It’d proven to be a remarkably eventful day for Fancy Pants, and it wasn’t even noon yet. After an extended jog, he was feeling the length of his and Vinyl’s trek as they drew closer to the Labyrinthiyum. They’d been taking it slow since leaving de Lune, but they still had walked the entire length of the city and then some. Glancing over at Vinyl, she didn’t seem to be struggling at all. The music pumping in his ear was helping, but he could feel the months of neglected workouts taking their toll, especially after his surprise shift in de Lune’s kitchen. Fortunately, he’d be able to sit down soon enough.
He refocused his attention on keeping to the beat and ignoring the burn in his legs. It hadn’t been a question on his mind, but Vinyl had curated an amazingly accurate playlist to suit his taste. She’d only had a few sample electro swing works in progress that were “good enough” to share, at least according to her. The rest of the songs were a smattering of her original works and some educated guesses from his youth. Thanks to the DJ’s spot-on takes of his tastes, Fancy’s ears were “riding the New Wave.”
And it was quite a ride thanks to the peacock sapphire Vinyl had cut and enchanted. It’d proven to be an amazing magical implement for his new earphones with how clearly he could hear the music. Even if he was lacking the right side of the soundscape, he was hearing notes and effects he’d never noticed in some of his favorite songs. Vinyl Scratch was nothing short of a miracle worker when it came to sound.
Taking another look at his companion, he was relieved to see her smiling again. To say he’d been navigating a tempest this morning would sell the experience short. Instability was the word of the day in his mind, and he couldn’t quite pierce the veil when it came to reading the ebbs and flows. Even back at the mansion, she was enthusiastic and then dour. Morose followed by gleeful. Keeping up was like trying to catch his own shadow by shining a light on it. Through it all, he tried to focus on her smile. Her genuine smile.
Hopefully he was fate weaving adequately enough. Luna told him to serve as a guiding light, and he was trying his best to cast enough to help brighten her life. They’d had such a rocky start at Hearth’s Warming, but little by little, they were finally finding some common ground. They shared a surprising amount in common, despite coming from vastly different worlds. Their tastes in music were similar, they shared the same friends, and even if they were radically different in other ways, they still found a way to enjoy each other’s company. Admittedly, she was, perhaps, getting a little too comfortable around him for his comfort.
Be it on purpose or not, Vinyl held nothing back. Perhaps she simply felt her emotions at a higher intensity—heaven knew Luna and Fleur could be firecrackers when they wanted. Still, Vinyl was a constant outpouring of herself and who she was. Or maybe it was the artist within her making it that she couldn’t stop expressing herself. She was an open book that she couldn’t close no matter how hard she tried. It had become even more pronounced after their heart-to-heart after the Showcases.
That fateful encounter in the library still burned in his mind. He barely recalled any of the performances anymore. They’d all been buried by Vinyl’s collapse at the end of the night. Even now, he could see the pain etched on her face as she crumpled to the floor in a ball, hugging herself as she stared into a darkness he couldn’t fathom. Then, those terrible, soulless eyes, robbed of any light, when they turned to him, begging for an answer to a devouring question…
“Why would mom tell me she loved me if I’m worthless?”
Fancy couldn’t take it anymore. All pretense of gentle guidance had dropped in that moment as he dove in after her. He crossed a line, desperately attempting to pull her from the depths of her drowning despair. He just wanted her to stop, to see what he saw in her. So much creative genius and potential, all garroted by a deep and needless loathing. It was yet another thing they shared in common, but he wished they didn’t. Fancy only took a small comfort in knowing his wounds were self-inflicted. There was no world in which Vinyl deserved to be saddled with such a terrible burden.
After facing that unknown specter haunting her, he knew his meager light wasn’t enough. It’d never be. No fate he could hope to weave would ever be able to quash such a thing. Instead, he decided to just focus on that smile and try to follow that. Whatever made her happy, whatever brought her a moment of respite, that would be good enough for him. Fate weaving and harmony would simply have to sort themselves out.
Taking another glance, he caught her looking towards him again, but at least the smile was still there. He couldn’t blame her either. Athena was always good at bringing those out.
“So, was it just the one time you went to the Labyrinthiyum, or have you been there since?” Fancy started, figuring they’d walked in silence for long enough.
“Just the one,” Vinyl answered.
“What did you have?”
A brief grimace flashed across her face. “A lot. Like, way too much. I don’t think Tavi and Steeplechase were able to finish it all.”
“Ah, so she got excited and made minotaur portions for you.” Fancy chuckled knowingly. “From the sound of it, she rolled out the whole kitchen.”
“I guess? We had some kind of maze appetizer, which was already enough food to feed an orchestra, and then I lost track pretty quick after that. She just kept bringing more and more.”
“Fortunately for our waistlines, we’re getting here a bit before the brunch rush, so it should be on the lighter side this time. I can’t guarantee she won’t go in for a crushing hug, though. I’ll let you take the hit on that one to save my back,” Fancy said with a wink and a smile.
“How very chivalrous of you,” Vinyl teased.
“Thus is the way of a Knight of Canterlot.”
“I thought you said you didn’t like being a ‘Sir’.”
“I’m not a fan of being called ‘Sir Fancy Pants’ these days, but there is utility in chivalry.”
The two shared a laugh as they came upon the entrance to the stone slab doors of the subterranean restaurant. Either Athena hadn’t opened yet or they were the first ones to show up. Guests rarely closed the door behind them considering how difficult they were to move in the first place. Fancy took a breath before grabbing one of the doors with his magic to pry it open. Before he could even start his struggle, Vinyl’s aura overtook both sides and she threw both open with ease.
Fancy blinked, and cleared his throat. “Well this is a pickle.” Fancy tapped his chin before extending his hoof forward. “Ladies first?”
“But I opened the door,” Vinyl countered.
“Yes, however, you’re not a guardsmare.”
“I’m also not a Lady, good Sir,” the rough DJ reminded him.
