Clear was the blue sky; bright was the sun hanging over the land. Another beautiful day began in the tiny town of Ponyville. Birds twittered as they flew through the air over the rooves of the tiny homes, all the while the denizens went about their days. Little foals raced around the streets, laughing and playing together while the adults tended to their everyday business. Today was most certainly a very peaceful and most wondrous day.
Along the outskirts of Ponyville stood the castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle. The foundation stood high and mighty as the center of power in town. Inside, the little lavender colored alicorn was in her office working on a mountain of paperwork. One of the few disadvantages of being a princess, especially one who would eventually replace Celestia and Luna as ruler of all Equestria. But alas, the amount of paperwork she had to do was merely a fraction of the daily basis for a young alicorn. A task that involved exploring the concerns of the ponies, what taxes should be legalized or if a new trade agreement was deemed necessary. All of which required her immediate attention.
Twilight Sparkle held her quill with her magic, using it to note some quick response to a seemingly endless line of paperwork. She sighed out of both boredom and exhaustion, but she continued with her work as it was the one thing keeping her busy during this peaceful time. A sudden knock at the door coaxed the alicorn to look up and before her eyes stood her most faithful assistant and good friend, Spike.
“Hey Spike!” Twilight greeted with a smile. “What’s going on?”
“I was just wondering if you’d like to take a little lunch break,” Spike suggested. “You’ve been cooped up here since we got back from Gotham last week. Figured you’d need to get out for a while.”
“It’s a bit difficult when there’s so much work to do,” Twilight responded. “Being princess isn’t exactly easy; it really doesn’t allow much relaxation time.”
“Oh come on Twilight, even Princess Celestia takes time off for herself every now and then. What’s another few more minutes going to do?”
Twilight Sparkle sighed to herself, looking back and forth between her number one assistant and the endless stacks of paperwork before her. She had been at it for days already and it seemed as though she barely even made a slight dent in it. Being that were the case, the question again repeated in her head: What was a few more minutes going to do? She placed the quill back in its inkwell and stepped out from behind her desk.
“Now that you mention it, lunch does sound great,” Twilight smiled.
“Well then, follow me to the kitchen,” Spike responded. “Sonata’s already down there getting everything ready. You know Twi, it still amazes me you gave her a job in the castle’s kitchen. I know she’s trying to redeem herself, but don’t you think you’re putting a little too much trust in her?”
“Not at all,” Twilight responded certainly. “I know it seems like a huge leap of faith after everything she and her family have done in the past. However, if it weren’t for Sonata, there’s a good possibility we might have gotten killed back in Gotham. That Siren is willing to risk her own life to save us all; we at least owe her a chance.”
“I guess you’re right,” Spike nodded. “Old habits I guess.”
The two continued their trek through the halls of the castle towards the kitchen, while continuing their conversation. Since they’ve gotten back from Gotham City, things were a bit dodgy at first starting with returning with Sonata Dusk, formerly of the Dazzlings. However, despite some general concerns expressed by the ponies and nearly every species in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle was quickly able to smooth things over with every pony. In return, the denizens were willing to give Sonata a chance to prove herself. True to her word, Twilight made the arrangements to secure a place in town for Sonata to stay and even offered her a job in the castle kitchen. To say Sonata was extremely grateful would have been an understatement.
Eventually, the two arrived at the kitchen and Spike threw the giant doors open for entry. Before them was a magnificent table already set up, with all the cutlery and plates set neatly.
“Wow, this looks amazing!” Twilight smiled. “Did Sonata actually put this all together? By herself?”
“It sure caught me by surprise,” Spike nodded.
Twilight Sparkle looked around the kitchen only to notice something, or rather someone, was missing.
“Spike, where is Sonata?” She asked.
“I’m not sure,” Spike shrugged. “She was here only a few minutes ago.”
“ACHOO!!!”
The sound of a loud sneeze made both pony princess and dragon turn toward the cupboards just near the stove. Twilight Sparkle slowly approached before flinging the door open with her magic. Sure enough, all scrunched up inside the cabinet, was none other than Sonata Dusk herself.
“Sonata? What are you doing in there?” She asked confused.
“Hiding…” Sonata whispered.
“After a sneeze like that, I’m sure whispering isn’t going to help much,” Spike commented.
Sonata Dusk wriggled around a bit and eventually squeezed herself out of the cabinet. Twilight Sparkle noticed she happened to be wearing the 24/7 championship around her waist, as she’d been doing for a week since their return from Gotham.
