//------------------------------//
// So Close, But Still So Far Away 
// Story: The JeanDélicieux 
// by Cinnarowe 
//------------------------------//

I realized that I had been staring when my mom tapped my shoulder and brought me back to reality. I was now thoroughly awake. I felt my blood pump fast as a surge of anxiety coursed through my body. 

I didn't take my eyes away from her even as my mom started talking to her. "Come on, honey. Say hello to your father." 

Fluffy Wings had broken eye contact under my stare and was now fiddling with her hooves nervously as she sat on the couch awkwardly. I already noticed several things about her.

The first thing I noticed off the bat was that she was much older than when I last saw her. It was almost like she was a different pony. Her mane had grown, her legs were longer, and her body had grown in size. She did not have a cutie mark yet, though. I almost sighed in relief when I noticed.

Heeding my mother's request, her eyes met mine again and she cleared her throat. "H-Hi..."

I blinked. Twice.

I licked my lips multiple times, trying to form some sort of response as my mind was replaying scenes in my head just at the mere sight of her. But unfortunately, my throat had clogged up, and my anxiety level had skyrocketed. 

I turned quickly, grabbed my mother's wrist, and started pulling her along with me, ignoring the greeting from my daughter.

"Hey, wh- Jean, come on!" My mother complained as I dragged her inside my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I heard my father start to say something on the other side of it but ignored it for now. 

Once inside, I went over to the bed and kicked it as hard as possible to get some of my emotions out. "What the hell, Jean?!" My mom hissed at me through her teeth as she walked up to me.

"'What the hell, Jean'? What the fuck do you mean, mom?! Why is she here?" I whispered to her, trying not to let this conversation leak through the door.

My mother pointed a stern finger at me. "Do not take that tone with me. Doesn't matter how old you get; you will still respect me."

I shot my arms out in a 'what the fuck' gesture and shook my head as I turned around and made to stand by my window. I put my head against it to cool my overheating brain.

"Listen to me. It has been a very long time since you two have seen each other. I know this is hard for you, but I think it's time for you two to spend some time together again." she said as she walked up next to me.

"I thought she would stay at your friends' house in Ponyville again," I grumbled as I rolled my forehead around the glass.

She leaned against the wall next to the window and crossed her arms. "Jean."

I didn't answer or turn to her. I just looked out the window as it slowly started to fog up from my radiating heat.

"Look at me."

When I turned my head, I was met with a ferocious scowl. A scowl that she would often use to tame me. It was working, as always.

"She's been asking about you. She's getting older, you know." 

I shrugged, and my eyes darted around wildly before settling back outside. "You promised not to tell her anything." 

"You think I did? She's been putting things together herself." she said, keeping her voice low. "She's growing up, Jean, and you're missing it. Do you even know she turns twelve in a few months?"

I knew. Of course, I knew. I looked pleadingly at her as I pushed myself off the windowsill. "You said you'd take care of her."

She closed the distance and got in my face. "You think we're just gonna take her forever, and that's it? It's been five years!"

"I can't take care of her!" I challenged as I backed away. "I gave my word! I promised her mother that Willow and I would give her a good life, mom! I can't give that to her the way I am now! Do you really think I can love and care for her when I can't even do that for myself?!"

She put her warm hands on my cold face, and I realized that I had started to cry as I felt a tear run down my cheek. Her stern gaze remained. 

"We are doing our best for her. And we're doing all we can to make her happy. But she isn't, Jean. That's the reality of it." she told me, still keeping eye contact with me.

I was close enough to see my mother's age clear as day as she looked at me. She was a young spirit, but she was getting older. She was only twenty when she came here, and now she was nearing sixty. I looked into her eyes with my own teary ones, waiting for her to continue.

"She asks about you all the time. She asks why you won't see her and why she's living with us. She's always quiet, too. How long will we tell her you need time alone?" 

I didn't have an answer. To be perfectly honest, I didn't think I would last this long, but still, here I am. The only thing that keeps me on my feet is going to work and losing myself in it.

Whenever I work, I get this sensation. It doesn't matter if it's at the restaurant or at home... It's as if something just takes control of my body and moves it along as I make food. I can't explain it, but those are one of the few times I feel truly... happy?

I don't want to call it 'happy', but it's the best way I can describe it.

"I don't know."

She put her hands on my shoulders and gently massaged them the way I liked, giving me a small smile. 