“Fair.” After another brief moment of non-thought, Fancy offered a small smile. “Shall we simply go in together?”
Vinyl smiled back. “Sounds good to me.”
Another good-natured laugh was shared between the two of them. Fancy was getting better at this. At first, he’d had his doubts about asking her to brunch, but his instincts seemed to have been on the mark. After all, if anyone could keep Vinyl bright and cheerful, it was Athena.
They stepped through the threshold and made their descent to the entrance of the maze. Fancy gave a firm push on the double doors leading into the restaurant proper to ensure they weren’t barging in on an unopened establishment. Hearing the welcoming bells chime and the door give way, he pushed forward slightly to get into a proper door-holding position, only for Vinyl to push on the other side and walk through. It seemed the infamous DJ wasn’t content with being treated as a Lady in the slightest.
As they entered, Athena peeked around the corner of a partition holding a broom. “Welcome to the Labyrinthiyum! Give me a second to—” As she recognized the arrivals, she brightened with glee as she hugged the stick close. “Vinyl! Good morning!”
“Hey Athena. Fancy said the brunch here was good, so here we are.”
“Oh, sure! Love the winter look by the way. Did you and your friend want a seat at the booth or the bar?”
“I’ve been reduced to a mere friend?” Fancy asked in jest as he pulled the hood back, revealing his proper self.
Athena balked in shock at the sight of the stallion, covering her mouth as she went rigid. “F-Fancy?”
“Sorry for the surprise. It seems this tracksuit is more effective than I gave Hoity Toity credit for.” Fancy reached into his pocket and pulled out his reading glasses. “Good morning to you as well, Miss Cypriel. I hope we aren’t too early.”
The minotaur’s eyes bounced between the two ponies as she held her hand over her mouth trying to hide a growing grin. After an increasingly awkward moment, Athena shook her head to finally answer the question. “Nope! You’re right on time. Let me get you two the booth in the corner,” she said with a giggle as she bounced to the kitchen.
“Well, she’s pretty excited, don’t you think?” Fancy asked his companion. “Is a booth okay with you?”
“Y-yeah…” Vinyl answered tepidly.
An alarm sounded in Fancy’s head at the curious response. All the joy from before seemed to have evaporated in an instant. “Vinyl?”
The mare blinked whatever she was feeling away and plastered a fake smile on. “Oh! Don’t worry. I just… remembered something… I need to get… later. From Cantrips, later.”
There was no point in calling such a blatant lie out as the emotions behind it were real enough to him. “Listen, Vinyl, I won’t be upset if you want to go back to—”
“N-no!” Vinyl quickly denied earnestly as her eyes drifted over towards their large friend. Athena emerged with menus wearing a huge smile on her face and beckoning them to follow her. “I umm… I just hope Athena doesn’t get too excited and forgets something really important.”
“She’s always been a dependable friend for me. I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” he assured, earning a genuine smile from the mare.
Satisfied with that, he trotted over to Athena as Vinyl meekly shuffled behind. He gave a quick double tap on the Minotaur’s shoulder with his magic, causing the towering creature to lean slightly and angle her ear down.
“She’s had a really rough morning. Could you maybe give her one of your refreshing hugs?”
“Gladly!” Athena lowered the menus down and jostled them, signaling Fancy to grab them in his magic. “Don’t worry about a thing. She’s probably just nervous.”
“Nervous?” Fancy asked too late for their hostess to hear, having already started making her way to the trailing DJ.
In one fluid motion, Athena got down on her knees and extended her arms in front of Vinyl. With an all too familiar yelp, the mare was pulled into a deep hug by the towering cuddle monster who squeezed her plush friend.
“Oh wow! You’re so soft today!” Athena remarked.
At first, Vinyl seemed to fight the sudden contact, but after a few seconds, he could see Vinyl’s horn popping up from behind the minotaur’s bicep as she leaned into the embrace. Giving them some space for reprieve, Fancy flipped his hood back up and continued to the table. Athena had already adjusted it into pony-mode, so Fancy took a seat as he placed the menus down and began scanning the limited selection.
Seeing that it was just a large, single page, Fancy wondered if he’d ever actually been to Labyrinthiyum before noon. There were several breakfast exclusives he’d never seen before. Each bore the hallmarks of yogurt and honey flowing freely from different bowls, but there was a key difference in proportions. The meals could be scaled with up to eight patrons eating the same thing. The more you ordered, the cheaper it became per customer. Thinking back, minotaur clans always started their days at the table to share the same communal meal. The pricing certainly encouraged a sense of community.
“No wonder this place is more popular at brunch,” Fancy remarked to himself as he looked over the page.
“That’s what I’ve been telling you, Fancy,” Athena added as she came to the table carrying a Vinyl in her arms while petting her back. Luckily for him, Fancy was just a bit too big to be held like a housecat by the monstrously strong minotaur. Vinyl seemed to be at a complete loss at what to do, her face burning bright red from embarrassment.
“Excuse me, Athena,” Fancy said diplomatically while suppressing his urge to laugh. “Do you think you could put Vinyl down so we can order?”
“Hmm? O-oh!” Athena scrambled, realizing what she was doing and quickly scrambled to put the DJ down. “Sorry, sorry! Your clothes were just so fluffy a-and…” she trailed off as her face entered a blushing competition with Vinyl’s.
“It’s fine,” Vinyl assured as she cleared her throat before looking over herself. “This is really comfortable.”
“I’d love a coat or something made out of whatever that stuff is.”
“Velour isn’t too popular right now, but I can look into getting something made for you if you’d like,” Fancy offered. “You can think of it as a late Hearth’s Warming present.”
Athena shook her head. “You don’t have to. It’s almost spring anyway. Besides, are you sure you should be offering me gifts right now?”
“Why not?” Fancy asked, genuinely confused by the question.
“I’m-ready-to-order!” Vinyl announced as she slammed her forehooves on the table, cutting off their conversation.
