With Tungsten…
The stallion had ran off until he found himself wandering aimlessly around Canterlot. Wishing to hide himself away from everyone, he climbed a tree that was located on the outskirts of the city and took refuge in one of the branches. As a Fire Captain, it was pretty much the sole, surefire place he knew he could access and be alone--unless he was met with another stray cat of course.
But all he could do was sit there and contemplate his life up to that point. The anger he felt towards his mother, the sadness upon realizing she didn’t care for him at all, the embarrassment he felt upon realizing all of that happened in front of ponies that he knew, and the relief he felt knowing that Nero had taken her into custody.
All of his emotions hit him like a meteorite, leaving him staring off into space with an empty, neutral expression. As if he was barely alive…
‘...why…why am I here? What’s the point?’
Before long, he was joined by a familiar brown, red-haired earth pony. Honey climbed the tree he was in and sat on a branch next to him.
“Tungsten…” she spoke in a low tone.
“...I’m…I’ve realized something,” he replied in a quiet, almost ghostly voice. “All this time I’ve been trying my best to keep myself together. But…facing my mother again like I did when I was younger, I…I’m realizing that I’m nowhere near as strong as I think I am.”
“...What do you mean?” Honey asked with a hesitant tone, “I think you’re plenty strong, Tungsten. You were just overwhelmed by emotional trauma in a way that you had never experienced before.”
“...exactly,” he continued, “All because my emotions were buried so deep that I couldn’t feel anything. You know I haven’t cried like that in forever? I also don’t feel fear or excitement…hella, I don’t even get drunk enough to block this out.”
Honey froze, unable to think of what to say next. Instead, she simply opted to stay silent and listen to what he had to say.
“...In the end. I feel like my life is worth more to others than it is to myself,” he explained with a sigh, “I don’t…hate who I am, but I can’t say I like what I’ve become either.”
That’s when it hit her. Honey began to understand that Tungsten didn’t even value his own life as a result of the abuse and neglect from his mother. Was it possible that becoming a Royal Guard wasn’t even what he wanted for himself.
“...mind if I ask you something?” Honey replied, “...you became a Royal Guard just to get away from her, right?”
“Yea. I s’pose,” he replied with a shiver in his voice, “But…part of me, deep down--part of me was hoping that it’d be an easy ticket out of life in general. Maybe if I died…nobody would remember me, and the world would be better off.”
“...Tungsten…” Honey mouthed fearfully.
Then he went further with his stance on life. “...but eventually, I noticed that savin’ people and keepin’ ‘em happy was…fun. Somethin’ I wanted to do. I told myself that while I may not be happy with my own life, I could keep others alive and in their lives too, so they wouldn’t suffer.”
Honey nodded. “...I’m starting to understand you better now. It was initially a way for you to escape life, until you decided to help other ponies live out theirs.”
Tungsten didn’t respond verbally. He simply looked down at the ground with a forlorn frown on his face.
Honey climbed over and scooched onto the tree branch he was sitting on. She put a hoof around his body and held his head against her shoulder.
“...Let it all out, Tungsten,” she encouraged him while gently patting him on the head. “You’re not a machine or some magical supersoldier. You have every right to your sadness. And your happiness as well. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.”
“...”
This feeling…this sensation. Tungsten couldn’t exactly put it into words as the mare embraced him and held him against her. His eyes continued to well up with tears that he let out while sobbing against her.
“...No matter what happens,” she leaned over and kissed him on his forehead. “Know that you’re valued and loved. Not just by me, but by your friends, as well as everyone in this city. You’re amazing, Tungsten and you’ve earned that praise for how hard you’ve worked.”
“...I…I have?” he said in between sniffles as he looked up at her. “My life…has meaning?”
“Yes. However, I want you to start believing it for yourself,” she encouraged him, “I don’t have all the answers and I know your mother did a number on you emotionally…but I want you to love yourself, Tungsten. Look at who you are, and look back on your life up to this point and ask yourself this: Did I enjoy myself? Do I regret my decisions? Am I happy with what I’ve done for others?”
