Zecora hadn't been kidding: Those seeds really did have some kick to them! After it was all over, I sat there blushing, madly hoping that none of the ponies in the next room had heard anything. The washroom was a good ways back from the main area... One could hope, right? Right?!?
I was feeling a lot better as I got up, trotting over to the sink. Then I did a double-take. Sink? How did she have a sink in the middle of the forest? Or for that matter, a running-water toilet? Curious, I looked out the small carved bathroom window to see where the water was coming from. What I saw amazed me: She had somehow managed to rig up what appeared to be wooden pipes and had run them from a nearby stream, right to this room. Ingenious. Amazed, I shrugged and turned the wooden spigot, running the water to wash my hooves. As I did, the absurdity of my previous thoughts caught up with me. Of all the things to worry about after a day like today, I was nervous about embarrassing myself in front of a group of pretty mares? Almost all of whom had wanted to beat me senseless just minutes ago? I chuckled softly to myself and shook my head; I was definitely a stallion, alright.
Looking for the soap, I thought about those fillies... wait, no. Those mares... gah! I was still at that age where girls were... well, both I guess. They were just so confusing! It also didn't help that I had trouble figuring out which term each pony preferred. Unless their age was obvious, I had decided ages ago to just base it on how they acted, unless corrected. Who would ask a pony their age or which term they preferred in normal circumstances anyway?
I began thinking about the group I had just met, starting with Zecora. Such a strange and exotic-looking pony... though to be honest, I was still not completely sure she even was a pony. While she was shaped like one, and has a cutie mark, that hair, and that coloring... Hrm. Well, either way, she was definitely a mare, no doubt about that. She not only seemed older and more mature than the rest, but her medicinal skills and motherly manner made it easy to tell. The fact that she spoke in rhyme stumped me though. I had never heard of such a thing, but I shrugged it off as a quirk, or some unknown medical condition.
Reflecting on the other ponies I’d met today, I found it harder to classify them, perhaps because they all seemed to be about my age, where they were still transitioning from their teenage years to adulthood. I knew I would probably continue to have trouble with that unless I got to know them better, and as I realized that, I tried to clear my head. I knew that I wasn't planning on that!
Returning to my search, I realized that no soap was obviously available at the sink for some reason. Not wanting to leave with dirty hooves, I started looking around the bathroom, my idle mind slipping back to my previous thoughts. The first unicorn I had ever met came to mind. The purple one, Twilight. Bookish, seemed full of knowledge... perhaps too full? She had seemed kinda smug when she thought she was right, but at least she apologized and admitted when she was wrong. All in all, she seemed nice. She also seemed to be sort of the leader of the group, though I had the feeling that if asked, she would say they were all equals. Despite this, the others seemed to look to her for guidance. Mare.
Rarity. Another unicorn. I’d gone my whole life without meeting one, and then... BAM. Two at once. Of course, then, they had wanted to beat the stuffing out of me. I sighed, still looking around the room. Oh well. She was too easy. Based on the way she spoke and moved, and her highly styled mane, perfectly groomed coat, and shining, unblemished hooves, she obviously tried to act the most ladylike, most proper. Her speech patterns almost took it too far, like she was trying to pretend to be upper class, or royalty. If that was the case, that could easily drive away other, more normal ponies, especially if she lost her head and came to believe that she really was somehow better than them.
Shaking my head, I chuckled. But that couldn’t be right. All these ponies seemed to be her friends, and some of them were right down to earth. She must walk some crazy line between high class and average pony. Either way, there was no doubt about it. Definitely mare.
Now, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. What a pair. What had Rarity called them? Ruffians? That might be a bit much, but they sure were fiery. Applejack seemed quite down to earth, and her accent had me leaning towards some kind of country living, so probably a farmer of some kind. Based on her cutie mark and name, I could probably bet bits on apple farmer and win big. Though that was a little weird... I frowned, pausing. None of the other ponies seemed from the country, and she was the only pony who spoke that way. Wonder why...
