A heavy wind picked up as the crystal portal opened up, allowing the Mane Six and Spike to depart into the new world. Soon as the portal sealed behind them, they looked around their new surroundings as they’d done for every single new place they stumbled upon. From what their eyes could see, there was nothing before them but trees, bushes, and trails of dirt for miles around. Clearly they were in a forest, probably miles away from any civilization at all. The only problem was the uncertainty of where exactly this forest laid upon.
“So, where the hay are we now?” Rainbow asked confused.
“No clue, sugar cube,” Applejack responded to her marefriend.
“No worries, I can help with that,” Twilight spoke up.
Igniting her horn with her magical aura, Twilight summoned her powers to scan the land and surrounding area. Upon doing so, Twilight Sparkle was able to form a layout pinpointing exactly where they were. Soon as she finished, her horn extinguished.
“Apparently we’re in a land known as Duloc,” Twilight informed.
“And how were you able to figure that out?” Spike asked her.
“Well after we returned from Gotham, I took a trip to Canterlot and worked with Storm Shield on a new spell he’d been experimenting on,” Twilight responded. “The spell is able to read the layout of an entire landscape and tell you all you need to know of the land and its inhabitants. Figured it be good to have for any and all future adventures.”
Upon hearing this, a small mischievous smile spread across Pinkie Pie’s face. The pink party pony leaned closely toward Twilight, quite uncomfortably too.
“So… you and Storm were practicing magic together?” She smirked. “Spending lots of time together? Just the two of you? Alone???”
This caused Twilight’s face to shift from its usual lavender color to as red as a tomato. The rest of her friends chuckled over her obvious embarrassment.
“That’s not—we weren’t—” Twilight stumbled nervously. “Why would you--?”
“HALT!!!”
Every pony, including Spike, immediately jumped upon her a new voice yelling out. They quickly turned toward a group of armored soldiers rushing towards them. Their armor was made entirely of shining plate steel and each knight had well-forged swords strapped upon their sides.
“Stay where you are!” One knight yelled. “You are all under arrest!”
“Under what grounds?!” Rarity asked appalled. “We haven’t done one thing wrong.”
“You are all clearly fairytale creatures,” The Knight responded. “By decree of Lord Farquaad, all fairytale creatures… especially your kind… are to be captured on the spot.”
“Bring it on punks!” Rainbow retorted, cracking her hooves. ‘I’ve been itching to punch some pony for a while now.”
Rainbow was about to fly toward one of the guards and begin her assault. However, she quickly found her tail on the teeth of her marefriend, Applejack, who held her back.
“Calm down, sugar cube,” Applejack said through gritted teeth. ‘Not every situation calls fer throwin’ hooves!”
“Maybe not in your eyes,” Rainbow shot back.
It took Applejack all her strength just to pull Rainbow Dash onto the ground. In the meantime, Twilight Sparkle tried reasoning with these knights.
“If you please good sirs, there’s clearly some misunderstanding,” She assured them. “My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends. We mean no harm; we’ve simply come to retrieve someone who doesn’t belong here. As soon as we find him, we’ll leave your lands.”
But the guards quickly surrounded the Mane Six and Spike, pulling out some large chains and iron collars.
“Your reasons don’t matter here,” The knight responded. “You are all under arrest!”
The guards clasped the iron collars around the necks of the Mane Six and Spike, much to their annoyance. They tried using their powers to free themselves, but once again discovered that these chains were made of the same type of metal designed to constrict their powers.
“OH COME ON!” Spike yelled. “Where is everyone getting this stuff!”
“Shut up and move!” One guard yelled, tugging the chains.
“Bet you wish I was throwing hooves now!” Rainbow snipped at Applejack.
“You can’t arrest us!” Pinkie argued. “You never gave us our rights; this is illegal! SOME PONY CALL MY LAWYER!!!”
But the guard just yanked harder on the chains, forcing the ground down the dirt-trodden path leading to Celestia knows where. But wherever they were going, this certainly was not a very good start for our heroes at all.