Fancy raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t even picked up your menu.”
“Drinks! I mean drinks! I am ready to order a drink, uhh…” the mare waffled as she quickly scanned the offerings. “This! The River Styx coffee here sure sounds good. I like rivers!”
Fancy and Athena shared a quick glance before turning back to the DJ. “Umm… Vinyl? Are you sure about that? It’s incredibly bitter, and that’s putting it mildly.”
“Hey, it’s whatever. When in Minossos, right?” Vinyl retorted with unfounded confidence.
Something had felt decidedly off ever since they’d arrived at the restaurant. Not that it was hard to tell. Vinyl’s erratic behavior was a dead giveaway. Unfortunately, her overreactions were so commonplace, Fancy couldn’t even begin to guess at what was bothering her. She could be hiding some important information to her or she could be trying to mask some unrelated discomfort that was miles away. Regardless of the attempted misdirection, one thing was clear: she truly wanted to be here.
Shaking off his worry, Fancy hummed to himself before settling on an out for the two of them. “I’ll have a pitcher of milk with honey for the table in case the coffee goes south.”
Vinyl watched as Athena left to make their drinks before turning her eyes back onto Fancy. “You don’t think I can drink coffee, Fancy?”
“Knowing your tastes for Swish Mix? I will admit that I have my doubts.”
Vinyl scoffed with a confident smirk. “You’d be surprised. I might have a sweet tooth, but I can do bitter sometimes, too.”
The stallion sighed knowingly. “To each their own, but I think it’s only fair that I mention that the only pony I’ve ever seen drink it is Luna, and she has… unique tastes.”
The bravado faltered momentarily on Vinyl’s face before she doubled down with a confident leer. “Whatever. You’re on.”
Fancy chuckled. “It’s not a bet, but go right ahead if you want a challenge. I’ll be sure to ask Princess Celestia later if she has any Zap Apple Jam if the honey isn’t enough to wash the taste out.”
Vinyl rolled her eyes before looking back at the menu. “Where’s the prices for this stuff anyway?”
“They’re at the top right of the sheet.”
Vinyl furrowed her brow as she tried to decipher the information until it clicked. “Oh. The hooves are one to eight ponies. Wait, so we’re supposed to order the same thing?” she asked while lowering her menu.
“Not necessarily. You can order whatever you’d like.”
Vinyl shrank back a bit as she fiddled with the edges of the menu in her hooves. “But, it’d cost less, right?”
“It would, but it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Well.” The mare looked off to Fancy’s left, falling silent for a few seconds before turning her attention back to him. “Would it be okay if we shared something together anyway?”
“Of course we can. When in Minossos, right?”
“Right.” A small smile of relief crept onto Vinyl’s face as she brightened at the idea and nodded, her confidence rising back as she looked over the menu again. “So, what were you thinking of getting?”
“Well, we are already getting plenty of dairy with the milk, so I say we limit the yogurt. Strapatsada looks interesting, as does this Minoan Omelet.”
“Okay. Let’s go with the strap-stuff then.” Vinyl’s eyes scanned further down to see the available sides. “Can we get some fruit with it?”
“Whatever you want.”
“But, do you want it?” Vinyl pressed, a troubled look crossing her face.
“Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about it much.”
“Then, what do you want?”
“Vinyl. It’s just a side. If you want to eat fruit, it’s not a problem at all,” Fancy assured sincerely. He could get why she wanted to be accommodating to him considering their relative positions, but he wished she’d be able to just relax a bit like they were earlier. “Besides, now that you’ve mentioned it, fresh fruit does sound quite nice after our jog.”
“You’re not just saying that, right?”
“I’m not. You don’t have to be so nervous around me when money gets involved. I didn’t get to where I am today because of miserly bit-pinching.”
“That’s not—” Vinyl bit her comment back and looked away again. “I’m sorry.”
Another apology. Truthfully, Fancy was getting sick of those. “I just want you to enjoy yourself. That’s the whole reason I wanted you to come along.”
Vinyl’s eyes fell further as she fidgeted with the menu. “R-right.”
Fancy frowned in concern. “You sound disappointed.”
The mare popped back up straight and sucked in a sharp breath. “No-no-no! I’m not! Really. I like being with you.” As the words left her mouth, her eyes widened and her face reddened.
Fancy snickered at the accidental confession and brushed it aside. “Good. That makes two of us. I enjoy your company as well.”
Vinyl blinked as she tilted her head to the side. “You do?”
“Now you sound surprised,” he laughed to himself. “I told you before that you have so many admirable qualities. Ever since I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve always been impressed by your talents and heart.” His face sank as he realized he’d made an error without thinking. “Blasted—sorry, I’m complimenting you again.”
“N-no. It’s okay,” she assured, a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips as she eased back into her seat. “It’s kinda nice to hear actually.”
“Well, compliments are generally meant to brighten one’s day, which I must say that you’ve been doing a bang up job so far with mine considering the danger.”
Vinyl tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“Well, as you’ve stated before, you’ve got a reputation to uphold. While I can’t say it’s particularly wise, I’m glad you risked yours by agreeing to go with me this morning. I’m not sure I can say that I’ve enjoyed my morning routine this much in a long time. Still, I can’t imagine being caught with me would do you any good. ”
“What the hay are you even talking about?” Vinyl barked back in disbelief. “I’m the one who’d ruin things!”
Fancy sighed as he placed his menu down and crossed his forelegs. “Honestly, I wish that were true. But, I’m afraid I’d be found blameless in whatever narrative somepony crafted between the Kingmaker of Canterlot and DJ Pon-3.”
Vinyl laughed weakly. “Oh please. I’m already lower than dirt to anypony who’d care about that.”
“On my end, yes,” Fancy admitted bitterly at the thought of any of those pretentious fools dragging Vinyl down. “Still, I don’t think I’d be able to deal with seeing you suffer because speculation got out of hoof. I already told you that a few ponies are already aware that you’re staying with me thanks to our neighbors.”
