//------------------------------// // Chapter XIII: A Thorny Situation // Story: A Purple Pony Princess's Problems on Planet Popstar // by ANerdWithASwitch //------------------------------// Despite the oppressive pre-summer heat, Sunburst still felt a chill run down his spine as he and Princess Luna made their way towards where they thought Starlight had wound up. The princess had apparently narrowed down the possible location of his old friend to one of Equestria’s many small deserts. With the Summer Sun Celebration under a week away and the populus beginning to get suspicious of Princess Twilight’s lack of public appearances, Princess Luna had decided to act as quickly as possible. Which was to say, she flew all the way to the Crystal Empire herself as soon as she had zeroed in on Starlight’s location, grabbed Sunburst, and filled him in on the way. To say that Sunburst was shocked that the princesses suspected his foalhood friend of having formed a cult would be an understatement. Hay, it was disturbing to even think about it. But the princesses, ever the paragons of forgiveness (and pragmatism, Sunburst privately thought), had decided to take the risk and make contact anyway. With most of the Guard in Canterlot preparing for the Celebration and the speed at which Princess Luna had flown northward, the only ponies making contact were himself and the princess, not at all helping Sunburst’s wary attitude. Luna still seemed somewhat upset with him, though far less so than Princess Twilight’s friends had been. He understood, of course; he was equally upset with himself. Despite multiple long hours and late nights working in the portal room, he had been unable to get any closer to locating the universe the wayward princess had gotten off to. For goodness’ sake, he was operating on three hours of sleep most days at this point! Sunburst blinked. Huh, maybe that was part of the problem. Regardless, the chill he felt was less due to the potentially irate princess and more due to the sight before him. Laid out in the dusty valley were two rows of identical houses, all constructed out of a dreary beige brick with dull brown roofing. Not even the late afternoon sun, beginning to light up the sky in the glow of sunset, was able to make the village look interesting. The only splash of color in the entire town were the doors, which were either a faded red, faded cyan, or more brown. Hay, from Sunburst and Luna’s vantage point well above the village, it appeared that even the ponies themselves were desaturated. The town’s structure, though, confused Sunburst something fierce. Simplified urban planning was something he could get behind, sure–he’d lost count of the number of times he’d gotten lost in Canterlot's and the Crystal Empire’s twisting roads, countless alleys, and design better suited to an art contest than a city plan. But this was just extreme. The only asymmetry in the entire village was a single house at the end of the complex, only compromising its bilateral symmetry with a chimney. On either side of it were two plots of farmland, each of which should be enough to comfortably sustain–Sunburst did some quick mental math–around sixty or so ponies. The arid climate, though, seemed to do the farmers no favors. With how small the yield looked from their perch and the number of houses, Sunburst recalculated the village’s population to forty ponies, maximum. And that was if they were pushing it–the food stores seemed low enough that, barring any extreme fasting, thirty was a comfortable maximum. That was barely enough to cover all of the upkeep needs for a town like this, and Sunburst doubted that the ponies that ended up here had the necessary skills for something like that. Luna, though, was concerned for an entirely different reason. Grumbling, the alicorn flared her horn and teleported a thick stack of paper in front of her, which she began leafing through. “Confound these modern laws,” she muttered discontentedly. “In my day, we wouldn’t bother with these trivialities.” “What’s wrong?” Sunburst queried. “Modern Equestrian tax codes,” Luna grumbled. “This whole village does not exist in Our records, ergo they have not been paying taxes. This entire ‘proper’ rigamarole feels wholly unnecessary. Before my banishment, We would simply demand Our dues be paid. With force, if necessary.” Sunburst gulped a bit at the stark reminder that Princess Luna, as much as she was adjusting to the modern world, was from a different time. “I’m sure the tax evasion is a problem,” he stammered, “but honestly, I’m a bit more concerned about the potential ponies’ rights