//------------------------------//
// False Pageantry 
// Story: A Walk in Canterlot 
// by ScarletRibbon 
//------------------------------//

"Why would Celestia ask me out to the Hearthswarming Pageant?"

Fluttershy laid on her couch, sipping her tea as she listened to Discord's ranting. It was hardly unusual for him to go on about whatever was bothering him—Discord was rarely vulnerable with anypony except herself—so she was used to this sort of interaction. "Maybe she wants to spend more time with you?" she offered.

Discord scowled. "Spend time with me? Why couldn't she just swing by for a visit if that's what she wanted?"

"She's a very busy mare," Fluttershy reminded him. "There's only so much time she can spare. She's the ruler of Equestria, after all." She knew full-well why Celestia had asked Discord to the Pageant, and while she was more than willing to help Celestia, she didn't feel comfortable simply telling Discord the truth: Celestia was lonely and wished to date him.

That conversation with Celestia had been both enlightening and uncomfortable: Fluttershy genuinely wanted Discord to find a 'female companion' of sorts so the weird rumors about her own relationship with Discord could be put to rest. But the Princess herself?

"If she's so busy, why is she wasting her time with a stupid pageant?" Discord growled.

"Look, I know you dislike the Hearthswarming story" Fluttershy replied, "but that doesn't mean you can't go!"

Discord paused for a moment. "I could also not go," he opined.

Celestia was the ruler of all of Equestria, and widely considered to be one of the most beautiful ponies to ever live. And as far as Fluttershy was aware, Celestia never showed any interest in a relationship before. If she were interested, she could have her choice of thousands upon thousands of handsome, interested stallions. Why had she picked Discord?

"And that's another thing," Discord continued. "She invites me to every single royal function, and then seems to ignore me the entire time unless I make a scene!"

Fluttershy set her tea aside and cleared her throat. "She has a lot of responsibilities in events like that. I'm sure even you can understand that."

"I know she does," Discord said with a melodramatic sigh. "But she could still at least try to make some time for dear old me! Why even invite me at all?"

Angel Bunny hopped up next to Discord and began yammering away. "Obviously she wants you there if she keeps inviting you," Fluttershy translated. "She'll be able to make time for you at the pageant. Her only responsibility there is to be present!"






The VIP Balcony at the Royal Theatre of Canterlot was packed near to bursting—never before had Celestia seen it so full. Certainly not for the annual Hearth's Warming pageant: Celestia herself was the only one of the princesses who regularly attended it, with an occasional appearance by an extra or two.
This year, Twilight Sparkle made a not-so-unusual appearance, and the much-rarer Flurry Heart made the trip down from the Crystal Empire, with her new coltfriend, Button Mash, in tow. Cadance herself had made the trip as well with Shining Armor. Luna, of course, was asleep in her chambers.

Between the four alicorns and a number of their personal attendants (and/or significant others), there wasn't a lot of space left, but the real curiosity came from the one in attendance who wasn't an alicorn princess or their entourage: Discord.

Celestia had invited him, of course. But, much to her disappointment, he wasn't his usual, fun-and-chaos-loving self. Sitting just to Celestia's left, with Twilight flanking his other side, he was brooding silently in his chair. His lion's paw ground its claws against the wood of the armrest in agitation at certain points, though Celestia hadn't quite put together why, if it was even directly related to the pageant itself.

She placed a hoof over his paw. It was intended as a comforting gesture, but Discord flicked it away, grumbling under his breath. Celestia withdrew her hoof and turned back toward the performance going on-stage. After a few moments, she could see him visibly tense up out of the corner of her eye.
"Discord, is everything alright?" she finally asked, turning to look at him.

"It's the Windigoes!" Discord blurted. "I nearly destroyed all of Equestria with them! The Hearthswarming Pageant is nothing more than a display of everything I nearly caused! And why? Because... I was bored? Because I was lonely?"

"Shh!" Flurry Heart shushed his outburst. Discord glared at the young alicorn.

Celestia glanced at the irate youth and the uneasy looks of several of the servants in attendance. "Come on," Celestia said, standing up. "I think it's time we take a walk."

"Oh, thank you," Discord said, sighing in relief. "Anything to get away from this."







