncomfortable feeling of being seated in a chair; I'd first elected to sit on the floor when Princess Celestia insisted that I join everypony else, reminding me of the fact that I was her guest and that I had to be treated as such, but this really worked in my favor as now it was less likely for me to be ambushed if things went south.
Sounds kind of paranoid, I know, but it doesn't hurt to think ahead.
"Tell me, Mother, did you enjoy your time out?"
Fluttershy nodded sweetly. "Oh yes, it was so much fun! We went shopping, got hooficures..." She held up a shimmering toe for display. "Visited a spa, ate ice cream. I wish you were there too."
"Yeah, it's a darn shame you decided to stay behind," Applejack concluded. "Not that I blame ya, seein' as how you were worried 'bout your friend an' all."
"Any changes in his condition?"
I shook my head at Rarity. "Still nothing. Both the doctors and healers have no clue as to what's causing his coma and Princess Luna can't even enter his dreams yet to see if she can reach him."
The younger co-monarch of Equestria was a master of dream-based magic, the living embodiment of the night and all that it entailed. If she believed there was even a one percent chance that she could save Tyr, then I believed that she could and could accomplish in her task. There was also the bizarre unidentified connection between the two that I could not yet see or understand. Whatever it was, something had flipped a lever inside of Luna, instilling within her a fierce loyalty towards my father figure that went just beyond mere good will and determination to succeed in her duties as Princess of the Night. A prophecy involving the so-called "Star-Branded Warrior," perhaps?
"Have faith in my sister, Fenrir," Princess Celestia smiled warmly. "Luna has faced more dire odds than this and has come out on top. She will help Tyr to recover."
The filigreed aureate doors that constituted the main entrance swung wide open and a slew of servants poured in, all clad in formal dinner jackets and each of them levitating, pushing, or dragging metal wheeled food carts topped with white table cloths and various consumables. A yellow-brown pegasus expertly laid out napkin-wrapped silverware for everyone at the table in a brisk yet tactful manner, earning him an appreciative nod from Rainbow Dash as he bowed and swooped out of the room. The other servants did not disappoint either, bustling to and fro as they organized and prepared the dishes, moving in what was surely a carefully rehearsed manner almost akin to dancing. I caught a few of them giving me not-so-subtle side-eyes, though it appeared to be more out of inquisitiveness rather than malice so I let it slide. The table was soon covered in various soups, stews, salads, appetizers, breads, and pastas, the meals ranging from extravagant to mundane.
Rarity, staying true to her more elegant tastes, opted for the former, her chosen entree being vichyssoise, a kale salad served with croutons and stuffed cherry tomatoes, and slices of ciabatta with a goat-milk cream cheese spread. Applejack, meanwhile, went with a simple white cheddar grilled cheese sandwich, tomato bisque and salt crackers and a tall glass of apple cider. Rainbow Dash quickly dug into a rather large serving of eggplant lasagna, mozzarella sticks and a foam-blasted glass mug of root beer. Twilight had decided upon a hay and cucumber salad drizzled in Thousand Island dressing and paired with a side of scalloped potatoes and grape juice while Fluttershy went with a cauliflower and dandelion sandwich. Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, who both had a big lunch prior to their arrival in Canterlot, decided to split a macaroni and broccoli casserole.
As for Pinkie Pie, the oddball mare was enjoying a whipped cream-topped chocolate milkshake, complete with a cherry and bright orange silly straw, hay fries dipped in ranch dressing and...
"Um, Pinkie? What is that?"
Pinkie looked at me as if I should've already known the answer to my question.
"A peanut butter, banana, strawberry jam and marshmallow sandwich on toasted rye with the crusts cut off, silly!"
Oh no, please don't-
The monstrosity that the mad chefs had spawned stood no chance. It took only one massive bite from the Pink Menace and the unholy concoction was gone in one fell swoop.
"Ahhh," Pinkie sighed, giving her tummy a rub. "Just like Nana Pinkie used to make!"
Oh so her eccentricities are genetic. That's...kind of scary, actually.
"Don't worry, dear Fen," Princess Celestia smirked rather conspiratorially past her onion and mushroom risotto. "Your dinner will be arriving soon..."
Soon enough, an unforgettably familiar, sweet fragrance massaged my nostrils.
"Wait, you actually had your chefs prepare...?"
I was stunned into silence when a final cart arrived, my heart thump-thump-thumping in my ears to the point where all other sounds were nearly rendered as white noise. A veritable all-meat course was neatly laid out, steam rising from the spread like puffs of breath during wintertime. The feast included gravy-soaked steaks, lumps of raw ground beef, honey-roasted ham, sheep hind shanks, sausage links and...