"You must realize you're not the only one who lost someone close. Maybe it's time to think about what's best for her? It's clear to everyone she misses you." she suggested. I didn't answer.

She sighed and let go of me. "Anyway, we're here now. She's here. We're all going to stay here for the week, and I strongly advise you talk to her."

I nodded and sighed, feeling defeated. "Okay."

Satisfied, she went for the door and opened it. She looked outside for a moment, and I heard her talk with my dad on the other side before she came back in.

"Fluffy's gone to sleep. We're going to do the same." She said with a bit of a pained look on her face. "I'm serious about this, Jean. You're going to talk to her." 

"Alright, alright, I will!" I assured her. She gave me that look again, the kind of look mothers give when they expect you to deliver more than what you're able to.

She nodded, then went to leave. I saw my dad looking past her at me, and he was also giving me a look before my mom closed the door and left me to myself. Great.

So, my parents were back in town. I was actually looking forward to it, but that was before I knew they'd only bring me more trouble. What the fuck... Why is everything happening at the same time?!

I flopped onto my bed and groaned. I wasn't tired anymore, and now I had a headache. It was as if my hangover had hit me way too soon. Speaking of, me being slightly drunk during all this might've been the only reason why I was able to talk after seeing... her.

You're such a coward.

I wanted to be sober when I met them to not give them the wrong idea, but of course, that wasn't gonna happen. I even cleaned out my closets and fridge and hid everything in the secret compartment under one of my floorboards.

Fuck me... Was the last thing I thought before deciding I needed to try to get some sleep and at least be well-rested for tomorrow.

But as it turns out, it wouldn't be so easy. I took a thoughtful shower to warm myself up and went back to bed to try and get some sleep, but it eluded me.

My thoughts were running amok. I was once again re-experiencing moments of the past that I did my best to forget but still came back to taunt me. It felt like I was dangling above an abyss, and something was trying to pull me down. The more my mind was plagued with memories, the more my anxiety would rise. 

I was considering pulling up my floorboards to calm myself.

I didn't, though. Because as the clock ticked on through the night, I heard a sound coming from behind me. I was in my bed, facing away from the door, but I could clearly hear it opening. I was used to the slight creak it made as it opened.

I noticed a very faint light cast on the far wall of my room where I could see, which probably came from the living room lantern. In the light, there was a shadow. A shadow of a pony.

I studied it while trying to continue the illusion of me being asleep. I had a faint idea who it was, given the size of the shadow, so I wasn't going to 'wake up'. I wasn't ready.

What is she doing? She was just standing there, looking into the room. How long was sh-

She started to move slowly. Her shadow disappeared from the wall, and I could only guess where she was now based on her hoofsteps. I heard the small steps cross the short distance from the door until I heard them stop right at the base of the bed, which was just about a foot away from where my bare back was turned away. 

So close was she that I could hear her very light breathing in the dead silence of the room. My own breathing was exaggerated as I tried to maintain the illusion I was asleep, but I could still faintly hear it.

It sounded shaky. I wasn't sure what would happen next, but I wasn't ready for whatever it would be. Please... just leave.

A very faint pressure hit the bed just inches from my back, and my breathing hitched. As soon as it did, the pressure vanished, and I could hear her retreating quickly towards the door until I saw her shadow again. It flashed for a second before the door was closed moments later with a little 'click'.

I breathed a sigh of relief and slowly turned around to look at where she was standing just moments earlier. I reached over to turn on the lamp by my nightstand to see better, and when I did, I noticed my bedsheets had been disturbed where I had felt the pressure earlier.

It was in the shape of a small hoof.





"I'm gonna get ya, you little 'blooing'!"

Fluffy laughed so hard she started to cry. She loved when I said that stupid made-up word in the way I said it. It was always a winner. She couldn't escape me for long before I caught her.

She shrieked as I wrapped my hands around her tiny body and lifted her over my head before using my hair to tickle her belly. She screamed and laughed again, causing all the ponies around to look at us with amused expressions.

"No! Da- dada, no!" she begged through her giggles. I was laughing at her sorry attempts to flee my deadly tickle attack, one that Willow knew most well. 

The mare in question sat at a park bench just up the hill from where Fluffy and I had run down, eating a sandwich as she watched us. Ponies were spread out everywhere in the park, though some kept their distance.