abuses.” Luna nodded. “Of course. But such accusations are usually far more difficult to prove in the-” she rolled her eyes “-modern courts my sister has implemented. Crimes against the state are far simpler to handle. Should Miss Glimmer prove redeemable and open to aiding us, though, We shall offer a formal pardon.” She refocused back on the village and teleported the legal code away again. “Regardless, we must initiate contact.” “R-right,” Sunburst agreed. The two trekked down the craggy slope with no further conversation, but their concern continually increased as they got closer to the village. As Sunburst had noticed from above, the residents’ coats were far more desaturated than the usual pony’s. That was only the tip of the iceberg, however. All of the residents seemed to have a permanent smile, but based on their mannerisms and strained faces even Sunburst could tell it was forced. Most distressing, though, were the cutie marks. Or more accurately, the cutie mark, singular. Every pony in the village had the same cutie mark: a pair of parallel gray line segments forming an equals sign. Sunburst shivered. Between all of this, the town felt horrifyingly unnatural–as if the harmonious nature of magic itself had been perverted into a twisted vision of order. Then one of the ponies’ ever-present grins split as they opened their mouth, and it only got worse from there. “Welcome!” The usually comforting phrase felt purely wrong. The first syllable was drawn out far longer than was natural, placing emphasis in the wrong place. And the tone. Sunburst shivered again. The tone spoke more of a welcoming for indoctrination, not one of a warm greeting. A second “Welcome!” was shot their way, and Sunburst forced himself to consider their objective, much like what he assumed Luna was doing. That quickly led his thoughts down another rabbit hole, though. He still couldn’t believe the princesses’ conclusion. Sure, Starlight was a bit vindictive at times and somewhat asocial, but there was no way in Tartarus she’d stoop so low as to create a community like this. Right? Oh by Celestia’s sun two of them were walking right towards them. "Welcome!” the unicorn stallion said as Sunburst retreated a bit, placing Princess Luna between him and the pair. If the two noticed, they didn’t show it. “Pardon my forwardness,” he blinked and tilted his head, “but are you an alicorn?” “I am Princess Luna,” the royal introduced herself. “We are here to meet with your leader.” “I’m sure Starlight will just love to meet you!” the other stallion, an earth pony, exclaimed. It seemed genuine, but Sunburst still had to suppress a shudder. “I’m Double Diamond, and this here is Party Favor!” “Salutations,” Luna said, politely nodding to the two of them. “I presume that this Starlight is in the house at the end of the rows?” Party Favor nodded. “Starlight’s always happy to meet newcomers to our little village!” he exposited, the grin never leaving his face. The group started forward, moving ever-closer to that final building. “Starlight founded this town, you know!” Double Diamond added. “Oh, we are well aware of that,” Luna responded. In only a few moments, mostly prodded forward by the princess’s long strides, they had reached the doorstep. Cheerful as ever, Double Diamond opened the door. “Starlight! We have some new visitors!” he called out. As they waited for Starlight to arrive, Sunburst took in the scenery. It wasn’t anything special–the house’s interior was just as drab as its exterior. The only thing that was really notable was the framed picture of an equal sign hung up on the wall and a few potted plants. Really, it was quite far from what he would’ve expected, given what he remembered of Starlight’s personality. The door on the opposite wall finally opened, and Sunburst got a good look at his foalhood friend for the first time in over a decade. And honestly, it looked like she hadn’t changed all that much. She had the same vibrant lilac coat, the same two-tone mane, though it seemed that she’d dropped the pigtails she’d liked to style it with as a filly. Her grin felt almost rehearsed, as if she prepared for this sort of event regularly. “Welc-” She cut herself off, however, the moment she caught sight of Sunburst. As soon as their eyes met, Starlight froze in place and her face seemed to go through several emotions in only a few seconds. “Sunburst?” she asked, disbelief coloring her voice. Sunburst gave her a shaky smile and a slight wave. “H-hey, Starlight. It’s been a while.” Applejack sighed into her drink as the sunset glowed through the windows. Berry’s Barrel was one of