...Bacon. Sweet, scrumptious bacon.
Snapping out of my carnivorous trance, I threw a questioning glance at Princess Celestia.
"You are not the first guest in this castle to be of a carnivorous persuasion," she rather glibly remarked. "Many foreign delegates that visit Canterlot consume flesh, such as griffons, seaponies, dragons, gargoyles, even a yeti or two."
I looked around at the gathered ponies and began to slide out of my seat.
"I appreciate the gesture but I don't want to make any of you feel uncomfortable so I think I'll just take this food and go-..."
A butter-yellow wing gently but firmly took hold of my foreleg.
"You don't have to do that, Fen," Fluttershy stressed in a rather unyielding tone. "Sit with us, please."
"We'll be fine," Applejack assured me. "A li'l bit of meat ain't gonna ruin our meal."
All around the table, everyone shouted affirmations.
"As I've stated previously, you're a guest in my home," Princess Celestia reiterated. "And just like my other guests, I wish to make your stay as comfortable as possible."
I searched each and everyone's faces for the slightest hint of disgust and found none.
"And you're all fine with this?"
"Why wouldn't we be?" Rainbow Dash asked puzzlingly. "We knew you were a meat-eater since day one. Besides, you're our friend. If we weren't fine with it, then we wouldn't be very good friends, would we?"
Rarity was looking a little green but maintained her composure. "It's not an ideal system of nourishment for us but we understand that it's a part of who and what you are."
"We're with you all the way, dude," Spike confirmed with a thumbs-up.
I found Twilight smiling at me comfortingly and I allowed my previous suspicions to fade away, at least for the time being.
"There's no reason to be ashamed. Just because you're a carnivore among herbivores, that doesn't mean we're just going to act callous about your dietary necessities. In fact, the areas around Ponyville were overpopulated with deer and your hunting helps to keep their numbers from growing too much."
I turned towards Fluttershy, who gave me a supportive nod and pet my upper foreleg with her wing.
"Go ahead, Fen. It's okay."
Rewarding her with a fast little lick at the tip of her nose, I yanked a steak off of the cart with my magic, the still-sizzling juices dripping in little light brown droplets and raising my rapt anticipation for the meal to come. I'd only managed to just barely set the stake down onto my rather large, oval-shaped porcelain plate before I tore into the succulent fried cut, deliberately ripping off chunks at a slow pace just so I could prolong the experience. My eyes shot up every now and then as my self-consciousness got the better of me but true to their word, none of the other participants seemed especially bothered, carrying on their conversations as if nothing was amiss. A small part of me had always been a tad uncomfortable with the thought of his carnivorous nature clashing with the herbivorous and pacifistic equines I'd found myself surrounded by. The only other non-pony in my friends circle was Spike but apart from the odd treat like cupcakes or popcorn, sustained himself on solely on gemstones and the topic of whether or not he even ate meat never came up. Despite feeling a little out of place, I appreciated how supportive they all were of my flesh-eating tendencies.
"Fen, could I ask you a question?"
I froze in mid-bite, my muzzle dripping with gravy and juices.
Princess Cadence asked, "You can eat things besides meat, right?"
"I can eat almost anything," I replied, licking my mouth. "And I do mean anything."
"So then why do you love meat so much? I don't take issue with it. I'm just curious."
This left me temporarily stumped. I'd never really had an in-depth think session about my preference for all things flesh-derived, certainly not before my coming to Equestria. Before taking time to read books and expand my mind, I'd never taken the time to slow down and consider things, like life, the universe, everything. I was a wolf and wolves consumed meat; it was as simple as that and it needed no further exploration than that. All eyes turned toward us, or rather, me specifically, everyone waiting with bated breath to hear my answer.
"It's...difficult to explain," I started earnestly. "Actually, it makes me think of a paragraph I read in the book White Fang that I think sums it up best: 'The aim of life was meat. Life itself was meat. Life lived on life. There were the eaters and the eaten. The law was: EAT OR BE EATEN. He did not formulate the law in clear, set terms and moralize about it. He did not even think the law; he merely lived the law without thinking about it at all.'"
Noting the puzzlement all around me, I decided to further elaborate.
"I may be sentient but I am still a wolf. I still feel the need to hunt, to chase a prey animal down and consume it so that I may live. I think there's a remnant of my warg ancestors still buried within me, some kind of predatory instinct left over from a bygone era. I mean, there was a time when you ponies were just simple herbivores, right? Even now, despite your deep intellect and complex social structure, you all still possess the prey instinct to watch out for predators, to always be on alert and ready to flee in the face of danger."
