//------------------------------// // An Ass Out Of You And Me // Story: Stitched // by Jest //------------------------------// Sassy Saddles was having a quite disturbing dream when something wet slapped across her face. “Wha?” She mumbled, her eyes fluttering open. There before her stood a rather amused-looking purple alicorn that she recognized as princess Twilight sparkle. The room was lit by a single solitary light bulb swinging above her, illuminating only herself and the princess. She looked down, noticing that her hooves had been bound to a table that seemed to be propped up against a wall. When she looked back at the princess her eyes were filled with fear and the last few moments before she passed out flashed through her mind. “Please n-” she tried to shout only to find a purple hoof stuffed into her mouth. The limb tasted oddly familiar to the pony, but she tried to ignore that fact. “I’m going to suppress your emotions for a second okay?” Twilight asked, clearly not caring about her actual agreement. Sassy Saddles nodded slowly. “Good.” The alicorn lit her horn, the light extending from her horn and seeping into her head. Then all at once, her body relaxed, her emotions draining out of her body. She blinked owlishly, looking down at her bound form as if she was looking at another pony’s body, not hers. “Huh,” she mumbled. “Alright, I’m going to let you go now don't run or anything okay? We are just going to have a nice little talk,” Twilight continued. Sassy Saddles nodded. The princess undid her bindings, allowing the unicorn to slip to the ground, a second later the pressure around her horn that she hadn't noticed, vanished. She looked up to see a small ring disappear in a flash, with cold calculating eyes she looked down at the alicorn, searching for an answer. Without the stress of emotions pushing her to hasty conclusions, the unicorn realized that there was no way out of this situation unless Twilight let her out. The power of an alicorn was not to be trifled with and she hardly knew more than a couple of spells necessary for her job, all of which she doubted would be effective on an alicorn magical prodigy. Sassy nodded again, relaxing a little more. Twilight grinned. “Okay good. So the short answer is, Rarity died and accidentally turned herself into a lich.” Twilight shrugged nonchalantly. “It's no big deal we just gotta get together a decent disguise, get rid of her meat, and then find a pony who can stitch her a full-body doll.” “Wouldn't it be easier and safer to simply let me sew a new body?” asked a voice in the darkness that Sassy knew to belong to Rarity. Sassy felt a mild feeling of disgust build within her but she quashed it quickly, logically deciding that it didn't actually help her in this situation. She looked over to the spot of the darkness and narrowed her eyes. “Rarity, is that you?” “You sealed her emotions right?” Rarity asked, a sliver of anxiety worming into her words. Twilight rolled her eyes. “You know I did.” The other unicorn sighed and took a step forward, revealing her rotting and half-held together body for all the world to see. It was repulsive, to say the least. Rarity was missing chunks of flesh, and her eyes didn't seem to respond to her movements as one was looking down while the other looked off to the right. Her jaw was held together with some fishing wire and that wasn't even considering the smell. The unicorn leaned over, ready to vomit only to feel another spark of magic, which seemed to cause her sense of smell to simply stop existing. Sassy gulped down the bit of vomit that had worked up into her mouth and nodded thankfully to Twilight who just shrugged in return. “Well darling, I am sorry to thrust this on you all of a sudden but please do try and hold down your lunch.” Rarity commented. Sassy shrugged. “It's okay, I just can't look right at you.” Rarity sighed. “I understand darlin-” “Because you are ugly, like exceptionally ugly, like the creeper got in a fight with a giant cheese grater and lost, badly,” Sassy remarked, looking off to the dead unicorn’s right. “I get it can we please-” “Like you are probably the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my entire life and last week someone came in with a plaid dress.” She stuck her tongue out, suppressing a gag. “It was a full-body dress Rarity, made entirely out of plaid, it was four different colors.” “Thank you, darling!” Rarity paused, only to almost gag herself. “Was it really four different colors? I mean