the few proper taverns in Ponyville, where one could go to have a drink and get some good old fashioned bartender’s advice. And at this point, Applejack sorely needed somepony to talk to. She and Rainbow still weren’t really on speaking terms, Rarity had sequestered herself away in her boutique to throw herself into her work, Fluttershy hadn’t left her cottage in days, and Pinkie was still just trying to make the best of their situation, as if she could just smile away Twilight’s disappearance. Applejack scoffed. Even if there was nothing to be done, they should still at least be trying to get Twilight back. Despite the general white noise of the building, it seemed that the bartender had heard her. Berry Punch, the owner and head bartender of the tavern, looked up from where she was cleaning a glass and cocked an eyebrow. “You alright there, Applejack?” Applejack sighed from her seat at the bar. “To be honest, Berry, Ah’m not.” Berry gave her a sympathetic look. “In the mood to talk about what ails you?” Applejack frowned. “Ah’m not sure how much Ah’m actually allowed to say…” “Well, if it’s classified information, I guess I really shouldn’t know, huh?” Berry responded with a cringe. To anypony else, it would’ve seemed genuine, but Applejack could see right through the façade of disinterest. Berry was one of the most prominent gossipers in Ponyville. Oh, she wouldn’t share ponies’ information without permission, of course, but she was the type to want to know everything. There was no way she wouldn’t try to pry as much information out of Applejack as possible. She needed a way to throw her off her trail, stat. Applejack sighed again. “Well, Ah suppose Ah can tell ya that Dash ain’t been talkin’ to me again.” Berry frowned. “The two of you had another falling out?” Applejack waved a hoof. “Eh, sorta. We’re probably just bein’ stubborn again, though.” Berry rolled her eyes. “To be frank, the two of you seem to get in some spat or another every other week.” Her expression softened. “But I know nothing can keep you six apart for long!” The purple mare grinned up at Applejack. “You’re the Elements, after all!” Applejack cringed again and stared down at her still completely-untouched drink; she’d ordered the beer several minutes ago and just couldn’t bring herself to actually drink it. “Yeah,” she eventually agreed. “We are.” Before Berry could express her clear confusion at Applejack’s response, the ground suddenly rumbling cut off all conversation in the tavern. Ponies looked around in confusion as the noise only increased, and that confusion quickly turned to fear as the sound of screaming started filtering in from outside. Applejack spun around and sat straight up on the bar stool, her ears swiveling around the brim of her Stetson. Then the screaming inside started as a window shattered and a jet black vine smashed through. “What in tarnation?” Applejack shouted, staring at the offending piece of foliage. She got up and trotted over to the now unmoving vine for a closer look. It was covered in sharp, bright blue thorns, and the vine itself seemed jagged with hard, nearly perpendicular bends in the wood at random intervals. The farmer had to suppress a shiver at the sight. Applejack knew plants, but this just felt wrong. She had no time to consider it further though, as the door slammed open to admit a panting filly. Applejack glanced over and, narrowing her eyes, immediately began making her way towards the newcomer. “Apple Bloom!” she said, her tone somewhere between surprise and scolding. “What’re you doin’ here?” Apple Bloom panted a couple more times before inhaling. “Ah was lookin’ all over the farm for you but then Big Mac said you went to the Barrel,” she started rambling a bit, “so Ah came here to get you but there were so many vines in town Ah I had to run and-” “Get to the point, Sugarcube,” Applejack softly cut her off. Apple Bloom took a deep breath. “The vines’re goin’ after our trees!” Applejack’s eyes widened and she started galloping towards the door. “Why didn’tcha lead with that?” She stopped short as soon as she got out of the building, though, Apple Bloom catching up moments later. “‘Cause it’s not just the farm,” she answered. All around Ponyville, massive black vines, just like the one that smashed through the Barrel’s window, were sprouting from the ground. Even as Applejack watched, they twisted and contorted in ways completely unnatural for vines. Above them, strange spiked clouds moved around haphazardly, and she could definitely make out a rainbow trail pursuing one. Applejack’s jaw dropped. “What in the world…?” “Yes, this