A few ponies, like Princess Celestia and Twilight nodded at this assessment.
"Even now, there's a small part of you that recognizes that I am a threat, just as there is a part of me that views you all as potential food. No matter how civilized we are, we can never completely eradicate our baser instincts: I am still a wolf, Spike is still a dragon and the rest of you are still ponies. Carnivores will remain fighters and pursuers, herbivores will remain protectors and runners. I know it might be difficult to understand but I think that's the point of predators and prey. I can explain it to you but I can't make you experience it."
"I think I can understand what it is you're saying," Twilight stated after a prolonged silence. "You can eat other things but you prefer meat since your inherent lupine instincts tell you that it's delicious and healthy, just as I prefer grass and grains even though I also love hay burgers and donuts. You hunt living things because that dormant part of your genomes compels you to do so."
"In essence, yes. There is a grand cosmic balance to things, a kind of universal scale that ensures everything continues to work properly. Order and chaos, light and dark, summer and winter, life and death, the hunter and the hunted. At least, that is what I was raised to believe."
"That is not far off from our own beliefs," Princess Celestia interjected softly. "Our world runs on the principal of Harmony and Disharmony, two core concepts locked in a kind of eternal dance. Where there is kindness, laughter, honesty, generosity, loyalty and friendship, there is also cruelty, gloom, deception, greed, selfishness and animosity. And should the world stop turning on such things, everything would halt and life as we know it would cease to be."
She then smiled, "The fact that you, a wolf and former villain, are now dining and talking amongst us is proof that Harmony can be taken from Disharmony and converted into something positive."
Fluttershy pulled me close, nuzzling her face into my shoulder.
"Fen, are you okay?"
I rested my head over Fluttershy's scalp.
"I'm just fine. Everything's perfect."
~*~
Once dinner had concluded, everyone was adjourning to the recreational room for some games but I was full and no longer in the mood for merrymaking. No, instead, I'd decided to retire and after thanking Princess Celestia for her hospitality, I bid the others good night and made my way towards the west wing of the castle, where a room had already been prepared for Fluttershy and I. At first, Fluttershy wished for us to have separate lodgings as I was a grown-up and desired to give me my space however, I told her it was alright and she looked quite pleased by my decision. In truth, it was a two-pronged choice: I wanted to ensure that my presence enabled her to get a good night's sleep and vice-versa, to recapture that feeling of safety and comfort I had when last we shared a bed. After everything that happened, I wanted to feel that way again, if only for a little while.
Halfway into my journey, I paused on the staircase and turned, doubt and apprehension gnawing at me like Níðhöggr at the roots of the World Tree. Retracing my steps back towards the stain-glass hall, I made a right turn and made my way towards the east wing where Tyr's room was located. I know it sounds like I'm being some great big worrywart but it would greatly put my mind at ease just to see his face one more time before I laid down my head for the night. I still had no clue as to whether or not he could hear me and I didn't care, my only concern being the slight chance, no matter how remote, that my voice could get through to him. I know that if our places were reversed, and I often found myself wishing that they were, I know I'd want someone to be there for me, to guide me through what had to be indescribable torment.
Moonlight filtered in through the windows, an array of perpendicular silver beams from the hastener* illuminating my every pawstep. Long, violet-colored banners hung from the walls in U-shaped arches, the corners of which were secured with garlands of lavender, the whole corridor smelling of a deep, woodsy floral aroma that steadily brought an usual peace of mind to my otherwise turbulent thoughts. Said thoughts turned to Princess Luna and her steadfast dedication to Tyr's well-being, a near reverence towards someone she'd never seen before or spoken a single word to yet was devoting all of her time and energy to healing. Aside from raising the moon and taking a couple of bathroom breaks, she'd completely confined herself to the god-room in an effort to maintain her vigilant watch over the unconscious ás-liðar. Perhaps I could also aid in lifting Princess Luna's spirits by affording her a brief respite from her duties while I took over for her?
Two guards that I didn't recognize gave me a quick once-over, then opened the doors for me, having no doubt spotted the Royal Seal hanging from my collar ring. I thanked the pair and entered the room, the doors closing behind me. I found Princess Luna standing on the right side of the bed, leaning in close to dab the sweat off of Tyr's brow with a wet washcloth, the man wincing and giving his head a little shake but otherwise remained completely stationary. Whispering something softly, possibly words of comfort, Princess Luna re-wet the cloth and pressed it to each of his cheeks, lightly brushing the top of his head with her hoof in a lover-like manner. At this gesture, Tyr let out a harsh, shuddering exhale, gritting his teeth as both hands gripped onto the bedsheets and crumbled them into his fists, a light tremor forcing itself through his torso and arms.