Celestia led Discord outside the Royal Theatre—a performance hall on the east side of Canterlot Castle—and walked down the large and nearly-deserted wing of the castle toward the Canterlot Gardens. Her golden hoofshoes tapped the ground rhythmically, echoing up and down the empty hall as the muffled sounds of the performance faded behind them.

Discord walked next to her. It wasn't something Celestia would ever complain about aloud, but it was a breath of fresh air to have a creature that didn't feel the need to stay behind her.

"You've always declined my invitations to the pageant," Celestia said, speaking the obvious thing that they both knew. "I suppose now I understand why. I apologize for putting you in an uncomfortable position."

"Me?" Discord scoffed. "Uncomfortable? Surely you must have me confused for some other draconequus."

Celestia smiled and nodded. "Perhaps." She continued to walk a few paces. "It's unfortunate that we don't get enough time to talk. I invite you to every royal event hoping to have an opportunity, but I always end up busy."

Discord balked, his anxiety suddenly skyrocketing. "Why do you invite me to everything, then?"

Celestia burst out laughing, turning to face him. "Do you realize how boring these events are?"

"Yes," Discord replied, rolling his eyes. "They're quite dreadful."

"I've been overseeing many such events for a thousand years. I invite you to them because, inevitably, you get bored. And then, you spice them up a little bit," Celestia said, smiling. "A bit of chaos makes such things so much more bearable."

"Of course it does! That's why Chaos is so much better than harmony!" Discord blinked and tilted his head as her words truly registered. He hadn't considered that Celestia might actually enjoy his disruptions. "Huh... so you weren't just trying to keep an eye on me?"

"Admittedly, sometimes you have gone just a little bit overboard," Celestia replied. "But I would much rather deal with a little bit of chaos than follow pre-written routines I've followed a thousand times."

"I see..." Discord replied but didn't elaborate further.

Celestia took the lack of detail as an opening. "I have a proposal."

Discord cocked an eyebrow. "A proposal?"

Her gaze turned distant for a moment as she became mired in thought. Her reply came out slowly, laced with emotion that Discord couldn't comprehend. "There is one rather normal part of equine life that I have never experienced," she mumbled. Then she looked up at him. "You are just as long-lived as I; don't you desire to experience every part of life?"

Discord paused to think about her words. What part of life hadn't he experienced? "I have created all kinds of chaos, at whatever whims I wish," he replied. "If there is anything I have desired to do, I have done it."
Celestia shook her head. "No, that's not quite what I mean."

They continued to walk. Celestia lead the way, with a destination clearly in mind, but uncertain if she wished to completely follow through. She needed to buy some time. "I have tens of thousands of subjects," she said, deliberately turning down a hallway that would take them in a large circle. "And in that number are no shortage of ponies who would look up to me."

"That's to be expected. They are all shorter than you. Do you want me to shrink you? I can do that."

Celestia let out a short giggle. "I appreciate the offer, but that's not my primary concern." She turned down another corridor. "My concern is that I wish to have a relationship. A proper one."

"A relationship? With who?"

"I would be lying if I said I had no doubts or concerns." Celestia frowned. "Any relationship requires work, from both parties. But I have centuries of patience to burn, and so few suitable candidates."

"Few?" Discord blurted. "Fluttershy said any stallion would be eager to date you! How could there be so few?"

"Oh, Discord. I've been around for a long time. And I will be around for far longer, still. No mortal stallion deserves to love a pony as I, knowing that I will always outlive them. And though I may be immortal, my heart is not. I feel loss and grief as much as any other. I lost my sister once, and that was enough loss for me. I could not bear to lose a lover."

Discord nodded slowly. There was likely no other being in Equestria that could be assured that they would live as long an alicorn. "Now, wait a second," he wondered aloud. "Why wouldn't you have a relationship with another alicorn?"

Celestia shook her head. "Luna is my sister. I adopted Cadance; she is like a daughter to me, which makes Flurry Heart my granddaughter. Twilight is my student. None of those relationships are appropriate."

"While I understand what the words you are saying mean, I do not truly understand the aversion. I am the only one of my kind," Discord pointed out. "I cannot even fathom such taboos."

Celestia chuckled. "That much is true. I do wish there were others like yourself. I have always appreciated your presence."