situation is quite dreadful,” Rarity’s voice suddenly interjected. The two earth ponies whirled around to face her. The white-coated mare and her sister trotted forward, the former looking around with an expression somewhere between revulsion and disdain and the latter sticking close next to her, though Sweetie Belle’s eyes did light up upon seeing Apple Bloom. “All these vines simply ruin Ponyville’s small town charm!” Rarity continued. “And they mess with magic, too!” Sweetie added. She shrieked as another vine burst from the ground not far from the group and shuffled even closer to Rarity. The mare wrapped a comforting foreleg over her sister’s withers. “Stay close, Sweetie. We don’t know what else these things are capable of.” “So what do y’all reckon we can do ‘bout ‘em?” Applejack questioned, still stunned by the floral invasion. Rarity frowned. “Well, ordinarily I would suggest we locate the source of this predicament and use the Elements on the ne’er-do-well that caused it, but…” “Since Twi ain’t here,” Applejack finished, “we can’t do that.” “Well, yes, that much is obvious,” Rarity said, “but I am uncertain if there even is a single entity at fault, here.” “Now how do ya figure that?” Applejack asked. “Strange, unpredictable weather and invasive plants seem to me more like an issue with the Forest,” Rarity explained. She frowned again. “But, if my memory of grade-school history serves me well, the Everfree hasn’t expanded one iota in all of recorded history!” “So somethin’ has to be causin’ this!” Applejack retorted. A rainbow contrail descended right in front of them, depositing a battered Rainbow Dash on the ground. Given how parts of her mane and tail were smoking from what Applejack presumed were small lightning strikes, she looked like she’d picked a fight with the clouds and lost. “Yeah, and I’ve got a solid guess on who’s been messing everything up!” she almost snarled as she stared back up at the sky. “Would you be ever so kind as to enlighten us, Rainbow?” Rarity asked. “Assuming, that is, that you and Applejack are on speaking terms again?” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah think this’s a might bit more important than me and Dash’s stubbornness.” “What she said,” Rainbow agreed. She pointed upward. “The sunset tonight was scheduled for 7:52. And it’s-” the Ponyville bell tower started ringing out, “-eight o’clock.” Rarity gasped. “But, if something’s happened to the Princess…” Applejack growled. “We should’ve never trusted that two-timin’ varmint,” she said in a low voice. “Discord’s behind this, he has to be. No one else could cause this much chaos.” Rainbow nodded. “I’ve had it up to here with chaos shenanigans messing with my clouds,” she said, reaching a hoof up to her head for emphasis. “I say we get Discord here and kick his sorry flank all the way to next Tuesday.” “Not that I disagree,” Rarity cut in, “but how are we to summon him in the first place? The spell that Princess Celestia gave us only works with all six Elements present.” Applejack tapped a hoof to her chin in thought. “Flutters did say she was gonna ask Discord to look for Twi. Maybe she can get a hold of him?” “Fluttershy did what?” Rarity exclaimed. “Even after we all told her not to involve that scoundrel?” “Yep,” Applejack affirmed, popping the p. “After our big ol’ fight last weekend she said she was gonna ask him to find Twilight.” Rarity sighed. “Well, I suppose that I cannot fault her for taking what must have seemed like the only option at the time.” “What’re we waiting for?” Rainbow shouted, taking to the air. “Let’s get the rest of the girls and go kick some draconequus tail!” “Hold on a moment, Dash!” Applejack called, stopping Rainbow midair before she could speed off towards Sugarcube Corner. The farm mare turned to the two foals, who were at this point watching everything around them with wide eyes. “You two need to get someplace safe.” “Don’t worry about that, Applejack, I can watch them,” Berry’s voice piped up from the doorway. It seemed that she'd been listening in on at least part of the conversation. “You guys go save the world.” Rainbow and Applejack nodded at her and took off to grab Pinkie. Rarity took a little bit longer to nuzzle Sweetie Belle before following. “Be good for Miss Punch!” she called as she ran off. There was a loud crash from inside the Barrel, prompting Berry to mutter something under her breath and turn around. “I go outside for ten seconds-” she started shouting, though the two fillies tuned her out rather quickly. “So, we’re grabbing Scoots and following them, right?” Apple Bloom whispered. Sweetie frowned, looking around. