Into the northern interior of Ullsorth, Rainbow Dash and her friends surveyed a riverside fort from a forest to the south.
It was early morning the next day after their rambunctious fight with the pirates at Ullsorth’s port—the so-called High General had pointed them in this direction afterwards. The river the fort sat on flowed from north to south right into the ocean, it was easy for them to find the mouth of the river and then follow it back up here. The fort not only looked old and dilapidated but there were a number of holes in its walls and several collapsed towers. According to Breakwater it would’ve been made when this Kingdom went by a completely different name. Gilbert also let Rainbow know that the current damage to the fort was the result of one of Godfrey’s few trips this far north. Apparently he had shelled it quite some time ago.
The fact no one bothered to fix and repair the fort showed what state the Kingdom had been in lately. And now it was occupied by a mix of usurpers and pirates acting like they were the fancy new rulers of a whole country. Steel Hoof had said that there were actually quite a few holdouts further north, places that hadn’t fallen or given in to the new regime, so this fort was essentially the northern base for the new government.
“So um, what are we going to do here? Because I doubt the frontal assault will work as well this time,” Gilbert said.
Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash had to agree with him. That’s why they were still hiding in this forest and thinking things over right now. The forest was small, but dense, on the western side of the road that ran parallel to the river. Of course most of the land around the fort had been cleared of trees on this side of the river, at least a couple hundred yards in a semi-circle around it, with the other side of the fort pressed sheer against the water. Because of its riverside nature the fort even had its own small dock and a drawbridge that went to the other side that could stop any traffic trying to go further up, or down, the river.
Right now there were even a couple of boats docked there, probably guard boats.
“I also think we should probably come up with a smart idea this time,” Daylight Gleam muttered.
“I mean there probably aren’t too many pirates in there... the place looks like it’s practically falling apart,” Breakwater shrugged.
“And yet it’s still a fort under their control,” Daylight frowned at him.
“What do you want to do, Rainbow Dash?” Senax asked her.
Rainbow Dash kept her eyes glued on the fort from behind the line of trees, rubbing her chin. There weren’t any soldiers or pirates out in the empty field in front of the fort, but she did see some guarding the front gate. And on the highest tower of the fort there was a flagpole with a plain green flag waving in the wind atop it. “This place... it’s important right?”
“Uhhh, obviously?” Daylight raised her eyebrow at the pegasus.
“And Admiral Redbeard is supposed to be one of the most important ponies in this new Democratic Ponies Republic or whatever?”
“That’s what we’ve heard,” Gilbert nodded.
“Hmm...” Rainbow Dash was deep in thought as she continued to gaze at the fort. “I might have a decent idea this time around then.”
“What?” Breakwater asked.
“Well they’re trying to act like a legitimate government aren’t they? What if they suddenly got visiting diplomats from Malkonrik acknowledging them as the rulers of Ullsorth and offering to open up trade and stuff?” Rainbow shrugged.
The others blinked and shared a few surprised looks with each other.
Daylight finally grinned at Rainbow Dash. “I suppose that’s not an entirely bad plan.”
“Halt! Who goes there?” The pair of gate guards asked as Rainbow Dash and her friends approached the river fort. The guards looked tentatively suspicious but not afraid since there was only five of them and they had many more comrades garrisoned inside. These creatures didn’t even look to have any weapons.
“I am Rainbow Dash! Chief diplomat of Malkonrik, I come here by order of our King-”
“Prime Minister,” Breakwater coughed.
“Prime Minister, to formally greet your leadership and possibly open up talks of an alliance. We would very much like the ports to open back up and run smoothly, as I’m sure you know, and our people and politicians have grown impatient with the lack of activity,” Rainbow said. She gestured to her friends. “I come with my entourage, we have heard that one of the new leading figures of Ullsorth, Admiral Redbeard, is here. May we enter and speak with him?”
The two guards blinked before they looked at each other, disbelief and shock plainly written on their faces.
“Uhh... one moment please,” one of the guards said as he knocked on the gate.
Shortly it opened up a bit and he slunk inside, leaving the one guard left to gaze questioningly at Rainbow Dash and her fellow diplomats.
“Soo...” Rainbow Dash said to cut the awkward silence. “How’s the weather been?”
Daylight Gleam groaned and shook her head.
“It’s been fine...” the guard slowly responded.
“Well congrats on the new Kingdom, republic thing, by the way. Like good on you for ruling your own country or whatever you want to call it now,” she grinned.
