Side of Beans

by Irrespective


New Noses Alternate Nightmare Night

“Luna? Hey!”

“Fair eventide, Baked Bean.” Luna greeted her Brother-in-Law with a warm smile. “I would not expect you to be up so late. Doth my sister’s snoring keep you from slumber?”

“Nah, she’s fast asleep, and Mama Nanna is keeping an eye on Apollo for me. But if you’ve got a minute, I need your help with something.”

“Certes. How may I assist?”

“I’m having a… I guess it’s an ‘elevated disagreement’ with Twilight via dragonfire mail,” he started. “See, I was going over some of the ancient prophecies about Nightmare Moon, and I came across a passage that I think got translated wrong.”

One royal eyebrow slid upwards. “Oh? Is that so?”

“Yeah. See, here. I got this from the archives.” Bean unfurled a scroll, and Luna levitated it in her magic so they could both read it. “Right… here. Twilight says this passage should be translated as ‘The Stars will aid in her escape,’ but I thought you said that, in Old Equish, adding the cs ending indicates feminine, not neuter.”

“That is but one example. The declension of nouns has many differing rules and exceptions, much like our modern language. However, since you speak of The Prophecy that refers to my return from exile, I can settle the debate in your favor. Without getting into all of the why behind it, the phrase should be ‘Her Star will aid in her escape.’”

“HA!” Bean pumped a fist in the air. “I knew it! This’ll make Trixie happy; she’s been forced to burp up letters from Twilight for the better part of an hour now.” Bean paused as a thought came to him. “Wait. But, if the phrase is ‘Her Star,’ then that would mean it refers to…”

“My Star,” Luna softly confirmed. “And since I know you are too polite to ask, I will tell you how, even after a thousand years, my beloved Star Struck did indeed aid in my liberation and redemption.”


In the annals of history, there had been many references to the ancient scourge known as Nightmare Moon, and dozens of prophecies that foretold her return.

What had been lost to the ever steady beat of the pendulum was the details of how that would be accomplished, to say nothing of when and after how long.
 At first, the dire warnings proclaimed that Nightmare Moon’s return would be imminent, and ponies lived in fear of her escape and return. But when the shock of Luna’s betrayal had been dulled some by time, the prognosticators began to push back their projections. The Living Midnight’s return steadily moved from weeks away to months, from months to years, until finally—and with a firm but unseen nudge from Celestia—the number one thousand was settled on, both for its roundness and its distance from the present.

In fairness, the number had not been selected at random, but there was but one pony who knew that fact. Celestia had spent years in research, trying to determine how quickly Luna’s return and redemption would be. When she had used the Elements of Harmony on her corrupted sister, She Who Brings the Day had thought that the banishment would be somewhere in the vicinity of five to ten years, just long enough for tempers to cool to the point where a meaningful conversation and apology could take place.

But slowly, like a noose being tightened around her neck, Celestia realized that her actions were to have a longer lasting effect. To properly purge the Nightmare from Luna, a thousand years would be needed and not a day sooner. If Celestia attempted to bring Luna back before then, Nightmare Moon’s rage and jealousy would roar back to life, and their conflict began anew, but with Celestia bereft of the Elements.

So the elder had waited and watched with great remorse.

What she had not known—not her, nor anypony else—was that Harmony had felt the sorrow in Celestia’s heart for what had transpired. It knew that the Alicorn of Day could have destroyed the Alicorn of Night, but had held back her power to ensure that would not happen.

And so, when the time came for the Nightmare to be released, Harmony enlisted the help of another.


For a thousand years, Nightmare Moon had laid in wait, bound and consumed by her anger and jealousy. The passage of time rushed by her in a rage-filled blur, until finally, the time for her final triumph had come. 

She had made grand plans for her return to Equestria. She would appear in the main court at high noon, when her sister was sure to be seated on her throne and the Court would be in session. The peasantry would then be witness to the swift and utter destruction of their worthless ‘princess,’ and they would all bend the knee as she ascended to her rightful place and brought her night eternal to pass.

So it was with great confusion that Nightmare Moon found herself in a small cemetery when the cursed elements finally released her from her imprisonment. Her moon was resting near the edge of the western hills, the twilight of dawn imminent on the horizon.