In Canterlot, I may be well-known and respected, but that wasn't always the case everywhere else. We had never been in Fillydelphia before, so ponies here weren't used to seeing someone like me. It was only natural.

It didn't stop us from having fun, though. Fluffy had just stolen a piece out of daddy's sandwich, and now she had to pay a steep price.

"Who's the naughty little filly? You are!" I joked as I tossed her in the air slightly before catching her again safely. As I caught her again, I made sure to be extra careful with her tiny wings.

She loved it. I guess that because she is a pegasus, she gets some sort of enjoyment from being high up, a feeling I could not disagree more with. She squeaked in joy as I tossed her up again several times.

It helped that I was one of the tallest creatures in Equestria. She would always be perched on my shoulders or behind my head at all times to allow her the best vantage point, like a cat.

Fluffy laughed as I continued tossing her, and I noticed some other families with foals had set up near our own. A look back told me Willow was already engaged in conversation with a few ponies. They had their own foals with them, hiding behind their hindlegs as they looked toward us. 

I smiled. "C'mon fluffball," I said as I cradled the filly in my arms, "let's go see what mama's up to."

Fluffy cooed in my arms as we made our way back. With some luck, she'd be able to make friends to play with while Willow and I got some time to enjoy ourselves a little. It had been some time since we could chill, just the two of us.

On my way back, I felt dizzy. My eyes were losing focus, and I noticed the world was twisting and warping before me.

I looked at Willow, and she started screaming in pain as her hooves went to her face, and she dragged down her eyes until I could see the exposed skin underneath.

Her mouth was drooping down until it started melting down her face, her skin dripping off her face like water as she slowly turned into a pony puddle of horror.

I looked on in terror and screamed her name. The mares that had been talking to her vanished out of existence as if they were smoke, and one look to my arms showed me that my daughter had suffered the same fate. 

My feet started sinking into the grass under me, and I couldn't move. I looked up again at Willow, and now she was almost completely gone. Only a mishmash of her colors made up a puddle of herself. I heard her screams for me to help her, and I tried to drag my feet off the ground without success. 

As I struggled to free myself, I saw that the skies, which were sunny and bright, had turned blood red. The buildings around the park became impossibly tall and were leaning over me as if they were going to fall. Then, one moment later, they did.

I still heard the screams of my wife as I covered my face from the incoming buildings, but before they could hit me, everything turned white.

A blinding white filled my vision. I tried to close my eyes, but it didn't help me much. It didn't last for long, though.

When I felt the very sharp brightness fade, I slowly opened my eyes, only to find myself in an alien world.

The night sky was everywhere. Far above me were beautiful nebulas that stretched forever with colors of all kinds dancing around them. I looked below me, and it was as if I was standing on nothing. I could see endless space in all directions, and I had yet to learn how I even got here. 

Some of the stars were very far away, while others were so close I could see them right in front of me. I dared to take a small step forward, and my foot landed on something. I didn't know what, but there was some kind of invisible surface.

I had almost forgotten the horrors I had just experienced as I walked through several stars. I looked back to where I had been and ran my hand through some of the stars I had walked into, and it went straight through them. Everything moved a little, however, almost as if I had just pushed my hand through water.

As I was exploring my new surroundings, I noticed a very sharp light coming from behind me, casting my shadow on whatever surface kept me from falling to my death.

I turned to see what was causing it, and my mouth opened in shock. 

The moon, as large as a house, was looming in front of me. I felt a sudden feeling of recognition, and I noticed the shape of a pony standing in the middle of the moon. A tall pony with wings, a horn, a flowing mane and tail.

"Luna?" I said instinctively.

I felt her nod, and she jumped out of the moon and materialized as her normal size in front of me. I stared on in adoration as I watched the impossible happen before my eyes.

As soon as I saw her, I heard music. Music that I could swear sounded familiar to me. It was calming to me, and helped me feel at peace enough to forget what I had just been through.

"Good evening, friend. We felt thou were dreaming of terrors and wished to be of service." She said as she studied me curiously. 

When she talked to me, my eyes blurred for a moment before memories came rushing back of the past weekend.

Meeting Luna. Taking care of Sugar Plum. Visiting Luna. Going to the party. What happened after the party.

"What... what just happened? Where am I?" I asked. My voice sounded weird; it was like it had several layers to it. I heard it a second before I talked and a second after I had finished speaking.

Luna also had this effect on her voice. "We are in the dreamscape. This is our domain. We walk until a path appears to where we are needed." She explained.