Vinyl shrank back and tapped her hooves rhythmically on the table. “Y-yeah.”
“For us to be seen in public together in a setting like this? They’d probably start swearing that you’re seducing me for money or that I’m keeping you around as a young floozy. It’s why I’m wearing this hood and have my back to the main dining area. The lower the chance of you being seen with me, the better. Meanwhile, outside of your hair and coat color, you’re practically hidden in plain sight without your DJ sunglasses.”
Vinyl grabbed her foreleg and looked down.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. If it’s any consolation, my parents never let their fame get in the way of doing the things they wanted. Summers lived on her own terms, and I try to do likewise. So, if you wanted to come with me today, who was I to stop you? I wasn’t going to let others dictate what you should and shouldn’t do. After all, why should you be punished for simply being friendly.”
Vinyl slowly turned her eyes back up, but the dismay still didn’t leave her eyes. “F-friends?” she asked as she bit her lip.
Fancy scratched the back of his head and averted his eyes. “Sorry, that might’ve been presumptuous of me, but just because we’re a generation apart doesn’t mean we can’t be, right?” Clearing his throat, he refocused his attention and tried to return the smile she’d so graciously given him at sunrise. “If you have room for one more on that Friend Ship of yours, I’d be happy to—”
“Drinks on!” Athena blurted out from behind as she scrambled over to the table and slammed a drink tray down, splashing a little milk out of the pitcher and tipping the two glasses on their sides.
Fancy nearly jumped out of his skin at her sudden appearance. “Goodness Athena! Did the rush start while we weren’t looking?”
The minotaur opened her mouth and closed it as she tried to find something to say. “No? But—Oh, wait! Yeah, yeah, they could come in at any moment!” Athena agreed forcefully with a wide smile as she nodded feverishly. “I just want to maximize the time I get to spend with two of my favorite ponies in the world.”
It seemed Vinyl’s nervousness was infectious with Athena racing to fix the glasses and pour their first drinks. Fancy could understand Vinyl’s hesitancy to eat with him, but why in Equestria was Athena acting this way? From his understanding, the two had already become good friends. Strangely, his cutie mark wasn’t helping him in the slightest. He cursed his blasted limitations.
Deciding not to make it worse, he bought the terrible lie wholesale and pressed on. “Well, if you’d like to join us for a moment, I was hoping to discuss some of the logistics of catering the—” Fancy’s words died immediately upon meeting the lethally bemused frown cemented on the minotaur’s face.
“Really?” Athena asked flatly. “You want to talk about catering?”
Now he was even more lost. He’d seen that look a few seconds before she’d have to pile drive a rowdy griffons at the bar; the times irritation overtook her demure sensibilities.
“Actually, that’s kinda why he’s here. I invited myself today,” Vinyl added weakly.
Athena blinked. “Oh.”
An awkward silence settled on the three as Vinyl shuffled in her place and Athena flicked her ear idly with a finger. Feeling somehow responsible for whatever was happening, Fancy tried to think of something to change the topic to one that wasn’t a mistake. That’s when he heard a misplaced accordion gracing the air.
“Is that…” Fancy started to ask as he listened to the overplayed romantic melody. “Is that ‘La Vie en Maris?’”
Athena’s face fell as her eyes drifted up to the overhead speakers. “Is that what that song’s called? I play it all the time during brunch.”
“You play Prench music during brunch?”
Athena laughed to herself as she straightened up and looked away. “More like sometimes? I mean, you can only listen to lyres and lyras so often, right?”
Vinyl thumped her head on the table and groaned.
“A-actually, I was listening to it while reading last night and forgot to swap out the record,” Athena corrected sheepishly as she tapped her index fingers together.
Fancy wasn’t even going to bother asking why she was using her restaurant to listen to music while reading. Dwelling on the minotaur’s moon logic was starting to hurt his head. “Do you perhaps want to swap it out before other customers arrive?”
“Don’t worry about that. It’s nice, right?”
“Yes, but isn’t it slightly… ill-fitting for a Minoan restaurant?”
“Well,” Athena began pulling utterances out of nowhere as she searched for some excuse to pull out. “Sharing food can be intimate. What if somepony brings a date?”
“I suppose that’s possible,” Fancy agreed tepidly. “But dates are usually reserved for dinners, not breakfasts.”
“R-right. But, you know. What if?” she reiterated.
“I can’t debate on ‘what-ifs,’ Athena,” Fancy stated evenly as he pressed his hoof to the bridge of his nose. “In fact, I’m not entirely sure why I’m debating you on this at all. It is your restaurant.”
“Can you just get my coffee, please?” Vinyl begged from her face pressed against the table.
“Oh, right! Give me a second, it’s probably done brewing by now.” And once again, the minotaur bounded away towards the kitchen, leaving Vinyl and Fancy alone to enjoy each other’s company. Admittedly, Vinyl didn’t seem to be in any sort of mood to do so.
Sensing asking the obvious would be a bad approach, Fancy decided to take a sip of his milk and wait for Vinyl to snap out of whatever weight was burdening her.
Was Fancy really this stupid, or was he just messing with her? There was absolutely no way a famously perceptive diplomat and respected talent-spotting noble could be so blind. He should be suffering blunt force trauma from the terrible hints Athena was beating over his head. From the moment she’d realized it was just her and Fancy Pants, a devilish glint had flashed through the minotaur’s eye. Athena was keeping her promise to not tell a soul, especially not Fancy himself, but she was doing everything else possible to be an unnecessary wingmare in the worst way possible.
Vinyl was no stranger to the supportive role, having been forced into it several times at Cantrips. Bumblebeat would see a “cutie pie” somewhere in the crowd and ask DJ Pon-3 to play along and help upsell her country-cooked colleague. It was annoying to say the least, and she didn’t enjoy being on the other end of the equation. With the embarrassment finally waning, Vinyl found the strength to look back up at her brunch non-date. She pulled herself up from the table to see Fancy offer her a drink.