<>
In another part of the forest, the peace disturbed by snapping whips and clanging metal, a group of fairy tale creatures were put in chains and led to various wagons by Duloc’s guards. The Captain of the Guards himself sat at a table paying a line of people their rewards for turning in any fairytale creature they stumbled upon or kept in their possession. Amongst those waiting in line included Peter Pan carrying Tinker Bell in a cage, Mr. Geppeto carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs themselves.
It was during which time that the Duloc Guards dragged the Mane Six and Spike into the area, forcing them in line with the other creatures.
“All of you remain here and don’t move!” One guard demanded, walking away.
“Just wait till I’m out of these chains, buddy!” Rainbow growled. “I’ll punch you so hard in the teeth, it’ll wake up at your dentist!”
“Or worse… you can wake up at my dentist!” Pinkie added, shuddering. “Nothing’s scarier than my dentist… they really don’t like me!”
The guards on patrol merely rolled their eyes under their helms, as the six ponies and teenage dragon were left in line awaiting their faith. All eyes of the group searched around the area. They were surprised, and also horrified, seeing the treatment of these creatures.
“Oh my goodness!” Fluttershy gasped. “Those poor creatures. How could any pony treat them so horribly?”
“I ask myself the same thing.”
Every pony, and Spike, turned forward to the source of the new voice. They soon noticed a pair of young girls staring back at them. The first had long blonde hair that fell down gracefully, with curls at the end. Her skin was pale white in color, glowing brightly under the sunlight. She wore a beautiful dress with puffed white sleeves and a crimson bodice. The skirt had various white designs, with either gold or white thread and a large crimson apple stitched onto the side of it. She wore silver-gray fish-net stockings, with red heels that had golden bows on them. Atop her head she wore a crimson bow, with a small glittering crown on it.
In contrast, the other girl was drastically opposite. Her dark hair was kept down, and she wore a violet tiara on her head, with tiny matching gemstones on it. She wore a dark violet dress with white sleeves, the bodice was black in color with violet designs on it. The skirt was lengthy, reaching slightly past her knees with several layers (The top being a feathery black shade). She wore silvery black stockings with matching violet heels. Last but not least, she wore dark eye shadow and violet lipstick, with a bit of make-up so her cheeks looked paler than normal.
Upon seeing the two girls before her, Pinkie Pie’s face instantly lit up.
“Oh… my… Faust!” She gasped excitedly. “It’s you! You’re the girls who inspired ‘Equestria Girls’!!!”
This caused the remainder of the group, including the two girls, to stare at the little pink party pony with such confusion.
“What are you talking about?” The dark-haired girl asked.
“Well, of course it wasn’t just you,” Pinkie continued. “There was also Monster High, Bratz, Enchantimals… though actually that came out ‘after’ Equestria girls… oh, and I think there’s even some elements of Barbie in there somewhere too! Specifically the ‘Dreamhouse’ edition.”
Okay, hold up! What is she even talking about?
Well, it’s true the previous series like Monster High and Ever After High inspired Equestria Girls. And Enchantimals ‘did’ come out later.
I thought those were just silly toy franchises or something.
Technically Monster High still holds up for a modern audience. They actually have this new movie they brought out to Paramount Plus recently.
Wow, that’s ‘really’ fascinating… can we go back to the story now?
Fine…
*Clears throat* Anyway… the two teenage girls kept looking at the little party pony until Twilight Sparkle stepped up.
“Please forgive my friend girls,” She apologized. “Sometimes what she says makes little to no sense, but she’s a great friend all the same. Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Spike.”
“Charmed!” Rarity bowed. “And who might the two of you be?”
“I’m Raven… Raven Queen,” The dark-haired teen answered.
“I’m Apple White,” The blonde added.
“So… how did you get mixed up with this crowd? The guards stumbled upon some underground tea party?”
“Trust me, we’re not ‘those’ kind of ponies,” Rainbow remarked. “Least ‘most’ of us… one minute we barely set a hoof in this country. Next thing we know… we’re chained up like strays!”
“Don’t worry, you get used to it after your first time,” Raven Queen assured.
“I guess so…” Spike nodded, then realized. “Wait! First time?”
While the two groups were talking, the Duloc Guards just loaded some fairytale creatures into cages, few of whom were gnomes. The line continued towards the Guard captain sitting at the desk, while the latest wagon was ready for transport.
