//------------------------------//
// 18 - A Hearth's Warming Mystery 
// Story: My Life as a Post-Adolescent Pony 
// by Unicorncob 
//------------------------------//

That was definitely a new one. Applejack stealing from somepony who's meant to be one of her closest friends? I couldn't help but feel some bile intrigue. I looked at the window display where the jacket should have been put on the mannequin, but the poor thing would no doubt be freezing if it had nerve endings. Which I hoped it didn't, but I couldn't be sure about most things anymore.

"I'm afraid it's quite open and shut," said the stallion, sounding like he was doing his best not to yawn in Rarity's face. "Now then, guards, you may take the suspect away."
"Ah ain't goin' nowhere, buster!" Applejack barked. "'Cuz Ah didn't do nothin'!"
"Appropriate usage of a double negative," he sneered. "You 'didn't do nothing', therefore you did something, yes?"
Applejack stomped toward him, but the guards stood forward to stop her knocking his block off. "Don't you be usin' your fancy Manehattan wits on me, ya city slicker!"
The stallion shook his head. "Ms. Rarity, would you kindly control your... rural friend? Honestly, I would have thought a distinguished mare like yourself would keep more mature company."
"Now see here," the white mare snapped. "I hardly find such talk appropriate."

While this guy was right in that I had no reason to be here at the moment, I couldn't just sit by and let two Ponies who helped me get on my hooves (so to speak) get harassed like this.

"Let's all slow down a bit," I said, stepping forward. The three ceased their bickering, and I turned toward the two mares. "Now then, what's going on?"
"Again, it's none of your business," said the stallion. "You have no relation to this incident."
"Untrue, sir," Rarity said, raising her chin to meet his. "Sharp Sight here is an acquaintance of ours."
"Dang right," Applejack agreed. "He's got every right ta know."
"That's my decision to make, Ms. Jack." The stallion swaggered up, and I could almost see his neck muscles bulging from how hard he was trying to look down his nose at me.

It took every fibre of my self-control not to throw him an uppercut.

"Just who are you, anyway?" I asked.
"Detective Basil Hawkshaw," he answered, "from the Royal Guard's Investigation Division. I am here to figure out what exactly happened and why. Both of which I have already done."
"Well, why don't you share your deduction?" I challenged. "You certainly seem confident enough."
Hawkshaw's nostrils flared. "Well, if you're that curious, I suppose I can spare a few minutes."

He whirled around and started pacing across the floor, gesturing accordingly during his monologue.

"Last night, between the hours of 6pm and 1am, a designer jacket was stolen from Carousel Boutique, off the back of this poor, unaware display mannequin. The shop was closed during these hours, as the proprietor, Rarity, was attending Ponyville's Hearth's Warming Market as an entertainer. There were no signs of forced entry or a break-in, therefore the perpetrator knew exactly how to get inside. And who would know better than a close acquaintance of Rarity's?"

"Oh, gimme a break," spat Applejack. Hawkshawk ignored her.

"Naturally, I have evidence to support that it was this Earth Pony here." With his magic, he levitated a small see-through baggie from his satchel. "Firstly, hairs were left behind at the scene. Orange hairs, which Applejack here is covered in. I'm sure even you can see that, sir." He set the baggie on the table and produced a see-through plastic container. Inside were three apples. "Secondly, these apples were found strewn around the mannequin. Applejack is an apple farmer, so that was a no-brainer." The container joined the baggie, and from his satchel floated a thin square. "And thirdly, this photograph was left on the counter. You can clearly see the hat and mane style matches the suspect perfectly. No doubt left to rub salt in the wound."

"What kinda pig dookie are y'all--" Applejack began, but Hawkshawk shut her up with a raised hoof.

"And finally, motive. The jacket was part of a fashion line meant to celebrate the pop singer Coloratura, who has relations to Applejack. Former friends who drifted apart when the former became a famous celebrity, and the latter was left to toil on a dirt farm in a Podunk town. A classic case of bitter jealousy and revenge."

Hawkshawk had the smarmiest look I'd ever seen a Pony wear on their face so far. Applejack and Rarity looked just as incredulous as me. The guards kept incredibly still, to the point I forgot they were there for a moment.

