Pinkie was not fine.
I was not fine.
It being Monday morning did not help.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Pinkie: how she looked, her voice, what she said, how desperately she wanted to be alone. I still couldn't believe the girl I saw last night and the one I'd always known were the same person.
And I just left her crying in her room because I couldn’t help.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t remember anything I was being taught. I tried to focus on everything they said, but after a few sentences I’d already forgotten what it was just a few minutes later. It was sheer luck that the teachers didn't call me for some questions or give us work that wasn’t just meant to keep us busy.
Maybe it would have been better if I'd stayed home.
Pinkie did. Well that, or she was just avoiding me entirely. Usually, I’d see her at least once in the hallway or at lunch; always in the library at the end of the day. Not this time. Other than Cheerliee, it was empty. I stood in the doorway for an uncomfortable amount of time, staring at the table we always talked at. Some part of me hoped she would simply appear, waving her arm and bringing up some ridiculous topic I’d never given thought to beforehand.
Of course, she didn't.
I dragged my feet as I approached the table, collapsing into the chair with a sigh as I set my backpack on the ground. I pulled out my phone, staring at my reflection in the black screen: my skin paler than before and my hair was an unkempt mess. While I wasn't a complete stickler about my appearance, I usually took better care of it than this.
My finger hovered over the power button as I hesitated to turn my phone on. After I woke up and hit my alarm, I shut it off and hadn't touched it since. There was no real reason for it aside from just not wanting to. What was I so afraid would happen? Pinkie would message me something? Fluttershy would ask if I was lying to her?
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I pressed the button and heard the chime of a single notification: Fluttershy thanking me for checking up on Pinkie. No other texts.
It was tempting to send Pinkie something, even just as simple as "you aight?". I’d be happy with getting left on read, as long as she was okay.
But would I just be annoying her? I already went to her house, and that didn’t make things any better. Not that texting her would do anything; I couldn’t take anything she might say at face value, knowing how she looked behind the screen.
All I could do was wait until I heard back from her.
“Oh, hey,” a familiar voice came from the doorway, though I couldn’t place where I recognized it from. “You’re Eight, right?”
I turned to find a mustard-and-ketchup-haired girl shooting me with a finger gun gesture, wearing an uncertain smile as she approached me.
“Uh, yeah?” I responded, placing my phone down face-first as I turned to her. “Pinkie’s not here if you’re looking for her.”
“I wouldn’t expect her to be, she’s sick. Did she not tell you?” she asked as she sat where Pinkie usually did, which felt wrong and bothered me more than I thought it would.
“No.”
“Huh.” she added, rapping her fingers against the table. “Well, I’m Sunset Shimmer; it’s nice to meet you. Pinkie’s told me a thing or two.”
“Sunset?” I’d heard that name somewhere before, just couldn’t quite place where. “As in Sunny? Pinkie mentioned that you’re dating someone named Wally now?”
“Oh, she told you?”Sunset asked, eyes briefly widening. “Yeah. We’d been talking for a while, just only recently made it official. I didn’t really wanna make a big deal out of it, but you know how Pinkie is.”
She got a message on her phone, which caused her to smile as she started sending something back. For a moment, I think she forgot where she was, giggling to herself before looking up and remembering I was here. Poorly trying to play it off as coughing as she put her phone back in one of the pockets of her jackets.
“So, why did your parents name you Eight?”
“You know, I don’t get that question as often as you might think.” I remarked. “In all honesty, I have no idea. I’ve asked my dad a couple of times, but he’s always just responded with ‘I’ll tell you when you’re Eight-teen’. Which is in a few months, so I’ll get back to you on that.”
“Pft, alright.” She fidgeted in the chair, gripping it by the sides as she struggled to comfortably position herself. “So, are you and Pinkie a thing?”
I tensed up at the abrupt question. “Uh, sorta? Why? Did she say something?”
“Nah, just had a hunch. I mean, you guys spend a lot of time alone together. She talks about you every now and again, and- wait, what do you mean ‘sorta’? How are you ‘sorta’ dating someone?”
“Hm.” I hummed, debating for a moment whether I should bring up Fluttershy or not. Just because she was reticently okay with being in a three way relationship didn’t mean she wanted others to know about it. “We talked about it, pretty recently actually. There was someone else who was interested though, so we talked about a—” The words caught in my throat for a moment; I glanced away as I pulled my chair closer to the table. “Polyamorous relationship. Didn’t really come to a consensus though.”
“Really? Cool.”
I stared at her for a second, expecting some sudden shift in expression or her voice. While I hadn’t said it to anyone before, I expected a raise of the eyebrow or something. No reaction at all was somehow more unnerving.
“You don’t think that’s weird?”
Her eyes narrowed like she didn’t understand the question, then widened as she placed her hands against the edge of the table. “Oh yeah, that’s not a normal thing here. Where I come from, group relationships are as normal as monogamous ones; more common, actually. It’s kind of seen the same way people have friends, being that you can like different people for different reasons. If you like Pinkie but also like someone else, and she’s ok with it, why not?”
She just perfectly articulated my reasoning for wanting to date both of them, and it sounded much more reasonable coming from someone else. I couldn’t help but let out a breath I’d been holding, feeling the tension eb out as I was able to more or less relax.
“Right?” I added. “I spent like an hour looking through forums and stuff, and it's not as talked about as I thought it’d be. I guess monogamous relationships have been so strictly normalized that most people are a lot more hesitant to go against it then most thing.”