two I could understand but…” She shook her head. “We're getting off topic.” Twilight cocked her head. “What's so bad about that dress? It sounds nice.” Both unicorns looked over at Twilight with utter disdain, making the alicorn flinch. “What? I like plaid.” “You poor poor thing,” Sassy said sadly. “We all have one charity case friend.” Rarity shrugged. “Now then darling, why can't we simply sew a new body here?” “Wait, charity case, what about Rainbow Dash, she has to be worse than me! I mean, she doesn't even own a hairbrush.” Twilight said with a pout. Rarity shrugged. “Rainbow Dash always dresses in style, her style. It works because it fits her body type, mane, and coat. You have the color coordination of a short sighted dog.” “But like a somehow even more colorblind dog. As if the world is a single color to you,” Sassy Saddles added. “Exactly.” Rarity agreed. The alicorn pouted a little harder. “You know what, fine, whatever. Tell me Rarity, do you know the necessary spells to give you the feeling the doll has?” Rarity shrugged. “No, but I’m sure in time-” “Do you know what material you could use to stimulate flesh?” Twilight pointed out. “Well no…” “Do you know how to realistically recreate hooves?” Twilight waggled her own hoof for emphasis before clopping it against the stone floor. The dead unicorn shrunk a little, turning to her employee. “I don't suppose you know any of those things?” “I'm assuming you’re talking to me, but I refuse to confirm this fact,” Sassy stated sassily. “Yes, I was.” Rarity sighed. “No, I do not know any of those things.” The dead unicorn turned to Twilight and frowned. “Okay you made your point, why do you think there even exists somepony that knows how to do these things?” Twilight gulped and looked away. “Look, you live in this city long enough you hear things okay?” She rubbed the back of her leg nervously. “That and during my younger years I had this friend…” Rarity raised an eyebrow so high that it fell from her face, landing on the ground with a wet splat. “Okay maybe not a friend but I did do their homework in return for some bits.” The unicorn shook her head. “You don't have to lie to me darling, you're my friend.” Twilight smiled and did her best to look Rarity in the eye. “Thanks. Anyway, he talked about getting this um doll and after that, I didn't see him for a few months but when he came back to class he was super happy.” She shrugged. “After that, he didn't have any bits for a while because he spent them all on this doll. So, being curious, I asked him about this doll and what made it so worth it.” Sassy’s eyes went wide, her mind putting two and two together but remained silent. The alicorn fidgeted a little, a slight blush crossing her face. “He said it was really lifelike and um well that's it. I haven't thought about it for a while but this might be what we need.” Rarity stifled a giggle. “I'm surprised you didn't get a doll of Princess Celestia.” “I didn't have any bits and-” Twilight blushed profusely, stuffing a hoof into her mouth. The two unicorns shared a muted, halting laugh. The alicorn glared at Rarity. “Not cool.” The dead unicorn was tempted to roll her eyes but stopped before she could, fearing the strange tumbling feeling of her eyeballs rolling in their sockets. “Still, that leaves us to find where this mystery seamstress is.” “Actually,” Sassy spoke up. “I heard someone talking about a ‘real doll’ the other day. I didn't think about it at the time but he mentioned that he met his contact in the sky docks at some place called…” She tapped her chin, her muzzle scrunching up in confusion. “The stitch and snitch?” Rarity frowned. “I don't know of any such place, is it some sort of fabric store?” Twilight shrugged. “If it's in the sky docks it shouldn't be too hard to find, did you hear anything else?” Sassy shrugged. “I’m afraid not. I didn't want to eavesdrop too much.” “Hmm, still, that's better than what we had to go on before.” Rarity chuckled a wet and wheezy laugh that disturbed everyone who heard it. “Because I doubt looking up one of Twilight’s old classmates would have worked very well.” “Yes, ahahaha!” Twilight yelled. Sassy and Rarity exchanged another glance or at least as close to one as Sassy was willing to get. “Rrright.” Sassy remarked, turning to Twilight. “You two are going to need disguises and I’m sorry to tell you this but I don't think we are going to be able to deal with…” She waved a hoof at Rarity’s general direction. “All that. At least not