Mare-ital Aid
“She’s monstrous, Doctor, simply monstrous! Words cannot begin to describe the indignities I suffer each day at her hooves.”
“Yes, you’ve mentioned-”
“Aw, quitcher hissyfittin’! Tain’t no sunday brunch dealin’ with yer snooty prissitude three hunnert n’ sixty-four, twenny-four seven, but I do it anyhow!”
“My so-called ‘prissitude’ is merely proper etiquette, dear Applejack, something which you are sorely lacking in.”
“Horseapples! Yer jes’ nit-pickin’ so yew kin lord over me with yer fancy rules. Well ah ain’t no droolin’ hayseed! Ah’ve got class t’ spare, but ah kin go out in public without flauntin’ it like a dang peacock with OCD.”
“My, how classy of you, making light of your spouse’s mental disorders. One hopes the twins don’t inherit your ghastly sense of humor.”
“Er, I don’t think you should be bringing your children into-”
“Ex’cer’lent point, doc! Ah think it’d be a mistake t’ bring the youngerns up at this juncture. ‘Specially seeing as ah spent dang near a whole day n’ labor, n’ had tiny horns pokin’ mah innard’sides fer nearly half o’ that. Seven years n’ it STILL stings if ah sit wrong. An’ why, ya might ask, doc, did ah consent this idear?”
“I... I’m not sure I want to know.”
“‘Cause a certain dill-ee-taunt unicorn done told me ‘Darling, I DO want to be a parent, but being the mother would simply ruin my figure! You, on the other hoof, would be able to work it off during the next harvest season. Plus, I have an old family incantation which makes the birthing process completely painless. OH! FYI, this is the point where I should’ve mentioned that, nine months from now, I’ll be too busy blacking out at the sight of blood to get the spell right, and Twilight will sort-of half-assedly fill in. Tee hee! Fashion!’”
“Doctor, it appears my partner feels some roleplaying would be constructive. Shall I go next?”
“Please, don’t-”
“‘Garsh! Why’re y’all jawin’ ‘bout movin’ t’ Canterlot? Mah muddy ol’ an-sus-trull farm has ever’thing them guldurn fancy cityfolk done got! ‘Cept fer culture, lux-er-eee, an’ easier access tuh high-payin’ clients. But dang if we tain’t got the second-oldest apple tree ‘n th’ tri-county area, ah reckon!’”
“Now that there’s news ta me, ‘cuz I wuz under th’ notion yew LIKED bein’ talented enuff ta have fancy customers come all th’ way ta th’ outskirts o’ Ponyville jes’ so’s they kin buy yer wares. N’ as fer lux’ry, ah let ya change th’ house any which way yew wanted. Ah barely recognize th’ place unner all th’ pricey trappings ya bought. Our room looks like a dang lib’rul arts workshop done exploded!”
(Silence.)
“Is ... is that why you’re constantly in the orchards? I- I didn’t think my renovations bothered you THAT much, Jacky. And it’s not as if I can enjoy our furnishings’ plush decadence, considering the picture window in the studio gives me a clear view of my wife working herself to death.”
“WHA?! Yer neighin’ up the wrong tree, Sugar Crystal. Th’ truth is … Ah, erm, ah’ve been a mite ticked thet, even after all this time, ah cain’t seem ta get mah dang carcass back ta its pre-mater’null weight. An’ it don’t help none ah wuz laid up fer th’ first harvest after th’ twins came along.”
“Is that all? Silly Jacky. You could be eight thousand pounds and I’d still sponge off your belly rolls with a smile on my face. Some extra fat is nothing to give yourself a coronary over. In fact, I adore your current shape. It gives you a maternal quality I find quite enchanting.”
“‘Zat a fact?”
“Indeed.”
“Well, seein’ as thet’s th’ sen-na-rio, wouldja be adverse t’ gettin’ a long n’ intimate gander at it?”
“Not at all.”
SLAM!
“Dang. Think we done lost our moderator. Prob’ly fer good, too.”
“Oh, who cares? Ravish me, my gorgeous earth mover!”
“YEEHAW!”
*************************************************************************************************
“Alright, NOW you can open your eyes,” said a gentle voice.
The pegasus filly did as she was told. She stood at the doorway to a small greenhouse. A dozen or so different plants and trees lined its glass walls. The tiny pegasus’ eyes went wide with excitement. “WOOOOOW!” She buzzed hummingbird fast through the tool shed-sized space, taking in each spot of vegatation with wonder. “You got me my very own greenhouse?!!” A small orange blur rushed through the greenhouse door and latched onto Fluttershy’s neck. “Thank you Papa Fluttershy! Thank you Mama Goldie!”
Fluttershy grinned warmly and returned her daughter’s hug. “Happy 6th birthday, Orange Breeze.” Fluttershy felt another pair of hooves wrap around her. A small kiss brushed against her ear.
Golden Harvest lifted one hoof from embracing her wife to stoke her daughter’s strawberry colored mane. “Now Breezy, this whole greenhouse is your responsibility. You have to water the plants every day and give them fertilizer twice a week, or-”
“Oh I will! I will! Thank you thank you thank you! You’re the best mommy and daddy in all of Equestria!” Orange Breeze squealed with glee, immediately diving back into her birthday present. Golden Harvest watched their daughter fondly for few more moments, then turned her gaze to Fluttershy.
“Worth it?”
“To see her this happy?” Fluttershy nodded. “Abosolutely, totally, one hundred percent worth it. I never would’ve been able to afford something this elaborate unless I helped Rarity and Applejack with their, erm, roleplaying. Even if I learned way more about their sex life than I ever, EVER, wanted or needed to.”
“Well once Breezy tires herself out...” Golden Harvest leaned in close to whisper in Fluttershy’s ear. “...I think I might have something to take your mind off it.”
A small smile bloomed on Fluttershy’s face.
“Yay.”