“All right! This one’s full,” One guard announced. “Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!”
“Next!” The guard captain yelled.
Amongst the latest fairytale creatures set to load, there was a group of seven dwarves, singing some form of chant. They were shackled together and forced to approach a wagon like a chain gang. All the while the guards tugged their chains harshly, talking down upon them as if they were no lower than a speck of dirt. One of the other fairytale creatures, a witch clutching a broomstick, was brought up by one of the villagers.
“Give me that!” One guard demanded.
He snatched up the broom and proceeded to snap it in half, much to the horror and sadness of the witch.
“Your flying days are over,” The guard declared.
“That’s 20 pieces of silver for the witch,” The guard captain paid the villager. “Next!”
Amongst the other creatures waiting in line, there was a Donkey on a leash dragged along by his owner, an elderly woman. The Donkey himself was gray, with brown eyes and a black mane. He looked on in horror as the witch and the group of dwarves were loaded into a wagon.
“Sit down there!” A guard ordered. “Be quiet!”
He soon peered over to another area where his eyes spotted a family of bears locked up. The Mama Bear and Papa Bear were locked inside the giant cages, the former tried to comfort the Baby Bear, who sat in his own cage crying.
“This cage is too small!” Baby Bear cried.
Seeing all this happening made Donkey more scared, especially for what’s to come for him.
“Please, don’t turn me in,” Donkey begged his owner. “I’ll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!”
“Oh, shut up!” The older woman snapped.
“Next!” The guard captain ordered. “What have you got?”
Mr. Geppeto approached placing Pinocchio on the table before the captain. This particular Pinocchio wore a yellow hate, white gloves, a white short sleeve shirt with yellow buttons, blue shorts with suspenders, white socks, and red Mary Jane shoes.
“This little wooden puppet,” Geppeto answered.
“I’m not a puppet!” Pinocchio protested. “I’m a real boy.”
The moment those words departed from his mouth, the little puppet’s nose grew to where it reached across the entire table, much to the bafflement of the nearby guards.
“Five shillings for the possessed toy,” The guard captain declared. “Take it away.”
“Father, please!” Pinocchio pleaded, as the guard dragged him away. “Don’t let them do this! Help me!”
But Geppeto merely took the money and walked away, not even looking back. Further back in line, the Mane Six and Spike, along with Apple White and Raven Queen, saw the whole exchange. They couldn’t believe their own eyes.
“Oh, that poor little puppet!” Fluttershy said sorrowfully.
“Thrown away by his own father,” Rarity sighed sadly.
“He may not be a real boy in most of the adaptations, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings,” Pinkie protested. “Next thing you know, they’ll force the little puppet to fight for Benito Mussolini and the Italian Royal Army!”
“These guards don’t really care about feelings,” Raven told them. “To them, we’re all just trash to be disposed of.”
“But how does a pair of simply gorgeous girls like you wind up here in the first place?” Rarity asked curiously.
“That’s a very long story,” Apple White sighed.
“Can you girls work your magic?” Raven Queen asked.
“Even if we wanted to, we can’t!” Twilight answered. “These chains are embedded with some form of anti-magic preventing any of us from using our powers.”
“Thought so,” Raven Queen nodded in understanding. “If not for the chains, I’d be conjuring my own bit of magic to get us out of here. But these guards are prepared.”
“Wait… you have magic?” Spike asked.
“Don’t worry everyone,” Apple White assured. “We have a plan.”
“Next!”
The line proceeded to move forward as the older woman forcibly dragged Donkey to the table, to the Captain of the Guards waiting.
“What have you got?” The captain asked.
“Well, I’ve got a talking donkey,” The old woman answered.
“Right. Well, that’s good for ten shillings… if you can prove it.”
“Oh, go ahead, little fella.”
The old woman untied the rope around Donkey’s jaw and waited for him to speak before the Captain. But Donkey just stood before the captain, very silently and only staring at him. The Equestrian heroes and the two girls looked over from the back of the line, wondering what act of defiance this Donkey was even planning.
“Well…?” The captain raised his brow.