here.” “What, why?” Rarity asked. “The landlord is coming in about a half hour.” She groaned. “And his kid was going to come too, they wanted to shop.” She spat the last word, sticking her tongue out in disgust. Rarity shuddered. “You have my pity.” “Thanks…” Twilight looked from one unicorn to the other. “Okay then. How are we going to make some disguises in a half hour?” Sassy Saddles tapped her chin, looking around. “We just need to disguise Rarity as something really hideous, like a donkey.” “Ignoring the kind of racist undertones there, why a donkey?” Twilight asked. “Think about it, if she is disguised as something incredibly hideous they might not even notice the horrific smell,” Sassy remarked. “I'm standing right here you know?” Rarity lamented angrily. “How could I not?” Rarity harumphed indignantly. “That doesn't explain where we are going to get a donkey disguise in the next twenty-six minutes.” Sassy shot the unicorn a smile, making sure to close her eyes before she accidentally looked at the hideous monstrosity of rotten flesh. “We still have those costumes remember?” Rarity’s face suddenly became even paler than before. “No, you wouldn't.” “Wouldn't what?” Twilight asked innocently, looking around owlishly. Rarity glared. “There is absolutely no way that-” Rarity sighed and turned to Twilight, who had a hoof crammed into her mouth stifling a giggle that was still managing to slip out the sides of her mouth. “I swear to Celestia that if you ever tell anyone of this I will…” She groaned. “I don't know what, but I promise it won't be nice!” Twilight giggled. “Can I just get it out of my system at least?” The unicorn sighed. “Fine.” The alicorn exploded into laughter, rolling around on the ground and pointing up at Rarity. Who was as of that moment clad in a surprisingly well-fitted donkey costume. Which would have been fine in itself, save for this donkey was clearly male and had a fake mustache and beard complete with pompadour mane. It was clearly enchanted, looked perfectly lifelike and could even blink. Add to that Twilight’s deodorant spell and the smell wasn't even that oppressive. It was perfect, too perfect. Rarity could feel her patience tick away inside her like sand in an hourglass, the seconds ticking away, accompanied by endless peels of laughter. Slowly, very slowly the laughter eventually petered out and Twilight slowly stood, wiping a tear from her eye. “I never thought I’d see the day that you would be dressed in something so… garish.” “That's actually quite the apt description, maybe you are picking up a few things about fashion.” Rarity smirked. “Maybe I won't have to dress you every time we go out somewhere.” Twilight blushed. “Let's not go that far.” Rarity chuckled. “Alright, and what is your disguise? You said you had an illusion spell ready and I must say I am intrigued to see what you had prepared.” “Um, can we go into that alley first?” Twilight asked, pointing to a nearby alley. Rarity shrugged. “Sure.” The two ponies trotted over to the alley and slipped inside. Now alone, Twilight looked both ways before blushing a little harder. “Promise not to laugh okay?” “I promise to try.” Twilight frowned. “I’m not going to be able to get a real promise out of you am I?” Rarity smirked. “Nope.” “Fine.” She sighed. “Just let me preface this entire thing by saying there is a good reason I know this spell off by heart.” Rarity lifted an eyebrow, the costume giving her a new one. “Okay?” Twilight blushed a little harder before pushing magic into her horn, making it glow brightly before exploding outwards, obscuring the alicorn for a second before being replaced by Rarity. Not dead Rarity who was standing across from her, but live Rarity, complete with perfectly coiffed mane and perfectly styled tail. The live Rarity blushed, her tail swishing silently. “The short version is I needed to break into your house to get a book I accidentally left behind.” “And what's the long version?!” Dead Rarity shouted. “I almost got caught by your sister but I managed to duck into your room so I whipped up this spell to convince her I was you.” She blushed and looked down. “Then after that, I just liked how pretty I was so I kept casting it every once and awhile.” Dead Rarity’s fury dissipated quickly and she sighed. “Your already pretty darling. Oh ideaa! Once this is all sorted out we absolutely must go shopping together. Nothing quite makes a girl feel as good as a new outfit and maybe a mane cut.” Twilight frowned. “What's