//------------------------------// // Getting What You Wishes For Kinda Sucks // Story: This Sucks: A Story About The First Human In Equestria // by Justa Dooda //------------------------------// This is got to be the dumbest thing you've ever done, you are not a hero. Why are you doing this? This is stupid. Being the hero sucks! But it's a person! This person needs us! I need them, and they need me. Will I make it in time? A torrent of ambivalent thoughts consumed your mind. But you didn’t care. No, you are on a mission. Someone out here in this terrible forest is calling for help. So you are going to help God damnit! A familiar voice approaches you from behind. “Windle! Windle it's too dangerous!” You look back to see Fluttershy flying faster than you have ever seen before.. She wrapped both of her forearms around one of your own, giving you a solemn look. “You are still hurt!” She tightened her grasp on you. You frown at her, “there is someone out there Fluttershy." You do a wide gesture to the forest. "And they are in more danger than I am!” You yanked your arm free from your pony caretaker. Fluttershy knitted her brow at you in response and her ears splayed. “Windle I never said you were a horrible or bad, but there is no-” You turn your back to Fluttershy waving a dismissive hand at the pony. You don’t have time for this song and dance! There are more important matters at hand! You hear a distraught pony behind you slowly fade away as you dashed into this scary forest. Now focus, see where the calls are coming from. Another scream echoed through the forest. Though this time it sounded more of a mournful sobbing, "I'm coming I'm coming just hold on!" You shout back into the foreboding backdrop. The call sounded like it was quite far away, so you push forward with great determination against the roughened terrain. You don't know how long you have been running, but you know it has been awhile. It was evident with the lactic acid building up in your legs. Closer you heard the cries for help getting louder. It can't be that far now. You just know you are getting close. Climbing over a rock that was quite annoying, you think you are extremely lost in this shaded scary forest. You hear some sobbing to your right. Catching your breath you find a bush to duck down and peer into the clearing opening up to you. In the clearing you saw a small pond only a couple of passes away having a gentle flowing creek that fills the otherwise dreadful atmosphere with more of a somber tranquil feeling to it all. Take a moment to catch your breath; then peer around the area. Your eyes grow wide at your discovery. Your suspicions were right! Over past the creak you spot a humanoid person. An actual person! They had brown messy hair, tattered clothes similar to what you had on when you first came here, and a smaller frame than your own. The person has wrapped their lithe arms around their knees and face buried deep in their knees with their hair obscuring their features. Finally it sounded like they were sobbing quietly to themselves. You felt the world seemed to be lifted off of your shoulders at this blessed sight. You are not alone, but they are. You check your surroundings again double checking to make sure nothing terrible is hiding out here, you almost died once from a Manticore, what else is out here that the colored trope of ponies dare not to venture within. From your hiding spot you don't see anything threatening, the only thing is a bat that was slightly larger from Fluttershy's sanctuary just hung upside down sleeping. You exit your spot to approach the person, "Hey…you okay?" You put your hands up in a defensive manner when you approach. The person in question didn't respond, only just sob into themselves. You get in closer, focusing on the other human. "This place, it's not a good place." You get down on one knee getting a better look at this person. They continued to sob. "Hey did you hear me?" You reach your hand out gently to the distraught person's shoulders. “I can help you there is a-” Your hand phased through the person's shoulders! You stop your speech and gasp in surprise. Your hand find cold hard earth. Your eyes bulge out at this 'person'. You reel back with a kick of adrenaline course through your body. Jumping to your feet with your arms up ready to tango if need be. Just before this apparition gazes into your own it starts to shimmer and dissipate from your view. Leaving only the echo of its sobbing before it too drifted away into the ether. Then there was only silence in the air. You blink at the spot where the person was just there. You shake your head and look again. They are still gone. Your hand start to shake. Your breaths become shaky. Your mind runs in hyper gear. Has some sort of God or the universe itself just wanted to fuck with you today? Why? What did you do to deserve such a cruel joke? This person was real! You heard them call you. You knew it in your heart that they were real, another human being wanting to be saved by this awful place. But something or maybe someone just says 'no' to you. No. No, there's no other person here. Yes, you are alone in this place You are the only human here. And the Universe deemed it funny to pull the rug from under you. You felt your jaw go slack. Your breath is heavy and uneven. Your gut start to squeeze on itself, your hand shaking as you look down at your palms. You try to stifle the force of emotion you've been denying for so many days now, but your body is forcing it