Wordlessly, I tread over to the left side of the bed and sat down on my haunches.
"How is he?"
Releasing a long respire through her nose, Princess Luna turned her head from side to side.
"It is...difficult to say, Fen. He has been moving more, usually a mild gesture like curling his fingers or twitching his nose. Now he is shaking and groaning. It appears as though he is having a nightmare."
"And you still can't find a way in?"
"I AM DOING MY BEST!" She exploded, wings outspread in a threatening manner. "YOU ARE MISTAKEN IF YOU THINK THAT I DO NOT WANT TO AID HIM IN HIS RECOVERY!"
Delivering a prolonged sigh, Princess Luna allowed her body to go limp and her wings sagged to the floor.
"I am so sorry. This has been very difficult for me."
Rotating back towards Tyr, she gingerly caressed his cheek.
"It is just so frustrating to see him like this and being powerless to do anything about it."
Ponies could be, and often were, very affectionate creatures, especially when compared to humans. Public displays of affection were commonplace: hugs, nuzzles, hoof-bumps, mane-tussling, cheek-kisses, nose rubs, these were all practiced daily and even expected. That being said, however, the younger co-monarch's behavior was very unseemly to say the least.
"Why are you doing all of this for Tyr?" I finally worked up the nerve to ask. "I mean, you don't even know him."
Princess Luna kept her gaze focused on her charge. "We-I-am tasked with caring for all-..."
"It seems more than just a ruler's care for a subject," I dared to interrupt. "What is he to you? What is the 'Star-Branded Warrior'?"
For the next few minutes, Princess Luna stared at Tyr's face, several emotions ranging from uncertainty to guilt shuffling across her countenance, almost as though she was waging an internal battle with herself. She then sighed and faced me.
"What I am about to share with you must not be revealed to anypony or anyone else. Understood?"
"Yes," I nodded, making an X-shaped motion over my chest with my paw, then placing it over one eye. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
This seemed to satisfy the lunar monarch, though her trepidation was still very much palpable.
"Very well then."
Making her way to my side of the bed, Princess Luna surrounded her horn with her signature moderate cobalt blue and gently pressed the tip to my forehead.
"Please clear your mind and above all, remain calm..."
It was nighttime, just around midnight, and I was riding inside of a carriage pulled by six bat-ponies, all of them clad in royal guard armor that was silver and violet instead of blue and gold. We'd just arrived in what appeared to be a kingdom made out of crystalline buildings, the structures shimmering even in the harsh light of the moon. Touching down quietly, the carriage rolled to a gradual stop and the bat-pony guards unhitched themselves, swiftly gathering up their weapons and surrounding the carriage with their backs to me. I felt the anxiety once again bubbling to the surface and, taking a series of deep breaths, managed to shove it back down and put an imaginary lid over my problems. I could not meet Princess Amore while in the midst of having another episode and mentally prepared myself for our upcoming meeting.
I can do this. I told myself. I can do this. Don't worry about Tia or anything else.
Grabbing the door handle with my hoof-
Wait, hoof?
"Relax, Fenrir. All is well."
Princess Luna?
"Indeed it is. Do not worry, you are inside of my memories and are thus experiencing them as I did."
Okay...
I...or rather, we exited the carriage and slowly marched towards the white diamond castle that loomed overhead, every step feeling like a death sentence. My lungs were working overtime, my chest aching with the constant harsh breaths I was taking while my heart appeared to simultaneously bash up against my ribs and freeze in place. I was so nervous that I hadn't eaten anything before I left, causing my stomach to both growl in hunger and swear off food, neither option looking appealing to me. I'd started to lip at my lips, an annoying habit from fillyhood that I never learned to drop and as a result my lips were constantly chapped. At my sides, both wings nervously twitched, folding and unfolding in miniature snaps.
None of that, however, compared to the bottomless despair that I experienced every single moment of my waking life. Ever since I was young, I felt a deep agony within my heart as though it were drowning in thick, ice-cold water and crying out for help. As I got older, the icy numbness became a series of multitudinous stabs akin to numerous bodkins that were thrust into the muscle, leaving it submerged in a lake of blood. No matter what I did, in spite of every accomplishment or word of sage advice, nothing could alleviate this torment. One day, I was walking through the streets of Canterlot with Tia and came across a young couple snuggling beneath a tree, which brought about a startling revelation:
The thing that I had been missing, the very cause of my loneliness, was love.
