It felt like shaping fire. Like sculpting the wind itself. Like dominating forces of nature not meant to be controlled. It felt good, intoxicating, and like fire she could feel it burning some part of her. She knew she needed to hold on to something, somewhere, outside of it all. She knew she needed to stop herself from being lost in it. That didn't make it easy.
She'd gotten good at it. Why stop then? She recognised that thought pattern, even if she'd never experienced it herself. She'd read enough about it. It was hardest to quit when one was convinced they could quit at any moment. A kind of submission that blinded creatures, made them think they were the ones in control. Could she be sure she really was?
Not until she was through. But she wasn't to back down again. She was not to stop, not then, not after everything. It would mean a lack of progress. She was at a wall and there was only one way past it, a jump she had to take, and no knowing what was on the other side. No knowing whether she would land or fall until she did it. But she had to, she'd made her choice.
It was so much better than the first time. So much deeper, and stranger, and grander. She'd known and understood so little back then. She'd been so crude. But right then, in that moment, she was something beautiful. Something great. Something, yes, maybe as great as the name implied. Maybe only close to it. But then, she knew they were not like that at all times, so certainly greater than they normally were, if only a reaction of what they could be. Still incredibly powerful. There was arrogance, and there was honesty. She was only applying the latter, and she conceded, understood, that great did not mean right.
But right she had to be. Right she needed to be. In full, in control, over all of it. She had to reach out and see, and hope, and steel herself. She had been wrong. They both had been. What she'd been the first time wasn't comparable, it wasn't close. What she could be would cause so much damage if she lost herself to it. And yet it could do such great things too. No matter. No hesitation. Nothing else she could do. She'd walked to the edge and it was time to walk past it.
So she let it flow. Through her, be her, she channeled something so much greater than her. It was like hearing the world's heart beat, and feel its blood flow through her. And she could divert its course. She could shape its path and its consequences. So she did. Unbridled, unrestrained, giving it all of herself and giving all of herself to it. It was the only way, no succeeding without risking her total failure. She reached imposing out to the world, and her mind wandered to her memories.