out of you. You crumble to the ground; your throat clenched. Your breath becomes ragged. You start to softly sob, trying desperately not to break down. But you can’t. Quietly, you started to sob. First it was a quite sob that slowly got louder and more ugly by each passing moment. “God….God damnit…God….god fucking….” You hiccup between shaky breaths. This can’t be happening. This is magic or some kind of trickery to break you down. Something is making you feel like this. But deep down you know, you know the truth. You came here alone, you will live here alone and finally, you will die here alone. No amount of talking about multi-pastel ponies is going to make you feel better about this fact. You are the last of your kind. The loneliness of it all was too harsh to bear. You cover your head and shut your eyes tight. Sobbing away your pent up sorrow. After a moment you hear in the distance rolling thunder. Shortly followed by a strange whooshfrom ahead. You cleared your eyes and gaze upwards to a pony in the sky. This one you can barely see the details but it moves fast. Faster than you have ever seen before. Before you know it it passes you by with amazing speed, leaving a gust of wind that picks up loose dirt to spray it over yourself. Reflexively you put your arm up to shield yourself as the wind dies down. The pony stopped over a canopy of trees nearby. It looked over, searching the ground and yelling out a phrase you don't recognize with a scratchy tone of voice. It was a cyan colored, though it's nearly impossible to not notice the prismatic colors of its main and tail. Wait a minute, you recognize this pony. Rainbow Dash calls out once more. She turns around and she spots you. In a flash she dives down, making another whoosh in your direction. You thought you where going to be dives bomb by the pony, luck for you she flared her wings out and stopped all of her momentum before crashing into you. Rainbow Dash flew up to your face. Her eyes narrowed at you. She had a nasty frown on her muzzle. She seemed to be lecturing you as she poked at your bare scarred chest. Maybe Fluttershy sent Rainbow to find you? Maybe. It felt kinda nice to know that Fluttershy cares about your well being just as back on earth other people care about a lost dog wanting to be found again. It's nice, but it feels so hollow. A surface level of affection. Nothing more. Her scowling is going in one ear and out the other. You sit down and just sulk. Rainbow Dash's attitude shifted at your demeanor. From an angry pony that was scolding you, to confused, then finally concerned. You hear her land in front of you. You don’t look up, you just look down at the earth letting the numbness take hold of you. The cyan pony gets down on her knees and lower her head until she is in your view. Her cerise eyes peer into you concerningly. Her muzzle frowning sadly at you. She places a forehoof on your foot and shakes it to get your attention. You lazily look at Rainbow Dash with glazed over eyes. She pats your leg, saying something you don't get. She gets upright and with a mightly flap of her wings you rockets away leaving a trail of rainbow in her wake. Moments later she places a tree branch filled with leaves. Zipping away she found another branch that places it against you again. Then she does this again, and again until you are completely covered in a makeshift bush disguise. She hovered in front of you. With her forehooves she made a ‘stay here’ motion before she zapped away again, leaving a low rumble of thunder. The branches Rainbow Dash placed on you are dry and they itch. But at least your disguise kept wind away. You sighed and shifted your weight. The makeshift disguise rustled. You put your hand against your scarred chest. Last time you were here, you almost died a very horrible and painful death. Now you are here again chasing ghosts. Why are you trying to be a hero in your own story when there is no need for a hero, or even a story to begin with? Are you a dick of a person for leaving Fluttershy back there? What is wrong with you? Deep down you're grasping at straws for a life that you know will never come back. No matter how hard you try to willpower it into existence. It's just not going to happen. Maybe one of the ponies with magic can just zip you away. However you get the feeling that if they knew how to put you back on earth they would have done it by now. Or maybe this is a kind of game or sick joke that is beyond your understanding. If only you can just ask those damn ponies and get the record straight! The sun has passed its zenith and is now arching back down to the horizon. You gather that maybe an hour has passed since Rainbow Dash 'expertly' hid you. Your body, especially your right arm, is aching from the chill of the air. You shiver, where is that flying pony? Maybe she forgot about you or got lost? Well the latter seems hard to believe with her ability to fly like a fighter jet. You were about to throw in the towel when there were the sounds of footfalls beyond the clearing ahead of you. Shit. Did something else want to kill you besides a Manticore? You sit completely still waiting for whatever is coming your way. Ponies. It was just ponies. Ponies that you knew. The first you see was Twilight who has her friends in tow. However right next to that lavender ponies side there is a new pony you haven't seen before. Female as the rest of Twilight's friends. She had a horn on her head, grayish heliotrope coat, a light purple mane with aquamarine