wrong with my mane?” “Twilight, darling, you haven't changed your mane style for the entire time I’ve known you. Its actually quite impressive, you must cut it weekly,” Rarity remarked simply. “So?” “So it's been what, seven years? Surely you would like to try something new?” She smiled. “Maybe I could even introduce you to my stylist?” Twilight blushed. “Okay,” she whispered. “Now then, where is the fastest way to the sky docks?” Twilight grinned, gesturing back out into the road. “Come on, I know a shortcut.” Rarity smiled. “I’m right behind you darling.” “I really don't think this is a fabric store,” Twilight stated. Rarity looked at the pub that appeared full, despite the fact that it was not even two in the afternoon yet. She looked up at the sign, where there was a wooden rat with a needle through it, with the words stitch above, and snitch below. “Charming.” Rarity mumbled. Twilight looked around, glancing at all the tough dock workers walking around, some of who were leering openly at her. “Maybe on second thought I’m alright with my less then steller appearance,” Twilight announced. Rarity snorted and walked up to the entrance, pushing aside the saloon-style doors before turning to her partner. “Are you coming, darling?” The disguised alicorn looked from the pub to Rarity before sighing and trotting after her. “Yeah…” She muttered. When the pair walked in a sudden hush fell over the rowdy crowd, all eyes turning to Twilight who eeped and nearly ran back outside, stopped only by a glare from Rarity. Sighing, The disguised alicorn hung her head and trotted inside, casting nervous glances at the collected stallions all staring at her and catching a glance at one of the walls of the pub that was covered in names that were scratched into the wall. “Eep!” Twilight shrieked, sprinting after Rarity and nearly running face-first into the ass’s ass. Rarity turned and shot Rarity a dirty look. “What is wrong with you?” Twilight gulped and pointed a nervous hoof at the far wall and the names. “The wall has names on it.” Rarity blinked slowly. “And?” “What if it's all the ponies who died here? Think about it Rarity!” Twilight half hissed half whispered. The disguised mare just shook her head. “Really Twilight. Must you make a spectacle of everything? Drama queen.” Rarity said with a sigh, leaving a stunned Twilight behind. “Hey, that's my line!” She called, chasing after her friend, who was rapidly approaching the counter. By now most of the crowd had turned back to their drinks and their conversations, with only a few lecherous looks lingering on Twilight’s backsides, and oddly enough a few on Rarity’s. The fake donkey approached the counter and coughed politely into her hoof, throwing her voice a few octaves deeper. “May I have a beer please?” A slimy, overweight stallion wearing an apron approached, his fur a dark grey and his mane a light pink done up in a mohawk. “What kind of beer?” He drawled, not even looking up from the cup he was cleaning. “The alcoholic kind.” The bartender looked down at her for several long seconds before erupting in laughter. “I like you.” He turned and grabbed a beer from a fridge behind him, popped the top, and put it on the counter. “On the house.” Rarity smiled. “Why thank you.” Twilight joined her a moment later, sitting on the still next to Rarity. “I’ll have the house red please.” The bartender looked over at her and just snorted. “Eight bits.” “B-but his was free!” “I like him.” His eyes narrowed. “Not you.” The disguised unicorn summoned eight bits in a burst of magic, exchanging it for a dirty cup of red wine. She looked down at the cup in dismay before sighing and taking a sip, her eyes lighting up immediately. “Oh, that's good.” The bartender snorted. “Are you insinuating something?” “N-no I.” She looked over at Rarity and brought the cup back up to her lips, which made the stallion chuckle. “Good choice missy.” He turned back to Rarity and nodded. “So what are you two here for?” “What's to say we aren't here for a few drinks?” Rarity asked simply. The bartender snorted. “Folk who ain't regulars are always here for a reason that ain't my delicious dacquiries.” Rarity sipped at her beer and nodded. “Yes, we are looking for someone capable of stitching a real doll. We were told they hang around here.” The bartender’s eyes grew distant and he grimaced. “You don't want to deal with him, he's a monster.” He turned and spat a loogie on the floor. “Err yes well we must see him. Its a matter of some