Wait a minute, when did that happen again?
You’d know if you actually read the comments.
… I’m a very busy guy.
Anyway… Sonata quickly ducked herself behind the countertop, her eyes darting back and forth.
“Sonata, I think you can come out of hiding,” Twilight assured her.
“I don’t know if I can Twilight,” Sonata spoke fearfully. “Ever since getting this belt, I’ve been chased non-stop.”
“I know that feeling,” Spike mumbled.
“Granted, I do like this belt. It surprisingly matches my coat. But having to defend that belt against that mob nonstop, it gets a little tiring after a while.”
“Well, you needn’t worry about that here,” Twilight assured. “The castle’s a safe haven for all our guests.”
“Are you sure?” Sonata asked uncertain.
“I’m positive.”
Eventually, after pondering the response, Sonata emerged from her hiding spot.
“Now, how about that lunch?” Twilight suggested.
Twilight and Spike just made their way back toward the table, as Sonata dusted herself from hiding. But just as they settled won, the door to the kitchen burst open and the remainder of the Mane Six arrived.
“Twilight, we’ve got a problem!” Rainbow said urgently.
Twilight and Spike groaned in unison, especially over the fact their lunch was ruined… again.
“Can never have a good lunch these days,” Spike grumbled.
“At ease Spike,” Twilight replied, facing the girls. “What’s the problem?”
“We’ve got a visit in town wanting to meet ya?” Applejack responded.
“What’s wrong about that?” Twilight asked confused. “Probably one of the diplomats from the neighboring kingdoms; although, we probably would’ve gotten a notice if an important guest was coming.”
“That’s the thing,” Rainbow responded. “You need to come and see for yourself.”
Twilight looked amongst her friends, and she could clearly see the distress upon their faces. Clearly, whatever they were talking about, it was obviously urgent. With a regretful sigh, she turned back toward Spike and Sonata.
“Sorry guys, looks like we have to reschedule lunch,” She told them. “Come on, every pony!”
Soon, Twilight and Spike took off with her friends following behind. They raced out the door towards whatever was waiting to meet them. All… except for Sonata Dusk, who stood and waved goodbye to the departing heroes.
“You guys go on ahead!” Sonata called out. “I’ll just stay back here and… hold the fort! Yeah…”
Sonata’s eyes quickly darted toward the cabinet, and she quickly ducked back in hiding, closing the doors. As she sat there, all scrunched up tighter than before, she kept her hooves locked around her title.
“Don’t you worry, sweetie,” Sonata cooed. “Mommy’s not going to let those mean gold-diggers take you away.”
<>
The Mane Six and Spike raced across town toward a large gathering of ponies in the midst of the town square. They all looked rather unsettled and nervous, the fear clearly visible upon their faces. Soon as the gathered ponies took notice of the Elements of Harmony approaching, they quickly parted to allow them through.
“Don’t worry, every pony!” Twilight called out. “Whatever’s going on, the Guardians of Harmony are here to help!”
“Now then… show us that horizon!” Pinkie quoted.
The stunned crowd stood silently, occasionally blinking every second, before all hooves pointed ahead. The group eventually made their way to the front and skid to a screeching halt. Once they saw what laid before them, all eyes widened with shock. Standing before them was nothing less than an entire army; an army made up of humans dressed in either dark leather-like armor or red-and-gold metallic armor.
And standing in front of this army was none other than Lord Tirek himself. The giant magic-stealing centaur with the wickedest smirk on his face, staring daggers at the Mane Six and Spike. Once their eyes landed on Tirek, the heroes instantly assumed their defensive stance.
“Tirek!” Twilight exclaimed loudly. “I figured it was a matter of time before we saw your face again. Whatever intentions you have today, you’re going to have to get through us first.”
To which Tirek merely held his giant red hands in defense.
“Take it easy there princess,” He spoke with fake innocence. “Despite what you may think, I didn’t come to fight today… though it flatters me how anxious you are for action. Unfortunately, I’m only here… in peace.”
“With an army at your back?” Rainbow questioned skeptically. “I’d sooner believe the Storm King will return.”
“Hmm… ‘Return of the Storm King’ huh?” Tirek smirk mischievously. “Thank you Rainbow Dash, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind for future reference.”
“What do ya want, Tirek?” Applejack asked.
“I come bearing a message from the Dark Order,” Tirek explained. “We’re willing to leave your wasteful little town and all its diminutive denizens in peace.”