“Not quite sure if you’ve ever had the combination before, but honeyed milk is a staple of Minoan breakfasts,” Fancy explained as Vinyl took the tall glass in her hooves.
“Thanks for the lesson, Fancy,” she huffed as she took a gulp. She hated it for being so delicious. She wasn’t in the mood for sweetness anymore.
“If something is bothering you, you can tell me, Vinyl.”
The sympathy was torture, plain and simple. If he’d figured her out, maybe this was his way of letting her off easy. If not, then either he was far dumber than she’d given him credit for, or she was so far off the market to him that subtext bounced off his skull. She wasn’t sure which was worse. He’d stated in no uncertain terms that them being seen together was bad for her, but had he even considered she might want to be seen with him? What if she wanted to seduce him?
You took the words right out of my mouth, Desire agreed with a scoff in the back of her head.
Vinyl shook the thought away. Those were his words, not hers. Still, she hadn’t really wrestled with how they’d look together. It’s not like she was unaware of the idea. The first time they met, she thought he was trying to chat her up for a slot in his “lower stable” as so many monsters in his ignoble class had put it. But even if she was genuinely interested in him, that’s not how anypony else would see it. She’d just be another gold digger to everypony. Vinyl hated that more than anything.
On top of that was the odd way he was framing the notion. Everything was always for her sake, and he’d put it in a strange, self-demeaning way. He wasn’t worried about his reputation at all, only hers. He was even wishing to take the blame if they were caught together. And as for how he’d sheepishly asked to be her friend, she didn’t know where to start with that. It wasn’t sitting well with her, whatever the answer might be.
On the other hoof, Athena had obviously considered the word “friend” to be the stereotypical red flag of entering the dreaded friend zone. She’d popped up from around the corner just in the knick of time to interrupt their doomed conversation. In fact, suspiciously so. It was almost as if Athena had been spying on them the entire time.
“I need to use the bathroom,” Vinyl whispered as she pulled herself up from her seat.
Fancy’s eyes widened momentarily from the sudden news as he pulled back into his seat and cleared his throat. “Well, don’t let me keep you,” he whispered back.
As she got out of the booth, she crept around the other side to confirm her fears, only to be met with far more. Athena was indeed there, hunched out of sight as best she could in a nearby corner with an ear pressed to the wall. The cup of coffee Vinyl had ordered was sitting off to the side on a nearby table as the minotaur was pouring over a book. It’d be funnier to see the gigantic minotaur flipping through the tome dwarfed by her massive hands if not for why she was doing so in the first place.
“Athena!” Vinyl yelled quietly.
At her name, the beast fumbled the book out of her hands as she desperately tried to catch it, only for it to fall on the floor between her and Vinyl. Athena’s massive arms froze going in different directions as she looked down in horror at the book and her heated friend.
“Coffee?” she offered with a wince.
Vinyl brushed the mug aside and refocused on Athena. “What do you think you’re doing?”
The minotaur caught dead to rights tried to make herself seem as small as possible as she curled up in the corner. “Nothing…”
Vinyl smacked her face with her hoof before lifting the “nothing” off the floor in her magic. Sighing, she looked at the title, Hubris and Humility, and then back at Athena, silently demanding an answer.
“It’s good with the music,” Athena defended while looking away.
“You mean the music you put on after you sat me and Fancy down?”
Athena pursed her lips and pressed her index fingers together. “To be fair, Jenny Austere’s hard to put down.”
“I don’t care if this book is Elysium’s sun-kissed gift to Equestria, what the hay do you think you’re—”
“Vinyl, is everything alright?” Fancy called over from the booth.
Vinyl swallowed her temper whole, trying to suppress the angry embarrassment in her voice before turning towards the approaching stallion. “Yeah, I just almost bumped into Athena on my way,” she answered while side-eying the meddling minotaur.
“Oh heavens! Are you two alright?” Fancy said as he hopped out of the booth and galloped over to the scene. In unspoken synchronization, Vinyl shoved the literary evidence into Athena’s hands who then quickly tucked it into her apron’s front pocket. The minotaur shot up to her feet and went rigid right just as he arrived.
“We’re fine, Fancy,” Athena assured, brushing herself off while trying to mask the suspicious book lump in her clothing. “I’m used to watching out for my customers, though it’s been harder to spot them since some ponies told me I should stand up straight.”
Fancy sighed in relief hearing they were both unharmed. “Well, I’m glad you’ve taken Luna’s and my advice to heart, though I can see how it might be inconveniencing you in other ways.”
Athena shrugged while a nervous smile pulled at her lips. “Well you know… Equestria is just a little too small for someone like me, but we both knew that going in.”
“I only said your size may be an issue, never that you were too big, but I digress.” Fancy turned to Vinyl. “Weren’t you going to err… freshen up, Vinyl? The facilities are in the other direction.”
“Right, yeah,” Vinyl agreed absently as she tried to think of some throwaway excuse. “Just was startled for a second from her popping out of nowhere.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, considering she’d caught the minotaur hiding behind the booth, but there was no way he’d buy that.
Fancy nodded. “That’s understandable. Thanks to those softer feet of hers, she can be quite hard to hear sometimes.”
Vinyl blinked in confusion. Her eyes drifted down to see the six, rabbit-like toes poking out from under Athena’s green apron dress. Somehow, she hadn’t noticed them before and stumbled into flawless reasoning.
“Either way, I’m just glad you two are alright,” Fancy’s eyes drifted around the empty dining hall. “Odd, I thought more ponies would’ve shown up by now.”
“Some days are slow!” Athena quickly deflected. “Here’s your coffee, Fancy. I’ll show Vinyl where the bathroom is.”
“But I didn’t—” Fancy’s objection was interrupted by having to suddenly juggle a mug in his hooves as he tried and failed to spark his magic. Vinyl fired her aura around the cup and levitated it over to the table herself. “Thank you, Vinyl. I suppose I’ll leave you two to it then.”