I rolled my eyes, now trying to read the labels I’d spotted on some bottles that were around the bathtub. Another mystery. Good job, Indigo. Even more questions. But back to the topic at hand. She was lean and muscular, but not overly so. Charming when she wants to be, or deadly when the situation calls for it. Mature, I'd say. So probably another mare.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, seemed lively and flamboyant. There was absolutely no way that her mane was natural. I mean, I’d seen manes with two, maybe three colors, but she was just off the scale with six. I also tried not to be offended that she was missing my color, indigo... now that would be silly... and petty. Harumph.
Anyways, even though she had not spoken too much, what little she had and the way she acted made her seem very rough and tumble, especially when she had failed that pose and knocked herself silly. I still didn't know what a sonic rainboom was supposed to be, but she sounded overly proud about it, and herself. First impressions? She still has some growing up to do, and I think she would probably take kinder to the term filly, if anyone ever dared to addressed that way.
Growing frustrated by my fruitless search, having still not found anything that resembled soap, I started rummaging through the bottles under the sink. Where was that accursed thing? It wouldn’t make sense for someone like Zecora to not have some! Not in the middle of a filthy forest, anyway. Picking up a pink bottle reminded me of the last pony to arrive, the one called Pinkie. Pink mane, pink coat, makes sense, I guess. Not the most original name, but who was I to talk! Her name was about the only thing about her that did, though. Bouncing instead of walking, hanging from the ceiling, seemingly able to produce snacks and party supplies from thin air... it was almost as if she had magic. But that would be silly, she was an earth pony. I’m sure that if stuck around and took the time, I'd find logical explanations for everything... right? I put the bottle back down, bemused. Hyperactive and crazy, this one was definitely still a silly filly.
Sighing, I gave up my search and lay my head down on the edge of the sink. Turning my attention to the water I had accidentally left running while I searched, dejectedly I dipped my mouth into the half-full basin and took a long slow drink. Having avoided it as much as I possibly could have, my thoughts finally turned to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy. Now here was a girl I couldn't pin down. One moment she seemed to be brave and courageous, the next timid and... well... shy. Not to mention more cute than any filly had a right to be. It didn't even seem intentional! And if she gets angry, wow, watch out. A shiver ran down my spine again as I remembered the look she had given me... that icy stare of doom.
The feeling passed and I found a smile growing on my face as I remembered the first time I had seen her though, wings spread, forehooves wrapped around me, a look of purpose and determination on her face. And those eyes, those deep, caring eyes... I sighed, happily this time. I never thought I'd ever be cared about again. I’d honestly given up on everything as I fell, but caring? I had lost hope of ever feeling that again a very long time ago.
A splash of water from the faucet went up my nose and I snorted, reality setting back in. My smile was instantly replaced by a scowl as I placed my hooves on the edge of the sink, picking myself back up. What the hay was I thinking? Dangit Indigo, you almost killed that filly, and all you can think about is how she “cares”? Zecora seems to “care” too, but who knows, they could all have some kind of ulterior motive, or just feel like they are obligated to for some reason. You thought your friends cared too, and look what happened.
Betrayal.
Abandonment.
I would not let it happen again.
I slammed my hoof down in anger, both at myself, and my so-called friends. Said hoof happened to land neatly on a pink leaf prominently placed next to the sink, which promptly slipped aside with a squeak. Suddenly unsupported, my head came crashing down to hit the edge of the sink, promptly knocking me silly. Once my ears stopped ringing, I groaned, picking the leaf up off the floor. Rubbing it between my hooves, a liquid began seeping from the pores, lathering up quite nicely.
Ah. Of course. This was Zecora's house after all, why wouldn’t she use something natural? Despite it all, a small smile returned to my lips.