importance,” real Rarity remarked. The stallion next to Rarity turned and grunted. “Trust old Grey here, that animal shouldn't be around ponies.” Rarity turned to the stallion, noticing that he wore a faux leather jacket, pants, and wide-brimmed hat all of which only barely contained his massive bulging muscles and glistening black fur. But that wasn't what caught her attention, it was the fact that everything he wore seemed to be custom-made. “Who made those wonderful clothes?” dead Rarity asked. The stallion blinked, looking down at his vest with a smile. “Oh, this old thing? It's just something I made a few years back when I was dating this biker.” He pulled open the vest, revealing an enormous snarling pig breathing fire, framed by chains. “You like it?” “Not exactly my style per se but that stitch work is to die for, how did you get the horns on that pig creature to stick out like that?” The stallion grinned. “Double over under stitch layered in a cross-hatch pattern, it was tough but worth it.” Rarity nodded slowly, running a hoof over the twin horns that seemed to grow from the pig beast’s head. “Yes, very.” “Ahem,” Twilight muttered, jabbing Rarity in the torso and trying to ignore the disgusting squelching noise that resulted from such an action. The stallion leaned on the bar, glaring intently at the mare. “Is this pony bugging you?” he asked, looking over at Rarity. The disguised unicorn hummed in thought, making Twilight sweat. “No, she's fine, thank you, darling.” The stallion blushed. “No problem.” Twilight rolled her hoof before pointing at the disguised unicorn. “Oh right.” Rarity turned back to the stallion. “I know this doll maker is not a savory type but I really must see him. You wouldn't happen to know where he is by chance, would you?” The stallion’s features darkened and he grimaced, his gaze lingering in the distance as if he had just seen a ghost. “You don't want to see him.” His eyes narrowed. “He is the foulest of the foul.” Rarity gulped and looked over at a now-shaking Twilight before turning back to the stallion. “How bad?” The stallion reached out and grabbed the dead unicorn by the shoulders, forcing their eyes to meet. “Imagine the most horrible thing possible, then times it by a million then cover it in bees. Thats how horrible he is.” The bartender leaned on the bar. “Trust us, you don't want to see this guy. He makes Discord look like a foal.” Rarity raised an eyebrow, noticing that the bar had grown quiet, just about everypony leaning towards them, intent on listening into the conversation. “Why is everypony saying that?” Rarity asked. Twilight stopped biting her hooves. “Are you sure we want to know Rarity, what if he's a…” she looked back and forth before leaning in. “A psycho killer.” “No, worse.” The stallion remarked darkly. The bartender leaned even closer, discarding the glass he had been polishing. “Do you really wanna know?” The stallion let go of the dead pony. “Don't, it's not worth it man.” Rarity glanced at the stallion and then back to the bartender, her face becoming grim. “I do.” Grey nodded slowly. “Cover your ears, boys.” Nearly every one of the stallions in the crowd covered their ears as instructed, humming tunes and looking away. Glancing at Twilight Rarity found that the alicorn had followed suit, rolling her eyes, the dead unicorn smacked the alicorn’s hoof away. She turned back to the bartender, ignoring the glare she was getting from Twilight. “We're ready.” He nodded slowly, giving the room a glance before leaning in close. “He uses the evilest method imaginable. The dreaded…” He gulped hard as if trying to swallow something truly foul before looking up at Rarity, wincing. “He uses the laisy daisy double back stitch method.” As if on cue every stallion in the bar turned their head and spat, a few gasping, several fainting and one even fanning himself and looking as if he was on the verge of tears. Rarity grimaced and shook his head. “He truly is the spawn of something truly evil.” Twilight blinked, looking around slowly. “Err is that it? So he stitches differently, so what?” Several more stallions fainted, a few more gasped, and one male from across the room yelled. “EEEEEVIL!” At the top of his lungs before being dragged away by a younger-looking stallion. The bartender scowled. “Don't you have any sense to you girl? That's the evilest method of stitching in the history of sewing.” The alicorn blinked. “Wait, your all sewers.” Rarity hissed, jabbing her hoof into her friend’s