"Dreamscape? So, this is a dream?" I asked, looking around again as I swished my arms up and down to make the stars move.

Luna laughed. "Yes, this is a dream. But, we must say," she said as a sorrowful look flashed across her face, "we did not expect to find thee at the end of our path, Jean. Nor what we saw."

I stopped playing around with the stars and looked at her. "You saw? Everything?"

She nodded. "Indeed."

I looked away. I didn't feel sad or angry; I just felt neutral about it. It was easier to think about things without choking up when I was in here, it seemed.

"What did you see then?"

Luna frowned and looked at the nebula above us. "Thy family."

I nodded. It was just a simple fact, nothing more. 

She appeared beside me and looked up at me slightly. "We did not know thou had a foal and a wife." 

"I haven't had them in a long time, so I didn't think it was worth telling you about. It hurts too much to talk about, and it is kind of personal."

She nodded again. "We understand. We do not wish to pry, but as the sovereign of all dreams, we see and experience what our subjects do as we ease their nightmares."

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "So... what, you know what I'm thinking and feeling?"

She waited a moment as if she was thinking something over, then she nodded. "We do. We apologize if this upsets thee."

I sighed and rubbed my temples. Well, at least she's honest. I started to walk forward slowly, and Luna fell in step with me. I stretched my hand out as I moved and saw the stars flow over and under my arm as I washed through the universe.

"Honestly... That makes it easier for me. I don't have to explain anything to you." I said softly. It was true. If Luna knew what I knew just by being here, that meant she already knew everything. There was no point in being upset, as this was what Luna did as a 'job'. 

I knew that she was the ruler of the night and of the dreams of ponies. The same goes for me, I suppose, since I am one of her subjects. So I wasn't going to get angry at her for doing her job, although I wish I could at least agree to have my mind opened like a book by her.

"We are sorry for what you are suffering. Please allow us to express that, at the very least." She said as I felt her wing drape across my my back as we walked. It was so soft and fluffy that it was almost like pulling a warm blanket over myself after a long, cold day.

I felt a peculiar sensation come over me. Usually, when I'd talk to someone about this, I'd feel choked up or get a headache or start to cry, but that didn't happen now. Instead, I was only warm as I felt my soul surrounded by a blanket of peace.

It was nice.

"Thank you," I said to her.

"Th- Your daughter is most precious. She has a heart of gold if your dream is to be believed." She actually corrected her speech for me. I was surprised by it.

What Luna had seen was a good memory. One that I cherished and unfortunately would not let itself be known often because of what followed. Whenever I remembered fond times, my mind would warp it into terrors. 

I had stopped thinking of the past to avoid the horrors and terrors. Only because I had been overwhelmed by so much happening recently was I unable to let it be in the back of my mind.

I didn't answer Luna's comment about my daughter, as I had just now realized. I was lost in thought and hadn't noticed that the space had started to shrink until the small nebula was suddenly in my face. 

"It seems you are awakening," Luna said as she gave me a sad smile. "feel free to bring your daughter with you on your next visit. We would very much like to meet her."

I tilted my head at that. Oh yeah, they still don't even know that I know Luna. I gave her a small smile as she started to fade out of existence. 

Wait, how does she know Fluffy is with me now?

"We see and feel everything you do, friend." Luna replied to my thoughts. Okay, that's weird. Don't do that.

Luna just laughed as everything continued to shrink.

It was like the dreamscape was imploding into Luna herself. She was like a vacuum as the space around us all warped inside her mane until she and everything around me were gone, leaving me in blinding light again.





I squinted my eyes as the sun hit my face from outside, and it hurt so fucking bad. I pulled the blanket over my eyes and groaned quietly. That was so bizarre...

I was suddenly made aware of my life again as I felt my head pounding. "Owww..." I rubbed my eyes, but it made it worse. It was like they wanted to pop out of my skull.

I reached for the drawer on my nightstand and fished out some painkillers I promptly swallowed without water. Bad idea.

My throat was dry, and the pills stuck to my throat before I coughed them out again. Okay... Water.

I reluctantly rose from my bed without opening my eyes as I went to my drawer to fish out some warm clothes. 

Once I got dressed, I grabbed the sticky pills still on my bed and opened the door to my living room. I was immediately met with a wall of warmth that made me aware that someone had started a fire. 

