It never got easier. Not once. Yet…for some reason, it comforted her. Truth be told, she didn’t know why it had to be this way. It was a mystery that, for 500 years, she’d been attempting to solve…and the case was only halfway closed. But, this was a different kind of mystery. It was one where the culprit was plain every time she looked in the mirror…or up to the white heavenly body that dotted the night sky mile upon mile above her. It was a mystery that carried no hoof prints, no DNA, no…anything, really. Just a cold, harsh reality: it was her fault…or was it? She’d been grappling with this question for what seemed like an eternity.
Tonight marks 182,500 nights we’ve been apart, dear sister, she said to herself as she prepared for yet another nightly tour through the dream realm, yet…we’ve never truly been apart. Our shared connection through the labyrinth of reveries and various near chimeras that make up the Equestrian dream scape shapes our relationship. Now…well…now, I just have one question left. Why? Why did you make me send you there? Why was it I who was forced to be your judge & jury? Thank goodness, I wasn’t your executioner that night. Tonight, I want answers, dear sister. I want to know why…and I won’t stop until I find out the truth.
Those words internalized, she lay on her bed and cozied into a nice little nook. A swath of blankets coated her, yet she really didn’t need them. It was unusually warm for the winter season. Cloudsdale had declared the spike because they’d fallen off of their regular summer heating patterns. Hearth’s Warming’s recent departure had left Equestria in an emotional state quite similar. Ponies everywhere were happy…everypony, that is, except for the white princess that now lay attempting to establish a dream connection with somepony on the moon. This was the one spot where Celestia and Luna could be together…the one spot where they could be safe.
It didn’t take long for Celestia to enter the dream realm. Bubbles of dreams being enjoyed by a joyously slumbering Canterlot wafted by like the aroma of beautiful roses. She was happy to see that everypony in town seemed to be loving their current state. More than that, she was relieved to find no nightmares to fight. Those evil, wicked bits of delusionary death kept her busy for many a night. While her powers in the dream realm were perfunctory compared to her exiled sibling’s, she could still give any nightmare a run for its money. The problem was that she did not carry her sister’s full gauntlet. As such, she could only protect so many ponies at a time.
Nightmares, she thought as she galloped towards the designated meeting dream, horrid things. How Luna ever fought them all by herself is beyond me.
She continued on her journey, past revelers in parties of fantasy that put imagination to shame. It always interested her to look at the dreams of those who weren’t entangled in a nightmare’s clout. They ran the gamut from ponies surfing on crocodiles to equine elegance and romance. Different ponies dreamed different ways, to be sure. But the entire scope of pony emotion was something Celestia never got used to, no matter how many times she visited the dream realm. She had also resigned long ago that she would never be fully comfortable with some of the things she found there.
After a few more moments of galloping, she arrived at the dream set up by her sister for this occasion. To be sure, when Luna had been banished, she’d had her status as protector of dreams revoked. However, on certain nights, she would create a shared dream between herself and her sister. These nights were always proclaimed by a message of magic, the only bit of magic that ever passed between the two sisters. Sometimes, it would be days, other times weeks, months, years, even decades. But they always ensured that their conversations were amiable. No threats, no violence, nothing that spoke of the tumultuous past that they’d endured.
Tonight…that might change, Celestia thought as she popped inside the dream bubble, tonight…I’m getting my answers.
It didn’t take long for Luna to materialize. Celestia was a bit shocked at how well her sister looked. Her blue mane, though no longer perpetually flowing, fell around her shoulders quite elegantly. There weren’t any ribs sticking through her midsection and her eyes shone with the same luster that they always had. It was one that Celestia missed, perhaps more than anything else about Luna. She’d always been curious, eager to understand everything about the world and about Equestrian government. Celestia had felt it her duty to reign in her sister’s curiosity somewhat, yet she always allowed her to explore within reasonable boundaries…or, at least, reasonable to her.
“It’s so wonderful to see you, Luna,” Celestia greeted with a smile.
It was not returned. “As always, Celestia, the feeling is…mutual.”
Celestia cleared her throat. “Um…I notice that your mane is…done rather nicely. Now, don’t tell me they have mane dressers on the moon.”
“Oh…no…I do it myself,” Luna responded, flicking her eyes toward her sister.
Celestia rolled her own. “Oh, come now, Luna. You know our dream talks have always been occasions of friendliness and amiability.”
“Yes, well, tonight I’m not in the mood,” Luna responded curtly.
“Might I ask why?”
“Oh, you know…it’s been 182,500 nights of loneliness and unfair, unjust imprisonment on this forsaken bit of rock…and my sentence is only half done.”
Celestia was taken aback by her sister’s unwillingness to be friendly, though the sparkle still remained in Luna’s eyes. “The punishment you received was fair,” the sun princess spoke authoritatively, “and you know it.”
Luna scoffed. “You wouldn’t know the meaning of the word fair if they placed it on that golden throne of yours! By the by, how are things back home? Let me guess…everything’s falling apart.”
“Far from it, my sarcastic sister,” Celestia said with a huff. “I’m more than capable of handling things during your exile.”