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” she whispered back. “Well, Ah’m goin’,” Apple Bloom huffed. “Ah’m big enough to help on the farm, so Ah’m big enough to help here!” Sweetie Belle’s eyes widened as her friend took off. “Apple Bloom!” she hissed, but the other filly was already out of hearing range. Sweetie whimpered a bit, but glanced to make sure that Berry was still turned around before sneaking after Apple Bloom. “We’re gonna get in so much trouble for this…” she muttered. Starlight really had no idea what to think. After all these years, only now he decided to show up? Now, after she had worked so tirelessly to set up her perfect haven of equality? Now, after he had spent over a decade ignoring her very existence? And he even had the absolute gall to show up with an alicorn–probably a princess. As much as she wanted to scream at Sunburst, she had to tread carefully; one wrong word could see her in prison, if her assumption of the blue alicorn being royalty was correct. She grit her teeth and forced herself to maintain her smile. “Yep!” she replied, her voice as cheery as she could make it. “Thirteen years. A while indeed. How’ve you been?” Sunburst adjusted his glasses and fiddled with his goatee a bit. “I’ve been…uh…alright, I suppose. You?” Starlight waved a hoof back and forth. “Oh, a bit of this, a bit of that, you know how life is.” From the alicorn’s expression, it seemed like she wasn’t buying her ruse, even if Sunburst looked like he was falling for it wholeheartedly. Luckily, her followers–she mentally coughed–friends were there to back her up. “Starlight helped us all discover our truest selves!” Double Diamond interjected happily. Party Favor nodded along. “She showed us just how much better life was without our cutie marks!” The alicorn raised an eyebrow at that, and Starlight mentally swore. She still wasn’t convinced. “Be that as it may,” she said, “We are not here on a simple visit. This town was, by Our best estimate, founded over three years ago, correct?” Starlight nodded, her nervousness increasing. “As this settlement never filed for self-governance, it owes several tens of thousands of bits to the Equestrian government in back taxes.” At both Double Diamond and Party Favor’s cries of protest, the princess raised a hoof. “However,” she said, gritting her teeth a bit, “due to…extenuating circumstances, that may be waived.” Starlight gulped. “What circumstances?” “Legally speaking, miss Glimmer,” the alicorn said, peering down at the much smaller unicorn, “you have been dead for over eight years.” Starlight actually recoiled a bit. “Wh-what?” Sunburst nodded. “According to Princess Luna-” Starlight filed that name away for later “-your missing ponies case went cold a few months after you ran away, and then you were declared legally deceased not too long after.” He padded at the ground a bit, an anxious tic he’d had even as a foal. “But the princesses need somepony skilled at magic, and I just know that you’re up to the task!” Starlight tilted her head in confusion. “What, and you going to magic school up in Canterlot wasn’t enough?” Sunburst cringed. “I’m good at the theory, but I don’t have nearly the power or skill to pull something like what we need off. You were always way better at that than I was.” He perked up a bit after glancing at both the town’s residents present. “Speaking of, how’d you do it? Whatever magic you're using to mess with cutie marks has got to be insane!” Before Starlight could respond, Double Diamond, ever the hypestallion, interjected. “She uses the Staff of Sameness to remove our cutie marks and stores them in the Vault!” Well, crap, Starlight thought, struggling to maintain her smile. Time to flex my carefully honed bullshitting skills. Sunburst once again adjusted his glasses and leaned forward, his earlier apprehension forgotten. “The Staff of Sameness?” he asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of something like that.” For a brief moment, Starlight’s smile was genuine as she remembered a foalhood long since gone. Back when Sunburst would get all excited over a new spell he found out about or a book he’d started reading. The pair used to spend hours at a time messing about with magic and games before his damned cutie mark got in the way and his parents shipped him off to Canterlot to be like his older sister. With that thought, though, she was snapped back to reality and considered her options. Sunburst would still be easy to fool; she could feed him small bits of information about her spell and he’d never see it coming when she