I creaked open an eye and saw that everyone was already awake and eating breakfast at the living room table, including... Fluffy. They were all looking at me with different expressions.

I wasn't fully present yet. My hair was a mess, I felt like ass, and I could barely open my eyes. I needed to splash my face and down my pills fast.

Nobody said anything as I walked into the bathroom and did my business while thinking of what I would say or talk about. 

Finally able to open my eyes after washing my face, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. She's actually here. She's in my house again. It feels like it's been forever. I said to myself.

It had been forever.

I swallowed my pills with some water from my spring and slapped my face a couple of times before shaking my head around a little bit to psych myself up. Wake up, motherfucker.

It felt like I was riding a high from my dream, although I still felt the aftermath of the alcohol from last night. If I was going to do this, it would be now.

I left my bathroom, which led me back into the living room again. Everyone was still eating, and nobody was talking. Awkward...

"Good morning," I said calmly to nobody in particular. 

My father nodded. "Mornin', son. Feel rested?"

I nodded. "As much as I can be, I guess. Sorry we weren't able to talk much last night. It's good to see you again, dad." I said as I went over to him to patted him on the head. 

He chuckled as he looked awkwardly between my mother and my daughter. "Yeah, glad to see ya again, too. Been a long time."

It sounded so forced. While I'm sure dad meant it, he was also trying to avoid my mom's gaze. She seemed to be annoyed by the fact that he was the one who spoke up. I know, Dad. Mom's scary.

I left the scene to enter the kitchen and noticed a plate with eggs, hashbrowns, and tomatoes. I shrugged and went to grab the plate and some utensils. 

I wasn't going to say anything about the burned hashbrowns and soggy tomato juice all over the plate. The scrambled egg on the dry bread also had a smiley face of ketchup on it. Neat. It was simple food for those who didn't know how to prepare proper food.

My mother's work, no doubt.

Regardless, I went to join them in the living room, and despite my body sounding alarm bells everywhere, I sat down on the couch next to Fluffy. My dad sat on the other side of her while my mom was in the recliner to my left.

Fluffy seemed to panic as I flopped down next to her because she stopped eating and looked in my direction. I could feel her eyes on me as I tried to settle in to eat my food.

Slowly, my eyes drifted toward her, and we made eye contact. As soon as we did, I wanted to smile, I wanted to cry, I wanted to... 

"Hey," I said flatly, my voice cracking a little.

She blinked at my greeting and swallowed before replying. "H-hello."

This was it. I had put my foot into alien territory, and I was now at the mercy of my own stupidity. What would I say next?

For the first time in five years, I got a good look at her, and I mentally cringed when I realized how much I'd missed. The things I noticed from last night were still there, but there was so much more.

She had cute freckles on her light blue cheeks now. Her eyes had become a deeper shade of purple, and her mane was much longer and prettier than it was when she was younger. The edges of it were a dark blue, and the middle was a lighter blue color. One would think it was unnatural had they not been with her from birth. The words of my mother haunted me. She's growing up, Jean, and you're missing it.

We had been staring at each other for a little while. I'm sure Fluffy was noticing things about me as well. I wasn't much different than I used to be, except for probably looking older. 

My age was catching up to me; I was in my late thirties now, approaching forty. It's inevitable, sadly. My brown hair is as short as it's always been, and my face is mostly clean-shaven. My mom considers my body average for humans, even though I am an avid Chef. Some ponies say never to trust a skinny cook, but I'm clearly an exception. I wouldn't really know though, I had never seen another person except myself and my mother.

I nodded at her when some time had passed and started to cut into my food with my utensils, slicing away at the bread and cutting through the smiley face without really paying it any mind. Finally, I stabbed the fork into the scrambled egg and added a hashbrown and tomato. Food always tastes good after a night of drinking; even if it was poorly made, it would likely satisfy.

And it did... sort of. I tasted the burned hashbrown quite distinctly, but mostly it was an alright experience. I dabbed my fork into the half-cut smiley face of ketchup on the bread and put it in my mouth to kill the burned taste. I felt Fluffy shift beside me.

My mother spoke up. "So, how is it, Jean? Fluffy made breakfast for us this morning, so I'm sure she'd love to hear what you think." 

Oh.

I stopped chewing entirely and looked at my mom with my mouth full. She was giving me a sly smile and nodded towards Fluffy. I hesitantly looked down at her and saw her now blushing, head in her hooves. I don't remember her being this shy, but it's been a while since we've seen each other, so I guess I can't blame her. 

