//------------------------------//
// 17 - Retail Therapy 
// Story: My Life as a Post-Adolescent Pony 
// by Unicorncob 
//------------------------------//

"When can you start?" asked the Barnyard Bargains manager, an older Pegasus in a nice suit jacket.
"Right now, if you need it," I said.
"Perfect, we need all the heads we can get. Any questions before we get started?"
"What sort of things do you need me to do?"
"Oh, it'll just be easy things like stacking shelves and helping customers find what they need. You might need to work the cash register, but that's a no-brainer."

The manager led me down an aisle and pointed me to a griffon wearing the same red waistcoat I'd wrangled onto myself before leaving the office. It popped out better against his black fur and brown feathers, though.
"Grant," he says, getting the griffon's attention. "This here is Sharp Sight. He's starting today, so show him the ropes, would you?"
"Got it, boss," said Grant. When the manager left, he shook my hoof in his claws and quietly added, "Welcome to Tartarus."

I never thought I'd be wearing a nametag again. Just when I was convinced I'd left those days behind, here I was, back in the world of public labour. And with the Hearth's Warming rush beginning, it didn't take long for me to start experiencing uncomfortable deja vu.

"How much are the tinsel streams?"
"Twenty bits."
"Seriously? You know we only have so much money this time of year, right?"

"Where can I find the ornament sets?"
"Aisle fourteen."
"Why are they all the way down there? Ugh."

"Why aren't there anymore Fillydelphia snowglobes?"
"We sold the last one earlier, and I've checked the back six times for more."
"Now what will I get my uncle? Some store this is."

I only started an hour ago and my soul was crushed. Why was it my fault that we ran out of this or somepony couldn't be bothered looking at the price tag for that? I was only trying to stack shelves! And all these kids running around screaming? Seriously, who brings their kids to a place like this?!

I took a deep breath. 

Stick to it, Sharp. It'll all be worth it in the end.

At least I had Grant there. He seemed to be roughly my age, and was patient enough with showing me which things went where, and what to say when a stupid question came up. He was definitely used to it, though there was definitely a good-hearted guy hiding in there. Probably waiting until closing time to jump out and go back to fun things.

"So how long have you been here?" I asked as I helped him shelf some plastic trees.
"Just a few months," he says. "I moved from Griffonstone and needed some cash, so here I am."
I nodded. From the name, I figured that was the griffons' homeland. "How come you moved?"
He softly clacked his beak. "Oh, well, I'm sharing a place in town. Did a pen pal thing in school, and we kept in contact after that."
"Yeah? Who?"
"His name's Tango." A smile curled his beak. "He's a great guy, really funny and considerate. We're checking out the Hearth's Warming market on the weekend."
"Oh, cool," I said, smiling back. "I need to do some shopping myself, hence why I'm here."
"Must be someone special if you need cash this bad."
My cheeks flushed a little. "You could say that. I'm sorta planning to get her a gift that's both for Hearth's Warming and to ask if she'll go out with me."
Grant nodded. "Good luck, dude. If you want some advice, though, don't make it something expensive just to impress her. It's gotta really mean something, y'know?"
"My idea's kinda from both camps," I explained. "But yeah, that's good advice. Thanks, dude."

I definitely needed to get her something important, and that jacket was just the thing. Though, having a Plan B would help.

"Excuse me," an Earth Pony mare said behind me, "could I get one of those 2XL trees, please?"
"Sure, we'll get that for you," I nodded. Grant passed me a tree to pass onto her. I almost toppled over with its weight knocking my balance off. "Oof. You need a hoof with that?"
"I've got it," she said, hoisting it over her shoulder like it was nothing. "Thanks a lot."
"Nice going, Sharp," said Grant as she walked off. "Boss hears you're helping folks out like that, and you'll have plenty of bits for your special somepony in no time."
"That's the hope," I said, smiling.
"I know the lion's share of customers have dumb things to say," he went on, "but you leave them satisfied, you might get a bonus."

I nodded, mulling that over. That was a good point. Word got around quick in Ponyville, so if the boss got wind that I was making his customers happy, I'd have that jacket in time.





The next day, once I was done helping Grant unload some items from a delivery cart, I busied myself by wandering around helping out customers until I was dragged away to push a trolley or something. I just needed an attitude change.