“Oh, oh, he’s just… he’s just a little nervous,” The old woman replied nervously. “He’s really quite a chatterbox…”
Growing irritated, the old woman smacked Donkey again trying to force him to talk.
“Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk!” The old woman ordered.
“That’s it, I’ve heard enough,” The captain spoke. “Guards!”
“No, no, he talks! He does!”
Desperate, the woman grabbed ahold of Donkey’s lips moving it while performing some form of ventriloquism.
“’I can talk. I love to talk. I’m the talking-est damn thing you ever saw’.”
“Wow… that’s just sad,” Rainbow muttered under her breath.
“Get her out of my sight,” The captain ordered the guards.
“No, no! I swear!” The old woman begged. “Oh! He can talk!”
But the guards already grabbed hold of the old woman, dragging her away as she struggled in their grips. One of her legs flew out, kicking Tinkerbelle’s cage out of Peter Pan’s hands. In a matter of seconds, her cage dropped upon Donkey’s head, sprinkling him with fairy dust. Before everyone’s eyes, Donkey started floating upwards.
“Hey! I can fly!” Donkey spoke, amazed.
“He can fly!” Peter smiled, posing.
“He can fly!” The three pigs spoke in unison.
“He can talk?!” The guard gasped.
“Ha, ha! That’s right, fool! Now I’m a flying, talking Donkey!” Donkey announced. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!”
“Go Donkey!” Apple White cheered. “Be free! Be free!”
“Whoo-hoo!” Fluttershy cheered quietly.
Unfortunately, the effects of the pixie dust slowly began to wear off and only then Donkey realized the severity of the situation.
“Uh-oh…” Donkey whimpered.
The donkey soon dropped out of the air and landed upon the ground with a big ‘thud’.
“We are definitely not in the Disney period…” Pinkie pouted.
“Seize him!” The captain ordered.
The guards lunged to grab Donkey, who quickly dodged their attempts to grab him.
“Somebody stop that donkey!” The captain ordered.
While all the chaos was happening before them, Raven Queen turned to Apple White.
“All right, do the thing!” Raven spoke.
With a nod, Apple White proceeded to look up toward the sky and proceeded to sing a few bars.
Apple White (Sings):
Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah!
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
All of a sudden, a flock of birds swarmed from the trees out of nowhere and proceeded to crash into some of the guards, feathers flying all over the place. Then soon, a giant moose stormed through the forest bellowing loudly. The girls proceeded to lower their arms, widening the across the ground exposing a bit of the chain.
“Everyone, lower your arms!” Raven Queen called out.
The Equestrian heroes did just as they were told, spreading the chains out as far as they could. Then with a mighty bellow, the Moose reared up on its hind legs, raised his front, and proceeded to stomp the chains so hard that they broke. As the human girls broke free, the moose approached the Equestrian heroes and severed one of their chain links with his hooves. With the power of the anti-magical circuitry cut off, Twilight could feel her magic return and ignited her horn to remove the remainder off her friends.
“Now wut kind of magic was that?!” Applejack asked.
“That’s not magic,” Apple White replied. “Just years of community service for animal care paying off.”
“We got to go, now!” Raven Queen ordered, running ahead.
“What about the others?” Fluttershy pointed out.
But instead of an answer, Apple White ushered Fluttershy through the forest as Donkey finally broke away and followed the group. As they raced deeper through the forest, they could hear all the guards calling out in the distance.
“They’re getting away! Get them! This way! Turn!”
The group had just barely ventured deep enough through the rooms, when up ahead Donkey ran head-first into the backside of a creature. The Equestrian heroes and two girls skid to a halt and gasped at the sight of the creature, who turned around to see who bumped into him. Our heroes had never seen such a monster in their lives.
It was an ogre, very large, very tall, and fearsome in appearance, approximately twice the size of an average human. He had green skin and tube-like ears. And it’s wardrobe was… well it was clear he cared little for how it looked and just seemed comfortable. The ogre glared at Donkey and the group, who looked slightly scared for a moment.
“Hey! How you doing?” Pinkie smiled.
“I hear voices over here!” The captain called out.
“Uh-oh. Help a Donkey out, wouldja?” Donkey begged.