"Yeah, nah," I said flatly. "I'm not buying that."
"Thank ya!" sighed Applejack. "Finally, somepony other than Rarity gets it!"
"You doubt my deduction, do you?" asked Hawkshaw, an edge of anger in his voice.
"I call your deduction absolute horse apples."
It was his turn to challenge me. "Well, perhaps you can do better, Mr. Sight?"
"I can and I will." I stepped over to the evidence on the table.

I started with the hairs. Definitely orange, but something seemed off about them. I wasn't an expert on Pony fur, but these strands didn't land right with me.
Next, the photo. There was definitely a hat and mane style resembling Applejack's, but a silhouette wasn't enough to confidently hoof her as the perp. Especially not a greyscale one, at that. It didn't help that the Pony's face was totally hidden by the hat's brim, either.
Finally, the apples. This was far too on-the-nose for me to believe this guy. But there was only one way to make sure. I popped the lid off and took a bite of one of the apples.

"Hey!" shrieked Hawkshaw. "You're eating the evidence!"
I ignored him and let the bite dance around in my mouth for a minute or so before swallowing. I put the apple back in and closed the lid.
"I'm analysing the evidence," I corrected him. "And I have enough to prove that whoever stole the jacket, it wasn't Applejack."
"Already?" asked Rarity, putting a hoof over her mouth in surprise.
Hawkshaw snorted. "Is that right? Well, take us through your deduction then, Detective."

It was my turn to pace across the floor and gesture. And I daresay I did a far better job of it, throwing in some spins as I got into the moment.

"First, the hairs. True, they're indeed orange, but they're the wrong shade." I held the baggie against Applejack. "Look--they're lighter and longer than her fur. Plus, I'm no biologist, but I doubt Pony hair just falls out like that. I'd say these are from another Pony's mane." I put the baggie on the table and lifted the photograph. "Next, the photo. True, it resembles Applejack, but that's as far as we have. Applejack isn't the only pony in Equestria who can put on a Stetson hat, and this mane could just as easily be a wig. Plus, who takes a photo of themselves committing a crime? That's just, well, stupid." I traded the photo for the container. "And finally, the apples. Like you said, this was the most crucial clue. I've tasted the apples on Applejack's farm, and there's no doubt about it: these apples here are not from Sweet Apple Acres. They're store-bought, at best."

Hawkshawk's hoof traced the floor ever so slightly, like the world's most polite bull. "And your rebuttal to my motive?"

"It makes no sense," I said. "Applejack harming the trust of her good friend just for revenge? What does she stand to gain from pointing the hoof to herself?" With a flourish, I put a hoof to my chin. "So here's my conclusion: Carousel Boutique was entered last night, and the jacket was stolen. But the perp is somepony who wanted to frame Applejack for the crime. Who they are, I don't know yet, but what I do know is that Applejack is completely innocent."

The room went silent again, which was quickly broken by Rarity's hooves clapping.

"Bravo, Sharp!" she cheered. "Simply magnifique, darling!"
"Ah told ya none a' that stuff was mine!" said Applejack. She tipped her hat to me. "That's some good detectin' there, Sharp."
"Well, if it wasn't this farmer," asked Hawkshaw, stomping up to me, "then who was it?"
"I just said I don't know that," I said, cocking an eyebrow. "But I plan to find out, Basil."
"That's Detective Hawkshaw to you, citizen," he growled in my face. "You're lucky I've suddenly become pressed for time, or I would have you charged with interfering an investigation."
"More like improving an investigation," I shot back. I heard Applejack snort.

Hawkshaw glared at me a moment longer before he turned to the guards. "Let's go, this investigation isn't over." He shot a glare at me. "And if the real culprit doesn't appear, well, we always have the backup." 

With that, he led the two guards outside the shop. No doubt to get an obnoxious latte while ranting to himself.