“...” Tungsten fell silent as he took a moment to think hard about those questions that Honey proposed.
“...You don’t need to answer me right away,” she shook her head, “Just…do that for me, please? Think about how much you’re worth to yourself, okay?”
“...” Tungsten replied with a nod.
“Okay…good. Want me to leave you alone or do you want me to stay here with you?”
Tungsten sat upright on the tree branch and clung to her, hugging her tightly as he spoke with a broken, yet grateful tone. “...stay with me, please. And…thank you, Honey…”
Honey put her hooves around him in return. “...No problem.”
Meanwhile…
Nearby, Kemuri had been walking around, looking for any sign of Tungsten and Honey. Eventually, she would spot them sitting together in one of the trees. With a relieved, albeit pained smile on her face, she’d wipe a tear from her face.
‘I’ll leave them alone...they deserve each other.’
Eventually, after sitting with Tungsten in silence for a while and contemplating what to do next, Honey hatched an idea.
“...Wanna take a walk with me, Tungsten?”
The stallion nodded silently.
The two left the tree and Honey started trotting away from Canterlot towards a hidden side of the mountain city. In reality, she wasn’t taking him anywhere in particular. She simply walked with him through the series of pine trees that had snow layered upon them--giving them the look and feel of Hearth’s Warming trees without decorations. It was a beautiful sight as the sky slowly turned dim and got dark--the stars visible in the sky were serviceable enough as lights for them to prance under.
As Tungsten walked with her, she turned and gave him a concerned look. “...are you feeling okay, Tungsten?”
He raised his head upwards and started to look up at the sky. “...I’m…fine. Better than I was before, actually. This place…it’s…beautiful.”
“Yeah…” Honey agreed as she looked upwards as well. “Sometimes when I feel confused or angry, I just…walk it off. It helps ease my mind when I’m on my own, ya know?”
“Hm…maybe I should try that more often,” he replied with a sigh, “Never really got to walk too much unless I was on patrol. That there’s a helluva sight…”
“Yup…no matter what happens, I can always count on nature to provide me with ample places to relax and let my mind wander. That’s why I love bees and other animals so much.”
Tungsten looked at her, and started to smile. A genuine smile from ear to ear. “...you…I…I think I’m starting to feel something. Something I don’t think I’ve felt before.”
“Hm? What do you think that might be?”
His heart started to beat twice as fast, uncontrollably so. “...I’m starting to feel…happy? Comfortable knowing that other folks out there care about me. Now that I know that, I’m starting to understand how precious life truly is. And I…I’m starting to accept myself…” He idly dragged his hoof against the snow. “...so, thank you, Honey.”
“...No problem,” she replied with a smile as her cheeks turned red, “I’m just glad you’re feeling okay, Tungsten. No matter what happens…I’ll always lo--”
Tungsten interrupted her, leaning forward…until his snout booped hers, causing them both to blush momentarily.
“...”
“...”
Suddenly, Tungsten leaned forward once more and pressed his lips against Honey’s.
Honey was taken aback by this, almost recoiling upon being kissed…but she leaned forward, accepting his embrace--not realizing she had applied enough force to push the stallion to the ground!
“H-hey!” Tungsten yelped, then chuckled upon hitting the snowy ground, “Getting a bit excited, ain’t we?”
“...With you, I’m always excited, Tungsten,” she replied while nuzzling against his abdomen. “As long as you’re happy…then I’m happy too.”
“...That’s the best Hearth’s Warming gift I could ever receive,” he said while smiling down at her. “You’re the best, Honey. Thank you.”
“...You’re welcome, Tungsten. I…love you,” she sputtered hesitantly, unsure if now was the right time…
But thankfully, Tungsten replied amicably causing her heart to flutter, “I love you too.”