“Well,” she drawled, sharply inhaling through her teeth. “That might be part of it, but also I think religion and culture are the biggest hurdles. Some religions are ok with it, but the biggest ones like Christianity reinforce it as a big no-no. Maybe after a few decades when all relationships are considered fine by the majority regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity, there will be a bigger push for relationships containing multiple partners.”
“Huh.” I replied. All the things she said made sense, though in a way that bothered me with how true it rang. “Sounds like you’ve looked a lot into this.”
“Oh, you know, only a healthy amount. A couple of studies, research articles, various internet threads,” she cringed, “4chan.”
The disgust in her voice was almost tangible, and unfortunately well understood. “So, you mentioned ‘that’s not normal here’. Where are you from that they’re ok?”
“Uhm,” she froze up, sucking in her lips and fidgeting her hands. “Brazil?”
“You’re from Brazil?” I asked as I raised my eyebrow. “I didn’t know poly relationships were ok there.”
“Well, yesn’t.” She said with a slight tilt to her head. “They’re illegal, but it’s not really enforced. You’d be surprised how many places are like that.”
“Probably not, actually. I had a teacher once who was obsessed with the history of laws and what was going on when they were passed; every day she’d start the period with some obscure legal thing, what led to it, and how it’s changed overtime; I still think about how in Alabama it's illegal for people to have ice cream because they used to do that to lure and steal horses.”
“I,” her eyes narrowed, bringing up her hand to say something, but then leaving her mouth open to drop it. “Huh. didn’t know that one.”
“Yeah.” I added. “So, are you in a poly relationship then?”
“Oh, Celestia no.” Sunset remarked, letting out a wry laugh. “I’m terrible with people normally; it’s a miracle I found even one person who liked me enough to date me. Even if I did, I don’t think Wallflower would be ok with it. She’s really self-conscious: If I brought in a third person, she’d immediately assume it’s because she’s not enough for me, and I,” her eyebrows drew together, biting her lips as her eyes slanted. “Can’t picture that going well for anyone.”
Fluttershy immediately came to mind; though she never expressed a fear of not being good enough, I’m sure it’s something that’s crossed her mind more than once. I couldn’t say if there was anything I could say that would convince her, if anything, she was too good for me.
If I couldn’t help Pinkie, then what could I even do for Fluttershy?
“Then,” I hung my head. “What can I do to make sure they don’t feel like that?”
It was a struggle to keep the desperation out of my voice. Still, I could tell she picked up on it. Sunset stared me in the eyes, peering like she was searching for something.
“Really? Not much. Emotions, especially insecurities, are super irrational. Rarely can you say one thing that will make it better; it just doesn’t work like that.” she brought her hand forward to touch mine, sharply sucking air through her teeth as she stopped right before swiftly pulling her hand back. “Constant and consistent positive reinforcement is the best thing you can do. Spend time with them, just them. Learn everything you can from their likes and dislikes; it’s not that different from what you’d do in a monogamous relationship. Show them you like them because they’re them, and that they’re special to you in a way no one else is.”
“What if-” I was interrupted by a text message. Thinking it was Pinkie, I immediately checked it, feeling a tiny blot of shame as I did. It wasn’t Pinkie: Instead, Fluttershy sent a short text, asking ‘Are you free to talk?’
“I have to call someone,” I quickly got out of my chair, pushing it back into the table. “I’m sorry, really, but this is important.”
“It’s fine! I totally get it.” Sunset exclaimed, pulling her phone out and sending a text before standing herself. “I’ve got a date in an hour. I was just gonna hang around until then, but I don’t think she’ll mind if I show up early. It was nice meeting you!”
She muttered something under her breath, shaking her head and adjusting her hair. I expected Fluttershy to answer as soon as I started calling since she texted me, but instead it rang for a few seconds. I paced a line in the center of the library, tapping my fingers against my thigh as various thoughts pushed their way into my mind like an annoying tune from an ad.
Fluttershy sounded almost desperate in that text, or I might be looking too into it. Did Pinkie talk to her about something? Pinkie already told the others she was sick, but hasn’t said anything to me since last night; maybe they talked about something else? W-
The ringing stopped with a click as she picked up the phone; I could just barely pick up her soft breathing. “E-eight? Sorry to bother you if you were busy with something.”
Her voice was extremely meek, even compared to usual; Whispering so quietly into the phone that I wouldn’t be able to hear it if I wasn’t in the center of the library and completely alone.
Well, not completely: Cheerliee was here.
“I wasn’t doing anything. What’d you need?”
“Uhm, well,” she made some painfully adorable humming noise, sharply inhaling and exhaling. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you since yesterday.”
“I’m,” I fumbled with my backpack, tightening my grip on one of the straps. “Ok. Sucks Pinkie couldn’t come today, but it’s what it is.”
“Yeah, I’m glad she’s just sick. I thought she was upset about something.” Fluttershy let out a relief sigh, followed by the sound of rapid tapping. “How do you feel about camping?”
“Camping? Like the woods, tents, campfires, that kind of camping?”
“I didn’t know there was any other kind.”
“I’ve never gone.”
“Oh you should! You get to see the animals in their natural habitat; they’re so happy there. Away from trees, loud cars, and judgmental people.” she went from timid to excited in a moment. I couldn’t but smile at how innocent she was. “Would you,” there was a heavy pause. “Like to go with me? I have a spot, and enough supplies for two people.”
“I-wait,” my words caught in my throat; realization hitting me like a last-minute forgotten assignment. “Are you asking me on a date?”
All noise on her side of the phone completely ceased; I sat down where I was, resting my back against a bookshelf.
“Yes.” she squeaked
Oh.