midsection. “They are tailors and talented ones at that, have some respect!” “Yeesh whatever.” The disguised, not Rarity recoiled, rubbing her midsection. A heavy hoof settled on Rarity’s shoulder. “Thanks, man, but it's okay, we know not everyone understands our lifestyle.” “Wait, then why is it called the stitch and snitch.” Twilight leaned in. “Your sign has a rat getting stabbed for Celestia’s sake.” The bartender sighed. “It was supposed to have button eyes. Snitch is the bar mascot.” He pointed up to the very top of the booze shelf, where a small plush rat toy sat proudly, a needle sticking out of his back. “Huh,” Twilight mumbled dumbly. “That is interesting but you wouldn't happen to know where we can find this devil by chance? It's imperative we acquire his services.” Rarity added. “I can't talk you out of it can I?” he sighed. “I will, but first you have to get us a new name for the wall.” Twilight gulped. “Okay, who do we have to kill?” The bartender recoiled. “What, who said anything about killing anypony?” The alicorn recoiled, gesturing to the scratch-filled wall. “For the wall, you kill ponies right?” “You should be ashamed of yourself!” Yelled a random stallion, followed by a chorus of agreement. “But what about all the scratches? They look like they were carved with a knife!” Twilight lamented. The bartender sighed. “That's just Razor’s Edge, he's a little… eager.” He turned to the end of the bar where a creepy little stallion was sharpening a long blade with a whetstone. Noticing the ponies looking over at him he perked up, grinned, and waving at them. The bartender leaned a little closer and whispered. “He's a nice enough guy, just really likes knives.” “Oookay then.” Rarity smiled. “So what name do we have to get for you and how does one go about getting a name anyway?” Grey smirked. “It's our collection of autographs, we keep the real things in the back in a glass case and keep track of the ones that we have out here on the wall.” The disguised unicorn ran a hoof through her fake beard. “Ahh, that makes sense why they are all names of designers.” The stallion next to her grinned, bumping her shoulder. “Now you're getting it.” He turned to the bartender. “Hey Grey you mind if I tell her about the next name we're looking for?” The bartender grinned. “Go ahead, Hog.” Hog grinned. “Right, so there is this amazing new fashionista coming out of Ponyville and she just opened up a shop here in Canterlot but doesn't come by a lot.” He sighed. “Me and the boys can't seem to catch her when she's in.” He shook his head. “But she is amazing! She even made dresses for the elements of harmony. Which she's a part of and if the rumors are true she's even putting together an order for the princesses!” He grinned. “And her name is Rarity.” He swooned. “If I swung that way I would be head over heels for her.” A couple of stallions including the bartender all nodded knowingly. Rarity smirked. “Do you have a pen and paper ready?” Grey nodded, grabbing a perfectly rectangular three-inch business card that had gold and silver embroidery on it and putting it on the bar next to a pen. “Just be careful. Those cards are expensive.” The disguised unicorn smiled and grabbed the pen and swiftly scrawled her full name, drawing a gasp from the bartender and most of the gathered stallions. “Is this some kind of joke?” He sneered. “You can't just forge her signature, that goes against the whole spirit of the wall!” A sudden screech drew everyone’s attention where the Razor’s Edge was holding his dagger against the wall. “What?” He asked. “Cut it out! They haven't brought us the name yet you dolt!” He spun around and scowled at the dead unicorn. “What kind of game are you trying to pull here mister?” Instead of being intimated Rarity merely smiled. “Twilight’s last gala dress was a double hem with split stitching used for most of it but the piece de la resistance as far as the stitching was the seed pattern I used for the edge of the dress that I disguised as part of the star pattern right under the silver belle constellation.” The bartender blinked, glancing over at Hog Wild who nodded slowly. “That is correct but any pony could know that.” “But did you know what color of thread I used or where I hid my signature?” Rarity asked, leaning a little closer. “No, what?” Hog asked. “Don't encourage him! He ain't Rarity!” Grey yelled, gesturing at the disguised mare. “Magenta Midnight and the signature is in the stars, only viewable upside down and