TMP Prompt #110 - “There Ain’t No Party Like a Pinkie Pie Party”
Prompt: The first party.
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The First Party
In the days when ponies had to make their own Cutie Marks, dragons couldn’t fly or breathe fire, and they were a good deal smaller and weaker.
Still, they were powerful ravagers of land and sea, and as the vast creature before her uttered a last feral roar and collapsed, Six-Night-Eyes allowed herself a sigh of relief and waved to her friend Sky-Fire-Finger, who kicked her cloud hard enough to discharge one last bolt of lightning into the creature’s corpse before alighting upon the ground.
“Village is safe!” Six-Night-Eyes proclaimed, rubbing her horn. In those days most unicorns had to make do with telekinesis, but she had pioneered the first of what we could call spells: A blast of force which (while rather hard on her horn) had proven invaluable in winning the day. “Let us return!”
“You know what this call for?” asked Paint-Splash, as they walked back.
“No, what?”
“…I no know.” Paint’s heavy brow furrowed in thought. “But will figure out.”
And she did.
It was a primal celebration that would be strange, even offensive to modern pony eyes.
Bright fires flared and drums rolled as Flying-Flower led a procession of animals from the forest through the village. The ancient ponies, drunk on the fermented beverages created by Tree-of-Sweet-Fruit, fell upon the creatures, tearing them limb-from-limb, and feasted upon the meat, as Uncut-Stone gathered the furs to make glorious raiments for the victors.
***
“And that was the first-ever party, 50,000 years ago to the day,” Pinkie grinned at her audience. “Thank you all so much for coming to this one.”
“No problem, but I have to admit I’ve never heard that legend before,” Twilight said. “Are you sure it’s historically accurate?”
“Sure. We were all there! Kinda.”
“Um,” Rainbow Dash asked, glancing at Fluttershy, who pale as a sheet and shaking like a leaf. “We’re not wearing actual fur, are we?”
“It’s fake, of course,” Rarity said.
“H-how c-can you be sure?”
“I’ll ignore that, sweetheart, since you’re obviously upset, but do you really think I wouldn’t be able to tell?” The white unicorn sniffed at her plate. “Um, this isn‘t actually…?”
“Nope!” Pinkie grinned. “It’s just tofu.”
“Thank goodness.”
The ponies ate…or they started to.
“Um, Pinkie?” Applejack smacked her lips. “This tastes a li’l weird.”
“Really? That’s too bad. I spent hours trying to get it to taste like real meat.”
Much coughing and gagging ensued.
“You’re all done?” Pinkie looked a bit disappointed. “Well, let’s all get our spears so we can hunt down Spike.”
“What?!”
“Sorry, Spike, but Gummy’s too easy to catch.” She gestured to her pet alligator, who was beating a drum with the stick held in his tail, and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I think he lets me win.”