They quickly hid behind the ogre after spotting the guards catching up to them. The phalanx of armored guards rushed onto the scene, only to stop in their tracks upon the sight of Shrek.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” The guards screamed, drawing their swords.
“You there… ogre!” The captain spoke terrified.
“Aye?” The ogre spoke.
“Step aside and let us have them.”
“Why? What did they do?”
“I-don’t-wanna-die- I-don’t-wanna-die- I-don’t-wanna-die…” Donkey begged.
“He’s a talking donkey, with talking ponies, two princesses, and… a lizard,” The captain argued.
“Dragon!” Spike and Twilight corrected in unison.
“Whatever… they are freaks of nature! As are you, you unsavory beast.”
“Please let me kick this guy’s butt!” Rainbow begged her marefriend. “It’ll be quick and painless.”
“I don’t reckon you have to,” Applejack assured. “Look…”
As the captain of the guard attempted to muster his courage, the ogre slowly approached the group of guards. All the others were visibly frightened by the mere sight of him.
“By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you all under arrest…” The captain stammered. “And… transport you to… a designated… resettlement… facility?”
“Under arrest?” Shrek remarked, smiling. “Oh, really? You and what army?”
The captain looked behind himself, seeing that all the other guards had abandoned him. Seeing the odds in their favor, the Equestrians gathered around the ogre as they smiled toward the captain. Shrek merely stood silently, gazing at him until…
“BOO!”
The captain gasped in pure terror, tucked tail and ran off into the woods.
“And don’t come back!” Shrek called out, shaking his head.
“Ha! That’ll teach him!” Rainbow smirked arrogantly.
The ogre himself just started to walk back into his swamp while the others looked after him. Donkey, impressed greatly by Shrek, followed his new hero. The Equestrian heroes and new allies proceeded to follow Donkey’s footsteps.
“Can I say something to you?” Donkey spoke. “Listen, you was really, really, really somethin’ back here.”
“Yeah, that was absolutely incredible!” Pinkie replied.
“Are you talkin’ to…”
Shrek turned around, but the Donkey and the others were gone.
“… me?”
Shrek had just turned back around, to continue his journey, when he gasped with a ‘Whoa!’ over Donkey and the others in front of him.
“Yes. I was talkin’ to you,” Donkey continued. “Can I tell you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and ‘BAM’! They was trippin’ over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.”
“Oh, that’s great,” Shrek annoyed. “Really.”
“We really appreciate you standing up for us,” Twilight spoke up. “We’d still be prisoners if you hadn’t—”
“Oh good, I’m glad, now why don’t you go celebrate your narrow escape with your own friends?” Shrek suggested. “Hmm?”
“But, uh, I don’t have any friends,” Donkey answered.
“Now there’s a shocker,” Shrek replied, walking away.
“There’s no way we can go out there by ourselves now,” Fluttershy spoke worriedly. “Not with all those guards around.”
“Say, I’ve never seen you guys before,” Donkey realized. “You lost or something?”
“No, but we would appreciate figuring out the best routes around this Duloc place,” Rarity replied.
“Oh Duloc! I know Duloc!” Donkey smiled. “Oh, you gotta let me show you guys around, because I am like a GPS with fur!”
“That’s very kind of you,” Apple smiled. “But you did just escape from imprisonment.”
“We’ll be just fine on our own,” Raven concluded.
“But nobody’s fine on their own!” Donkey argued. “Not when you look like we do!”
All of a sudden, an idea just occurred to Donkey who turned toward Shrek’s direction.
“Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea!” Donkey babbled, following Shrek. “We’ll stick with you.”
“What does he mean ‘we’?” Rainbow replied.
“You’re a mean, green, fightin’ machine,” Donkey continued. “Together, we’ll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.”
“Actually, Donkey’s got a point,” Pinkie replied. “Have you seen this place? It’s goin’ Stepford! We should join forces or they’re just going to lock us up again!”
“Tell me about it,” Donkey agreed. “I can not go back in a cage! I don’t know if I mentioned it or not, but I did six years in solitary for impersonating a pinata.”
“… I’m scared to ask why,” Applejack spoke honestly.
Finally fed up, Shrek slowly turned and regarded the motley little group for a moment…
“ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAR!!!”