I swallowed the food slowly and tried to smile as I gave her a thumbs-up. "It's uh... It's good." Nice one. Nailed it.

Fluffy emerged from her hooves and peeked at me before hiding again. This was awkward. I decided to talk to her a bit more to try to make her less embarrassed. "You got bigger," I said matter-of-factly.

She peeked up at me again, and I saw her nod slightly. Okay, that's progress, sort of.

The rest of the breakfast was relatively quiet, with a few inputs from my dad. We talked about business for a bit and how my restaurant was going, and I mentioned how it was currently thriving. It was true. The JeanDélicieux had never seen this much of a crowd before, and I was considering hiring more people. 

This all fell off Fluffy's ears as she peeked at me awkwardly several times through breakfast, only to look away quickly when I looked at her.

How could I suddenly be so calm around her all of a sudden? It felt like nothing had ever happened between us the moment I sat next to her, despite our somewhat awkward reunion. 

The dream I had apparently had a very positive impact on my psyche, and maybe I could use it to my advantage to move things along.

I was just nervous to see her again, but it seemed it wasn't justified because she was probably just as nervous, although she seemed to be scared of me.

A few times while conversing with my father and mother, I felt something. Something that was missing, and I didn't want to think about it too much. Even though Fluffy was here again, our family was still torn. This was one of the reasons why I feared bringing her back into my life, because I knew she would have that effect on me.

My mom was still being annoyingly pushy about me talking to Fluffy, so much so that I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. I knew she thought she was doing something good for us, but it felt very forced, and it would continue to be so.

"Why don't you show Fluffy your bedroom? You said you wanted to see it, right?" My mom said both to her and me. I wasn't expecting that sort of request, but I stood and brought my plate with me.

I collected everyone else's plates too, took them to the kitchen sink and left them there. If my mom wanted me to keep busy with Fluffy, I'd let her take care of everything else. "Alright. You get the dishes, then." I nodded at her and pointed at the sink. The only reaction from her was a raised eyebrow.

I gestured for Fluffy to follow, and she immediately shot up from the couch and jumped off. If she wanted to see her old bedroom, I wasn't going to be against it. Besides... she was already in there last night, anyway.

I opened the door, and Fluffy hurried past me before I could even enter. I was taken aback at the sudden intrusion and curiously eyed her as she made her way around the room to the other side of the bed, and she gasped. She was looking at my bedframe, apparently interested in what was there. I closed the door slightly so my nosy parents couldn't eavesdrop and made my way over to her.

Fluffy was leaning down to study the bedframe, and once I was on her side of the room, I could see what she was looking at. There were some very faded crayon markings on the bedframe. Some red and some blue, crossing into silly doodles all over. I remember how angry Willow got when she saw it. We had just bought the bed...

Stop.

I shook my head to clear it and squatted down to be on her level. "What's up?"

She looked over to me, now sitting on her haunches. She looked unsure if she should talk but decided to speak to me anyway. "You didn't get rid of it, " she said softly, just above a whisper, pointing a hoof to the 'drawings'.

That wasn't fair. It was unfair to look at me the way that she did and say what she said. Only now did I notice how much her voice had matured as well. Ignoring the twist in my throat, I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah, I guess I forgot it was there."

She gave me a shy smile and directed her attention back to the markings. I wasn't able to smile at her at all, I didn't allow myself.

She remembered it. It was obviously something that had cemented itself into her memory since it was the first thing she did when she came in here. Just that alone made me aware that she probably remembered everything pretty clearly. 

Fluffy turned to me again, and her smile grew. "I'm glad it's still there."

The twist in my throat tightened, and I swallowed thickly to get rid of it. It wasn't working. I looked at Fluffy as she continued to study the markings and a surge of emotions came to life inside me. She's right there, idiot. Show her that you're still here, too. 

I felt my hand raise and started to slowly move toward her. My fingers were trembling as I studied my daughter's soft hair and coat, trying to reach out my hand to put it on her back. The further my hand went, the more I felt the alarms inside my mind tell me to stop. She was still looking away from me, unaware I was about to reach out to her.

I heard a noise at my door, and my arm snapped back to my side. My dad poked his head in.

"Son, where do ya keep yer Hearth's Warmin' tree?" He said as he saw us leaning down behind the bed. I shot up from my squat so fast I could feel my joints crunch from the sudden motion. 