"Thirty bits for a wreath?" an older Unicorn stallion said to me, holding the item in his magic. "And it's really prickly. I've got foals at home, y'know?"
The wreath definitely had a nice ribbon and little bells, and the holly leaves were authentic, but I saw his point.
"Well, we've got these wreaths here for ten bits a pop," I said, directing him to a nearby rack. "They're not as fancy, but the bristles are much more child-friendly."
The stallion ran a hoof on the wreath. It was pretty sorry looking, and the bells were plastic instead of metal like on the good ones, but he seemed satisfied.
"Yeah, this'll work," he said with a smile, trading the good wreath for the cheap one. "Thanks, kid."

"I can't find any Ponyville snowglobes," a Pegasus mare frowned. "My mom's visiting from Cloudsdale, and I wanna give her something nice from my home."
"She might like a lamp of the Castle of Friendship," I said, showing her some sculptures of the big crystal eyesore in town, its windows gently aglow. "It's a Ponyville landmark, and the lights certainly give a warm Hearth's Warming feel."
"Wow, they really do," she said, taking a closer look at a box containing one of the sculptures. She winced at the price tag. "Fifty bits?"
"Money's no object when it comes to family, right?"
"Y'know, you're right." She put the box in her cart. "You're a lifesaver."

"Whoa, careful!" I yelped, stopping a large box of ornaments from toppling onto a zebra colt trying to reach it. "Should've flagged me down, kid."
"Sorry," said the colt, looking like a frightened deer for a moment longer. "I was just looking for stuff for the tree, and this stuff looked nice and they're cheap."
I looked at the box and my eyebrows raised. Fifteen bits for twenty ornaments? Not bad.
"You know where your parents are?" I asked.
"Around here somewhere," he said, frowning. "Am I in trouble?"
"Nah, not at all," I assured him. "I'm just gonna give you a hoof carrying these."
His face lit up. "Oh, thanks mister!"

I felt my heart lift a bit. Things were definitely going better than yesterday. Not only were customers happy, but helping them out was making me feel good too. The Hearth's Warming spirit was getting to me, I thought.

That cheeriness went right down the toilet when the boss summoned me to his office at the end of my shift. Once I was out of my waistcoat, which I took as much time doing as possible, I headed up to the office and knocked on the door.
"Come in," I heard. I swallowed and did just that. "Ah, Sharp. C'mon in, sit down."
I trudged across the office and sat in the same chair I was interviewed in. He didn't sound upset, but his face was hard to read, even for me.
"I was down on the floor earlier," he said. "Asked this changeling if she needed anything. You know what she said to me?"
I pursed my lips for a moment.
"She said 'No thanks, that Earth Pony you hired took care of it'." A smile popped up on his face and he leaned over to pat me on the shoulder. "Relax, kid! You did good."
At this point, all I was going to get for Hearth's Warming was grey hair. "Thanks, boss."
He reached into his desk and pulled out a small sack, then slid it across the desk to me. "Here's a little bonus. Keep that up and you'll be sitting pretty for the holidays."

Like I was going to say no to that. I thanked him, took the bits and made my leave.





The week was going by without a hitch. I made some customers happy, a few grouchy customers less grouchy, and I was making good bits like Grant said. Pretty sure it was because I was making the boss plenty of income, but I'd take that over him firing me.

Every morning, I passed that jacket in the Carousel Boutique window and grinned wider and wider as the gap between the price tag and the bits in my pocket closed more and more. Rivershine was going to freak out when I presented it to her on Hearth's Warming. And for once, when I presented a gift to a lady, it would be the good kind of freak-out.

Saturday had finally come, and I was eager for another easy afternoon of item stacking and customer helping. I almost pranced into the employee area to put my waistcoat on.
"You look chipper today," said Grant.
I looked at him and hoped my grin wasn't too manic. "I've almost got enough money for the gift I'm eyeing."
"Nice," he said. "I'm hoping I find the right thing for Tango tonight. He's the last one I need to get a gift for, but I need it to be special."
"It's gotta mean something."
He smiled. "Exactly. I'm hoping I find it at the market."
"You'll find it, dude," I assured him. "If you don't, hit me up and I'll give you a hoof."
"You'd do that? Hearth's Warming's in a few days, so I don't wanna put you out."
"Hey, you've been helping me, so it's the least I can do."
The griffon's smile turned warm. "Thanks, Sharp. You're alright."