I wanted somepony to love and be loved by.
Tia and I had grown up hearing our Mother read fairy tales, stories about brave knights and beautiful maidens, of hideous monsters, evil kings, diabolical witches and the all-conquering power of true love. Where Tia only saw the surface-level mushiness of the dashing prince kissing the fair princess, I, however, looked far deeper, desiring the intense emotional connection that two souls could make. I wanted my husband to be somepony I could spend the rest of my life with, somepony who could make me laugh, hug me when I was feeling sad or sit and hold my hoof as we watched the sunset. My parents, King Astraeus and Queen Eos, were amused by my declaration to find a suitable spouse of my own choosing, whereas Tia was complacent at the thought of being wed to a handsome prince. It was before a sacred Gildebough tree in the midst of a solar eclipse that I made a solemn oath: the only one that I would give my heart, mind, body, soul and hoof in marriage to would have to be my soul mate.
Nopony else could have me.
Years passed and my parents became less and less tolerant of my stubbornness. Father, though impressed by my emotional maturity and adherence to my own principles, continuously argued that my duty as a princess was to marry another pony of royal lineage and further the bloodline, something that Tia had already done, having both married a prince from a kingdom to the east and given birth to a set of twins. He told me to give up my pursuit of "true love" and do what was expected of me for the sake of the realm. Mother, despite being more understanding, nevertheless agreed with Father and tried to convince me that even though I wouldn't love my future betrothed, we could learn to care for one another. I shot back that they were hypocrites since they met and fell in love instead of being trapped in an arranged marriage, that they had no control over my heart or my destiny. I also argued since Tia, the older sibling and heir to the throne, had already married and produced a little princeling and princess, there was no need for me to do either until I was ready to marry somepony of my choosing.
Suffice it to say, neither were happy with me but soon dropped the matter altogether.
Royals and commoners alike began to talk ill of me, calling me "crazy" and "delusional." There were even rumors flying about that I didn't marry either due to believing that I was chosen by Faust or, the far more insulting option, was that I was a massive harlot that didn't want to be stuck with just one stallion. As time went on, the rumors did their work and the number of aristocrats that brought forward marriage proposals dwindled until nopony wanted me as their future wife or daughter-in-law. Oh, the rumors certainly hurt; I could feel the eyes on me and hear the hushed tones, but at least snobby nobles stopped trying to woo me with gaudy gifts and empty promises. They could say what they wanted about me as long as they left me the buck alone.
At least, that's what I told myself at the beginning.
Once the nobility had given up their pursuit, the rest of pony society soon did the same. I tried my hoof at seeking a commoner as a husband but most of them just wanted either a quick way to get rich or a meaningless tumble in my bedchambers, to brag to their friends down at the tavern that they'd managed to seduce a princess. The thing about rumors is that they are a double-edged sword: they can give you everything you want and take it away just as easily. Some ponies claimed that I'd killed my last lover in a dark magic ritual or that I ate the hearts of any stallion foolish enough to try and court me. I was the Princess of the Night, just as mysterious as the moon and treacherous as the evening darkness, a dark and elusive mare that was the antithesis to my beloved sister the Princess of the Day.
I became inconsolable, my soul still aching for one that could make it whole.
After the defeat of Lord Tirek, I heard speculation that the Crystal Heart, the treasured relic of the Crystal Empire, was said to show the future to whomever gazed into its lustrous surface. Princess Amore, who happened to be my aunt, was still on friendly terms with me so I wrote to her and negotiated a secret meeting to discuss the matter in person. I knew Tia would tell me to forget the silly fantasies and just settle down so I decided to keep her in the dark about my plans. After all, she already got her happy ending so she had no room to lecture me. I was young and foolish but determined to accomplish my goals.
There, at the castle's entrance, the Crystal Heart floated in between a stalagmite and stalactite of transparent blue crystals, bobbing up and down in the air and surrounded by a bright cyan-blue glow that rang with ancient power. Standing next to the heart was a tall alicorn mare with octagonal brilliant amber eyes and a quasi-transparent coat of pale vermilion, the image of a blue snowflake attached to her flank. Her long, flowing mane was of a brilliant raspberry hue with a moderate cobalt blue gradient at the curled ends, the hair shimmering with little sparks of light. She was dressed in royal garb with a heavy heart motif, including a light blue crown, matching neck piece, beaded brow jewelry, and cannonlets on her fore and hindlegs. The mare smiled gently at me and bowed her head slightly.