What am I doing?

"It's in the shed in the yard," I said as I walked away from Fluffy, who was now looking at me as I made my way over to help my dad, leaving her alone in the room.





Thankfully, the day moved faster after my 'talk' with my daughter. I dragged out the fake tree from my shed along with some help from my dad, and we all worked together to decorate it for Hearth's Warming the day after. My mom had finally put to rest her constant nagging about me spending time with Fluffy, and they had instead taken over charge for her for the time being. 

Not that she needed any directions, she seemed very happy to do this all by herself. She had learned to fly in the time we had been apart, which did sting a little, but I was amused to see her fly around my living room with her poofy wings. She had made decorating an enjoyable thing to watch as she circled around it gracefully and added all sorts of streamers and bulbs to the tree.

She was an energetic filly, and I noticed that as she had grown, she had turned into a beautiful young mare. I might've been biased from a parental standpoint, but... whatever. The way she moved around was unlike other pegasi I'd seen before. She was graceful in everything she did.

When she thought I wasn't looking, she would peek at me almost constantly. I would look at her when she did, and she would pretend she wasn't looking. It was a game we played throughout the entire day.

I had started preparing our dinner for Hearth's Warming. My mother always wanted turkey for Christmas/Hearth's Warming, but we couldn't get that anywhere in Canterlot. It had to be on a special delivery from The Griffonian Empire, and they rarely replied kindly to requests of that nature. They never specified the reason the several times we did try, but we were sure it had something to do with the political disaster that is our existence.

I grew up with supplements for my iron deficiency, and of course, we were allowed to eat fish, as they were in every body of water in the world. I never really liked fish, so I was okay with my supplements. I didn't really know what I was missing out on, but my mom made a pretty big deal out of it.

Regardless, I would prepare a massive loaf of thin bread for our dinner that we would fill with all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Primarily root-based vegetables, along with some sweet fruit for the juicy flavor. Sweet potato fries to accent it with some salt I exported from Saddle Arabia, and I used Sugar's homemade flour mixture. It was one of a kind, and it made the food better every time. 

Speaking of Sugar, I had almost forgotten everything about what had happened in the past few days with her. So much was going on in my house right now that my mind had shifted completely. I didn't want to tell my parents about that. I forgot to ask Luna about it when I saw her in the dream... I'd ask her next time I saw her. I wonder if Sugar's okay... 

I imagined several ways it could be going wrong, and I tried not to think about her being hurt again. I kept it to myself for now.

My dad joined me in the kitchen to chop vegetables as I worked on the dough for the bread, and I suddenly remembered I was supposed to tell him about my meeting with Princess Luna. "Oh! Dad, you'd never guess who came to eat at my shop this Friday." 

"Oh yeah? Some new fancy pop star I ain't ever heard of?" He chuckled as he continued cutting through a sweet potato.

Hehe. "Nah, it was just this mare called Princess Luna. You probably never heard about her, though. She even invited me home after." I said casually. I noticed that he had stopped cutting the food. 

I turned to him and met his frown with a grin. "My flank," he said.

I shrugged as I wiped my hands on my apron and went to a shelf across the kitchen to grab the scroll I received from Luna a few days ago. I went back to my dad and handed it to him. My mom caught wind of our conversation while helping Fluffy attach some streamers to my ceiling, and she looked surprised at me.

"You met Luna?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I even visited her in the Castle." My eyes widened in realization, and I dropped the dough I had just picked up again and pointed at my mother accusingly. "Oh yeah! Why did you never tell me you and Princess Celestia were pen-pals?!" 

My mother just scoffed at me and crossed her arms. "What do you mean? I told you many times when we first started writing." 

I shook my head as I started beating the dough again. "Bullshit, I don't remember you ever telling me about it. I heard it from for the first time her just a few days ago!"

"It's not that big of a deal. You know we stayed as her guests for years before we could leave. You really think we never spent any time together during all that time?" she asked as she continued to help Fluffy, who had now become interested in our topic and almost dropped the streamers on my mom's head.

I figured it was something as simple as that. Just me not remembering the right things and her not being open about it. It wasn't like it was a crime for her to not tell me everything, and I remember Celestia saying they didn't really write that often anymore. "Alright, then. But yes, apparently, Luna and I are best friends now." I blew my mom a raspberry.