streaks styled parted to the side that naturally curls over her fore loft with a wavy extent down her neck. She seemed to be talking to Twilight as if she was in a serious debate. "Wiiiiiiiiindle" you hear Fluttershy call out to you. They trope enter the clearing as you see a streak of prismatic colors whoosh past you knocking down all the branches off of you. Rainbow dash hover down next to your side, wiping her forehooves clean from the dirt. Fluttershy gasps. "Windle! Windle you’re safe and sound!" She flies to you giving you a massive hug. The rest of the trope of friends followed after Fluttershy. Rarity let out a sigh of relief and raised a hoof to Rainbow, congratulating the flying cyan pony. Twilight seemed to walk, placing a forehoof on Fluttershy shoulder, consoling the crying pony. “What…what do you mean Twilight?” Fluttershy turns her head to peer back to her friends. Twilight seems to gesture to the new pony and back at yourself. She goes on a long explanation you don't understand. She paws at the grounds at her conclusion. Rarity gasps with wide eyes as she points her forehoof at you. Rainbow Dash crossed her forearms against her chest giving Twilight a dubious look. Twilight shot back at Rainbow Dash. Applejack seems to get in between the Rainbow And Twilight trying to de-escalate whatever confrontation was happening between them. “What the fuck are they arguing about…” You whispered to yourself. Fluttershy looks back at you. She gave you a once over before stepping away from you. Her attitude seemed to shift from a caring animal care giver for you, to something else. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it but she was giving a side eye. Fluttershy look back at the new pony. “You don’t think Twilight is right about that, don't know? Windle can’t be like…w-well us?” You look over to Fluttershy. What did she mean like us? Surely she can’t mean what you think she means right? Pinkie Pie interjected in the arguing of ponies, though her chipper tone doesn't seem to cut through them well enough. Flutter shy tries to join in the argument making a case about you being just a scared animal. The new horned pony tries to get the others' attention but fails. “Hey…guys maybe you can stop arguing and maybe go somewhere else?” You look around trying to figure out how to get out of here safely. The heliotrope pony smacked her forehead with her forehooves and groaned annoyingly. Her horn gains a light turquoise aura around it. She creates a mist of the same color that swirled around her horn culminating a rock size cloud The cloud of mist shot at you at a great speed! You should your face giving a startled shout. But that did little as the mist phased through your protected arms. The mist enters your mouth, your nostrils. You coughed profusely as it tickled and tasted a mixture of sprinkles, oils and other tastes you can’t figure out, but it was awful! You cover your mouth and closed your eyes. You feel your mind seem to stretch and fold on itself, though not as painful as you expect, the nausea was not doing you any favors. Your ears ring loudly as if you got hit with a massive shockwave. You hear muffled voices at first, before they start to become clear. “Starlight! What did you do to Windle?” “I casted a Translatious spell! You wanted to test to see if Windle was sentient Twilight!” “Well yes I wanted to test that, but what did I tell you of casting spells first and asking questions later?” “Twilight’s right sugarcube, if yall cast them spells willy nilly just like you cast spells on us without thinkin’ a whole waggin' trouble comin’ trotting your way.” “S-starlight I think you made Windle sick, Windle are you okay?” You open your watery eyes. Still coughing up trying to respond. “That spell doesn't make you sick if you were just a normal animal Fluttersh-" Starlight explained. “-Fuck, God damn cough cough Fucking warned me next time before you do some shit on me. Damn!” You cut through chatter of the other ponies. Wait a minute. The trope of ponies gasped in unison. “H-he can talk!” Rarity shouted. Pinkie Pie jumped in your place, bursting with excitement. “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhh! I knew I just knew that Windle could talk! I just knew it!” “I…I was right…My hypothesis was right…” Twilight whispered to herself in disbelief. “Windle…you…you can talk just like us…” Fluttershy ears folded against herself, a hint of guilt in her voice. “That’s what he sounds like? I thought you would sound more, well cooler with that scar of his.” Rainbow Dash unenthusiastically scratchy voice gestures to your battle scars with her forehoof. “Of course I can…talk…” You trailed off as it slowly started to sink in. Whatever this Starlight did to you, you can hear what the ponies are saying. And they hear you. They actually hear you. For days you have been wanting to have this moment to finally get answers of why you are here, who are they and so forth. But right now, your brain is having a shock of a lifetime. Twilight looked over at Starlight. “Starlight, how long does that spell last?” Her ears perked up. Starlight tapped her forehoof against her chin scrunching up her muzzle. “I believe it should last,” She seemed to count something in the air with her forehoof, “until next sunrise?” “Sunrise?” Rarity jumped in. “Well that is not a whole lot of time to get to know this young stallion friend her-” “Human” You interrupt the posh pony. You get to your feet. Your mind finally started to get into