"Princess Luna, it's been far too long."
"It has indeed been too long, Princess Amore," I-or we-greeted in turn. "I hope I'm not interrupting any important work that requires your immediate attention."
Princess Amore let out a slight snort. "Seeing a relative is important, dear Luna. Now tell me, why are we holding a clandestine meeting in the middle of the night without your sister's knowledge?"
Here we go...
Taking a deep breath, I responded awkwardly, "Amore, I know that I'm asking a lot of you but I've come to make usage of the Crystal Heart. With your permission, of course."
Princess Amore gave a short nod. "I cannot say that I'm surprised by your request. I am the Princess of Love and as such, it is my solemn duty to aid the subjects of Equestria in finding their romantic counterparts. However, I cannot allow you to harness the Crystal Heart for your personal usage. It is a powerful weapon whose magic protects the Crystal Empire and its citizens from threats both natural and sentient. I'm afraid my answer is no."
"Wait, Amore!"
The Princess of Love stopped and faced me once again with a neutral expression.
I could feel the despair rising in me once again.
"Please, it hurts so much," I began to weep, no longer containing the tears I refused to shed up to this point. "Do you know what it's like to feel a hollowness in your heart, like a piece of you is missing and there is nothing you can do to ever replace it?"
Hearing no response, I continued, my speech becoming a bit less coherent as my chest shuddered with uncontrollable sobs.
"I want love, real love, to be cared for and appreciated for who I am. I want to be loved by somepony that won't take advantage of my trust, who won't hit me and tell me that I'm worthless. I want to be married and bear foals with somepony who will wake up every morning and go to sleep every evening with the knowledge and contentment that they are with me. I want somepony who has the same interests as me, who I can spend time with and laugh with and won't make up excuses just so he can go drink with his friends. I want somepony who can be honest with me and will stay by my side no matter what odds we face."
My dignity forgotten, I completely broke down, dropping to my belly and crying like a little filly.
"I-I-I want somepony who will see me, the real me! I want somepony who will love my night and appreciate its wonders just as much as I do! I want somepony who thinks I'm beautiful and does not compare me to my sister! I want somepony brave, selfless, honest and loyal, somepony who will love me despite my flaws and won't leave me!"
My vision was blurred by a nonstop deluge of tears, my ugly bawling drowning out all other sounds as I stewed in my own misery. Years of bottled up emotions had been uncorked, finally given license to flow freely. I was ashamed of the state that I had been reduced to but also relieved by the emergence of previously buried inhibitions. The faces of those who wronged me flashed before my eyes, all of the snooty gossip-mongering royals, two-faced false friends and salacious stallions that thirsted after my wealth and my body. I thought of my unsympathetic sister and the ungrateful subjects that rejected my beauteous night, who chose to play in the sun and spread rumors about me rather than get to know who I was.
Wow, I had no idea you dealt with this kind of pain.
"There are many types of pain, Fen. Sorrow and loneliness are often sharper blades than the ones that peel the flesh and bleed the heart dry."
Before I knew it, a sudden wave of serenity washed over me, my wheezing sobbing slowing to a crawl. The cool, numbing sensation of magic wrapped me up and lifted me to my hooves before a pair of gentle wings took me into their embrace. I hiccuped and regained control over my breathing as Princess Amore lovingly wiped my face with a silk handkerchief, her own eyes moist but her smile sweet and comforting.
"Shh, hush. Do not cry, Dearest Luna," she cooed and kissed my brow. "There, there, it is alright."
Tilting my chin up with a hoof, Princess Amore then regarded me with a sad, sympathetic gaze.
"I can feel your hopelessness, your desire for true, passionate love. You have such a big heart with so much love to give and yet nopony to share it with. Never before have I felt such strong despair and hunger for affection."
Princess Amore then beamed at me. "Sweet Luna, I would be remiss in my duties as Princess of Love if I did nothing to aid you in your hour of need. I will help you to find your one true love."
"R-really?" I sniffled in a very fillyish fashion.
"Yes, I swear. Now dry your eyes. We have a stallion to find for you."
I giggled and leapt at the older mare, enveloping her in a tight, near-bone crushing embrace.
"Thank you! I am forever in your debt!"
Returning the hug, Princess Amore disengaged and patted my head.
"There is a caveat, Luna."
"I will do anything, anything to know the truth."
Princess Amore's previously motherly expression became more austere.
"Normally, when one glimpses into the Crystal Heart, they only see a potential outcome, a reflection of their heart's deepest desire. Nothing more. However, the Crystal Heart can be used to see into one's personal future but that kind of magic would be draining, diluting the heart's power and weakening it."