And with that, our shift began. It was a lot more hectic with the last-minute shoppers rushing over each other, but I managed to keep my head. My highlights included diffusing an argument between a couple with a china set they both liked, helping a filly pick the perfect snowpony decoration, and me and a Pegasus employee almost dropping a chandelier from the back. That was a lovely little heart palpitation. I also nearly got trampled by a yak. That was fun.

"The big day has come," Grant said when our shift was over in the late afternoon. "Time to meet Tango."
"And time for me to grab that gift I've been eyeing," I said. The two of us bumped hoof/fist-bumped. "Good luck, dude."
"Same to you."

As soon as we exited the break room, the boss landed in front of us and folded up his wings.
"Guys, I know you're finished," he said, "but we have a problem." He nodded toward the cash registers. "Look at those lines."
I bit my lip at all the Ponies, dragons, griffons and all sorts of other creatures queued up behind two of the four registers. The lines stretched halfway across the whole store, and were not doing a good job of staying straight. The cashiers were doing their best to keep up, but they looked ready to pass out any moment.
"We need to get those customers rung up and fast before we have a riot on our hooves." He looked at us pleadingly. "Hop on the two registers and help them with the rush. You'll get overtime pay."

Grant and I exchanged apprehensive looks. We both had plans, but we couldn't exactly leave our fellow part-timers in the lurch. But on the other hoof, more bits would always come in useful, and the boss had been good to me with my little 'be extra helpful' bonuses. Grant seemed to be thinking the same, from the gaze in his eyes.
"I guess Tango will have to wait a bit," Grant decided. "You with me, Sharp?"
I nodded. "We should get this knocked out in an hour at most."





"Cash or card?" I asked.
The Unicorn mare raised an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"
I shook my head. "Sorry, I had a flashback just now."

Working a cash register really was like riding a bike. I took to it almost immediately, ringing up each customer with a speed that seemed to satisfy them. The single-coin currency and lack of credit cards certainly helped speed things along, and I could fill a carrying bag like it was nopony's business.

The only issue was that it didn't exactly take an hour as I predicted. For every customer I finished with, three more joined the line behind them. And these creatures may have been more polite than I was used to in the world of public sector employment, but they were not light shoppers.

"Happy Hearth's Warming," I panted, almost faceplanting the counter as the last customer finally walked out with his purchase.
"My talons are killing me," Grant yawned behind me. "I almost don't wanna check out the market now."
I lifted my head and looked back at him. "You're not standing Tango up, are you?" I asked teasingly.
"I said almost," he smirked.
The dragon at the register in front of me whirled her seat around to look at us. "Thanks, guys. I was this close to setting something on fire before you two jumped on."
"Yeah," the Unicorn stallion at the furthest register called over, "we owe you one, big time."
"Don't sweat it," said Grant. "Tis the season, right?"
"The season of giving," I added. "Giving stress, that is."
"Amen, bro," the Unicorn snorted.

To my light surprise, the boss actually came through with the overtime pay. I couldn't be too upset, even if the darkness outside meant Carousel Boutique was undoubtedly closed at this hour. I would just have to pray to whatever deity Equestria had that the jacket was still there in the morning.

"Well, that was fun," I said as we finally exited. Thanks to all the shared body warmth inside Barnyard Bargains, even with my hoodie on, the cold hit me like a hard slap. A large crowd was gathering in the town square, no doubt for the Hearth's Warming market.
"It was definitely something," Grant remarked.
"There you are!" a new voice cut through the bustle, and we watched an Earth Pony stallion approach. He was a few inches taller than me and had a burly chest, with legs like orange tree trunks. Strands of his green mane poked out beneath his beanie.
"Sorry, I got held back," Grant said. "You still up for the market? It might be kinda crowded, though."
"I am if you are," he said, then looked at me. "Is this your new friend?"
"Oh, yeah it is," said the griffon. "This is Sharp Sight. Sharp, this is Tango."
"Nice to finally meet you." Tango smiled and held up his hoof.
"Likewise," I said, bumping it. I watched Grant walk up next to him. "Alright, you two enjoy your date."
"Thanks," Tango smiled. He furrowed his brow when Grant's eyes shot wide open. "You didn't tell him?"
"No!" he gasped. "How'd you...?!"
"The way you speak so fondly about Tango gave me an inkling," I explained, "but, well, you two are standing pretty close together for just roommates. You're practically snuggling."
They looked down at each other, then at me.
"Wow," the griffon muttered, "you're good."
"Aww, you were gushing about me?" cooed Tango, pecking Grant on the cheek. "Ya big lovebird!"
"It's your fault for being so loveable," said Grant, blushing. "Anyway, we should get going before the crowd gets worse."
"Oh, totally," said Tango. "Nice meeting you, Sharp."
"And thanks for the help this week," added Grant.
"Don't sweat it," I smiled. "You two have a great time."