They both watched the stallion turn and walk back to the booth, glancing over his shoulder at them as they waved goodbye. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he hopped back into his seat. Out of sight and out of earshot, they both shared a sigh of relief.
“I guess I’d better actually show you then, huh?” Athena remarked with a gulp as she pointed a finger towards another part of the restaurant.
The towering minotaur slowly kept her eyes locked forward as Vinyl trotted next to her to keep up. Athena’s guilty frown curtailed Vinyl’s anger towards her overeager friend as she sighed. “Look, Athena, I know you’re just trying to help.”
“I’m sorry,” Athena said as she bit her lip and hugged herself. “I just want you two to be happy together.”
Aww. Give her a hug.
Vinyl wanted to, but she wasn’t exactly sure how to do that with a nearly two story tall minotaur.
Figure it out.
“It’s okay,” Vinyl assured as she wrestled between tugging on her clothes and patting her leg.
“No it’s not. I’m just making you both feel awkward and uncomfortable.”
Vinyl sucked in a breath. She was definitely uncomfortable, but she could at least appreciate the intentions behind it. “It’s not a date like I might want it to be, but I’m having fun.”
Athena started to wring her hands to shuffle the stress out of her system. “Well, at least I didn’t ruin that yet.”
“Actually, the whole reason Fancy wanted me to come was to see you as soon as possible.”
Athena stopped and looked down with a disbelieving quirk of her brow. “Really?”
“Yeah, it’s been a busy morning. I’m kinda figuring out a lot of things about myself all at once, and it’s kinda overwhelming.”
Only ‘kinda’?
Vinyl paused as she chewed her lower lip. “Okay, it was really overwhelming.”
Athena immediately fell to her knees and once again pulled Vinyl into another surprise hug. The DJ could feel a tremble that wasn’t hers. “Is this helping?”
Vinyl grunted from the tightness, but managed to squirm enough to free a leg to return the embrace. “A little.”
A lot, Desire corrected.
“I’m so sorry. I thought you were just nervous because you were here with Fancy Pants. It didn’t even cross my mind that something else could be going on.”
“Yeah, and I’m still trying to figure everything out. Especially with Fancy. I want to find out on my own, but not like whatever this all is.”
“You’re right,” Athena apologized as she released Vinyl. “I’ve just never had a friend who I could help like this before, and I got carried away.” A blush overtook the minotaur’s face as she scratched the back of her head.
“Maybe next time, ask before you go full wingmare mode?” Vinyl suggested with a smirk. She picked through Athena’s pocket with her magic and lifted the book she’d caught her with. “And maybe don’t take advice from an old book like this.”
The minotaur gasped and shook her head. “But it’s so fitting though!” She snatched the book from Vinyl’s aura and flipped through the pages, narrowing her eyes so she could read the small print. “It’s about a proud pegasus baron from Altairstratus that slowly falls in love with a stubborn jenny from a lesser noble house in Fairview Village below the cloud city. It’s a romantic classic!”
Vinyl grimaced and averted her eyes from the book. She’d heard the title before, but never wanted to read it. It was probably filled cover to cover with the L-word. “I don’t read a lot of books outside of work. Especially not romances.”
“You totally should though. Jenny Austere is a legend.”
Vinyl tittered nervously at the minotaur’s passionate defense for a book as she tried to push it aside. “Maybe, but Fancy doesn’t even think of me that way, at least it doesn’t feel like he does.”
“Maybe not yet, but according to this, all Fancy Pants needs to do is see past his elitist preconceptions to see the real you.”
Vinyl blinked in confusion. “I don’t think ‘hubris’ is the issue here.”
“You know, that doesn’t sound like him now that I’ve said it. And you’re not really a good fit for the role of Lizabelle. She stubbornly refuses to let go of the pride she has in her humble origins in her warped sense of humility. That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“Yeah. Exactly,” Vinyl lied half-heartedly.
“Okay, well enough hugs,” Athena announced as she stood back up and brushed her apron off. She took a few more steps and opened the door to the bathroom hallway. “The filly’s room is on the right. I need to get everything back to normal before Fancy gets even more suspicious.”
“Right, the music.”
“Well, that and… I might’ve closed the restaurant after I sat you down at your booth,” Athena added as her eyes wandered away from her friend.
“You did what now?”
Not waiting to clarify, the minotaur bolted to the back to reset the over-the-top music selection. Vinyl couldn’t help but groan from how hard the minotaur had tried to set them up. She almost didn’t want to go back to the table and face Fancy after all of Athena’s meddling. If Fancy had caught any of the obvious subtext, he didn’t seem to register it. It almost made it worse.
You still want to eat with Fancy though.
That was true. Stupid desires. Slapping the embarrassment out of her system, Vinyl decided it’d been long enough to fake a restroom break and headed back to the booth. Hopefully, no matter what happened, she’d just be able to enjoy some time with Fancy Pants.
“Welcome back, Vinyl.”
“Thanks I—” As she hopped back into her seat, her muzzle was attacked by a caustically acrid fume assaulting her nostrils. Vinyl dry heaved as she looked around for the offending odor. “Sweet Celestia, what is that smell?”
“That would be your order, Vinyl,” Fancy answered as he nodded towards the unassuming beverage.
That was the coffee? Vinyl pulled the cup closer to her, the smell growing stronger as it approached. Contained within the unassuming logoed mug sat pure darkness. She’d seen straight coffee before, but never a brew so purely black. She swirled the cup, watching it flow around like liquid pitch. She could barely detect a hint of nuttiness underlying the bitter smell. It was death distilled.
“Are you sure this is even drinkable?” she asked warily.
Fancy nodded hesitantly. “Admittedly, the flavor is intense, but Luna swears by it. You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to.”
Vinyl bit her lip as she looked at her nervous reflection in the obsidian mirror. “Well, when in Minossos.”