Rarity harrumphed. "What a piece of work. I shall have to speak to Twilight about his conduct."
"Where does he get off?" asked Applejack. "Pullin' all those accusations outta his behind like that."
"Definitely one of those 'child prodigy' types," I said, making quote marks with my hoof. "Well, sounds like I've just signed myself up for an investigation."
"Wait, y'all were serious about that?" asked Applejack, her eyes wide. "Ah thought y'all were just talkin' big ta make him back down."
"So did I," I admitted. "But, well, I can't really leave this up to Fancy Boy now, can I?"
"I'd happily do it myself," said Rarity, "I love a good mystery, but I've gotten slightly behind on my orders because of all this. And with this being the day before Hearth's Warming Eve, I think I'll be working all day."
"And Ah ain't got the know-how fer all that analysin' stuff," added Applejack, looking at the floor. "Not like Ah'll get much done, with all the last-minute prep down at the farm. Family first, y'know?"
"Maybe you two could answer some questions for me really quick?" I asked. "Just so I can build this case."
"Shoot, after y'all stuck yer neck out fer me, that ain't no trouble," said Applejack. Rarity nodded with a smile. "Fire away, sugarcube."
"Oh, one sec," I said, and started rummaging through my saddlebags. "Gah, I should've bought a notebook or something..."

I looked up and jolted as just the very thing I was looking for was dangling in front of me in a blue aura. Even with a complimentary quill.

"Twilight has given me hundreds of these," said Rarity. "Please take it, I insist."
"Wow, thanks," I said, doing just that. I flipped it open and jotted down whatever clues I had so far before I began. "Okay, Applejack, what were you doing last night? I didn't see you in the market."
"Ah was at the castle," answered Applejack. "Spike wanted some of mah apple n' sapphire crumble, so Ah brought him a batch a' the stuff."
"So we have a witness who can attest to that. Perfect." I turned to the Unicorn. "Rarity, do you have any idea how the culprit got inside?"
"Well, I had the key with my things backstage when I was singing with the Pony Tones last night," said Rarity. "I suppose somepony snuck in and stole it, then brought it back?"
I nodded, still writing. "And was anything else taken?"
Rarity shook her head. "Nothing. In fact, apart from the mannequin, nothing else was even touched."
"Interesting. Do you have any idea who might have done it?
"I'm afraid not. Nopony in Ponyville would think of such a thing."
"Ah ain't got a clue either," said Applejack.

I seemed to have enough to go on for the moment. If nothing inside the building was touched besides the mannequin, then maybe outside would give me some answers.

For a moment, I wondered why I was doing this instead of looking for another gift for River. But then, if she heard I walked away while an innocent Pony was sent to prison, she'd probably never let me live it down. Plus, I had a feeling I had a lot of walking around to do anyway. I tried not to groan too loud about the latter.

I stepped outside and looked around. Amongst the pedestrians, I spotted the Pony in the parka from last night. The rude so-and-so who spilled my hot cocoa, who apparently didn't get time to clean off the stain. They melted back in amongst the crowd once more.





And so, there I was, rooting through the bins behind Carousel Boutique on Hearth's Warming. If that didn't paint a picture of my four-legged life, I wasn't sure what would. Still, my dumpster diving had a purpose. If our jacket thief left any tracks, no doubt they'd be by the back door. After all, what kind of idiot would try breaking into a building by going through the entrance facing a high-traffic area?

Come to think of it, how does a shop have a lock on the door but my house doesn't? Is there some kind of weird law, or did I just get scammed?

I opened the dumpster and was surprised at how... organised it was. Clean, too. Some discarded cardboard boxes and pieces of fabric all in neat stacks. Even with her trash, Rarity didn't mess around.

Which made finding a crucial clue all the easier. I leaned in and fished out a stetson hat. Cheap, made of plastic and coloured a tacky purple. I didn't have a clue about fashion, but even I knew Rarity would put out a restraining order on that hat before she'd let it anywhere near her place. Beneath it was a white wig, styled like Applejack's mane-do. Anypony who saw these in a black-and-white photo would be none the wiser.

So my hunch was right: somepony disguised themselves to frame Applejack. But who? And why?