“An exile that YOU started!” Luna responded, eyes flashing.
Celestia went to lash back, but then remembered her mission. She lowered her hackles and sat down on the dream bubble’s invisible floor. Giving her sister a look of invitation, she waved her over and had her sit opposite her. This was done with no attempt to hide the grudge that the opposing party now carried. Celestia knew that Luna was hurting. 500 years of exile would do that to anypony. But, all the same, she needed answers…and Luna was the only one who could provide them.
“Why are you so hostile this evening?” She asked gently.
“Great lead question, Tia,” Luna said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. “You always were the best at interrogating criminals.”
Celestia rolled her eyes, but forced her hackles to stay down. “I’m serious, Luna. Our evenings together have never begun with such…verbal animosity. Now, I knew that there might be some sense of anger considering the circumstances, but I didn’t expect this much.”
Luna chuckled a bit. “Really? You stick me on the moon for a thousand year sentence and then think that I’m not gonna be a bit miffed about it?”
“Luna-“
“No, Celestia!” Luna thundered, eyes flashing once more. “There is nothing you can do to convince me that you had anything but your own interests in mind when you planted me here!”
Once more, Celestia forced herself to remain calm. “Okay, then convince me that you had Equestria’s interests in mind when you turned into Nightmare Moon. I’m listening…and I’ve got all night.”
Luna lowered her own hackles, along with her eyes. “I’m not even gonna pretend to try and convince you of that. I know what I did…and I know how sorry I am. The problem I have is that you won’t accept your part of the responsibility.”
“Oh, I won’t?” Celestia asked.
“No, you won’t!” Luna said in a voice racked with pain. “Look…Nightmare Moon was a mistake…a major mistake. I gave in to the voices…I gave in to the Nightmare Force.”
“What you did was betray all of Equestria in a selfish attempt to claim the throne for yourself!”
“It was never about the throne, Tia!” Luna exclaimed.
“Oh, it wasn’t?” Celestia asked. “Then, if not the most powerful position in all Equestria…what were you after?”
Luna sighed. “I never wanted to rule alone. It was just a ruse.”
“A ruse?” Celestia asked. “So…what about that whole speech you gave me the night you turned? What about the declaration of how there needed to be only one princess in Equestria and that it should be you?”
“I was talking out of my head!” Luna exclaimed. “But, you never listened to me. No, you were always the high and mighty great raiser of the sun! I was always in your shadow, yes, but it was the way your shadow fell that hurt the most. I was the younger sibling. Ever since we were fillies, I’d accepted this. Being the elder pony, you were always going to get the most respect. I knew of these things.
However, what I didn’t realize was just how much you’d gerrymander the situation against me. Every ounce of happiness I experienced, you had to snuff it out in some way! It was even more so when Star Swirl crowned us rulers! You got to rule during the day, when everypony was awake. You got to make friends, you got to create laws, YOU got to sit on a throne judging the evil and justifying the good. You got to do all of that…but me? I had to rule when it was night…when nopony was around. I never got to make friends. I never got to experience the things you did. No…I was a simple peon in your sight. The younger sister who put herself through hell every night…only to come home in the morning to your pedantic pancakes and ridiculous tales of parties and diplomatic affairs!”
Celestia was a bit stung by the accusation. “Hey! I made you breakfast every morning to show you what our sisterhood meant to me!”
“Oh, really?” Luna asked, her sarcastic tone returning. “Really? Our sisterhood was so important to you that you threw together some flour, eggs, and water?”
“I…thought it would make you happy,” Celestia said.
“Well, you thought wrong,” Luna growled. “Firstly, I don’t eat breakfast. You know that. Secondly, and most importantly, whenever I did decide to join you, you’d always carry on about YOU! You never listened to me! I thought that I could come to you with a problem and you’d help me. That’s what a sister does! I’ve seen it! In my 182,500 nights on the moon, I’ve had the opportunity to look into more than a few dreams…and some are very grounded in reality, let me tell you. I’ve seen sisters help each other, brothers bond with each other…and even step-siblings stick together to push away adversity. I NEVER got ANYTHING from you!”
Celestia’s heart was beaten with every word Luna spoke. “Luna, I-“
“No, Celestia! I’m not finished. You wanted an explanation for my turn? You want to know the truth? Well, that’s only part of it! No, you couldn’t allow me to be happy in any case. You didn’t want me to be happy. Every single bit of my life has always been about me as a puppet! A DAD BLASTED FREAKING PUPPET! I was your puppet in the past and now I exist as a puppet of these horrid Nightmare Forces! Do you think this is what I want? To turn into Nightmare Moon? To want to unleash eternal night on the innocent ponies of Equestria? Of course, not! No…my intentions were far deeper than that. See, Celestia, of all the things that you took from me, one was the most personal.”
Celestia gulped as she stared straight into Luna’s raging blue eyes. She knew exactly what her sister was referring to, yet she didn’t want to face it. More than that, if it were brought up, it could spell a dramatically violent turn for both of them. Celestia wanted to avoid that at all costs. But, at the same time, she’d never seen Luna in such an uproar before. This was something that had pushed both of them to their limit and, Celestia could now see, had been the breaking point that led to Luna’s abandonment of morality and truth.