gear. “I am not a stallion, im…human.” Pinkie Pie titled her “Hue-man? You don’t look like you have any hues?” “No human, it's what we are cal-” “I. Have so, SO many questions!” Twilight bounced to your side. She was completely enamored by you. “Where did you come from? Why are you here? Could you understand Fluttershy the entire time you are here? Was the artifact that I found belong to you? Oh I need my pen and ink for all of this research!” She berated you with questions. "I ahh" You raised your hands defensively as you try to tackle which questions to answer. “Ah come on Twilight, can’t ya see that poor hue-man is shook up from all of this.” Applejack pointing at your face. Well it is true this is really something out of fiction. You are actually talking to ponies. And it seems too eager to ask you about who and what you are. But sitting here and just talking is not the best place to do so. You clear your throat, “I will answer all of your questions once we get out of here.” You gesture to the forest. The rest of the troupe all agreed that it's time to get out of here and go to Ponyville, wherever that is. You walk with your pony trope. Fluttershy seemed to float just beyond you all. You have answered many questions that the ponies have been asking you. Such as what is Earth? Is there magic where you are from? Are all humans are naked like yourself? Is Vanilla or Chocolate a better icing cupcake? Do you even like cupcakes? Who doesn’t like cupcakes? You step over a rock as you hear Rainbow Dash just can’t accept that a machine can be faster than her. “So let me get this straight. Humans with their hands made a metal bird that travels faster than me? The best flier is Equestria? The most Awesomest Pegasus that ever will be?” So that is what they are called, “Well it's the truth.” You duck under a tree branch. “But, again Dash, we….we don’t have talking ponies, or magic, or-” “Tell you you have cakes right? There has to be cake!” Pinkie Pie interrupts, somehow she stretched her neck longer than it should be possible to get into your face. That was extremely unnerving that she can do that. You look over to Twilight and she just shakes her head. That was extra concerning. “Well yeah there’s cake where I'm from.” You raised an eyebrow at the Pinkie Pie hoping that answers was enough to satisfy her. “Okay!” her neck stretching back to normal proportions. Creepy. “An extra dimensional alien critter from beyond the stars that also likes cake can be a super duper good friend!” “Extra wha-” You begin to say. “Say darling, I have to ask, now that Twilight was right about you being, um you.” Rarity paused her talking to daintily tip over a muddy puddle. "Do you like being this?" She gestures to your naked form, making you feel self conscious. You gently step over the same puddle, “Well yeah, being naked kind of sucks.” “And it, ‘sucks’ right now for you?” Rarity looks up to you with a concern frown on her muzzle. “I mean yeah it kind of does. I wish I had clothes, but I assumed that ponies don’t wear them because well, fur.” You scratch the back of your head. At first you started to get used to the idea of being naked, but now that these ponies know you can talk and have feelings, having clothes would be a good idea. “That must be absolutely dreadful, I can't imagine walking around naked!” Rarity shivers at the thought. “No I can’t stand it, you have suffered enough being naked for so long.” She proclaimed. From the corner of your eye, you saw Fluttershy winced. Rarity continued. “How about this, girls, we could return to the School, buuuut Windle here is in dire need of a friend. Perhaps we can use the remainder of the day to excuse ourselves and go on a ‘Friendship Emergency.’ Twilight looked back hummed in agreement. “That sounds like a great idea, Rarity. I need a good distraction for a bit, and being the Princess of Friendship, I can’t let somepony just suffer undue hardship.” Friendship Emergency? Princess of Friendship? This is getting ridiculous. “So what does this ‘friendship emergency’ mean?” You air quote. “Well first I want to make sure you have proper clothes darling!” Rarity stops in her tracks. “AND, I can finally get some ideas on how to make clothes for minotaur's!” she stomped gleefully at the idea. “When was tha’ last time a minotaur wore a dress?” Applejack quipped to Rarity. “Applejack my dear, you must have some imagination!” Rarity fired back at Applejack. The crew seemed to get a good laugh. The banter between these friends seemed interesting. It felt nice just to hear them converse with each other. To make things better they are including you in their conversations. After what felt like an eternity you finally get out of the forest. The evening sun basking the lands with a warm glow. Down the path you see far down the road you spot a town in the distance. The town stretched for a couple of miles. Many buildings, many people, well ponies. You spot a flying creature above you, though it wasn't a pony. It was more feline, or was it a bird? Both? It was hard to tell. The troupe of ponies continued down the path towards the town. Talking amongst themselves and making a few giggles about memories they shared before you found your way here. Well you only have until sunrise on the next day before you're alone. So maybe just loosen up and see what happens? What is the worst thing that can happen? After all of the days here in this new land, I think it's high time you earn yourself a drink. Ponies drink, don’t they?