As I stood there, finally scrubbing my hooves under the cool running water, I found the quiet and solitude lent itself to helping my mind continue to wander, now over the circumstances I now found myself in. Losing my job, being abandoned by my friends... and then some crazy explosion which left me high above the Everfree forest. My smile faded again; I still had only rough memories of what had happened then, and none of them were good.
The last thing I remembered with any clarity at all was those horrible jocks making fun of me, and revealing how my entire life up to that point had just been a big joke to everypony. Everypony but me. After that? Everything went sideways. All I had to go on was some disjointed images and smells. Faces lying on the clouds before my hooves. The sight and smell of burning furniture and paper in the place that had been my home for so many years. Rows of dead, staring eyes, pushing me away from them, away from the only place I had ever known.
I shuddered, closing my eyes and trying to skip those, to focus on the later scenes. More broken images, but I concentrated on the one that was the most clear: An image of myself as I flew over a lake. I tried to repress my emotions as I studied my reflection. My mouth, open wide, silently screaming to a world that didn't care, my black mane and tail streaming back, pushed by the invisible wind, my eyes, open impossibly wide, glowing as tears streamed from them, causing ripples in the lake as they hit, far behind me...
My eyes shot open in surprise. Wait, glowing? Realization set in as I re-closed my eyes and focused on that image again. Glowing eyes, body surrounded by a faint haze of shimmering purple. No visible bright bolts of lightning, but it would have been going on for quite some time at this point. There was no mistaking it, it had to be the same surge of power I had managed to tap into as I fell into the trees.
Confusion set in. What was it? Where had it come from? Why had I never seen it before? What had it done to me? Questions raced through my mind, and I had answers for none of them. I tried to piece it together. Something had... happened there, in Cloudsdale. Something that Hoops, or maybe Dumbbell had said, had triggered... something... deep inside. Something... primal. Something I can't define.
I hit the wall with my hoof in frustration; I didn't understand any of this! Was this something normal for unicorns? Had I hit some kind of puberty growth spurt? I thought I was passed all that. I gritted my teeth, anger bubbling to the surface again. If I had been raised by unicorns, would this have never happened? Would I at least know what was going on, or how to stop it? Was my accursed ancestry somehow to blame?
Almost unwillingly, I found my head turning around to look over at my smooth, wingless back, my anger dissipating, leaving a feeling of overwhelming sadness. Of course it was. It always was. If I had been born a pegasus, like I should have, like my parents probably wanted, then none of this would have happened. I would have grown up, gone to flight camp, joined the Junior Speedsters, gotten my cutie mark (probably something to do with flying or weather), and eventually gone to join my parents working at the weather factory. Not as a stupid accountant, but as somepony who could actually work with the elements!
Tears filled my eyes as I thought of my parents again. The last time I had seen them, as they put on their work smocks and hard hats before cantering out our front door. Dad turning to wave goodbye; Mom promising she'd bake me a cake when she got home to celebrate my cutie mark... And then they both flew away, and I never saw them again.
Weeping silently, I cursed my life. If I had just been born a pegasus, I would have probably gotten my cutie mark on a different day, and they wouldn't have been late to work. They wouldn't have been in the wrong place at the wrong time when the rainbow juice somehow got poured into the cloud machines; they were scheduled to be working in the snowflake room that day. They would have been safe, in the only area of the factory that was unaffected by the explosion.
My head slumped to the floor, tears pooling around it. I had made them late. I was the reason they had been walking through the cloud-making room when the shock wave hit. It was my fault they were there, that the resulting storm... explosion... rainbow thing took them from me. I was to blame for it all. And it was all because I had been born... different.
I punched the wall again with my hoof. Why me? Why did I have to be different? Was I destined to be outcast forever? And if this is my destiny, then why does everything in my life have to go wrong? What possible purpose could that serve?! Tears continued to silently roll down my face as I hit the wall again and again, unable to feel anything, the numbness betraying me as I punched it harder and harder until...