Discord scoffed. "Even when I was an existential threat to Equestria?"

"Admittedly, I don't want any harm to come to my little ponies, but surely you have noticed that I do love a good prank myself?"

He had noticed. It was one of the reasons he tolerated her more than most other ponies. But he had never imagined that she might also find him interesting for the same reason. "I have."

A sudden commotion rang down the hallway—the pageant had ended, and a flood of ponies would soon be rampaging the halls. Celestia knew she had to make her move now, before she could be seen by hundreds of eyes. She turned down another hallway.

"So, it's Hearthswarming Eve," Celestia announced. "And tomorrow, we will celebrate Hearthswarming. I was hoping that you might be willing to celebrate together. Just the two of us."

"You're asking me... on a date?" Discord blurted, confused.

"I believe I am," she replied. "I know that maintaining a relationship with you would be a challenge, but I am willing to try it."

A million thoughts swam through Discord's head as he stared at the white Alicorn who was smiling at him softly. A relationship? Didn't that mean—potentially—getting married? Marriage to Celestia would come with certain perks. There was no way he could turn down that opportunity.

After all, he always wanted to rule Equestria. Doing it via marriage had never been his plan. "I have no choice but to accept," Discord declared with faux resignation.

Celestia perked up immediately. "You do? I confess, I wasn't really expecting you to be amicable to the idea."

"Oh, no," Discord replied. "I think it's a wonderful idea!"

Celestia took several strides forward and then suddenly stopped, turning to face Discord with a wide smile, before launching herself toward him, tackling him to the ground.

"OOF!" Discord grunted, hitting the ground roughly. Celestia might not be as tall or as long as he was, but she was far more bulky, and now she was pinning him down with her full weight.

"Do you know where we are?" she asked him.

Discord looked around—vines grew along the marble pillars and wrapped themselves around the stonework of the castle, and the ceiling ceased to exist just beyond the next few steps, which opened into a wide, green space filled with countless flowers, shrubs, and trees—though they were all dormant. They were at the entrance to a place he knew all too well. "We're at the Canterlot Gardens," he replied.

Celestia nodded, beaming. "And do you know what the plant above us is?"

Discord looked straight up—a small green weedy-looking plant with white berries hung directly above them. "That's mistletoe," he replied.

"Right."

Without hesitating, Celestia planted her lips on his cheek in a quick kiss, then she pulled away with a half-cocked grin. "WHAT?!" Discord shouted, startled. Celestia, to her credit, didn't flinch. Instead, her face was mere inches from his, a slight rosiness to her cheeks and a devious grin on her face.

"It's tradition, Discord. If we're both under the mistletoe, we have to kiss."

"You ponies and your strange habits," he muttered, touching his face softly where her lips had met his cheek. "I thought you hated traditions? Isn't that why you bring me to disrupt things? Why do you participate in this one?" Discord chastised.

Celestia shook her head. "No, I don't hate tradition. I hate repetition. Just because we're celebrating the same day each year doesn't mean we can't change up the formula. And... well, kissing under the mistletoe is one tradition I've never had the opportunity to get bored with."

"What do you mean, 'opportunity'?"

Celestia frowned and sat back on her haunches, allowing Discord to stand. "Because I don't have the chance. I can't just hang mistletoe and kiss ponies in public. It would cause a scene, even if it was entirely platonic. But at the moment, nopony can see us and I can do as I like without fear of judgement." She looked up at him, her eyes filled with uncertainty. "Did you not like it?"

Discord thought about that for a moment. "I didn't dislike it," he replied. "I do not understand why, but that is what ponies on dates do, isn't it? Are we on a date?"

"I would like it if it was," Celestia replied, her cheeky rosy with anticipation.

Discord nodded, and without hesitation bent down and kissed her on the nose. It was as chaste a kiss as you could imagine, but Celestia beamed widely—nocreature had ever dared to kiss her before.
"Thank you," she whispered. And then a devilish smile crossed her features. "Now, let's go out..."

"Go out?"

Celestia produced a veritable smorgasbord of fireworks from her mane—a power she clearly had borrowed from Pinkie Pie. "Your specialty!" she declared. "We're going to light up the town. After all, who doesn't like a little bit of chaos?"

Discord smiled. This was going to be a lot more fun than he thought.