“Ah!” The Living Night drew in a deep breath. “I am free! After so long, I shall have my revenge upon my sister and her sun-loving sycophants! Your time now draws to a close, Celestia. My Night shall last forever!”

“And then what?”

Nightmare Moon whirled around, ready to strike down the pony who had dared to interrupt her. 

She found herself alone, surrounded only by reverent tombstones and the soft chorus of crickets. She glanced around, snarled, and tore at the dirt beneath her with a forehoof. Somepony was here, and she was going to find them and make them pay.

Her eyes then flicked to a large obsidian headstone that rested near the back corner. Her sneer lessened, and without thinking about her actions, she moved slowly towards it.

“So, here I find you again, you lazy layabout.” Nightmare Moon paused to sniff the night lilies that grew near the headstone, her mind flooded with memories of a past long removed. “Always shirking your duties. You were always the most…”

The words of derision died in her throat and made her choke. There was no nightmare that could convince the Mare of Eventide to speak ill of her beloved husband, no amount of malice that could turn her heart away from him. 

Nightmare Moon gently touched the relief of his face in the stone. She could not hold back the flow of memories from that cherished time, nor did she wish to restrict them in the slightest. She recalled, with great fondness and joy, the life she had shared with him: the long discussions during cold winter nights while bundled together under blankets beside the fire, the longing look he always seemed to have whenever she caught him staring at her flanks, the gentle kisses and the tender caresses.

“How I wish you were here,” she whispered. “You gave me all I could ever want or need, and far more. With you, there was nothing I could not do. I was your polar star, but you were my anchor, my life, my all. Without you…”

Tears began to flow, but they were banished with a snort. “This is ridiculous! I am Nightmare Moon, and I shall have my vengeance! You saw my worth, you knew my greatness! Equestria will now behold my dark wonder, and all will cherish me, just as you did! 

“Now, I must make haste.” Nightmare Moon turned her back on the headstone and glanced up to the full moon. “Doubtless, my Sister will send forth champions with the Elements of Harmony. I must ensure they do not succeed. I shall divide them, and eliminate them one by one, as an example and a warning to all who would dare to defy me.” 

Her ebon wings flared, but the dark alicorn did not take flight. Her gaze went over her shoulder and back to the stone. “But, you always abhorred such things, didn’t you? Life was precious, sacred even. To strike down my sister’s champions would… fine. I will spare them, for your sake. They shall live, but they shall not succeed. My Sister shall receive no such leniency.”

Again the Nightmare moved to take flight, but again, her progress halted before it began. With a frustrated snort, she stomped a hoof, like a petulant child who had been told it was time to tidy away their toys. “Arragh! Fine!” She turned to properly glare at the relief in the stone, as if her beloved was present and speaking to her. “I shall spare my infernal sister, too, but she will never again see the light of day! I shall extend the same courtesy she extended to me, and I am sure she will find the moon to be most distressing. It will be most rewarding, to see her imprisoned and unable to interfere while I bend her kingdom to my whims and desires. I will give her your regards, and inform her that it was your idea to deal with her so.

“Now, if you are quite done with impeding my progress, my blessed eternal night will wait no longer. The dead exist in the past, and I must tend to the future.”

With that, Nightmare Moon took to the sky, her dark resolve fixed and unchangeable.


“You know the rest,” Luna concluded with a small grin for Bean’s awe-struck expression. “Because I could not strike directly at the Element Bearers, Twilight Sparkle and her friends rallied together and liberated me, once and for all. Had my Star not interfered on their behalf, this world would have been a much darker place.”    

The story was a bit much for the poor stallion to take in, it seemed. He simply sat there, his mouth hanging half-open, for a few moments. Luna could see the flood of questions building, and she braced herself for it.

“So, your anger was tempered by Star Struck,” he finally said. “His memory made you rethink your actions.”

“Nay. It was not the memory that stayed my wrath. He, himself, prevented the unspeakable.”

“So… so he was there. In the cemetery. With you.”

“Do you find this difficult to believe?”

“No. I mean, I’ve seen him several times myself, so he must have been there with you. I just didn’t think that he could still have that much of an impact or influence in this world.”

“I am convinced the past affects the present far more than we realize, but only if we take the time to realize it. Even after a thousand years, I am still learning how to hear their counsel.”