//------------------------------// // Pace // Story: Doubts and Anxiety // by Catpaw616 //------------------------------// Leaving the café behind, Starlight went to the park to clear the negative thoughts she was having. Normally when she was troubled, she would always go out and enjoy nature. Or she would fly some kites; a habit that she had forgotten since she, regretfully, went down the path of villainy. When she went to the park, she was thankful that there were not a lot of ponies around. Which was good. She didn't really feel like talking to anyone. She went to one of the park benches and laid down on it, hoping it would help her clear her head. She then closed her eyes, calmly letting the wind blow through her mane, while listening to the calming sound of birds chirping. Even the partly cloudy sky wouldn't ruin the mood. But it was ruined when she heard the sound of steps beside her. Sudden terror struck her. Oh no... please don't tell me that you were reserving this spot. She thought fearfully, still keeping her eyes closed. "Starlight?" a familiar voice said. Starlight sighed, relieved that the voice only belonged to Spike. But then again... Starlight opened her eyes to face the dragon. "What are you doing here? I said I wanted to be alone." "So I've heard." Spike said, twiddling his claws. "But I'd figured that I should comfort you." "I'm fine alone." Starlight told him. Then she laid her head onto her hooves. "I won't offend anyone if I do." Spike frowned. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened over there. We didn't know he would act that way." he told her. "He's usually so professional." Starlight sighed after a moment. "He probably is. Well, professional to those that didn't enslave a town. Professional to those that didn't travel through time with evil purposes. Professional to those that aren't so easily sensitive." Her voice trembled at the last words. "Starlight, calm down." Spike put his claw onto her arm. But she smacked it away. "How can I? If ponies are going to treat me like this, I might as well rot in the castle until the day that I die." Spike looked aghast. "Nonsense! Twilight will talk to them about their behavior." Spike told her in reassurance. "But wounds take time to heal. And everyone in Ponyville has those wounds. All because of—" "Discord." Starlight finished his sentence. "Yeah, I've heard about him." "Did you also hear about what he did to Ponyville?" Starlight sniffed. "Well, when you're enslaving a village, you don't exactly get caught up in the news." "Oh, right." Spike rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Did you see what she just said?" Starlight's ears suddenly perked up when she heard a few mutters from the ponies that were around her. She was suddenly aware of how many eyes were staring at her. "Enslaving villages? And she's still here in Ponyville?" a pony whispered to their friend. "I guess Twilight forgot how to lock up villains." A pony answered them. Starlight raised her head in anger. "Go mind your own business for once." she angrily told them. But it did nothing. They still stared at her. "Just by talking would make them mad." She angrily muffled through her hooves. Spike looked at his friend in sadness. He then looked besides Starlight in anger. He opened his mouth to say something, but the ponies were already gone. "Man, Discord's actions really got to them." Spike muttered to himself. Discord! Starlight said the name hatefully in her mind. Why are ponies treating me like this all because of the things that someone else did? "Maybe we should meet up with Twilight, and we'll see what she does next." Spike told her as he kept pulling her arm. "But you know, you can always quit." Starlight shook her head. The fear of disappointing Twilight had haunted her mind again. But then he reconsidered her words. Should I just quit? she asked herself. After all, the lesson is not going so well for me. Is this lesson really worth it for Twilight? But then she remembered that all Starlight did during her reformation was sit in her room, and did nothing but blame herself. It took a visit from Princess Luna and a bugbear threat to make her stop feeling bad about herself. It was as if she was trying to make up for that by finishing this lesson for her. And that's what I'm going to do. "No Spike, I can do it." she told the dragon. "Besides, I only have to deal with it for a few hours." she said. Just then, she could hear storm clouds rumble in the distance. But Spike still looked concerned. "You don't have to push yourself to do this." "I will push myself if it all it takes." Starlight