"Pardon me," I heard. I looked up and saw Hawkshaw walking down the alley toward me. "That is crucial evidence to this investigation, and it belongs in Royal Guard custody."
A smirk crossed my face. "So my theory holds water, Detective?"
"It's a slight possibility at best," he spat, using his magic to yank the hat and wig from my grip. "In any case, I've warned you: this is not something for a citizen to get involved with. If I catch you removing evidence again, I will have you tried for interfering with Royal Guard business."
"Do you talk to all dumpster divers like that?" I asked, furrowing my brow. "Or am I special?"
He curled his upper lip and turned in place. "Oh, just so you know," he said over his shoulder, "Ms. Jack is under house arrest, so I'm afraid she'll be unavailable until this case is closed. So sorry."
"I'm sure you are," I muttered as he sauntered off.

Once he was gone, I made a note of the hat and wig in my pad and exited the alley myself. I ducked and weaved past my neighbours and went to the crystal castle. Thankfully Twilight and Spike were home, and indeed, their testimonies matched what Applejack told me. While that certainly helped to clear her name, it did nothing to help point me to the real culprit. And with Applejack herself under surveillance, I doubted I could get much out of her.

I sat back on the couch and read through my notes.

One item, something related to Coloratura, was stolen from Rarity, and the thief tried to frame Applejack. If that was the only thing taken, that means there's a connection between Coloratura, Applejack and the thief. But what?

...and when did my hoof-writing get so good? I can actually read this.

"I just can't believe someone would try to frame Applejack," Twilight frowned. "I'd look into this myself, but I'm just so wrapped up. Thanks so much for doing this, Sharp."
"I owe Applejack a favour anyway," I said, shrugging. "Though, I can't help but wonder--do Applejack and Coloratura know each other?"
"I remember Applejack told us they became friends at a summer camp," said Twilight. "Coloratura also came to Ponyville for a music festival. Now that was a great show."
"A music festival?" I repeated, getting an idea. "I don't suppose you have any records about it? Like a newspaper or something?"
"I've got records of everything that goes on in Equestria!" Twilight beamed proudly. "I have event-focused records and creature-focused records, filed chronologically and alphabetically!"
I blinked. What the heck was I meant to do with that?
"Um, how about creature-focused, alphabetically?" I asked carefully. 

Twilight's horn glowed, and I went from a comfy couch to a circular room full of filing cabinets lining the wall, with a table in the centre. I swallowed the bile that formed in my mouth.
"There you go," said Twilight. "When you're done, just walk out, turn left, then left again, then, right, then down the stairs, then two more lefts and a right to get out."
"Thanks," I said after a moment of internal panic.

Twilight disappeared, and I got to work. I started with the cabinet labelled with a 'C', naturally. What I didn't expect was the cabinet to stretch out halfway across the room when I pulled it open. All this magic at Twilight's disposal, and this was how she used it?

"Alright, let's see," I said, flipping through the borders inside. "Capper... Cheerilee... Cheese Sandwich? What kind of name is that?" I shook my head. "Cherry Jubilee... Coco Pommel... ah-ha! Coloratura!"

I pulled out a hoofful of newspaper clippings and magazine articles and skimmed through them. Naturally, they were things like discussing music, talking about new albums, tour dates, all that stuff. I wasn't big on celebrity gossip, so it was hard for me to read the whole things the full way through. Though, I did notice one name pop up in every single article.

"Now who's this...?"

I jogged to another cabinet and flicked through it. Sure enough, I found the same name. Only a few articles were under it, but the headlines told all.

Just like that, I had a number-one suspect.





I eventually found my way out of the castle and began stalking the Ponyville streets. I had a strong feeling I knew who my perp was, now I just had to find them. The only matter was figuring out where to start. They may have already skipped town on an early train, but if my rushed psychological profile was correct, they may have wanted to keep close to the action and watch their plan unfold.

Those apples at the crime scene certainly stood out in my mind. If they didn't come from Sweet Apple Acres, then where did they come from? There was only one place I could think of. I headed toward the shopping area and entered the grocer's.