“You…speak of Sombra…” She whispered.
“Yes, I do, Celestia,” Luna said in a voice that betrayed her heartache and despair. She choked back tears before continuing. “He…was the only stallion I’ve ever loved. He understood me. We were both so alone, Celestia. Both held back.”
“He was never held back!” Celestia barked.
“You didn’t know him!” Luna lashed out.
“Yes, I did!” Celestia retorted. “I knew him then, and I know him now! Honestly, Luna, you’re sounding like a petulant teenage filly!”
Luna drew a deep breath, trying not to fly into a murderous episode. “I knew him better than anypony. He may have been king of The Crystal Empire, yet he was alone, trapped between his own desperate need to recreate the empire and a council who wouldn’t allow him to do so. He was a good pony, Celestia…and then you ruined him.”
“I didn’t ruin anything!” Celestia said defensively. “You made your choice!”
“A choice FORCED by you! I loved Sombra, Celestia! I loved him more than anypony I’ve ever met…except for you.”
Celestia’s mouth quivered. “So…you…”
“I chose to leave him and The Crystal Empire behind because I loved and supported you above all else. You made me choose between a love I could never recapture and the responsibility I felt to you as a sister and to Equestria as its princess. I never forgave you for making me choose, Celestia. Oh, yes, I still loved and supported you…but I never forgave you. I still haven’t. Odds are, it’ll take the next 182,500 nights for me to come to that conclusion.”
Once more, each word of Luna’s tore into Celestia’s heart. Tears fell as she looked away from her sister. She knew that she’d made bad decisions while Luna was still in Equestria. But, this? This had to have been her worst mistake of all. She remembered it plainly. She remembered how Luna had tried to look brave in the face of insurmountable heartache. She knew how much her sister had loved King Sombra, back when he was good and The Crystal Empire still existed. But he was gone now, banished to shadow by her very horn. The Crystal Empire had gone down with him.
“Luna, you know-“
“I know this, Celestia,” Luna growled. “I could’ve made a different decision. I could have been a queen…I could have been loved and adored, both by him and by my subjects. I could have had a life where I wasn’t a puppet. But now, here I am…once a puppet used by you as a political and diplomatic tool, and now a puppet of the Nightmare Force that pummels my every waking hour with blood soaked visions of a dead Equestria. They say it’s the truth, but my endless rendezvousing here tells me otherwise. That, and my powers to see the dreams of the peaceful. I know Equestria is thriving under your care. I’m happy for that, for I truly love the ponies there. But, Celestia, my sentence is only half over. I am beyond ready to come home…yet I know I cannot until the stars guide Nightmare Moon back.”
“You know of the prophecy?” Celestia asked.
Luna nodded. “Yes…the Nightmare Force told me…and they also told me that the Elements of Harmony would be there to stop it.”
“They will be,” Celestia said firmly.
“I certainly hope so,” Luna responded, “if they aren’t…and if they aren’t wielded by the proper group of ponies…then Nightmare Moon will rule Equestria and bring about eternal night.”
“I know,” Celestia said, “and I’m well aware of the threat that the Nightmare Force still poses, even with it being banished. It’s definitely the most powerful thing I’ve ever faced…not even Discord himself could compare.”
“Listen, Tia,” Luna said, “everything I’ve said here tonight has been the honest truth. I have to go now, but…I want you to promise me something.”
“Anything,” Celestia said, eager to make up her debt to her sister.
“Promise me that I’ll be the Nightmare Force’s only victim. Promise me that Nightmare Moon is the only incarnation of this kind of evil that will sweep across Equestria’s shores. Promise me that the ponies of Equestria will be protected…please.”
“I swear it,” Celestia said.
“Good. As for you…honestly, I’m not to the point where I can accept everything yet. Year upon year of mistreatment seems to have compounded itself on the moon. But, slowly, I am breaking free of that former mold and returning to a more peaceable way. I don’t want to return home in 500 years and find a smoldering shell of what once was. I know you’ll find somepony to defend friendship and truth…somepony special…somepony with a certain way about her. I do trust you, Celestia…and I still love you. Somewhere, deep down, I still love you. It may take the next 182,500 nights to find it…but it’s there. Now, I must be going. Farewell, sister.”
With those words, Luna turned and faded into the mist…
Celestia awoke with a start. She looked at the clock beside her bed to see that it was 5:30 in the morning. Right on time, she thought, though…you always do end our dream meetings promptly. She arose and shook herself out, letting her rainbow mane flow freely once more. The previous evening’s events danced in her head. One part was a vicious, aggressive dance of dominance. The other was a soft, gentle dance of sisterhood. In any case, they all melded together to form something so much more beautiful.
I have so much to regret, she said to herself, but…at least I know you still love me…and see me as a sister. Oh, Luna…if only I’d taken the time to see you as such all those moons ago. If I had…we could be ruling together. I’m sorry, my beloved sister. I eagerly await the passing of these next 182,500 nights. May they be quick…for I cannot wait to see you in the flesh once more. Rest…be safe. I will be waiting when you get back. I promise.