“You really expect us to believe that?” Rarity asked. “What exactly is it you hope to gain in return?”
“Simple, really,” Tirek responded. “All we ask in return is for you all to swear your undying loyalty to the Dark One, an oath which requires you to leave under our rule and surrender the Elements of Harmony.”
The Elements of Harmony stood silent, stone-faced over the offer. The silence was immediately broken soon as Pinkie Pie burst out in hysterical laughter.
“Oh that’s a good one, Tirek!” She laughed. “I always knew somewhere under that muscular physique is a stand-up comedian!
Pinkie kept laughing uncontrollably, rolling onto her back, while the remainder of the Mane Six and Spike stepped up. It was clear they were more than ready to fight.
“You may have your strength back, but you’re still lacking in the brain department,” Spike said defiantly. “If you think we’d actually agree to that, you’re as dumb as mud!”
Tirek merely glowered at the teenage dragon before quickly turning to the rest of the group with a smirk.
“Don’t worry your little dragon head, gecko,” Tirek responded. “I never expected you to take the deal anyway. I merely needed to keep you… distracted.”
This caused the Mane Six and Spike to stop in their tracks, now more confused than ever.
“What is he talking about?” Fluttershy asked worriedly.
“I merely had to make sure our latest allies were able to sneak their way into that little theatre of yours undisturbed,” Tirek grinned. “It’s humorous how its security is as easy as breaking into Canterlot even with your ‘elite’ guards. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really must be off to join them. Tyranny to spread, worlds to conquer, lives to destroy… oh yes, I’ll be booked for the next month. Boys!!!”
Tirek turned over his shoulder to the army standing behind him, every soldier unsheathed their swords and shields.”
“Keep them busy!” He ordered.
On command, the knights charged forward with their weapons drawn. All the other ponies screamed and began running in panic. The Mane Six and Spike quickly assumed the defense, as they charged into battle against the knights. Beams sparkled across the hills, followed by groans and screams with metal and swords flying in the air. Over the midst of hooves contacting bodies and metal scrunched up, Tirek was able to make his way through the screaming denizens towards the Discord’s ‘exposed’ theatre.
<>
*BOOM!!!*
The doors to Discord’s theatre burst open as Tirek made his way through the front doors. A team of security raced towards the centaur, all trying their best to stop the tyrant. Unfortunately, Tirek easily overpowered even the most skilled line of defense. While his fallen enemies were licking their wounds, Tirek casually made his way through the theatre. Soon as he got inside, he noticed two cloaked figures standing on stage near the magical television. He quickly assumed his place onto the stage and stood alongside the two cloaked figures.
“I trust our knights are keeping those ingrates at bay?” One figure asked.
“That they are,” Tirek nodded. “They won’t keep them busy too long, but long enough for us to get where we need to be.”
“Then let’s be on our way,” The other figure ordered. “We have two targets to find and much mayhem to spread.”
With a wave of the hand, the figure commanded the large mirror portal to open. The trio quickly made their way through the portal, which immediately closed behind them.
<>
Meanwhile, the Mane Six and Spike continued their fight against the knights. Tag team action commenced with Rainbow Dash and Applejack deliver a series of hard-hitting bucks and strong-style punches. The combination left the targeted knights either flat out cold or screaming while flailing about in the air. In unison, Rarity and Twilight blasted a majority of the knights about with their magic sending them back while a few others started to run away.
Spike spat flames, roasting a majority of the knights. Thankfully, the armor prevented them from burning to death. But those caught in the blast screamed like children, running back and forth with their pants flaming.
Pinkie threw some cupcakes toward the knights, one of whom caught it and lifted his face opening for a closer look. It was only then he saw a sparkling candle at the top and before any could react… *BOOM!!!* the cupcakes exploded, sending the knights blasting out of their armor… and leaving some spotted underwear floating toward the road.
Fluttershy used her powerful stare to immobilize and terrify the knights into submission. This act sent the remainder of the knights running for the hills or curled up in a fetal position, one of them sucking his thumb like a frightened little boy.
Eventually, our heroes had successfully pacified the majority of the knights, the rest managing to escape the area.
“It is just me or does this feet feel… familiarly simple?” Rainbow asked.
“I blame the lazy writing,” Pinkie shrugged.
Hey, you think it’s so easy then you do it!
It’s not as easy as it looks, you know.