I watched them melt into the crowd, and I couldn't help but think of how sweet they looked together. Then I started hoping Rivershine would lean against me like that someday. Well, when I'd get her that jacket, it'd be a shoo-in. As long as it was still there, anyway. Had to rely on that old Sharp Sight luck.

The luck that got you trampled by rabbits or the luck that got you almost eaten by a wooden wolf monster?

Having no other options, I decided to check out the market myself. Garlands and streamers connected the lamp posts together, and stalls were set up all over to sell festive gifts and treats. There was also a stage where Rarity, Fluttershy, Big Mac and two Ponies I'd never met were singing Hearth's Warming songs a capella. Fluttershy never really took me for the stage-performing type, but she was good. They all were, actually.

I kept an eye out for any Plan B's in case the jacket was a no-go, but so far, nothing caught my eye. I did buy myself some gingerbread doughnuts from Pinkie Pie's stall. I didn't think a doughnut with a crunchy shell would work, but lo and behold, the pro baker got it done. Even gave me a free hot cocoa to go with them, bless her.

I sipped from the cup as I wandered around. Unlike the creatures rushing to get their last-minute shopping done, the crowd in the market was in high spirits. Everywhere I looked, there were smiles and laughs as families and loved ones enjoyed the entertainment. Naturally, being there as a party of one made me feel like a total loser.

"Oof!" I grunted as I bumped into a figure wearing a parka. "Sorry, my bad."
The figure rounded to face me. The hood covered their head so that even with all the lights, I couldn't get a look at their face.
They gave me a harsh shove back with their hoof, making me spill my cocoa. Drops of it spilled on the parka.
"Hey! I said sorry!" I growled, watching the figure disappear into the crowd. "Excuse you, pal."

My mood soured and my drink ruined, I decided to just head home for the night.





My mood didn't exactly get much better the next morning.

The first thing I did when I woke up was grab my bits and rush out to Carousel Boutique. It was the late morning, but I was sure I had a wide enough window to grab the jacket.

But the shop's window wasn't so generous. The jacket was gone.

I stared at the naked mannequin behind the glass for what felt like hours. My mind went blank. I couldn't believe that I'd failed. But at the same time, it was so possible. I couldn't have been the only one in town with eyes on it. And there certainly were wealthier types than a working-class lout like myself.

There's the old Sharp Sight luck.

I hadn't noticed that my head had lowered in utter defeat. My lip trembling, I turned and trudged back the way I came. Maybe I could find a cut-out of this Coloratura or whatever and put it in a card or something? A pathetic gift for a potential girlfriend, but that was what I deserved for betting all my chips on a bad gamble.

But as I passed the door to the boutique, my ears pricked up. There were voices raised inside. Panic, anger, shock. Two of the voices I recognised.

With curiosity getting the better of me, to the point I was glad I came to Equestria as a Pony and not a cat, I opened the door to survey the scene. Rarity and Applejack were standing next to a mint-coloured Unicorn stallion with a dark grey fringe of a mane, wearing a white button shirt and brown suit jacket. His cutie mark was of a quill writing on a notepad. He was flanked by a pair of guards, and the three looked significantly less pleased to see me than the two mares did.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sharp Sight," Rarity sighed, "but this just isn't a good time."
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Nothing that concerns you, citizen," said the stallion. He waved a dismissive hoof at me. "Please leave the crime scene immediately."
My eyes bulged. "Crime scene?"
"Wait till ya hear this one, Sharp," growled Applejack. "These two think Ah robbed Rarity!"