Chapter 46
“Why?” the little colt asked as he stared up at me. “Why’d you murder me?”
I shook as I stared down at him, my body covered in gore as he cocked his head.
“Why, Scamp?” bloody tears began to run down his face as his face started to split into three slices. “I was just a child.”
I turned and began to gallop away, teeth clenched as I tried to run from the phantom of my past. But I was stopped by a griffon wearing a military uniform, a massive smirk on his face.
“Prisoner 493, where do you think you’re going?” he asked, two electrical cables in his talons, sparking crazily as he tapped them together.
Taking a few steps back, I bumped into something. Turning my head, I saw a mutilated Parker staring at me.
“You burned us, Scamp. We trusted you, and you killed us,” he said, his jaw barely working as he spoke. “I thought you loved me?”
I fell to the ground, covering my face with my hooves as I screamed into the void.
ooo000<^>000ooo
I sat up, still screaming, startling Mallogory as she jerked awake next to me.
“Whoa! Shh, it’s alright, Scamp!” she yelped as she grabbed me and pulled me into herself as I shook violently. “The dreams again?”
The only thing I could do was nod my head as I pressed myself into her. Apparently I didn’t drink enough at the party to suppress them.
She stroked my mane as we sat there, “are you going to go see Calypso?”
“Yes,” I responded softly, clenching my eyes. “Can I just have a little bit to drink? Just tonight?”
Mallogory frowned as she held me tighter, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Please, Mallo,” I begged, trembling, “Just tonight, then no more. I just don’t want to see any of them again tonight. Please?”
She looked at my face, looking a bit pained. “Okay.” With reluctance, she got up and went to the kitchen. After a minute she returned holding a cup of one of Greg’s stronger liquors. Without a word, she handed it to me.
I took it and greedily drank it, eyes stinging from the strength of it. Once I finished it, I placed it on the bed side table and smiled at Mallogory. “Thank you, love.”
She just sighed and got back in bed, pulling me back into herself. “Scamp, I just want you to be happy and not to be suffering like this.”
“I know,” I replied softly as I snuggled into her. “I’m trying to get better.”
A sad sigh escaped her lips as she pulled the covers over us and held on to me. “We’ll get through this together.”
“I love you, Mallo,” I said softly, letting myself drift back to sleep slowly.
“I love you too, Scamp,” she cooed.
ooo000<^>000ooo
With a frown, I stepped up to Rarity’s house, where Calypso and Doc were staying till they also figured out a living situation.
All of us needed to figure something out. As much as I love Greg and Pinkie, sleeping in their spare room isn’t ideal. And I definitely do not like waking them up with my constant night terrors.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped in.
“I was worried you wouldn’t actually come,” Calypso said from a chair as she watched me enter the room.
Looking around, I realized this was Rarity’s sewing room, with all the cloth and sewing machines scattered about the room. Calypso was sitting in the middle of the room, a couch beside her.
“Come have a lay down,” she said, patting the couch.
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I rolled my eyes. “Oh, so we doing the entire ‘therapist’ skit are we?”
“Just lay down,” she said in her stern tone that I loved her for.
“On it,” I said as I trotted over and plopped down on my back on the couch.
She just shook her head as she leaned back in her chair. “I need you to take this seriously, Scamp. We’re here to help you, and it won’t work if you make snide little jokes all the time.”
A deep sigh escaped my lips as I rubbed my face with my hoof, “Yeah, you’re right. How are we doing this?”
“Well, this is all going to take more than one session,” she began, placing her hooves together, “so, I was thinking we’d start from the beginning.”
“Oh boy, my favorite part,” I joked, getting a glare from her. “Sorry.”
“Now,” she said, pulling out a little charm of some kind. “The best way I’ve found to start with a new patient is to see the trauma for myself.”
“No,” I suddenly said, causing her head to snap to me in surprise.
“No?” she repeated back to me.
“Yeah,” I said slowly, frowning. “I don’t want you to see any of it.”
“Scamp,” she said in a caring voice, “I’m your friend, and no matter what you’ve done or experienced will change that.”
I looked away from her, biting my lip, “do we really have to? Can’t we just talk about my feelings or some shit?”
“We could,” she conceded, sighing, “but, this is the best way to tackle your trauma and get past it.”
Staring at the side of the couch, I thought about it, not liking the idea at all. But, finally, I nodded.
“Okay, just don’t judge me…”
Calypso reached over and patted my shoulder, “I would never, Scamp. Are you ready?”
Reluctantly, I nodded.
Raising the charm between us, she said a few cryptic words, which caused the charm to glow bright.
ooo000<^>000ooo
Blinking, I found myself back in the void that is my mind. The little computer sitting there, waiting for us. A feeling of loss passed over me as I didn’t see Ayla here. I don’t think I’d ever get over losing her.
Calypso put a hoof on my shoulder and gently guided me to the little computer.
“So,” she began as she stepped up in front of it. “I’ve learned the best way to find all the traumatic memories and combine them into one file so we don’t have to search for them.”
“Awesome,” I said with a frown, watching her work her magic as she typed in all kinds of terms into the computer. After a moment, a new list popped up. Looking at them, my heart began to race as I read their labels.
“They’re in order of when they happened,” she said, looking at me with soft eyes. “Are you ready? We won’t do that many today. It’s better if we start small and work our way through it at a steady pace.”
Staring at the first one, I cringed, “I don’t know…”
She looked at the label and gave me a reassuring pat, “you can do this, Scamp.”