told him stubbornly. I just need to get used to ponies treating me badly, that's all. But she knew it was easier said than done. "Oh, good, you're back!" Twilight exclaimed as she found Starlight and Spike again. "Did the walk help you clear your head?" Well, somewhat." Starlight said, then she shrugged. "But I'm better now." "Oh, that's a relief." Twilight sighed in relief. "Look, I've talked to the waiter, and he said that he won't treat you like that ever again. So you're welcome back to the café." "Oh." Starlight said, albeit a little shocked. "That's great." "But I'm assume you're still hungry?" Twilight asked, eyeing her stomach. To which Starlight covered it with her hoof in embarrassment. "Yeah, I guess." Starlight answered her as she slightly laughed. "I guess I know why no one eats daisies. They don't exactly fill you up." Twilight nodded. "I'd figured. This is why I'm taking you to another restaurant. For an actual lunch experience." "Sounds great." Starlight grinned. She looked and saw Spike smile at her, as if he was happy that he was finally seeing her happy. The trio immediately started walking to the place. But then Spike stopped in his tracks. "Wait, what if she gets the same experience as last time?" "Don't worry." Starlight told them. "I promise I won't get angry. I'll just have to get used to the gossips." She told them while she shrugged. But she knew that it wasn't going to be an easy task. "Really? You converted that quickly?" Twilight asked in disbelief. "Are you really sure you can take it?" "I won't make a big scene about it." Starlight told her. "I promise." Let's just hope that I will keep it. "Good, then let's go in." Twilight told her as she padded up ahead, with Spike right behind her. Then Starlight followed. The three entered inside the restaurant, and to Starlight's surprise, no one even paid attention to her. Which was new. Normally she was a magnet for suspicious looks. They sat at the table, and a new waiter came in. This was when Starlight was expecting some stare of some kind, but he didn't even give her a glare. He just took the orders like any normal waiter would, and left without a problem. "Huh. For once, nothing." Starlight said, genuinely surprised. "See? Not all ponies hate you, Starlight." Twilight told her. "This is the experience that you're supposed to have." "I guess so." Starlight started rubbing her hoof on the table. "It's nice." she smiled. Twilight smiled back warmly. Then she beamed. "I got an idea. Since this table lacks decoration, I'll go and get some beautiful flowers for this table." "Oh. Uh, ok." Starlight said. A little weirded out that Twilight suddenly cared about table decor, but she didn't seem to mind. "I won't be gone long. Keep the food for hot me with your magic, ok?" Twilight told her. Without waiting for a response, Twilight nudged Spike, who looked at her with a confused expression. "Come on, it'll be fun." "I guess. But I'm not a flower dragon." Spike muttered. Starlight watched with a smile as she saw Twilight and Spike leave. For once, she was actually happy today. She didn't have to worry about glaring faces, or harsh attitudes towards the ponies— "Oh, good. She's gone." a pony said in the distance. Starlight was immediately alert. Huh? "I can't believe it. She's picking off flowers for her?" another pony said in an annoyed tone. "She might as well serve Tirek breakfast in Tartarus." Starlight immediately ducked in shame, covering the side of her face with her hoof. "You guys are being too harsh. Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, and she reformed a villain that seems harmless. What's the big deal?" A cream pony told the rest of the ponies. "Have you forgotten about Discord's betrayal to Tirek? He seemed harmless before then." A pony with glasses argued. "But she's not Discord." The cream pony argued. For the first time, Starlight felt a spark of hope ignite inside her. Will someone finally stand up for her at last? "Oh, Bon Bon. Don't be silly. She may not be Discord, but something tells me that she'll do something similar to what he did." A yellow pony retorted. Hold back. Hold back. Starlight told herself multiple times. She kept taking deep breaths, praying that Twilight would come back soon. "You're all being silly." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "We forgave and accepted Princess Luna. It's about time we do the same thing to Discord, and to... Firelight? I forgot her name." "It's Starlight." she told Bon Bon. The yellow pony eyed Starlight. "Well, Starlight. Now that we have gotten your attention, mind if I ask you a question: why are you trying to win us back?" Starlight lowered her ears. "Excuse me?" The pony got closer. "I mean, you did fight off a bugbear for Twilight. Correct?" "Yes?" Starlight was confused by how this was going. "But it was because Twilight was injured—" "As if!" He scoffed. "Twilight is an alicorn. Do you really expect us to believe that an alicorn can't take on a stupid bugbear, but you can?" Starlight narrowed her eyes. "I'll have you know that I didn't use my own magical powers to stop it. I had to make it unconscious without magic." "How do you know you didn't mind control Twilight to make that story up? What if the story was completely made up by you?" He jeered. "Similar to how you mind controlled those innocent ponies in a village that you enslaved." Hold it back. Starlight told herself once more, but she could tell that it was starting to not work. "What do you have to say to yourself?" he interrogated. "Or are you too scared to say something that will contradict your lie?" "That's enough!" Bon Bon exclaimed. "Will you relax? She's just trying to enjoy her day." "How can I?" The yellow pony, named Caramel responded. Then he gasped. "Wait, what if you didn't make the story, but what if Twilight made that story up for you?" "And why exactly do you think she did that?" she slowly asked the pony. Choose your words carefully. She threatened in her mind. "Because Twilight knows that you will be disliked, and distrusted by us. So she has to make up this dumb excuse just so we can see her as a hero." Caramel told the ponies of the restaurant, who all looked invested in the story. Except for Bon Bon, who just glared at him. "But we both know..." Caramel stopped before turning to Starlight. "That is the one thing that you will never be." Not being able to hold in her anger any longer, she slammed her hoof at the table. "You better take that back. Right now." "Or you'll what?" Caramel teased. "Say one word, and you'll find out." Starlight threatened. Stop! What are you doing you idiot? A tiny bit of her screamed, but she didn't care any more. "Caramel, Firelight! Stop this at once!" Bon Bon screamed. "This isn't going to help us!" "For the last time. My name is Starlight." She panted, trying her best to calm herself down before she did anything stupid, or even criminal. "Caramel, I know what Discord did affected you greatly, but you really need to stop." The pony with the glasses said. "Just leave her be." "Fine. I'll stop." Caramel concluded finally. He then turned to Starlight. "But know this, there may be others who trust you. Somehow. But there are others who know the true side of you, and those others will be waiting for you to snap." he said with a sneer. Sudden realization hit her like a dagger. He's playing me like a fool! He tried to make me angry. He tried to make me hurt him. Just to prove that I am a monster. Just then, Twilight and Spike entered the room with roses and tulips in her aura. "Here are the flowers—" Twilight told Starlight, but all she saw was a turquoise flash. When she looked outside, she saw Starlight walking out of the pathway that led to the restaurant. "Starlight! What's wrong!" Twilight called out to her, dropping the flowers. Spike followed behind, clearly concerned. Starlight stopped in her tracks, and turned to Twilight. "I'm done with this lesson." she said bitterly. "What? What happened? I thought you were going to hold it in." Twilight asked her, completely shocked. "I've tried, Twilight. In fact, I've tried ever since this lesson started. But the more ponies kept treating me like filth, the harder it was to keep my anger." Starlight said. Her voice was only in pure anger. "That pony, Caramel, he tried to bring out the inner anger I had inside. I would've done something to him. I could've possibly injured him!" "W-Why didn't you say anything?" Twilight asked in complete distress. "I didn't want to disappoint you." Starlight said. Tears now started to come out of her eyes. "But I guess it's too late now, isn't it?" The moment she said that, the clouds started rumbling, and loud thunder was heard from the sky. "Starlight..." Twilight was about to put her hoof onto her, but she quickly backed away. "No. Get back. Ponies don't want you to be seen with a monster like me." Starlight said with coldness and bitterness in her voice. As the rain started pouring, and for a good way to disguise tears, Starlight quickly ran away from the two. "Oh, Spike." Twilight stood there. She now started to tremble. "I thought the lesson would be easy, but instead, I made it more stressful for Starlight." she shook her head. "When did it all go wrong?"