"Hello there, Sharp Sight," the Earth Pony mare behind the counter greeted me with a smile. "What can I do you for?"
"Hey, Citrus Bowl," I said, pulling out my notepad. "I was hoping you could tell me something: Do you sell apples that don't come from Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Sure," she said, "demand for Sweet Apple Acres are so high, I have to outsource just so I have some apples to sell. Why do you ask?"
"I was wondering if anypony's bought any from you lately? Say, yesterday or so?"
Citrus put a hoof to her chin. "Now that you mention it," she muttered, "there was one Pony who bought a pack. I thought it was weird because Applejack brought in a huge harvest before winter started, so even now we still have plenty left."
Definitely not a local. "What'd they look like?"
"I didn't see their face," she said regretfully. "They were wearing a big parka with the hood up."
My ears perked up. "A parka?"
Citrus nodded. "They didn't say a word, either. Just grabbed the pack, set the bits on the counter and left."
I scribbled down some notes. "Perfect. Thanks, Citrus."
"Anytime," she said. "Though, can I ask what's going on?"
"Oh, I'm just looking for that Pony, is all. It's important."

I stepped out of the grocer's and narrowed my eyes at large gatherings of creatures. The thief and that rude hooded Pony were indeed one in the same, and no doubt they'd try to hide in plain sight. They were definitely still in town, and the crowded market would be perfect cover. And I could check behind the stage for any clues, if Rarity's assumption was anything to go by.

And so I headed toward the large structure, keeping my head on a swivel for Parka Pony. I slipped backstage, and naturally, any personal belongings had no doubt been picked up by their owners. Still, if this was where a piece of the crime took place, there had to be something. I rooted through a box of props, but I doubted some weave baskets or gold-painted rocks were related. I skimmed a rack of costumes next, but the rags and old-timey suits bore no fruit either.

Until I dug in behind the rack, spotting a large black bag. Out of sheer curiosity, and figuring that I'd already dug through trash anyway, I peeked inside. There was something inside. Felt like leather, with little bits of metal on it. I lifted it out, and my jaw almost literally hit the ground.

"The jacket! I found it!"

But what was it doing back there, of all places? Unless...

"There he is, Detective." My fur stood on end and I turned to see Hawkshaw and the guards stood at the backstage entrance. Parka Pony was pointing a hoof toward me. "Just as I said--the thief returned for his spoils."
"I should have known," Hawkshaw chuckled and approached me. "Playing the role of amateur sleuth to throw everypony off your trail, and framing a supposed friend for your crime? Clever, Mr. Sharp. For a backwater village Pony, at least."
I just stared for a long minute. "Oh, you can't be serious. Why would I want to do all that?"
"Money, obviously," said Parka Pony. Even with their face covered, I could feel their smirk. "That's an expensive Rarity original, inspired by Countess Coloratura. No doubt a superfan would even pay a mark-up for it. And you're not exactly rolling in bits, are you?"
"You seriously think I'd set somepony up just for money?"
"Perhaps--you and I aren't exactly familiar," said Hawkshaw, "who knows what kind of Pony you are? Well, besides a backstabbing criminal. Guards, restrain Mr. Sharp."

The guards stalked toward me, and time seemed to slow down. I had to think quickly. No way of getting out through the backstage entrance, and I didn't see one on the other side. The only way out was through the stage curtain, but those highly-trained guards would be on me the moment I even flexed a muscle. I had to be smart.

I craned my neck and looked at the entrance. "Princess Twilight!" I gasped.
"Your Highness?!" Hawkshaw and the guards yelped, turning in place.

I grabbed the mouth of the trash bag in my teeth and made a break for it through the curtain.





A commotion raised in the market as I raced through the crowd, desperate to get to Carousel Boutique. I yelped and nearly tripped over my own hooves as a small blast struck the ground next to me.

"Stop that Pony!" demanded Hawkshaw, his horn glowing green as he and Parka Pony pursued me. The guards swooped down to try and grab me, but I was able to duck and weave just as they went for the strike.

I saw the Boutique. I was so close!