He frowned. “Thanks.”
“Seems like a pretty nifty place so far. Port was nice and clean,” Rainbow kept going.
“Please stop talking,” Daylight whispered to her.
Rainbow Dash ignored her. “Yep, I’ve been to a lot of other places like Meer and Alth-Verika and, uh, the other Kingdoms, as a diplomat for Malkonrik. Pretty sweet gig.”
Thankfully before she could talk more and receive even more ire from the rest of her group, the gate opened back up and the other guard poked his head back out. He looked at Rainbow Dash specifically before his eyes drifted to the others. Rainbow wasn’t sure what was on his mind or what he was going to say, but all five of them were doing their best to keep from shaking or making any suspicious movements.
Finally the guard coughed. “Well, I’ve gotten clearance from the Admiral himself, you can come in and meet with him shortly.”
“Awesome,” Rainbow Dash grinned.
Two minutes later and the five of them were in what looked to be a conference room, sitting on a circular couch together and waiting for Admiral Redbeard to come say hello or allow them to come to his own private office. There were doors leading out of the room at every wall, each one of them protected by guards. The hallway they had walked down to get here was also covered in extra guards. And these guys weren’t drunk or quite as unimpressive as the pirates they had dealt with at the port. Still, they were leaving Rainbow Dash and her group to themselves. Not a single guard had talked to them since they walked in here.
Rainbow Dash leaned in to the others and winked. “See? That was pretty easy.”
“I’m honestly shocked,” Daylight said.
“So am I,” Breakwater nodded.
“This could still be a trap,” Senax whispered as she nervously looked around the room. “I’m a little suspicious right now to be honest.”
“They did let us in quite easily, but I figured that was just because they’re as dumb as I am,” Gilbert said.
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Well however it turns out there’s no point in worrying about it right now. We’re inside, he’s here, and even if we have to fight our way to him that’s what we’ll do. I think we’re okay though, I’ve been a diplomat before.”
“Really? I never would have guessed,” Daylight rolled her eyes.
“Shut up,” Rainbow pouted at her.
“I just wonder how much longer they’re going to have us wait,” Breakwater said. “They might be trying to make us anxious and impatient on purpose.”
“What are you going to say to Admiral Redbeard when you meet with him anyways? How far is this charade going to go?” Daylight asked.
“I dunno. As far as it needs to? I’ll see how many guards he has around him and keep talking until we’ve got the best opportunity to take them out and tell the dude the real reason we came here,” Rainbow said. “It’s kind of fun being a fake diplomat anyways.”
“It’s better than fighting at least...” Senax agreed.
“Maybe Ullsorth can even get back into shape after all the havoc we’re about to cause,” Breakwater said. “That’d be for the best, even though it’s not why we came here.”
“As long as the pirates don’t take control I think I’d be happy with any outcome,” Rainbow shrugged. “It’s all crazy politics to me. But... I’ll make sure Admiral Redbeard and the other pirates get the message to leave the ponies here alone.”
“How?” Daylight asked.
“One way or another,” Rainbow cryptically responded.
“What if the Admiral decides he doesn’t really want to hear us out and just turns us away before we have the chance to do anything?” Gilbert asked.
“Actually I’ve kind of been thinking of another thing we could offer to him. They still have enemies up north, right? We tell him Malkonrik will not only agree to acknowledge their government but to make sure the ports start running smoothly again we’ll even go and deal with their enemies so the entire country falls under their control. Too good an offer to pass up, right?” Rainbow grinned.
“I could see them going for that,” Gilbert nodded.
“And Malkonrik really would do practically anything just to get the ports back to normal,” Breakwater said.
Rainbow winked. “Yep. Even I know that just from looking at how things were back there.”
Suddenly, the doors on the far side of the room from where they had entered were opened up and in stepped a pony who was clearly a pirate until just recently in his life. The gruff exterior and suspicious eyes, with a weather-beaten face and body, were all the proof they needed. He walked right up to their couch and frowned.
“The Admiral will see you now.”
Rainbow lit up. “Awesome! Let’s get right down to business!”
“Mm,” the former pirate grumbled and turned on his hooves, walking back out of the conference room and leading them to wherever Admiral Redbeard was.
They had to travel up some stairs until they were practically at the top level of the fort, just under the highest tower. Then a quick walk down a hallway brought them to, if Rainbow’s sense of direction was still on point, a room on the far east side of the fort. There were two guards in front of the door who the pirate leading them ignored. He reached his hoof around the door handle and pulled it open before standing aside and letting them all walk in.