“There’s no time for that now,” Twilight said urgently. “We must get to Discord’s theatre and stop Tirek!”
The Mane Six and Spike quickly made their way toward the theatre and burst through the doors. They noticed all the fallen security slowly regaining their stance, attempting to restore order before the frightened patrons caught in the action. One of the security intel pointed in direction, sending our heroes racing into the theater and onto the stage. Twilight quickly began punching coordinates into the machine, to track Tirek toward whichever world he travelled to. Pushing the final button, the portal opened up once more leaving all eyes staring into it.
“I wonder where it’s taking us this time?” Rarity asked curiously.
“No idea, but I hope we finally end up in a place where folks won’t be surprised about our presence for a change,” Rainbow said seriously.
“At least this will be our first ‘Academy Award-Winning’ adventure,” Pinkie grinned happily.
“Say what now?” Spike said confused.
“Never mind, let’s go!” Pinkie responded quickly.
Twilight stepped in between all of her friends as they continued staring toward the portal. It didn’t matter where it was taking them, but they knew they needed to stop Tirek and whichever allies he’s working with. Taking a deep breath, they slowly stepped through the mirror portal one by one. Wherever it was they would end up, it was sure to be one hay of an adventure for sure.
<>
Unknown location…
In the darkness, a single ray of light shined down upon a leather-bound storybook. The book opened as a voice began reading its text, further supported by the colorful pictures taking up each of the pages:
“Once upon a time there was a lovely princess,” The voice read. “But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love’s first kiss…”
The voice gave a chuckle as a large, green hand ripped out one page of the book (A page containing a picture of a prince kneeling before the sleeping princess). And just as quickly the book sealed closed.
“Like that’s ever gonna happen,” The voice chuckled. “What a load of—”
Outside a wooden outhouse, with a front door with a moon silhouette cut out, a flushing toilet could be heard. The door soon burst open and out of it emerged a big green ogre named Shrek. Tugging his underwear and shaking his foot to remove a page still stuck to his shoe, he gazed lovingly toward the place he called home. There stood a house which appeared to be a large tree stump raised from the ground (So one could see the tree roots underneath), covered with mold and grass. It would seem to be the heart of the swamp of which the ogre resided in. It was a pretty nasty place, but he was an ogre. If there was one thing an ogre loved more than anything in this big, bright, beautiful world… it’s anything ‘nasty’.
With a deep breath and slamming the outhouse door behind him, Shrek proceeded to go about his daily routine:
It began quite simply… every morning he’d take a lovely little mud shower, using a contraption of which he made himself. He scrubbed every square inch of his body with all the mud he was able to gather and even gargled some of it in his mouth. Not that it really did much of anything, but he rather enjoyed the taste of fresh mud.
Then when he was done, he’d proceed to brush his teeth. Using the juice he squeezed from the nearest bugs, he’d scrub his teeth until the very substance seeped into his teeth. He’d face the mirror with a rotten, cavity-ridden smile… and the mirror shattered into the pieces. But that always meant his method was working.
Even though he’d already taken his shower, he’d dive right into a muddy pond for some additional bathing as well as, for lack of better words… taking care of much needed business. Those unfortunate to be ‘in’ his business, like a poor fish minding its business, was ripe for the taking by the carefree ogre himself. As if that wasn’t enough, Shrek would dig himself into a nearby log and push aside some muck that was forming up. If he were lucky, he’d find himself some fresh giant slugs to take for himself. However he’d do it, one thing was certain for Shrek: He would never go hungry.
The last part of his to-do list was what one would call a hobby of his. Standing by the pony while the setting sun was looming over the swamp, Shrek was applying the finishing touch on a wooden canvas of sort (Don’t ask how he got the paint). Once his work was complete, he picked up the canvas for a closer look, admiring the final results, and even gave a kiss to his masterpiece… despite the fact the paint still needed to dry. And then, he stabbed the wooden piece through the soil just a few feet from his house… which actually turned out to be a warning sign with his face upon. A sign among hundreds he’d construct around every square inch of his home, all of which for good reason.
In a nearby village, not far from the swamp, an angry mob of men gathered in the square. They were brought together for one reason and one reason only: To pursue the ogre Shrek and capture him. That very night, they gathered their torches and pitchforks and braved the dangers of the swamp itself to pursue their prize. They paid no heed to all the warning signs the ogre worked so hard to put together. The mob trampled over every sign that was in their way, refusing to back down.