"Whoa!" I yelped as another magic blast came inches from hitting my hoof. It was enough of a distraction for a guard to give me the world's most dangerous glomp, sending the both of us tumbling through the shop door with his hooves wrapped around me. "Owww..." I groaned, laying on my side.
I looked up and saw Hawkshaw and Parka Pony enter the shop. The former produced a pair of cuffs from inside his suit jacket. 
"Sharp Sight, you're under arrest for burglary, frameup, tampering with a crime scene and resisting arrest."

Frameup. Ironic.

The cuffs clamped tight around my ankles and the guard finally released me so I could get into the more dignified position of sitting on my backside. He went to join his friend in guarding the front door, somehow having it in his mind that I could successfully bunny-hop my way out the door.

"What in Celestia's name is going on in here?!" I turned my head and saw Rarity emerge from the back, wearing her work glasses and an uncharacteristically frizzled mane.
"Nothing to worry about, Ms. Rarity," said Hawkshaw, puffing out his chest. "We've captured the true thief, and returned your property."
"You seem to have put the cuffs on Sharp," she noted.
"Exactly."
"Basil, darling," said Rarity, in a tone often reserved for a parent trying to be patient with her arguing child, "even I can tell you've made a mistake here."
Hawkshaw raised an eyebrow. "Explain?"
"There's no way Sharp could be the thief," she explained. "I saw him in the market myself. He spent most of the night there then went home, in the complete opposite direction of my shop."
The detective pursed his lips. "You're absolutely sure?"
"Oh, without a doubt. I have a good view of the crowd from the stage."

Hawkshaw did his best to hold back a snarl as he removed my cuffs. Just as I was starting to chafe.

"Don't be too upset, Detective," I said, flicking my front hooves to get some feeling back into them. "You've still caught the real thief."
Hawkshaw blinked. "I have?"
I nodded toward Parka Pony. "Our mysterious stranger here was behind everything."
"That's ridiculous!" Parka Pony growled. "You're accusing me now? Detective, put the cuffs back on him!"
"What are you getting at?" asked Hawkshaw.
I smirked at Parka Pony. "Well, let's start with you introducing yourself."
"What? Why?!" they spat.
"You're a witness, right?" I pointed out. "You need to state your name for the record for your testimony to be valid. Right, Detective?"
"Unfortunately, you are correct," he said quietly. "As a witness, I'm afraid you must identify yourself."
"I am just a concerned citizen!!" Parka Pony spat. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a train to catch. Detective, tell your dogs to move." 

The guards nickered irritably at that. They looked ready to tackle him themselves, if the new presence at the door hadn't caused them to stiffen with a salute.

"Citizen or not," said Twilight Sparkle, "I'll thank you not to speak to members of the Royal Guard like that."
"Twilight, darling!" Rarity sighed with relief.
"Princess Twilight!" Hawkshaw gasped, stiffening himself. "I was just in the middle of getting to the bottom of this investigation!"
"I've got the gist of things by now, Basil," said Twilight, striding into the Boutique. "Applejack here has been filling me in on a few details."
"Applejack?!" squawked Parka Pony, as the cowmare in question sauntered in.
"Twilight was sweet enough ta' let up mah house arrest," she said, "and we just saw a big ol' hullabaloo just as we got inta town."

Even with their hood up, I could tell Parka Pony was sweating under there.

"Y-your Highness," they whimpered, "surely you understand that who I am has no bearing on this case?"
"Then you should have no qualms about telling us who you are," Twilight shot back.
"Unless yer hidin' somethin'," Applejack added, narrowing her eyes. "In fact, Ah reckon y'all seem mighty familiar..."
Parka Pony's hooves tapped in place. "Th-this is my first time in Ponyville!"
"No, I've definitely heard that voice before," Rarity agreed.
"Alright, I'll tell you," they sighed, taking a deep breath... then sprinting for the space made in the front door.

Twilight's unamused gaze didn't waver as she grabbed them in her magical grip.

"Wait, stop!" they squealed, their hood raising back. "Please, don't--!"

The hood came off, and the ice from Twilight, Rarity and Applejack's glares could freeze the lake quite nicely.

I, however, had a nice and satisfied smirk.

"Fillies and gentlecolts," I purred in the smarmiest voice I could muster, "I give you Svengallop."