//------------------------------// // A Grave Affair Put To Rest // Story: Stitched // by Jest //------------------------------// Rarity arose from the vat of acid as gracefully as a newly defleshed being of resplendent white bone could manage. Which is to say barely at all, as she was still getting used to moving her limbs without the use of muscles. This was fairly difficult and took a bit of focus but Rarity was an expert at multitasking. Clambering to the edge of the tub, Rarity hauled herself over the edge and lay on the ground. As she gathered herself, she looked about her now mostly ruined storage room in the basement of her Canterlot boutique. Once a warehouse for her unsold product, it had gained a rather grim new purpose of removing flesh from bone. Rarity lamented the change only briefly, a sudden flash catching her attention. Glancing out of the corner of her eye, Rarity noticed the familiar purple flame as a letter burnt up. As if guided by Spike’s breath, it filtered out the basement window and vanished into the mid-morning darkness. “I am surprised you are still awake darling,” Rarity offered, using a simple spell to replicate speech, a necessity now that she was naught but bones. “It wouldn't be the first time I’ve pulled an all-nighter to help a friend,” Twilight replied. The alicorn barely even phased by the long hours she had spent awake, but that wasn't too strange. Rarity had heard of Twilight's self-proclaimed ‘epic research adventures’ on more than one occasion. That and she had also been privy to many stories, courtesy of Spike, that concluded with finding Twilight asleep on a book. “I appreciate it, darling,” Rarity remarked. The skeleton then hefted herself from the ground, assembling her bones into the shape of a pony. “We should also probably use a hardening lacquer or something in order to protect against wear and tear,” Twilight muttered. “But we can do that later.” “Right. Now, what are we going to do about me? I don't think our disguises from before will work this time,” Rarity offered. “Oh uh yeah. No,” Twilight murmured. “But don't worry, I’ve got a backup idea.” The alicorn then pulled out a bag, one that she slung over her withers. “Get it? It's a backpack, and I said I had a backup,” Twilight asked, only to frown. “Oh no. All these dead puns are making me as bad as Pinkie.” “Noone’s as bad as Pinkie,” Rarity replied. “Though at least she would have more grace than to stuff me into a saddle bag.” “It's either this or I teleport us there,” Twilight retorted. “Nuh-uh, no way. Teleportation destroys the original body and then makes a new one. I already died once and I don't want to do it again,” Rarity exclaimed. “I thought you wanted to learn how to teleport, also that's not how it works,” Twilight shot back. “Well, when you’re stuck in a vat of acid for eight hours you get to thinking,” Rarity stated. Twilight hummed. “Fair. But on the way back to Ponyville I will explain how teleportation works and I’m sorry to say that there is nothing you can do to stop me.” She was not, in fact, sorry at all, but that's beside the point. “Fine,” Rarity conceded. “Now then. Can we continue to our rendezvous, or should we wait for noon?” “Nah, if I remember correctly they were a bit of a…” Twilight paused, clearly searching for a word. “Early riser.” Rarity stared at the bag on her friend’s back, frowning internally with barely contained annoyance. Of course, to anyone else, it just looked like the skeleton was emotionless, leaving Twilight to just assume that she was not thrilled by the idea. “Alright then,” Rarity muttered in a low, defeated tone. “Haul me.” Twilight grinned. “By the way,” Rarity muttered, her empty eye sockets peeking out of the lip of Twilight's backpack. “Who were you sending a letter to this morning?” Twilight slowed down for a moment, nearly causing an overweight mare to run into the princess. “Just Spike,” Twilight offered. “We did leave in a hurry yesterday.” Though it made sense, the explanation didn't make Rarity’s suspicions go away completely. She couldn't exactly do anything about that, however, not while she was stuffed into a bag being carried by Twilight. One may have assumed that having one's entire body tangled up in such a manner would have been unpleasant. Yet to Rarity, it felt exhilarating in a way, as if she had done the final boss of yoga, and