"Last time I got a letter from her, she said that Luna was nearly going insane with how she had to isolate herself because everyone was afraid of her. Did she say anything about that?" my mom asked.

I nodded as I kept kneading the dough. "Yeah... She's been lonely. I brought a friend with me to see her on Saturday, and we had a good time together. She even came to the party last night, too." 

"Really? Sounds like you're doing well." She said playfully. I scoffed and returned to my business as my mother and I continued talking about Celestia and Luna. Fluffy was... distracted. She was taking in everything we were saying and was deeply interested in hearing about the princesses. Looks like she didn't know about the Celestia thing either.

Dad and I finished up with the food and the day went by in a blur as we all did our best to prepare my house for tomorrow. My mother told me we would leave presents under the tree for Fluffy tonight... and it reminded me that I didn't get her anything. Usually, my mom would get her something from me, but this time she didn't. The stores had closed, so I couldn't buy her anything.

I had gone into my room to brainstorm until an idea popped up. I didn't have anything unique or valuable for Fluffy, but I did have my personal items that I always kept in my drawer. Was there anything in there I could give to her? I don't even know what she likes.

Turns out, I could. After some digging around, I came across my old dragon plushie. It was purple, walked on all fours, and had two large, yellow horns on its head, along with a yellow mohawk. Two tiny wings were on its back, and they didn't look strong enough to lift its larger body from the ground. I didn't remember where I had gotten it from, but I had it ever since I was a kid, and I kept it for nostalgia.

I know she's probably too old for shit like this now, but I don't see what else I can give her.

I figured it was time to get rid of it, so I put it inside a small, empty box I had found under my bed. I covered the box with the lid that came with it and took it into my living room to wrap it. Fluffy had already gone to bed with my mom, leaving only my dad and me in the living room. 

I helped him wrap the gifts that would be ready for Fluffy in the morning. He didn't ask any questions about what I had gotten her, he seemed satisfied about me doing anything for her at all. 

My parents and I would exchange gifts after eating dinner like we always did, making it extra special for Fluffy. I didn't really have any arguments against it; it was how she did it when she visited her caretakers in Ponyville.

For some reason, I felt these pains in my chest when I thought of her spending her holidays elsewhere. Now that I think about it, what did she feel when she didn't get to spend time with her grandparents or her parents during Hearth's Warming?

I never got these annoying pains when I was blissfully unaware, but now she's here. We finally talked again after so long, and I felt like shit already. I hated this feeling. I wanted to get rid of it...

Don't I?

As I slept through another nightmare, it was one again disrupted by the blissful dreamscape, only Luna didn't join me this time. Instead, I was floating by myself as I moved along with an unknown force. It was like I could control my propulsion as I zoomed through the endless universe, and It was truly, actually fun.

As things usually do, it ended eventually, and I woke up. It wasn't daytime yet, so It wasn't what had woken me. Instead, I heard paper being torn apart coming from the living room. I left the bed after some grumbling and peeked through the crack in my door to see a lonesome Fluffy Wings, now sitting on the couch while several presents still remained unopened by the tree.

I frowned and looked at her as she sat on the couch, holding something close to her chest. I could barely make out something purple. She was facing away from me, so I couldn't really see anything, especially with how dark it was.

Probably something my parents got her that she really wanted. I had no idea what she even liked anymore, so how would I even know? It was hard to tell what present she had opened as the presents all looked the same with wrapping and sizes.

I went back to my bed and sat down to stretch. I was surprised to see an envelope sitting on my nightstand. It hadn't been there the night before, so I reached out to take it, curious as to what it contained.

I opened it and pulled the paper from the inside out of it and almost dropped it when I saw what it was. 

It was... a drawing. A very, very well-made drawing of me, sitting by a tree with a filly on my head. The filly and I, who was obviously Fluffy, were looking toward the moon. That was it. There was nothing more, nothing less. I just couldn't believe how good of a drawing it was. 

It wasn't drawn like a child normally would, it was drawn with a pencil and some colors here and there. Comparing it to normal crayon drawings children normally made would be an insult as it was near flawless. It was like a picture...

She made this for me.

I saw a drop hit the paper, and I pushed it away so I wouldn't damage it. I quickly put it on my bed and wiped my face eyes and rubbed them as hard as I could to escape what I was feeling. I had trouble breathing as I was trying to sort out my thoughts. 

What the fuck am I doing?