A sudden voice brought me back, as somepony knocked on the door. “Um... Hi... uh... sorry to intrude... but are you okay in there? I, uh, thought I heard some banging noises... unless I was imagining things...” I heard shuffling, as if she was nervously shifting back and forth. “Oh my, I'm sorry: am I interrupting? I’m so sorry.. um... Ill just... I'll just let you finish... sorry... squeak!”
My eyes snapped open. No! I couldn't let her, of all ponies see me like this. I scrambled back to my hooves, wiping my eyes clear with a forehoof as I turned to face the door. For a moment I was glad my throat was still sore; coughing for a moment, I was able to give myself time to get back in control.
After taking a few deep breaths, I managed to reply calmly. “No... Sorry, I’ll be out in a moment. Everything is fine.” Internally I winced. I didn't like lying, especially not to her. Everything was NOT fine, but she didn’t need to worry about me. As soon as I could, I was going to get out of her life, out of everypony's life. Even if she really did care, and didn't have some ulterior motive like everypony does, I couldn't stay around her, or any of them. I'd just ruin their lives as well.
Everypony I had ever cared about had either been the victim of something or had abandoned me, and I just knew it all was somehow all my fault. I would not let that happen to her too. Even ponies who I didn't like, those bullies, and maybe others I couldn't remember, had been hurt by me somehow. I wouldn't risk that happening again. Not to her. Not to anypony.
I heard another squeak from the other side of the door. Despite myself, I felt my lips stretch slowly into a smile as I pictured her standing there, hiding beneath her mane, probably blushing due to standing outside a bathroom, talking to the pony inside. A few more incomprehensible squeaks secured that image in my mind, as I heard her hoofsteps quietly fade as she walked back towards the main room.
Taking a deep sigh of relief, my smile quickly turned into a frown. No! What was I doing? I can't let myself care for her, she’s already gone through enough thanks to me. I slapped myself with my hoof, hard. Look what you’ve already done to her! She almost died because of you! In fact, she would have if you hadn't managed to do something crazy that you didn't even know you could do!
I dunked my head under the water, hoping to clear my mind. The sudden shock of the cold water did the trick, as thoughts of the cute yellow filly were replaced by the dull roar of running water. For a moment, I relaxed, my mind clearing. Then, of course, the sound brought back thoughts of the earlier purple haze. All my memories were tainted, obscured by a similar noise.
Now that I had regained control of my emotions, I found myself thinking deeper about that haze, comparing the one I had managed to trigger somehow myself with the bits and pieces I remembered of the first one. There hadn’t any pain when the purple haze first took hold, in Cloudsdale. Had something been different that time? Listening to the white noise of the water, I compared the situations. The first time had been triggered by... something... I had seen things in my mind after all they had said to me, as I broke down... but what was it? What had I seen? Heard? Felt?
Concentrating, I scrunched my eyes shut, wondering why it seemed hard to remember...
FLASH
I jumped and banged my head on the waterspout as the blocked scene flashed momentarily in my mind. I had to shove a hoof in my mouth to stop from crying out, as the flash of images and sound made me want to scream incoherently. My head rang as the sound of horrible, demonic laughter faded. I took the hoof out of my mouth and cradled my head, now aching as I came quickly to the obvious conclusion: some things are best left forgotten, especially if they can cause... that. After all that had already happened, I really didn't want to lose my mind. My sanity was really all I had left.
I rubbed my head where I had felt the impact of the faucet. Despite still not feeling any pain, I turned my attention to the mirror to make sure I hadn't broken the skin. More bruises would go unnoticed, but bleeding, on the other hoof, would not. As my eyes focused on the face in the mirror, I froze instantly. My jaw dropped open in shock, and I fell onto my rear, hard, as I scooted backwards away from the mirror. I found my mouth moving, but no words came forth.
My pupils shrank in fear and I began to tremble as a monster stared back at me from the other side.