I gasped in shock. "I thought the Crystal Heart was powered by love. How can it be weakened?"
"Yes, although the heart is sustained by the love emanating off of the crystal ponies, even it has a limit to how much magic it can perform at once. The Crystal Heart not only keeps the savage weather of the Frozen North out and protects us from being buried alive, it also projects a near-constant barrier that keeps dark forces at bay and sends out a sort of empathic field that warns creatures like windigos to stay away. Any other acts that require a large amount of arcane energy can cause the heart to weaken and temporarily cease one of these vital actions."
"What kind of dark forces?"
In lieu of an answer, Princess Amore placed a wing around me and led me right up to the Crystal Heart.
"I told you before that there was a caveat. Tell me, have you ever perchance heard of a geas?”
In eons long past, a geas was a rare and powerful enchantment that was used as a kind of sign of trust, a sacred and unbreakable mystical vow made between two or more individuals. It was later distorted into a hex that could be placed on another and, if violated, will result in misfortune and death. If the geas’ requirements were met, then it would bring the recipient great happiness and adhering to it would eventually break the spell altogether. It was an old sorcery that was only used in extreme circumstances and primarily by alicorns, as they were among the few strong enough to cast the spell and contain the thaumaturgic energies necessary to make it hold. I was terrified of making such an oath but I told myself that it was a small price to pay for my happiness.
“I have.”
Princess Amore dipped her head slightly. "Then I will perform a geas on us both. To use the Crystal Heart for personal gain, even to soothe one's heartbreak, is a violation of an oath I once took when I became the heart-keeper and ruler of the Crystal Empire. If others learn that I used the heart to aid you in peering into the future, then many will flock to the Crystal Empire and beg me for access to it. I must ensure that doesn't happen, even by accident, and a geas would be an excellent motivator to not forget your pledge."
The Crystal Heart hummed in front of us, burning brightly with a light similar to blue flame.
Turning me to the side, Princess Amore faced me, her horn wreathed in a brilliant pale raspberry light.
"Cross horns with me and shake my hoof. Then, will the oath be made."
We both bent forward, our horns lightly making contact. Then, I took Princess Amore's proffered hoof.
"Do you, Princess Luna of the House of Caelus, do solemnly swear to never tell anypony the truth about what transpires here tonight, to guard the secret of the Crystal Heart's hidden power?"
"Yes, I swear," I promised without hesitation.
Princess Amore regarded me with somber pride.
"In the name of Faust and all who followed in her blessed hoofsteps, I, Princess Amore of the House of Anteros, hold you to your oath."
A glowing cornflower-blue orb surrounded our clasped hooves, followed by an invisible clamp that forced our hooves together so hard that I was afraid they were going to break. Trails of sparkling light exited the orb and wrapped around our respective forelimbs like ribbons, their touch alternating between smoldering hot and icy cold. The "ribbons" curled up and each wrapped around our mouths before going taut, crushing our forelimbs and clamping our jaws shut. I let out a muffled squeak of pain but otherwise didn’t flinch nor shy away from Princess Amore's gaze. I could hear the terms she'd set for our oath as if she were speaking with two voices, one of which was echoing inside my head and, somehow, inside my soul.
Just like that, it was finished, the orb and ribbons vanishing, though I could still feel where my mouth and foreleg had been seized by those tendril-like strips of magic. I looked down at my lower foreleg, a very faint band of transparent light blue symbols shimmering around where the ribbon had grabbed me. Slowly, they faded into the fur but still appeared whenever I twisted the limb, the band so minute that it took an especially keen eye to detect it. Princess Amore gave me a quick forward shake of her head and approached the Crystal Heart, her horn once more alight. Channeling her raspberry aura, she released it in the form of a thin cylinder directly at the floating gem, coaxing it into giving off a brilliant light that was almost blinding, so much so that I thought it was a miracle that nopony else was seeing this.
The Crystal Heart began rotating like a top, spinning faster and faster, throwing off crackling blue sparks that formed the outline of a great sphere. Princess Amore was groaning in pain, the glow of her horn ebbing and flowing but remaining active, no doubt taking a lot of energy for her to access the heart's full power. I rushed forward to help her but she beckoned me to stand back with her wing, keeping all of her attention on the spell. The sphere widened, solidifying and forming a ball of scintillating radiance. I could catch glimpses of obscured shapes on the blazing surface but nothing identifiable and despite this, apparently Princess Amore could see something, if her intensely transfixed stare was anything to go by.