unlocked her third eye or something. Without anything to talk about, they walked in silence, with Twilight occasionally glancing down at the card they had been given. Her occasional mutters could sometimes be heard by Rarity, who picked up on her friend’s confusion. Twilight clearly didn't expect to find their target at the location they were rapidly approaching. Her confusion only grew as they passed by a large four-story home in upper Canterlot. There, standing before them was a rather large house equally as opulent as the rest in the area. It was also, Rarity noticed, only a block away from where Twilight's parent’s lived. “Are you sure this is the place?” Rarity whispered from inside the bag. “Only one way to find out,” Twilight replied. Twilight walked up to the large door and paused just before reaching for the knocker. “What's the hold-up?” Rarity asked. “Here, you tell me,” Twilight retorted. Turning to the side, Twilight revealed that the knocker was made of brass and was shaped like a ballsack dangling from a hook. “Augh, how gauche,” Rarity muttered. “I’m surprised that's not an HOA violation given the rather opulent area.” “If it isn't, it should be,” Twilight murmured. “Well, go on,” Rarity encouraged. Twilight grumbled but reluctantly lit her horn, refusing to touch something as ridiculous as the fake pair of testicles. Three rapid knocks later, the pair stood quietly on the stoop, glancing about the area. The enormous covered porch was very turn of the century, in Rarity’s judgment though her inspection ended rather abruptly after only a few seconds. The door opened, and a dour-looking earth pony with grey fur, a long black mane, and a pick bow tie emerged. Her expression was flat, neutral, and she eyed Twilight with not the presumed sense of awe a princess usually inspired. “What is it?” she demanded. “We were looking for Scratch. We have a rather personal commission for her,” Twilight whispered in a low tone. “Why are you whispering, its just us,” deadpanned the other mare, who refused to introduce herself though whose name was Octavia, if it wasn't already obvious. “Because its important, and secret,” Twilight replied. Octavia rolled her eyes and took a deep breathe. “Vinyl, you have a client!” shouted the mare in a voice so loud Rarity felt her bones vibrate for a few seconds. “Just a sec!” yelled back another voice. “So uh, did you guys happen to get my letter?” Twilight inquired in an even quieter tone. One so low that Rarity could barely even hear. “The mail is not delivered on Sunday,” Octavia deadpanned. “Oh, it was magical. You know, dragon fire,” Twilight added, wiggling her hoof in emphasis as if that helped illustrate her point. Octavia raised an eyebrow. “We installed a blocker after one too many spam letters showed up.” Twilight shifted from hoof to hoof. “Oh no. Uh okay. Rarity, I’m going to leave you here for a moment while I-” “Wait, Rarity is here? Don't tell me shes the skull poking out of your bag?” Octavia inquired. “Oh I am, unfortunately,” Rarity replied. “Look why don't you two get acquainted while I just peek inside for a moment and have a chat with Vinyl? Hows that sound?” Twilight half asked, half stated, a crooked grin spreading across her face. “I don't see why wouldn't stay out here,” Rarity stated as she was unceremoniously shoved into Octavia’s confused hooves. “Plus I don't want you in my house,” Octavia added. “Just like, two seconds I need to-” Twilight's hurried offer was cut off when Vinyl Scratch appeared, the bespectacled mare picking Twilight up and squeezing her tightly. “Oh if it isn't my favorite customer. Would you look at that, you haven't even split any seems. That's rare,” Vinyl Scratch proclaimed, dropping the alicorn back on the ground. “So what are you hear for, a bit of extra fluff around the goods, or- wait don't tell me.” Vinyl Scratch raised a hoof. “You figured out the issue with our experiments on replicating a stomach! Aha, I knew you’d get it eventually.” “Oh uh no I’m definitely not a doll,” Twilight proclaimed. “That was all a joke, a joke between old friends. Isn't that right?” “Ha, your such a kidder, sure you're a doll, in more than one way,” Vinyl Scratch replied, elbowing Twilight in the squishy midsection. “Twilight,” Rarity began. “Explain.” The alicorn looked to Rarity, and for a moment got a flash of the unicorn’s