The ogre roared loudly in their face, the girls cringing from its breath blown in their face. Donkey on the other hand…
“Oh, wow! That was really scary,” Donkey continued. “If you don’t mind me sayin’, if that don’t work, your breath certainly will get the job done.”
“You definitely need some Tic-Tacs or something,” Pinkie added. “I apologize in advance, but… WHOO! Your breath stinks!”
“And you girls complained about my morning breath…” Spike muttered.
Groaning in exasperation, Shrek tried to walk away. But suddenly, Donkey reappeared ahead of him, dangling from a fallen log.
“Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time…”
Shrek covered Donkey’s mouth, but the motor-mouthed mule just kept talking. Reluctantly, Shrek removed his hand…
“… then I ate some rotten berries,” Donkey continued. “I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day.”
“Urgh… didn’t need to hear that,” Rarity groaned.
“Why are you following me?” Shrek asked, annoyed.
“I’ll tell you why,” Donkey answered.
Dropping himself from the log, he started singing…
Donkey (Singing):
Cause I’m all alone,
There’s no one here beside me.
My problems have all gone,
There’s no one to deride me.
But you gotta have friends…
“STOP SINGING!” Shrek shouted.
“Hmph… music hater…” Pinkie pouted childishly.
Impatient, Shrek grabbed Donkey by the ears and tail, pulled him aside, and dropped him before the group.
“Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends,” Shrek grumbled.
“Um, excuse me Mr. Ogre sir,” Fluttershy spoke up meekly. “That wasn’t very nice.”
“Yeah, and that was a really catchy song,” Pinkie added. “I really wanted to hear how it ends.”
“No offense ladies, but you have to admit Donkey was getting a little heavy…” Spike replied.
“Spike…” Twilight warned.
“Sorry.”
But actually, the remainder of the heroes had to admit Shrek was thinking the same thought as they were. Now Donkey seemed like a good guy, no question about it. But neither one could deny how much they could tell he didn’t know when to stop talking… or be quiet. He was like a mule version of Pinkie Pie but without all her… randomness.
“Wow…” Donkey gasped, not upset. “Only a real friend would be so truly honest.”
“Hold on an apple minute there, sugar cube,” Applejack spoke. “It’s one thing to give an honest opinion, but that there’s no excuse for saying somethin’ mighty offensive.”
“Like you when you were the fashion judge,” Rarity spoke between laughs.
“Ah didn’t even want the job! Sheesh, you’re never gonna ferget that!”
“Listen little donkey!” Shrek interrupted. “And ponies… and people… and dragon. Take a look at me. What am I?”
“Ooh, I love guessing games!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly. “Now lemme see…”
They all studied their savior from head to toe. Spike, Pinkie, and Rainbow forced themselves not to laugh at the grimace upon his face. Even though it was visibly angry, they found the ogre’s face… very funny.
“Really tall?” Donkey asked.
“Really green?” Pinkie asked.
“The missing link?” Twilight asked.
“A fat grump,” Rainbow blurted out.
Although Rainbow said it ‘jokingly’, that comment earned her a smack on the flank courtesy of her marefriend.
“Ouch!”
“No! I’m an ogre!” Shrek shouted. “You know—grab your torch and pitchforks! Doesn’t that bother you?”
But one look toward Donkey and the group, and the former merely shook his head with a smile.
“Nope!” He replied.
To say Shrek was surprised by that answer was quite an understatement. Even if he heard it, he still couldn’t believe it.
“Really?” The ogre asked.
“Really, really,” Donkey corroborated.
“Back in the kingdom we come from, we have friends that are ogres,” Apple White piped in. “Or more rather ‘half’ ogre, but they’re hexcellent company.”
“What kingdom did you girls say you were from?” Twilight asked.
“We didn’t,” Raven Queen shrugged. “We’ll tell you later.”
“Oh…?” Shrek nodded.
The ogre proceeded to face the ponies and dragon, who were just as surprised by Donkey’s response.
“What about you?” Shrek asked them. “You’re afraid of me, right?”
The Mane Six and Spike looked toward the ogre, then at each other. And then, they did something Shrek didn’t expect at all… they smiled upon looking at him.