“I don’t want to see that guy again…” I replied, reading the title. ‘Bully: First regret’.
Calypso didn’t push it as she patted my back, “take your time.”
Biting my lip, I forced myself to slap the enter key, changing the scene around us to a school playground.
We were back when I was still very young, just a few months after getting my cutie mark in fact. A younger version of me sat on the swing set, talking with another filly.
Calypso looked at me as my eyes darted to a slightly older colt making his way to the younger me.
The filly young Scamp was talking to looked behind her and ran away, not even warning her of the approaching colt. As young Scamp yelled after her, the colt suddenly head butted her out of the swing.
“Blazing Star,” I muttered, getting Calypso’s attention. I watched as he mocked and picked on the younger version of me, getting more and more physical. “He was two grades above me and loved picking on me. It got worse after I got my cutie mark, since he was still a blank flank.”
We watched as he pulled young Scamp to her hooves and shoved her backwards.
“Today was the day I finally had enough of him and fought back,” I mumbled, ears flat to my head.
Young Scamp stood up tall and said something back to him, which caused him to yell and buck her in the face. But instead of going down, young Scamp jumped back on him. The two rolled around as she wailed on him. As they came to a stop, she hit him just right that he went limp.
But, she was too young to know when to stop as she kept attacking him, bucking him over and over again.
Adults finally arrived and pulled her off of him as she cheered in victory.
“I didn’t know it,” I said slowly, sitting down on my flank, “but he never recovered from that beating. He ended up in a long term care facility, unable to do anything for himself.”
“Scamp,” Calypso said as the memory faded away. “You were young and he was hurting you. You reacted like a kid would, there’s no way you’d know how it’d affect him.”
“Does it matter?” I asked, “he still lost out on life because of my hot head. He was a kid too, and had some tough shit going on in his personal life. He didn’t deserve that.”
“Kids make mistakes,” she assured. “If you’d like, can we stop for now?”
“No,” I reluctantly say as I step back up to the computer and look at the next item on the list. “I need this.”
Next on the list was one I’d rather skip, so I did. Moving to the next one, I saw the first time I killed someone. Pressing it, the scene changed to the one Lance and Bronwyn had seen the last time I was here.
The scene played out the exact same, ending with me pressed against the wall, face in my hooves.
“That one was justified, it was war,” she said, watching the scene fade away.
“I know, but I still think about it from time to time,” I replied, sighing.
She leaned over and looked at the screen. “You passed one.”
I looked at her, a pleading look on my face. “Not that one.”
With a caring smile, she nodded, “Okay, not that one.”
Looking back to the screen, I saw the next one was another I dreaded seeing again. “I want to skip this one too…”
“We can’t skip all of them,” she said as she looked at it, then her ears flattened a bit. “Oh… I didn’t realize you were a POW during the war…”
“Yeah,” I said as I rubbed the back of my head. “After that last memory, I was captured by the enemy and was held for a week in their camp till it was overrun and I was freed. But they pushed hard for information the entire time I was there.”
My hoof hovered over the button, tears in my eyes. “I don’t have it in me to see myself like that…”
“Then we won’t,” she said, stopping my hoof. “Not all trauma has to be relieved to be healed.”
“Thank you,” I said in a little voice, falling back onto the ground and hugging myself.
She sat down next to me and pulled me into her side, “I think we’ve seen enough for today.”
“Mhm,” I mumbled.
She said a few words and we slowly faded from my mind.
ooo000<^>000ooo
As I found myself back on the couch, I sat up, letting out a relieved sigh.
“Now, let’s talk about what we saw in there,” she said, holding up a notebook.
I cringed as I laid back down, “is this part also necessary?”
“It is. It’s more important than actually seeing the trauma,” she said, writing something down. “Now, tell me more about Blazing Star.”
I sighed as I put my hooves to my face. I hate therapy.
ooo000<^>000ooo
“How’d it go?” Mallogory asked with an expectant smile as she watched me walk towards her as she sat on the front porch of Greg’s house.
“You know,” I said, forcing a chuckle. “We talked, I cried, the whole process.”
“Did it help?”
I let out a heavy sigh as I sat down next to her, “I guess.”
She gave a nod as she reached over and took my hoof, “It’s going to take more than one day to get better, you know that right?”
“I know,” I say with a small grin. “I’ll get better, for you and everyone else's sake.”
“Do it for you,” she replied with a loving smile on her face.
This caused me to relax as I stared into her eyes.
I could put up with anything as long as she was by my side.
ooo000<^>000ooo
“So, this is the cheapest we have on the market right now,” Drax said as he lead us through the slightly run down house. “The previous owners kinda did a number on it, as you can see.”
I opened a door, causing it to fall off of its hinges and hit the ground. “I see what you mean.”
“It’ll take a lot of work, are you sure you want this one?” he asked, looking at us as we examined the ruined walls and missing windows. “The Princesses are offering to buy you any house you want. You can pick one of the much nicer ones.”
“No, we like this one,” Mallogory said as she ran her claws along a cabinet. “It’s right by the forest, on the edge of town. Plenty of privacy. It’s honestly perfect.”
“Plus,” I said as I pushed another door over by accident, “we would love to have something to do while you find us a building to use.”
He nods as he watches us, holding up a clip board, “and how big are we talking? I can commission any kind of building you want, I just need the basic’s to get started.”
Mallogory and I smiled at each other.
“Drax, do you know what a Dojo is?”