signature tired glare. The expression brooked no argument and shut down Twilight's initial urge of teleporting away. “Guess the cat’s out of the bag, eh?” Twilight muttered, in a surprisingly accurate Canadian accent. “Oh? You didn't know? Dang, and here I thought you two were here on some kinda weird date thing,” Vinyl Scratch remarked, scratching the back of her neck. “I do believe that's a thing that only we do, dear,” Octavia offered. “Heh. We are freaks like that,” Vinyl admitted. “Wait, first off. Are you two dead as well?” Rarity inquired. “Guilty as charged,” Vinyl declared. “Actually there is no law against being an undead,” Twilight corrected. “Whatever, egghead,” Octavia retorted. The deadpan mare and her dead mare shared a hoof bump. “But yes,” Vinyl picked back up. “We are both deceased. See?” The musician then removed her glasses to reveal that she had big black buttons for eyes. Octavia followed it up by pulling back her bangs and showing off a rather wicked-looking scar that went across her entire forehead. “What happened?” Rarity inquired. “Got killed, and resurrected by the spiritual embodiment of adulthood,” Vinyl stated. “Its a whole thing, don't worry about analyzing it too much, just enjoy how pretty the whole thing is.” “My mother is Frankenmare,” Octavia added. “Oh really? Do you mind answering a few questions because I need to know. Does that make you the monster or your mother?” Twilight asked. “I’m Octavia,” deadpanned Octavia. “Anyway,” Rarity interjected. “Twilight, what happened to you?” “Alright, so you know that first week after I became an alicorn where I just sorta, fell off the planet?” Twilight inquired. Rarity wiggled her head in an approximation of a nod. “Right, so I was so paranoid about failing in my duties that looked up every law that has ever been passed in Equestrian history,” Twilight began. “Which is why you know being a corpse isn't against the law,” Rarity pointed out. “Exactly, and well I kinda did what you did,” Twilight continued, pausing to shrug. “Got super focused, died, brought myself back, and then ended up seeing Vinyl. The last time I saw her she was single, and living across town.” “Yeah its been a crazy few years. Did you know I’m technically a duke now? Nutty stuff eh?” Vinyl remarked. “It has been tumultuous, but amazing,” Octavia added, her voice gaining the first bit of emotion Rarity had noticed. “And yeah. That's kind of everything,” Twilight winced. “I hope you’re not too surprised, or mad at me.” “Oh I’m just surprised it didn't happen earlier given your penchant for late-night study sessions,” Rarity exclaimed. “Thankfully my mother watched over me, otherwise I would have probably totally died when I was like, ten,” Twilight admitted. “I have a few questions though,” Rarity stated. “So long as you don't ask me something like, what is beauty? I never did enjoy philosophy,” Twilight replied. Rarity wished, not for the first time, that she had eyes solely to roll them in annoyance. “No, that is not one of my concerns. Rather I was wondering why you have emotions and I don't.” “Oh, I uh… fixed that,” Twilight admitted. “Sick, really? When did that happen?” Vinyl asked. “Like, right after coming to Ponyville. Getting friends really opened me up to new experiences,” Twilight replied. “I don't think that's what Rarity meant,” Octavia retorted. Twilight blinked. “Oh right, the whole dead emotions thing not me learning to express my emotions thing. About, two months after I died. I think? That time was a bit of a blur.” “So when were you thinking of fixing that for me?” Rarity asked. “After we got you a body so you wouldn't freak out too much,” Twilight answered, wincing and rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry if that's a bit selfish.” “No, thats… understandable,” Rarity murmured. “Wow, you two are like, really good at this whole communication thing,” Vinyl murmured. “Kinda makes me want to do better too.” “You do tend to bottle things up,” Octavia pointed out. “True,” Vinyl muttered. “Next question,” Rarity continued. “Why were you so gung ho on ‘studying’ me after finding out I died. Didn't you have other subjects, like Vinyl here, or yourself?” “Vinyl’s a special case, also I couldn't have done that. With a sample size of one, any conclusions I came up with would be worthless,” Twilight explained. “She does have a