stole his mark. Luna, on the other hoof, was an unknown. Alicorns were dangerous, but if she acted quickly enough, she should be able to rend her mark from her body before she had a chance to retaliate. It would take all the social maneuvering she could manage, but she would worm her way out of this one, she was certain. “Oh, as far as I could tell, records of the Staff have been mostly lost to time,” Starlight lied, waving her hoof dismissively. “It’s no surprise you haven’t heard of it.” She made sure to keep her smile and focused on Sunburst. “Perhaps you would like to see our Cutie Mark Vault?” Just as Starlight predicted, Sunburst took the bait hook, line, and sinker; he enthusiastically nodded, ecstatic to see some new magic. She couldn’t quite read the princess’s expression, but Starlight took that as a good sign. Luna wasn’t outright antagonizing her yet, so she still had some grip on the situation. Plus, given that they seemed to want her help with something, she had an extra bargaining chip. “I, too, would like a look at this ‘Vault,’” Luna eventually said. “I have a certain…knowledge, shall we say, of ancient magical artifacts. I may be able to identify your Staff.” Starlight gulped a bit. “Of course,” she weakly responded, trying her damnedest not to stutter. That was another hitch in her plan, but she could definitely work around it. She’d built this town up from nothing, after all; her work couldn’t just be all dismantled in a single day! “It’s a few minute’s walk to the cave, but I can lead you there now, if you’d like.” “That would be preferable, yes,” Luna agreed. “I would like to get this over with as quickly as possible.” She and Sunburst turned and left the building, presumably to wait outside. Now with just her two most loyal followers in the room, Starlight let out a sigh. “Double Diamond, Party Favor, would you two be dears and gather up the rest of the town?” she asked, her voice low enough that the guests wouldn’t overhear. “We may have some new converts soon!” Discord was having a great day. Wonderful, even. He’d had the amazing foresight to record the goings-on on Popstar so he could rewatch them whenever he wished, even if he wasn’t there to witness it live! Snapping his paw, he summoned a copy of himself to pat himself on the back for that one, which he dismissed as soon as the deed was done. He’d even moved his window into Void’s favorite universe to his home in Chaosville. Sure, it took some extra finangling with the In-Between’s fabric of unreality and may have inadvertently destabilized an uninhabited universe seven teraparsecs kata such that it would end a few hundred billion years earlier than it would have otherwise, but that was a small price to pay for watching Twiggles get trounced from the comfort of his own home! He really didn’t envy her. Getting her crap kicked in by a baby god had to hurt, as much as Discord found it terribly amusing. As he rewound the tape to watch Sparkle get chucked into a mountain again, he threw another clawful of self-summoned jelly beans in his mouth and considered the flavors. Jalapeño, wet socks, avocado toast, salmon, printer ink, C#, charm, orange (the color, that is, not the fruit), and strawberry. A wonderfully chaotic combination. A knock at his door interrupted his musings and he rolled his eyes. He waved his talon, summoning a remote to turn off the window. “Come in!” he called. Instead of someone entering through his front door, though, a copy of himself dressed in business casual–though with an askew tie–materialized from his ceiling and ran down his stairs to nowhere. “Sir Discord, sir!” he shouted. Discord groaned and twisted himself around in his couch without ever actually standing up. “This better be an emergency or you’re fired.” The intern Discord nodded rapidly. “Fluttershy pressed The Button!” he exclaimed. The original Discord gasped. “The Button?” he clarified. “The button we told her only to press if it was an absolute emergency? The button I thought she’d never press because she’s too nice to call me even in an emergency? That button?” “The Button,” his copy affirmed. Immediately, metal shutters rolled down over all the house’s windows, plunging the building into darkness save for a flashing red light with no discernable source. An alarm started blaring as more copies of Discord–these ones dressed in military garb from various countries and time periods–ran into the main room from numerous hallways that hadn’t existed before. The original Discord donned an officer’s uniform, complete with a bubble pipe, and began pacing back and forth. “Alright, men,” he said