“W-wait, Vinyl, I really don’t think that’s necessary.”
Throwing caution to the wind, Vinyl kicked back the brew to chug it in one go. No matter how terrible it might taste, she’d be able to force it down before she registered the flavor.
Or at least she thought.
The instant the River Styx touched her tongue, her world changed. All faded into darkness as she desperately tried to force it down, but her body refused. Even though it had cooled, her mouth burned with the embittered flames of hellfire demons ravaging her taste buds. Only the tattered shreds of her pride kept her mouth closed as her throat desperately tried to gag the poison back out.
Her eyes burned with tears from holding in her retching disgust. Vinyl was trapped between worlds. She couldn’t swallow, but she couldn’t spit it out either. The moment her mouth weakened, she was sure she’d lose control and spew it all over herself or Fancy Pants. The rhythm was rushing out of control as her resolve waned. She tried to force the coffee into her cheeks to spare her tongue further exposure, but there was nowhere for it to go from the sheer volume she’d tried to force down.
She could barely hear anything from the pounding pressure building in her mouth as Athena rushed to the scene. Fancy and Athena exchanged a quick back and forth until she pulled a trash can out of a nearby receptacle and rushed to Vinyl’s side.
And when the climatic crescendo hit her ears, Vinyl dropped the bass.
After her brief brush with death, Vinyl wondered if she’d ever be able to taste sweetness again. Her personal journey with the coffee matched Fancy’s description of the mythical Minoan river the River Styx blend had taken its name. After a terrible coughing fit, she’d spent fifteen minutes nursing her tongue with yogurt and honey, trying to wash the bitterness out of her mouth.
On his end, Fancy was enjoying the appetizers while dutifully mixing her spoons of honey and yogurt. Even if she couldn’t taste anything, a part of her was enjoying being taken care of by him again. When he caught her staring, Vinyl looked away and growled.
“Shut up,” Vinyl whined as she suckled on the spoon.
Fancy smiled diplomatically. “But I didn’t say anything.”
“I know you find this absolutely hilarious.”
“I assure you that I’ve said nothing of the sort,” Fancy defended adamantly before a smile crossed his lips. “However, I can neither confirm nor deny that I might’ve thought something along those lines.”
“I didn’t see you try to drink it,” she huffed as she stuck a fresh spoon in her mouth.
“That’s because I know better than to tempt the Minoan Fates. I wasn’t about to enter a competition that we’d both lose.” Fancy poured himself another glass of milk before taking another cluster of grapes to eat.
Vinyl groaned again as she rested her head on the table. Science had told her that tastes evolved alongside eating habits to reward good food choices while preventing bad decisions. Unfortunately, it did not account for a pony’s stupid pride overriding her senses, and now Vinyl was paying for it dearly for her own nonsense again.
“So, would you say it was better or worse than licking an active power sapphire?” Fancy asked with a cheeky grin.
Vinyl covered her eyes in shame, not even wanting to look Fancy in the eyes. Somehow he’d remembered that little slip of the tongue from before. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. “This is a thousand times worse. At least the ionized sapphire numbed everything after the initial sour shock. This is just constant torture.”
“Perhaps I’ll suggest that Athena adopt a signed waiver policy to place an order for it in the future.”
Vinyl put her hooves back down and nodded in agreement as she focused on trying to taste sweetness again. She was quickly forgetting it and the other flavors under the oppressive might of the bitter coffee. How anything could stomach the accursed brew was beyond her. It didn’t help that, according to Fancy, Luna had up to three cups of the stuff almost every night. The mare had a newfound respect for the Princess of the Night, defender of dreams and drinker of darkness.
“Are you feeling better, Vinyl?” Athena asked as she approached the table in concern to replenish the yogurt and honey.
“Why do you even have something like that on the menu?” Vinyl complained, praying the lingering taste would end before she had to look up obscure taste spells.
The minotaur shrugged her shoulders. “Well, it’s kind of a staple in Minossos. A coffee that chest-thumping warriors can drink. I have it on special days, as do a few of the minotaurs that come here, but that’s more tradition for me than actual enjoyment. The griffons sometimes use it for drinking contests when they can’t risk getting drunk before flying home.”
“Different strokes for different species, eh?” Fancy added, earning a grumble for Vinyl.
“Do you want me to bring out the strapatsada now?” Athena asked hesitantly.
Vinyl sighed in defeat. “Might as well. Don’t think I’ll be able to taste it though.”
“Just keep sucking slowly on those spoons. Maybe try gargling some milk. It can help too.”
“Gargling milk?” Vinyl blanched at the thought.
Athena pulled at her apron apprehensively. “It helped me the first time my parents forced me to drink River Styx.”
Fancy shrugged. “It couldn’t hurt to at least try, Vinyl.”
Yes it could. It super could. Gargling milk like mouthwash in front of the pony you had feelings for definitely sounded like it could hurt her chances with him.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed. It takes a lot more than gargling to chaff against my sensibilities,” Fancy assured her after reading her face like a book. “I’d much rather you be able to enjoy yourself than worry about what I think.”
And what exactly would he think? Probably nothing good. But he seemed genuinely concerned about her, and the spoons weren’t doing much. She sighed as she finished off the last spoon, took a mouthful of milk, swished it around before tilting her head back and gargling. Her face burned hot with embarrassment as she came back down and swallowed.
“Mix some honey into it if there’s not enough sweetness,” Athena said as she poured another glass.
Vinyl nodded reluctantly and repeated it, all the while feeling the eyes of her audience boring into her. The worst part was that the second time, she could feel it working better than the yogurt and honey spoons. She almost resented how much it was helping. After a second gulp, she plucked a strawberry from her fruit dish with her magic and popped it in.
“Better?” Athena asked.
Despite being mortified, Vinyl nodded. The taste wasn’t all there, but she was definitely tasting more strawberry than liquid death.
