//------------------------------// // Trail of squabble // Story: Returning Home // by Short-tale //------------------------------// Chapter 5 I woke up in my old room. It was disorienting. My first thought was to get the rest of the family ready like I used to. Limestone would grumble and growl at me. Pinkie would pop out of bed as long as I brought candy. Marble would quietly get up and brush her mane for what seemed like hours.  My body began to move only to be stopped by a pink hoof. Pinkie didn’t sleep in my bed that often. But the mare nestled against me wasn’t her. That’s when the plans for the day scrolled through my mind. It was time to walk to the choosing stone. I moved closer to the pink hoof’s owner. The very idea that this could be the last morning I wake next to her left a cold feeling in my body. What would I do if the stone turned against me? Could I handle just leaving her because of a rock? Was marriage really a rock-based decision? I turned to see a disheveled Starlight snoring away. It was strange. Most ponies couldn’t stand that loud, soul-grating sound. Even Trixie would slip out of their bed and sleep in a different room in the castle. It sounded like boulders rolling down a cliff side. I found it soothing and these days I couldn’t sleep well without it. “Starlight…” I called to the unconscious mare.  “Mmm?”  “We have to get ready to walk to the choosing stone today. We should make a proper breakfast.” “Not yet… Maud... I need more snuggle time first...” I didn’t know whether she was awake or dreaming. I could feel my cheeks flush as she called my name instead of Trixie’s, like she used to in the morning. I guess I hadn’t noticed when that had changed.  The groggy unicorn pulled me in her and I could feel her tail exploring around my hind legs. It was not a good time for that. But it was hard to resist that wonderful feeling of intimacy.  “Ahem...” The sound froze any of those thoughts and Starlight’s tail too. I didn’t have to turn to know who it was. “Maybe you two should take your ‘energy’ out by helping me with breakfast,” Spitfire suggested. “Morning, Spitfire,” I said, not wanting to turn around and see that disapproving glare. It was a little hypocritical of her. Limestone and Spitfire’s coupling was known to shake the homestead. “It is unusual for you to walk into your sister-in-law’s room and start judging her, though.” Spitfire snorted. “Limey sent me. No need to get your tail in a bunch. Ma is up. You don’t want her to hear what you’re up to, do you?” I calmed down. I was just nervous about the stone. My heart hurt looking at that tousled mane and groggy face. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I wanted to snuggle with that mare all day and skip this cursed ritual.  But I couldn’t. I slowly got up, drinking in all the warmth from my mate. I inhaled her scent and all the little details. I wanted to remember them. Just in case. “I will help with breakfast. Starlight, I will see you down at the table.” I undid the curlers in my mane and changed after Spitfire left. I applied my usual eyeliner and shadow. Then I looked at my reflection. The reflection seemed to have tears in its eyes. Why was my mirrored version crying? “Maud?” A Starlight-shaped figure appeared in the mirror behind me. She placed her hoof on my shoulder. “Are you okay? Why are you upset?” “I’m okay. I must have gotten some of the eyeliner in my eye.” “Maud ...” She didn’t believe me. I didn’t know how to tell her about my promise to my mother. I didn’t want her to worry about the stone like I was. If she began to panic, Ma would be even more annoyed. It wouldn’t help. “Is it... Pa again?” I leaned into her outstretched hoof. She was still soft and warm from the blanket. How could I ever leave this mare? Over a stone? It didn’t seem fair. “You’ll be okay... I’m here for you.” She nuzzled her face into mine. I felt the guilt eat at me but remained strong for her. “Thank you,” was all I could say.  Breakfast was the typical madness of eating and foals bouncing all over the place. Ma didn’t take charge this time. She looked at me with a smug, self-righteous look. I couldn’t meet her gaze. How was I supposed to talk to her like this? After breakfast, the entire family grabbed their packs and prepared for the day-long journey. Starlight was excitedly prancing around with Pinkie. They both were eager to get to the stone, Starlight to receive a blessing and Pinkie to throw a party because of it. I wished I had their confidence. Marble walked next to me. As usual, she was quiet. I knew she was trying to cheer me up. She didn’t need words to do that. Vinyl walked by my side too. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to comfort me as well, but the DJ just nodded along to a musical beat I couldn’t hear. “I love long journeys,” Pinkie said. “It’s fun to share with family. It’s like all of us are trapped together and are forced to deal with our underlying issues.” Her eyes pointedly looked at me and Ma.  I sighed and let Marble and Vinyl continue to walk past me. Ma was walking next to Limestone at a pace my sister didn’t like. She sighed in relief as I let them approach me.  “I’m going to check on that birdbrain Spitfire. She’s flying so fast we won’t see her until we get there.” My irate sister sped up, passing the competition left and right. The competition didn’t notice. Ma looked at me with a haughty smile. I tried not to be offended. Fighting with each other wasn’t something we enjoyed. “Hast thou come to thy senses? Art thou going to request we to turn around?” My mother’s scorn was palpable. “No, but I wanted to stop our fight. I don’t know how to fix it. It’s been a long time since we fought and this is not something I want to fight over.” Her expression softened. There was some hesitation in her steps. “Thou hast always been so willful, Maudileena but normally respected the stones. I do not know why thou hast chosen now to stray from the path, but it fills me with sorrow. I had hoped we could comfort each other.” “Comfort?” “We both are widows. ‘Tis tradition that the widows provide comfort to each other. Though we are strong in our love of our husbands, ‘tis acceptable to share the loneliness with others who know this loss.” She looked away to disguise any emotion on her face. She didn’t want me to know the truth. When she looked back she was just as expressionless as ever. “Oh… I didn’t know how lonely you were. I’m still a widower. I’m still here for you.” The hard stone face slipped a bit and I could see the real pain and isolation in those creases. I nearly stopped in my tracks. If it had been anypony else I would have hugged them, like Pinkie taught me. But I knew Ma. It would be too startling and, more importantly, it would seem like pity. Ma wanted none of that. “‘Tis not the same,” she sighed. “Thou hast found another mate. One that fills thee with joy and comfort. I can see that in just this short while. Though I still say it is not our way. I shall take no happiness when the stone tells thee of thy transgression.” “Other ponies have gotten remarried with the stone’s blessing,” I countered. I wasn’t going to give up. I had to convince her.  “Such a thing is rare. Those mates died young before the true root of love took hold. They were not satisfied or filled with the rock’s true blessing. Thou didst have a long time with thy husband and made strong the bonds of love with him. Honor the blessing the rock hath given thee.” She made it sound like we were married for decades and not just mere years. I noticed the trees thinned as we climbed further up the mountain. “It wasn’t long enough. He left me too soon.” “All believe that. Even I feel stripped of that love too soon. Though it was many years more than thou.” Ma looked ahead. Her face regained its composure. She was standing on the stone principles again.  “So you don’t want me to be happy?” “I did not say that. Why would I want thee to suffer? I reminded thee that thou hast strayed. Though thou hast found more happiness, it hath come at cost of thyself.”  I shook my head at that notion. I felt more myself around Starlight than I ever had. “That isn’t true. I made the decision to stay away. I made the choice to become a counselor instead of returning to rocks.” “Thou hast yet to tell me why. The only change I have seen is this Starlight.” She pointed at my fiancée with firm conviction.  “It’s not because of her!” It was odd hearing my voice that loud. It was still emotionless but I was shouting. I didn’t like to shout. It made me sound like I was using intensity to debate instead of words. “Then what is it?” “It’s… Pa… and Mud Briar.” I didn’t want to say it. It felt so petty. It felt so weak to admit that their death had changed my life that much. Ponies die all the time. The rock stays firm and continues on. But I crumbled. I didn’t have the strength to be the stone that she was. Mother said nothing, just looked ahead. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, disappointed, or just sad I wasn’t the boulder of strength she wanted me to be. We shifted quietly around the large rocks that broke the landscape. The maneuvering made the silence less uncomfortable. But the tension was as large as the stones themselves and weighed just as much.  “So... that was it,” she finally said, passing the larger rocks. “The rock has shaken thee. It is hard to watch all that thou carest about as it crumbles around thee. Why did thou not come to me sooner? I would have taken care of thee, as thy mother. Thou did not have to replace my love with a mate. I could have used thy company as well... Thy sisters do not know our pain.” “Ma...” I didn’t know what to say. She’d just told me I replaced her with Starlight. I didn’t think it was the same thing. “You weren’t replaced, Ma. You’re still my mother. I love Starlight differently.” “I know. It just happened so quickly. I thought thou wouldst take more time for thyself. Perhaps return to the farm and remember thy roots. But the next thing I hear is that thou hast found a new mate. A mare, no less. And she was nowhere to be seen when thou did return for thy father’s funeral. When thou didst need her most, she was not there.” She glared at Starlight in a way only a mother could when their foal had been wronged. “I told her not to come.” I sighed. Admitting my own fault is not as easy, especially when your mother is judgemental. “Why? Would she not have brought thee comfort?” “Of course, but I didn’t want you or anypony else to feel bad. I didn’t want to feel like I was showing off my new marefriend when you were in pain.” I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see Mother’s disappointed look again.  “‘Tis true I might have felt... unneeded. After all, if I cannot comfort thee as thy mother, what purpose do I serve? But it might have been a reminder as well.” The sorrow was oddly palatable, it made my heart ache. That reminded me of the stone, which was getting closer and closer with each hoofstep. “A reminder?” “That life can continue after such loss. That hope continues. I was in such pain, the only thing that brought me comfort was my daughters. To see them all happy would have brought me hope.” I swallowed and looked at my mother. She was looking away. The sun showed off her fading coat and whitening mane. It made her look ethereal. Like the passage of time and hardship brought out her true strength. She stood on the edge of a vista, where the trees spread out like a carpet of green. “So you don’t disapprove of Starlight?”  Ma sighed. “She is not a bad mare. She does not respect thy culture.” “I didn’t tell her anything about our culture. She was acting on her own beliefs. You cannot hold that against her.” I hoped she would finally relent. “That troubles me further. Art thou ashamed of us because of her?” “No.” “Then tell me why thou hast been silent with her?” She looked at me intently, her gaze could pierce the strongest justification. “I felt like I was in a different world with her. It was safe there. I didn’t need to think about Mud Briar or Pa. I didn’t need to explain what I was to any other pony. She’s one of the few that gets me.” It was a simple fantasy, one that I had fought hard to maintain. “Thou wert hiding. I understand. If there was a world free of the pain I would probably also stay there. I thank thee for thine explanation. I will be there for thee when the stone denounces thy relationship.” She placed a reassuring hoof on me but I felt worse. The stone was close and soon it would pass judgement. I might have convinced her not to hate Starlight but she still believed we were cursed. I glanced at my fiancé with failure crushing my gut. I felt woozy, my hooves stumbled a bit. Starlight stopped immediately and supported my body. My mother turned away from the scene but a stray look showed both pity and envy. I didn’t know what to say. “Are you alright Maud? You’re normally really sure hoofed.” Starlight had a tinge of panic in her voice.  “Just nervous…” “Is this stone really that important to you?”  “Yes.” I didn’t want to say that our relationship actually hung in the balance. I had bet on us and that the stone would show everypony we were meant together. Why couldn’t I trust it?