Sunlight poured in through several large windows at the back of the room and Rainbow Dash was treated to a lavish office that probably in the past belonged to the chief or whoever ran the fort. Right now it looked like it had been jazzed up with all sorts of decorations and art that were mashed together without any hint of style or common sense. It was like it was all just there to show anybody visiting that the owner owned this stuff in the first place. Besides that, at the end of the room in front of the windows was a large desk that a pony was sitting behind while two other guards stood beside his desk.
Rainbow didn’t really need any guesses to know who this guy was.
He was a middle-aged earth pony with a white coat and a bushy red mane and tail with even bushier eyebrows. Strangely, he didn’t have much of a beard. His chin and muzzle were covered in patchy areas of red hair, but that was it. It was almost like a teenager trying and failing to grow facial hair.
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow at him as soon as all five were standing in front of his deck. “Admiral Redbeard then?”
He smiled. “Actually lately I’ve been thinking of changing my title to Commodore. Has a snazzier ring to it, don’t you think?”
Rainbow Dash wondered how tough it was for Daylight to avoid rolling her eyes when she heard that.
Redbeard looked behind them at the pirate who led them here. “You can leave, Captain.”
“Yes, sir,” the pirate nodded and closed the door, leaving Rainbow Dash’s group alone with just the “Commodore” and two guards.
“I’m quite interested in hearing what Malkonrik would like to offer to us, it’s already great news that they’re willing to finally acknowledge us as the legitimate rulers of Ullsorth,” Redbeard smiled. “This is surely going to be a historic event. We’ve worked so hard to get this far in Ullsorth. What are the details of the alliance you’d like to go over with me? There are other leaders but I can assure you I speak for them as well.”
Rainbow Dash meanwhile had discreetly glanced at the guards and at her friends. “Uh huh... well if we’re going to talk diplomacy, why don’t you tell me just what you guys really plan to do here in Ullsorth? We’ve been told that some raiding has been done in our own country... and the ports are nearly empty because of what’s going on. Malkonrik would like to know in what ways you plan to change Ullsorth.”
That was a lie. Rainbow was just stalling for time as she worked some things out in her head.
But Commodore Redbeard smiled, more than happy to answer the question.
“Of course! You see, what we really plan on doing with an entire country in our grasp is...”
To everyone else, he kept talking like normal. To Rainbow Dash it turned into a long string of “Blah, blah, blah” as she zoned out and got ready to act. Admiral Redbeard. Two guards right next to him. Three more right outside the door but no others on this floor. Everything was turning out pretty good in her head, and she was confident that her friends were on the same wavelength as her. As soon as she acted or gave a signal she knew they would jump into action too. They were waiting for her, they trusted her.
“And as I’m sure you can agree, that’s an excellent proposition, is it not?” Commodore Redbeard finished.
Rainbow Dash blinked, snapped back to reality. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, I wasn’t really listening.”
The Commodore frowned, he blinked more in befuddlement than outright anger. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah I was just...” Rainbow brought a hoof up and rubbed the back of her head. “Just thinking that five guards really isn’t any trouble at all.”
“Wha-” was the only thing Redbeard could say before Rainbow Dash and the others sprung into action.
Rainbow Dash immediately jumped onto his desk and spun on her front hooves, spinning her body around and lashing out with her back legs. In one quick revolution she had kicked both of the guards in the head with enough force to knock them out cold. Before they had even hit the ground, she came to a stop in front of Redbeard with a grin on her face and leapt onto him, knocking him out of his chair and onto the floor.
Behind her, Daylight Gleam had pulled the office’s door open with her magic and right as the two guards outside turned their heads to see what was going on—they were yanked inside by Gilbert and Breakwater. A pair of bodyslams and punches later and those two were down and out as well. The pirate who had led them up here had a shocked look on his face and he opened his mouth to scream for backup when a powder blue ring appeared around it and clamped it shut.
“Nope,” Daylight said and dragged him inside the office where Gilbert and Breakwater jumped atop him. The door was then closed back shut right after.
Meanwhile Senax stood out of the way.
“W-What are you doing?!” Redbeard shouted as he tried to push Rainbow Dash off him only for her to slam him back down. “Y-You’re no diplomats!”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “What was your first clue?”
“Are you soldiers? Mercenaries? Who hired you?” Redbeard demanded.