point,” Vinyl added. “Hush, the new couple are working out their differences,” Octavia demanded. “Sorry you two,” Vinyl whispered. “We are not… nevermind,” Rarity glanced back to Twilight. “Is that why you were so annoyed by the heartless comment?” Twilight grimaced. “Yeah. It was a bit of a sore spot even before I died. Everyone assumed since I was so intent on studying that I hated them and so I was called that a lot.” “I am very sorry Twilight. Please imagine that I am gently squeezing your shoulder right now,” Rarity offered. Twilight patted Rarity’s phantom limb. “Thank you Rarity.” “Last question,” Rarity declared. “I’m assuming you don't want anyone to know about your condition, correct?” Twilight nodded again. “Alright, then you have bought my silence. Under one condition,” Rarity offered. “Of course, anything!” Twilight immediately replied. “You get me a body as good as yours,” Rarity replied. Twilight winced. “I don't suppose its too late to change my answer to anything but that?” “Nope, shes got you good there Twi,” Vinyl remarked. “Yes, I believe Rarity has you by the metaphorical balls,” Octavia exclaimed. Twilight grumbled. “Fine. Vinyl, could you assist me?” “Of course. I always wanted a second vacation home. What do you say Octy, want a chateau in prance?” Vinyl asked. “Darling, please. You know the answer to that question already,” Octavia replied. Vinyl chuckled. “Oh, this is gonna be good.” “I’m gonna need a new bank account after this,” Twilight muttered. Rarity strode through the entrance to her boutique in Ponyville, a smile on her disturbingly realistic face. All but prancing through her shop, the fashionista fell into her fainting couch with a soft, barely audible squeak. Twilight followed behind, flicking on the lights, and banishing the darkness that filled every nook. “This is amazing darling. Vinyl sure does good work,” Rarity proclaimed. “Well when you’ve had to maintain your own semi-inanimate body your whole adult life, you get pretty good at it,” Twilight replied, the alicorn sitting down across from the other mare. “So,” Rarity began, a cheeky smile spreading across her face. “You didn't seem overly put off when they assumed we were dating.” “Well, I mean… you are very pretty. We’ve established that what, eight times now?” Twilight muttered. “Oh but whos counting?” Rarity dismissed with a smirk. Twilight chuckled. “Well you probably already know this but I’ve had a slight crush on you for a while.” “Oh I can tell darling, and despite you annoying me at every turn I can say this entire debacle has only made me appreciate you even more,” Rarity proclaimed. Twilight's eyes widened, though not literally, as they were made of enchanted glass. “You don't mean…” Twilight began, her tone hopeful. “I’m not promising anything,” Rarity interrupted, holding up a hoof. “But, I think you’ve earned at least a first date.” “Yes,” Twilight whispered, pumping a hoof in victory. Rarity opened her mouth to begin discussing what they could do before Sweetie Belle entered the room. Bleary-eyed, wearing pajamas, and clutching a teddybear, the young girl peered around the darkened area quizzically. “Rarity, Twilight. Is that you?” Sweetie Belle murmured. “Oh, I’m sorry darling. Did we wake you?” Rarity inquired, walking over to Sweetie Belle and cupping her cheeks. “No, I was just going to sleep, also your hooves are really soft,” Sweetie Belle murmured. “Thank you, darling, but you really should get back to bed,” Rarity pressed. “What about you guys, you didn't just get home did you?” Sweetie Belle asked. “We took the midnight train, going Anywhere, but thankfully after that brief stop, it came to Ponyville,” Twilight offered. Sweetie Belle frowned. “Oh wow, you guys must be dead tired.” The two corpse dolls stared at one another before erupting with laughter. “Don't worry though, I’m a mourning person!” Twilight exclaimed, elbowing Rarity. “It wasn't too bad. We do put the fun in funeral,” Rarity added. “We made a few grave mistakes, but we were able to dig ourselves out of it!” Twilight proclaimed. The pair erupted with laughter a second time, disturbing Sweetie Belle so much that she slipped silently out of the room. “Wow,” Sweetie Belle whispered to herself, laughter echoing through the house. “They had all those ready to go. I guess they were just dying to make a bad pun for some reason.”