to the chaotic assemblage of Discords, his voice far gruffer than usual, “we’ve been summoned to Fluttershy’s cottage to face an unknown threat.” Dramatically, he pointed to a door that had just materialized next to his front door, overlapping with his shuttered window in a way that shouldn’t be physically possible. Taking a drag from his pipe and exhaling the soapy bubbles, he continued. “We don’t know what’s gonna be on the other side, so we’ve gotta be ready for everything!” “But sir!” a Discord dressed as a Roman legionnaire shouted. “What sort of entrance will you be making?” Discord grinned. “I’m glad you asked!” He snapped his tail, summoning a changing screen from outside his peripheral. His shadow rummaged around behind it, tossing a wig, monocle, and single hiking boot out before he stood back up. When he dismissed the screen, he was wearing a pair of swimming trunks and a brightly-colored snorkel. Excitedly, he threw open the door to reveal a bathroom. In nary a moment, he’d flown over to the toilet, opened it, and proudly stood up in it. “Au revoir!” He reached over and flushed the toilet, spinning him around a few times. At the third rotation, he gave a salute to his gathered copies and, with a descending series of a few notes, spun his way down the drain. A couple seconds later, he emerged from Fluttershy’s kitchen sink faucet with a burst of confetti. Uncoiling himself from her sink, he loudly and gleefully announced, “I hath arrived!” His pronouncement was met by silent stares. Fluttershy seemed almost ashamed, hiding a bit behind her mane. Pinkie seemed the most joyful, smiling up at him. The orange one whose name he never bothered to remember (unless it suited him, of course) had her hoof firmly on The Button, which, based on its position and the open drawer, had been extricated from Fluttershy’s possession against her will. Skittles was already in his face and ready to attack him. The final mare–what was her name again? Fairity? Parity? Ah, right, Schmarity! Unfortunate name, that one. Regardless, she was leveling an icy glare at him. Discord, of course, cared not for what most of these ponies thought of him, so their hatred splashed off as easily as water on polyethylene. Really, he was more affronted at their lack of response in general. He threw off his snorkel and scoffed. “Really?” he incredulously asked. “I go through all that effort to make an entrance and I don’t get any recognition for it?” A beat passed before Pinkie started enthusiastically applauding, along with Fluttershy weakly and confusedly clapping her forehooves together as she hovered. Discord grinned. At least some ponies appreciated his efforts. The orange one–ah, right, Jackapple, that was her name–snorted. “Listen, we ain’t here to feed your ego. You’re gonna help us fix whatever mess you caused or it’s back to stone with ya!” Discord noted at that point that four of the mares, excluding Fluttershy, were wearing their Elements. Of course, it wasn’t like the things could rainbow laser him without all six, but the gems were still powerful conduits for harmony magic. Not that he had any intention of letting them know that. Instead, he rolled his eyes. “Please, as much as I would absolutely love to take credit for whatever crises you’re experiencing, I simply cannot.” He placed a paw over his chest and smiled. “I’m reformed, don’t you remember? So if you’ve used my Emergency Button without this really needing me, I’ll just be going, now.” “Not so fast, Buster!” he heard Skittles shout as soon as he turned his back. Sighing, Discord split himself in half to allow the irate pegasus to fly right through him and into the opposite wall. “Discord,” Fluttershy almost whispered as he reformed, but it still caught his attention. “Something’s wrong with the Sun, and there’s invasive black vines everywhere. Ponies are scared and all my animal friends are too frightened to go outside.” She looked up, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, and Discord felt his normal sassy attitude melting. “Can you help?” she asked, and he really couldn’t say no to her. Besides, to mess with the Sun, one would need immense amounts of power or access to chaos magic and to have already taken out Celly. And the only beings on Equus with that kind of power were dead, locked in Tartarus, ruling the country, himself, or… Discord finally spared a glance out of Fluttershy’s kitchen window, seeing the veritable sea of plundervines spilling out of the Everfree for the first time. For the briefest of moments, his eyes widened and he actually grimaced. This…might be an actual problem.