“Oh no, you don’t scare us,” Twilight answered. “Pardon us for our reaction. It’s just that we never met an ogre before, certainly not where we come from. You just caught us by surprise, that’s all.”
“But it’s obvious you’re a good guy at heart,” Spike said.
“Ya did help us,” Applejack agreed. “That’s wut coutns.”
“Despite not even knowing us at all,” Rarity smiled. “Not that’s quite heroic I must say.”
“And so cool,” Dash added. “You’re not scary at all.”
“Not with those cute ears,” Fluttershy pointed out.
“We’re always glad to meet new friends, no matter what their race,” Pinkie rambled. “If we had a bit for every not-so-jolly-green-giant who turned out to be nice, but misunderstood, we’d have two bits… which isn’t a lot, but it’s surprising that’s happened twice.”
To say the least, Shrek was perplexed. Anyone who saw him or found out he was an ogre, they’d always run away from him or try to lynch him. But these creatures… not only were they unafraid of him, they were speaking to him with such a warmth he hadn’t felt for years… many years, actually. To him it was just so… strange.
“Man, I like you,” Donkey said. “What is your name?”
“Oh, that’s right!” Twilight Sparkle realized. “In all this excitement, we haven’t introduced ourselves. I’m Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends: Spike, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy.”
“I’m Raven Queen,” Raven added.
“And I’m Apple White,” Apple finished, facing Shrek. “And you are…?”
“Uh… Shrek,” The ogre introduced himself, still confused.
“Shrek?” Donkey raised a brow. “Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that whole, ‘I don’t care what anybody thinks of me’ thing. I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You’re all right.”
As Shrek continued on his way, the group trailed behind the ogre, sticking to him like glue. It was only a few seconds into the journey when they climbed the top of a hill, which overlooked Shrek’s home. Right in the very heart of the swamp.
“Goodness… talk about a fixer-upper,” Rarity critiqued. “Who’d want to live in a place surrounded by all this icky-muck?”
“That would be my home,” Shrek answered, annoyed.
“Ooh… and what a lovely home it is!” Rarity answered, chuckling in embarrassment.
“Nice recovery,” Applejack smirked.
“It’s just beautiful!” Donkey added. “You know you are quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget.”
“You’d be surprised to find an affordable home in the current market,” Pinkie replied, facing a boulder. “Ooh! I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder… my sister’s little friend would love him.”
“Okay, you two!” Rainbow butted in. “I think you’ve milked it enough.”
As they followed the ogre, they soon noticed some ‘Keep out’ signs around Shrek’s house. Some of which had the ogre’s face painted on them, no doubt warning trespassers to stay away.
“So… I guess you don’t entertain much, Mr. Shrek?” Rarity asked curiously.
“I like my privacy,” Shrek answered bluntly.
“I understand how that feels,” Fluttershy answered quietly.
“You know, I do too!” Donkey chirped in. “That’s another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you’ve got somebody in your face. You’re trying to give them a hint and they won’t leave. And there’s that big awkward silence, you know?”
There’s a moment of awkward silence as the ogre turned back toward the group. The ponies stood there scraping their hooves along the ground, while Apple White and Raven Queen eyed each other briefly.
“So…” Apple White spoke, breaking the ice. “Raven and I were just wondering…”
“Can we crash at your place, tonight?” Raven finished.
“Uh, what?” Shrek asked, aghast.
“Can we stay with you, please?” Donkey smiled.
“Only because we’re lost and most of us don’t know this land very well,” Twilight emphasized. “We’d just need somewhere to stay just until we can come to grips with what’s happening.”
“Yeah, come on, big guy!” Pinkie nudged Shrek’s arm. “It be like a really fun sleepover… please…”
Pinkie Pie proceeded to pull out the puppy dog eyes, while the remainder of the ponies and Apple White did pretty much the same. Shrek looked upon the group for a moment and then…
“Of course!” Shrek answered sarcastically.
“Really?” Spike asked.
“No. Goodbye.”
But Donkey, on the other hoof, was not giving up. And he had a means of convincing Shrek to change his mind.