under a three-quarter shadow.” The bartender blinked, before turning to a stallion seemingly at random. “Scrap! You got that picture still?” A tall, thin-looking stallion with glue for a cutie mark suddenly stood, hoisting up a massive book. “You know it, boss!” “Get up here and prove this luny wrong!” The stallion trotted up to the counter and plunked the heavy book down on the counter before flipping through innumerable pages and stopping suddenly, jamming his hoof into the center. The page showed all the dresses Rarity had made for the gala, including Twilight’s and while most of the element bearers were smiling for the camera, Twilight was shoving an entire eclair into her mouth and looking back at the camera with a guilty expression. Twilight grumbled silently. Grey turned the book over and cast his hoof over the picture, revealing Rarity’s signature hidden in the corner of the dress, right under the silver belle constellation. A collective gasp went up through the crowd and Grey dropped the scrapbook in shock. The silence that fell over the crowd was punctuated by a loud whoop and the screech as a knife carved another name into the wall. “Well, I’ll be. What the hay are you doing here dressed like that? And why are they disguised as you?” The bartender looked from the real, but currently disguised as a donkey, Rarity to the fake, disguised as Rarity Twilight in confusion. Rarity sighed, dropping the fake accent she had been using until now. “It's a long story but suffice it to say I need to meet this particular pony for a secret project.” Hog Wild gasped. “A secret project? You must tell us the details!” The unicorn smirked. “Then it wouldn't be a secret.” Grey shot him a quick glare. “Don't pressure the artist, Hog.” The large stallion deflated slightly. “Sorry miss.” Rarity smiled. “It's no problem at all.” “Here.” Grey pushed a small piece of paper across the table. “That's where he usually is, hopefully, he can bring some good into the world. For once.” “Hey wait, I look just like Rarity! Why didn't anypony ask me for her autograph?” Twilight asked in disbelief. A chorus of laughter erupted from the bar and grey pounded a hoof against the bar, laughing hard enough to make Twilight’s glass shake in her hoof. Eventually, the room quieted once more and the old stallion wiped tears from his eyes. “I don't know who you are but Rarity wouldn't be caught dead without wearing something from her fall lineup. Have you even seen her line of spring hats?” He smirked. Twilight slumped in her chair, earning her a reassuring pat on the back from her dead friend. “It was a good plan darling.” “Yeah, whatever.” The alicorn lamented. The disguised unicorn grabbed her beer, downed the rest, and tossed the paper at Twilight who deftly caught it in her magic. “Let's go, darling.” “Wait!” The bartender reached out and brushed his hoof across Rarity’s. “Can't you stay for another drink? It's on the house, for the rest of the night!” Hog grinned. “Yes you must stay, I have so many questions!” Rarity sighed. “I’m afraid I must go, this project is time sensitive.” Both stallions groaned and pulled back. “But.” She flashed her best, most winning smile. “I do have a free night open next week friday when I will be back in town and I might be able to be convinced to spend my evening with you fine gentle colts.” Hog Wild whooped, pumping a hoof into the air. “Name your price!” “Have three bottles of chateau boedilaire sixty-seven in stock and you got yourself a deal,” Rarity replied. Grey grinned. “You know got it, miss Belle!” “Please, just call me Rarity.” The unicorn said, throwing a wink at the bartender, who gasped and fell to the floor clutching his heart. Together the two mares left, a wide path having opened in the crowd, weeping stallions lining the way out. The disguised mare nodded and waved, lingering long enough to sign a few more autographs before slipping out the door and blowing one last kiss to the gathered stallions. A collective sigh passed through the bar, drawing a giggle from the deceased mare. Rarity turned, smiling wide as she walked into the night, her head held a little higher. Twilight followed close behind shaking her head. “Well, that certainly was… interesting.” “You really need to think more of your fellow ponies darling.” The fashionista chuckled. Twilight sighed. “I guess you’re right Rarity.” “And I guess you were dead wrong,” The deceased unicorn giggled. “It was better when I said it,” Twilight muttered somewhat bitterly.