“Wrong, wrong, and no one. We’re just here because we heard you robbed a friend of ours. Ballast? Malkonrik shipwright? You stole some important plans and a bunch of money from him,” Rainbow glared down at him.
“That’s why you’re here? For that stupid ship builder?” Redbeard yelled. “This is a joke! We have so much going on in Ullsorth right now, so many enemies, and you invaded my fort and attacked me for that?! You have to be kidding me!”
“Nope. So tell me where those plans and that money is and we’ll be out of your beard. Good deal, right?” Rainbow said.
Redbeard practically spit in her face. “Why should I? The five of you are stuck here, you’re just a bunch of nobodies too if that’s all you’re here for. I’ve got nothing to fear from you and there’s nothing you can offer me in return! Eventually my fellow revolutionaries will come up here and deal with you!”
“There’s a problem with that word eventually though. It’s not now,” Rainbow said and looked over her shoulder at Daylight. “Hey, Daylight? Could you open up this window for me?”
“Sure thing,” Daylight said and unlatched it with her magic.
Before Redbeard could even ask what she was doing, Rainbow Dash had grabbed him and carried him out the window, holding him by one hoof from falling far to the water below.
“I wouldn’t scream for help or anything if I was you. It might make me lose my grip,” Rainbow coldly said to him.
“W-W-Wait, don’t do anything crazy!” Redbeard pleaded, looking down at the rushing water of the river.
“You’d probably live... so maybe I should just move over a little until we’re right above the bridge instead?” Rainbow threatened.
“No, put me down, please!” Redbeard yelled.
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you going to tell us where the plans and money you stole are?”
“Yes! I promise!”
Rainbow Dash swung him around and threw him back into the office where he collided roughly with his desk. Instantly she was back in front of him and keeping a hoof pressed firmly on his chest while Daylight closed the window. “Okay. So where’s the stuff?”
Redbeard coughed and put on his best placating smile. “W-Well the money, uh... the money’s gone. I’ve been spending it and giving it away to friends ever since that day we robbed Ballast. It’s in a hundred different pockets by now.”
“Oh that’s just great,” Breakwater snorted and shook his head.
Rainbow sighed and pinched her muzzle. “Fine... what about Ballast’s plans?”
“Umm... those are actually right here in my desk. In the top right drawer. I didn’t really know what they were when I saw them, but that pony said they were his life’s work, and they looked valuable so I decided to hang onto them until we could find someone else who knew what to make of them,” Redbeard told her.
“Well at least something is turning out good,” Rainbow Dash said.
Breakwater stepped behind the desk to the designated drawer and pulled it open, reaching in and taking out a folder that he opened up and looked inside. “I mean, I can’t really make heads or tails of this either, but these are definitely Ballast’s. I recognize the hoofwriting.”
“Splendid! We’ve found what we’re looking for!” Gilbert cheered.
“Aside from the money,” Daylight scoffed.
“Coin is coin,” Breakwater shrugged. “In the end this is more important.”
“Ballast will be happy at least,” Senax smiled.
“Good... y-you got what you came for didn’t you? So how about getting out of here—getting out of Ullsorth!” Redbeard shouted at them.
“We weren’t planning on staying any longer than we needed to,” Rainbow Dash said. “But unfortunately for you, I’m not exactly the type to just let pirates like you ruin and terrorize an entire country. Even if it’s pirates as weak and cartoonish as you guys. Sooo...” She grabbed him by the mane this time and leaned in close till her eyes were the only thing he could see. “This is a warning. You know how I held you out that window? That’s nothing. You know I’m a pegasus, you know no wall, or border, or any fort like this can keep me out. I’m no ordinary pony and there’s no deal you can make, no treasure you can bribe me with, that will buy me off. So what you’re going to do is leave. Go back to whatever hole you came from, or anywhere else on this ocean as long as you don’t do what you did here. But if you do? I will find you. I will end you. I’ve fought Bosche, Godfrey Goldenwing, and way worse monsters than even him. That’s what you’re going to tell all the other pirates and leaders here in Ullsorth. And you’re all going to up and leave together and let this place go back to normal. Got that?”
“B-But this is our-”
“Got that?” Rainbow repeated.
“Y-Yes!” Redbeard fearfully shouted.
“Good. And don’t even try and go back on this deal. I’ll know,” Rainbow stared him in the eye for a moment longer before letting him go. She grinned down at his quivering form. “Was nice talking to ya, Commodore.”
And since the rest of the fort was none the wiser, five “diplomats” easily walked back out of it before heading back down the road south to Ullsorth’s port.