At home, Shrek was attempting to enjoy a quiet dinner that evening. A warm serving of food he prepped for himself (A bowlful of eyeballs plucked from rather ‘questionable’ circumstances’) and all the while relaxing over the warm glow of the fireplace. A commotion stirred him of his peace, and he approached his window to investigate. Looking around, he spotted the source: The local villagers, glowing with the light of their torches and the iron of their pitchforks gleaming against the flames. Shrek rolled his eyes, for he knew these particular villagers rather well and it was certainly not his first encounter, nor would it be his last. So, much to his chagrin, he left the house to settle some… ‘business’.
Outside Shrek’s home, all the villagers gathered together along a brush. They were blissfully unaware of the ogre himself sneaking behind them. One of the villagers proceeded to pull back the brush, offering the anxious group a good look at the swamp. Before them stood the ogre’s dwelling, the glowing light of the fireplace brightly gleaming through the open window. They murmured amongst themselves, charting their next course of action… if any at all.
“Think it’s in there?” One villager whispered.
“All right,” Another villager spoke determined. “Let’s get it!”
But the villager barely took one step forward before the rest hauled him back.
“Whoa! Hold on!” Another villager warned. “Do you know what that thing can do to you?”
“Yeah, it’ll grind your bones for its bread.”
A chuckle caused the group to freeze briefly, before they quickly turned around. Much to their horror, Shrek stood before them, hovering over the frightened mob.
“Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant,” Shrek corrected amused.
The mob gasped loudly and slowly began to back away. Shrek advanced toward them, trying to look menacing before these humans… and yet, he couldn’t help but attempt to make conversation all the same.
“Now, ogres, oh they’re much worse,” Shrek continued. “They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled kin. They’ll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!”
Having said all that, Shrek quickly lost his menacing look.
“Actually, it’s quite good on toast—”
“Back! Back, beast!”
One villager screamed at the ogre, waving his torch against his face.
“Back! I warn ya!”
The villager kept waving his torch against Shrek, much to his amusement… but mostly annoyance. Casually licking his fingers, Shrek pinched one hand against the flame and extinguished the torch in seconds. The villagers gasped loudly as the village stared at his extinguished torch in shock and the torch slipped from his fingers.
“Right…” The villager said awkwardly.
“RAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Shrek terrified the mob with a great roar, frightening all the villagers into a screaming stupor. The spit and saliva spewing from the ogre’s mouth extinguished all the remaining torches and flew against those unfortunate to be in the ‘splash zone’… which essentially was ‘everyone’. Soon as he was done, he wiped his mouth clean with one sleeve and waited patiently for all the villagers to stop screaming. When neither man could scream no more, they stared frozen with fright anxiously wondering what the ogre would do to them now. The ogre leaned toward one villager and whispered…
“This is the part where you run away…”
Shrek laughed as the men dropped their torches and pitchforks. They quickly raced away as fast as they could until he could see everybody disappearing through the trees and back to the safety of their homes.
“And stay out!” He yelled after them.
With the villagers gone, Shrek looked down toward the ground and noticed that one of the villagers had dropped something. He reached down and picked up what appeared to be a wanted poster with what appeared to be a bearded gnome or dwarf. He read the inscription aloud.
“Wanted. Fairytale creatures?”
It didn’t take long to dawn on what these villagers were up to: It wasn’t enough that these humans would trespass upon his private space; now they were hoping to capture him for a measly profit. He’d heard the rumors, that villages everywhere were on the hunt for fairytale creatures like him… though more pleasant and charming as opposed to ogres. Stories of people who would evict those very creatures from their homes, driving them away from their grounds, and those who couldn’t escape being sold for a few coins that would barely last a person for a measly day. All because whatever these creatures had against those authorizing the hunt, they clearly did not fit their ‘big, bright, beautiful world’.
All of which… was of no concern for the ogre. Shrek merely sighed and walked off, dropping the poster back to the ground while making his way back home. As far as he was concerned, he had no reason to fear these villagers. Not that he would ever actually ‘hurt’ anyone, but those bold enough to stand mere inches in his property and he’d scare them all away just as he had since he was seven. None would dare try to lay a finger on him, much less even dare to think to drive him away from home.
As far as Shrek was concerned, they can keep their big, bright, beautiful world. He was happy where he is, all alone and having everything he’d need. So long as those villagers actually paid heed to the warning of his signs, to leave him in the comfort of his own little patch of the world, it was all Shrek’s… and this ogre had nothing to worry about.