The minotaur smiled in relief. “Great. Consider the next time you come in without Fancy on the house.”
“What?” Fancy asked in mock indignation.
“It’s not much of an apology if I reward this jerk for not stopping you, right?” Athena said as she lightly smacked Fancy on the back of his head.
“I believe you were the one who brewed it.”
“Don’t pass the buck to me, Fancy. Besides, even if I did make the meal free, you’d still pay for it somehow.”
Fancy chuckled. “Once again, you’ve caught me dead to rights, Miss Cypriel.”
“Be sure to treat her nicer, Fancy Pants. She may be a rough and tumble DJ, but she’s also a very special pony, you know.”
Vinyl froze at the remark and stared in shock at Athena.
“I know, I know,” he dismissed with a wave of his hoof. “Granted, I only had an inkling that she probably wouldn’t like it, but far be it from me to tell somepony no.”
Athena smiled softly between the two ponies as she took the empty glasses and bowls away. “I’ll be right back with your meal, you two.”
Feeling the redness still in her cheeks, Vinyl opted to mask her heated cheeks by kicking back another embarrassing gargle of milk and honey to give her a small reprieve from the conversation. The last thing she wanted to talk about now was special someponies.
“It must be helping more than I thought. You’re really going after it,” Fancy noted.
Vinyl screamed through the gargles in frustration. She just couldn’t win this morning. Even though this wasn’t a date, it had gone so poorly that it felt like it had undermined all potential future dates with sobbing, rambling, and gargling. The whole morning had been one mortifying moment after another in a cavalcade of failure. It was a miracle he was still sitting across from her after everything. He probably wanted nothing to do with her anymore.
“I’m looking forward to trying something new,” Fancy said as he began to clear the center of the table away to make room for their plate.
Vinyl tilted her head at the quick change of topic. He was probably just being nice at this point, but her curiosity was piqued. She couldn’t imagine him still having an appetite after all of that. “You haven’t had this strapta-whatever-it-is before?”
“I don’t recall. I might’ve seen it on the menu, but I don’t think I’ve ordered it before.” Fancy tapped his chin as he pondered for a moment before giving up on remembering. “Either way, I hope your tastebuds will have recovered enough to share it with me.”
She gripped onto the tiny shred of hope she still had that she wouldn’t embarrass herself any further as she nodded in agreement. “M-me too.”
As quietly as she arrived, their hostess returned with a sizzling black frying pan and a bread basket to split between them. “Careful, it’s hot,” Athena warned as she lowered the pan onto the table.
The pan smelled strongly of tomatoes and oregano with the bubbling globs of feta cheese melting across mounds of scrambled eggs. Athena grabbed a wooden serving spoon from the bread basket and the saucy mix in front of them to break it up a bit before cracking a toasted bread loaf in half and placing it on their plates. She then spooned a serving of the stuff onto each slice before placing the spoon back in the pan.
“Now, just keep it stirred a bit so it doesn’t clump together and feel free to heat the pan up with magic unless you want to eat it cold. Enjoy the flavor, you two!”
With that, their hostess departed. Fancy was the first to follow her advice and took a slice in his magic and crunched into his first toasty bite. He’d aimed slightly off of a glob of feta cheese that stuck to his mouth and the bread as he pulled away, which he quickly brushed with a napkin. Aside from that though, he hummed in approval as he chewed with a smile.
Not wanting to be left out, Vinyl took her own slice and chomped into it. At first, she couldn’t taste much of anything, but slowly as she let the sauce hit her tongue, she couldn’t help but smile back and the rich, zesty flavor of their refreshing breakfast. If not for the egg and Minoan seasoning, it’d almost taste Istallion.
“It’s really good,” Vinyl remarked, thankful that her senses were working again.
“Hopefully it makes up for your coffee selection.”
“Alcohol, coffee, I’m slowly running out of drink options when I’m around you.”
Fancy gasped in horror. “You can be serious. I understand forgoing alcohol, but coffee? How are you even going to function in the morning?”
“Okay, maybe not coffee. I didn’t taste anything but pain in that stuff anyway.”
Fancy chortled, trying not to spray the fresh bite out of his mouth before swallowing. “It’s an acquired taste, though I’m not sure if it’d be worth it in the end.”
“I usually throw a whole bunch of stuff to make it actually taste good. By the time I’m done with it, it’s like ninety percent creamer and other stuff with a little bit of coffee in there somewhere.”
“I wonder if you can even call it coffee at that point,” Fancy pondered aloud.
“Whatever it is, I like it. Any other coffee I pretty much just kick back for the caffeine shot like medicine.”
Fancy grimaced. “If that’s how you feel about it, then pills might be preferable.”
“Or energy drinks,” Vinyl added with a grin.
Fancy took his last bite while rolling his eyes. “Now that was an experience I’d rather not relive.”
“You’ve had one before?”
“At Fleur’s behest. Once,” Fancy stated in no uncertain terms. “I’m not sure what it was I tasted, but I can say it was very, very green.”
“That’s the taste of an all-nighter,” Vinyl clarified. “Chases the sleep away and leaves you ready to take on the world while sleep-deprived.”
“I think I’ll leave such experiences to you. I’m getting too old for such electrifying experiences.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” Vinyl smirked devilishly as she waggled her eyebrows. “It’s an acquired taste.”
The two shared a laugh as they worked on their breakfast. Through all of the morning’s setbacks, they were still enjoying each other’s company. Vinyl had done nothing but mess up this morning, all of it culminating in her throwing up in a trash can in front of her crush, but Fancy was still there despite it all. In fact, it didn’t seem to bother him as much as it bothered her.
Maybe he was being friendly. Maybe she’d already shot her chances with him. Maybe he just didn’t know how much it meant to her. It didn’t matter right now. They were two ponies, sitting at a table, sharing a meal, and enjoying every minute of it. Vinyl could only hope that Fancy liked it as much as she did.
And that maybe, despite her mess ups, he’d like to do it again sometime.