“One day, you will meet a strange creature from a faraway land," she uttered in a level alien tone, her eyes now unblinking and brimming with bluish-white radiance. "First, you must rescue him from his prison deep within the land of dread nighttime reminisces. Be mindful of the cracks in his heart and the chasms of his soul, for the journey to claim his love will be slow but fruitful."
I was both terrified and entranced by Princess Amore's blank features and monotonous voice.
"He will be a brave and noble soul," she continued, an eerie whisper underlying her words. "The Star-Branded Warrior...you will know him by the six-point birthmark on his arm, just as he will know you by the crescent on your flank. Unite the pieces to end the nightmare and vanquish the penance-born terrors..."
I jerked sideways to the left and gasped deeply as though I'd just been underwater.
"Are you alright?"
Shakily, I nodded at Princess Luna, letting out a loud pant. "I think so, yes. Princess Cadence thought you were talking about some kind of prophecy so I guess she was right. Tyr...Tyr is meant to be your true love?"
The alicorn glanced over at the prone figure on the bed, his EKG steadily beeping. She gingerly used her toe to outline the birthmark on Tyr's arm, lovingly stroking the flesh.
"It appears to be the case." A light smile touched her lips. "When you revealed the mark, I knew I had finally found the one whom I was destined to give my heart to. Just not the one I expected."
"Wait, what about your geas?" I asked tensely. "Didn't you violate it by showing me your memory?"
Princess Luna smirked as though she were a naughty schoolfilly. "Technically, Princess Amore made me swear not to tell anypony the truth. Last I checked, you are not a pony."
"Oh, you clever horse, you."
Another consideration crossed the forefront of my mind.
"Was that the reason you became Nightmare Moon?"
Princess Luna's smirk vanished. "No. Though my love-pangs were great, they were not enough to darken my heart nor turn me towards a path of destruction. That is a story for another time."
She placed a wing onto my shoulder and looked at me square in the eyes.
"Fenrir, you must keep this between us. Please, promise me."
I thought back to the scenario that just played out and decided on a rather brash course of action.
"Cast a geas on me."
Drawing back in shock, Princess Luna ogled me with saucer-wide eyes.
"What?"
"Make me swear an unbreakable oath," I stated with finality. "This will ensure your secret stays safe with me."
"Are...are you certain of this?" She said in a near-whisper. "A geas is not something to take lightly."
"I am. You're my friend and Tyr means a great deal to me. It's what he would've done."
Princess Luna went quiet, clearly weighing the options of her next decision.
"Very well then."
Taking my paw into her hoof, Princess Luna ignited her horn as we made deep eye contact.
"Do you, Fenrir Lokisson, solemnly swear to keep my secret, to never reveal the truth of the memory that I shared with you to anyone or anypony but Tyr when at last he awakens?"
Giving said man a side-glance, I nodded, "I swear."
"In the name of Faust and all who followed in her blessed hoofsteps, I, Princess Luna of the House of Caelus, hold you to your oath."
Just like in the memory, an orb appeared around our joined limbs, followed closely by the ribbon-like magic constructs, only this time it was much more tangible as I now wasn't experiencing it by proxy. The oxymoronic hot-coldness of the ribbons throbbed throughout my muzzle and foreleg, sending a sharp quivering pain into my system like a bolt of lightning. Similarly, Princess Luna was also ensnared but if she was uncomfortable or otherwise in any sort of agony, she didn't show it. My jaws were squeezed against each other so hard that the fear of having my wonderful, clean teeth shattered raced across my mind and, to my everlasting gratitude, was just as quickly forgotten. Indecipherable voices muttered into my ear, traveling per my bones and somehow within my soul, carrying with them a primordial mysticism the likes of which I had never sensed up to that point.
The orb vanished, its nasty ribbon-like tendrils dissipated.
I sucked in lung-fulls of air, though it was more for the purpose of calming myself down than due to a lack of oxygen. The smell of burnt pepper and crushed flowers hung heavy in the air, my lungs absorbing the odd mixture with every flare of my nostrils. I peered over at Princess Luna and grinned, albeit with some degree of pain, my mouth severely aching and every tooth carrying with them the sense of being ready to fall out.
Beside us, Tyr let out a sigh, almost as if relieved that some hidden worry had been alleviated.
I rubbed my head against Princess Luna's upper foreleg, the mare responding by putting a wing around me.
"He's going to be just fine, Luna."
Tyr sleepily mumbled something indistinct but it looked like he mouthed the words, "Thank you" at the end.
"I swear it."