After a lengthy song and Shrek staring down incredulously toward the group, as they leaned on their knees catching their breath…
“Okay! Okay!” Shrek spoke. “Look, you can come in—”
“Yeah!” Pinkie cheered, hysterically joyfully. “Woo-hoo, alright—”
“On one condition!” Shrek cut her off. “You keep the jabbering to a minimum.”
“You got it!” Twilight smiled, thankful. “Don’t worry, you will not regret this.”
“Too late. Now get in… but one night only.”
“Ah! Thank you!” Donkey sighed, running inside the hut.
“Hey! Wait for me!” Pinkie raced in.
“Ah! What are you… no!” Shrek called out.
But it was too late. Most of the group had already gathered inside the house looking around. Donkey made himself comfortably, hopping upon a cushiony chair.
“This is gonna be fun!” Donkey declared. “We can stay up late, swappin’ manly stories, and in the mornin’… I’m makin’ waffles.”
“Oh, I love waffles!” Apple White smiled. “Like with some pecan… or chocolate chips…”
“Say, I heard they recently added peanut butter chips!” Pinkie pointed out.
“They have?”
“Oh sure! Ooh! I remember when they used to serve these ‘Waf Fulls’, which is your typical waffle stuffed with strawberry or blueberry filling. Or you can keep it simple and fill the waffle with maple syrup. It’s too bad we never got to see the ad for ‘Apple Cinnamon’…”
“I have no idea wut yer talkin’ about,” Applejack answered honestly. “But I do admit it does sound pretty good…”
Shrek groaned with frustration, drawing the attention of everyone in the house.
“Sorry…” Twilight apologized. “Some of us just can’t contain our excitement.”
“So… since we’re going to chill here for the night, where do we sleep?” Rainbow asked.
“Outside!” Shrek pointed out the door, irritated.
“Ooh…” Pinkie’s mane dropped. “Bummer…”
“Oh, well, I guess that’s cool,” Donkey nodded understandingly. “I mean, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.”
“Guess we’re roughin’ it out under the stars tonight,” Applejack declared.
“You mean sleeping… outside… in the swamp…?” Rarity asked slowly.
“Come along, Rarity,” Twilight spoke gently. “We may be guests, but he is our host. Whatever he prefers, we must respect it.”
“Right, so uh… here we go…” Spike spoke.
The group slowly made their way out of Shrek’s house one by one, as the ogre sternly watched them.
“Good night—” Fluttershy began.
*SLAM!*
Shrek slammed the door, shutting the whole group outside.
“… Shrek,” Fluttershy concluded, with a whimper.
“Well… we’ve met some really rude characters in our day,” Rarity replied. “But who does that Shrek think he is? Leaving us out to sleep on the dirt like common animals.”
“Uh Rarity… most of us are animals,” Applejack pointed out.
“I mean, I do like the outdoors,” Donkey replied. “I’m a donkey. I was a born outside. We’ll just be sitting by ourselves outside, I guess, you know. By ourselves, outside…”
“Uh… Donkey?” Apple White spoke up.
Donkey (Sings):
I’m all alone… there’s no one here beside me…
Raven Queen stared awkwardly at the scene but knew where this was going.
“Well… not that this hasn’t been fun,” Raven Queen brushed herself. “But I’m going to go for a little walk while the sun’s out.”
“Wait! You’re just going to go back out there?” Twilight asked, in surprise. “Even with all those guards?”
“What do you think all that commotion we stirred was about?” Raven replied. "Getting ourselves arrested was the only way for Apple White and I to get close enough to know why all the fairytale creatures of this land were forced out of their homes. Now we just need to do a stakeout to find out where they are taking them.”
“Plus, it’s better if Raven and I work together on this,” Apple White added. “Don’t worry… we won’t be gone long. We’ll meet back here later tonight, and I promise we’ll explain everything. You just make yourself comfortable… and we’ll be right back.”
The two princesses proceeded to walk down the path back toward the spot where they previously escaped.
“Oh… and one more thing!” Raven called out. “Don’t drink the water.”
A groan caused the ponies to turn back toward the murky pond. Spike’s purple face went green, and his eyes went wide, as he slowly lifted his face from the pond. He proceeded to slowly open his jaw, allowing all the water to spill out.
“Too late…” The teenage dragon mumbled.