//------------------------------//
// Moral Support 
// Story: Beyond Me 
// by Boopy Doopy 
//------------------------------//

Twilight had no issues with my going to Canterlot with Caramel when I told her about it, and actually seemed kind of excited about the idea. So excited in fact that she decided she wanted to come with us, too. I tried to hint to her that she should stay in Ponyville, but she didn’t seem like she was picking up on what I was trying to say. 
Golden Crest said he’d talk me up when I told him about it, and in fact offered to go with us to Canterlot, too, which was good. By proxy, that meant Silver Spoon was coming, too. So now our group was gonna be six ponies large; Twilight, Golden Crest, Silver Spoon, Pinkie Pie, Caramel, and me. I’m sure it was more than either of us were expecting, but I doubted that would affect anything.
I talked to ponies for a couple of days to make sure plans were in order, and then after that, there was nothing to do but plan out what I wanted to say. If the ponies there were more like Golden Crest, this should be fairly easy. If they were like Filthy Rich though, this could prove to be impossible. I expected to get a combination of both among them. But hopefully they cared more about money than they did about the fact that I looked like I was younger than they were.
All that was left to do from there was wait, and wait was what I did. It was another almost two months before we actually geared up to head out. Apparently Celestia got wind of our trip from who else but Twilight, and sent me a little letter telling me what she expected of me out there, because of course she still didn't trust me. Would she ever? Probably not. Did I really care though?
It was basically a reminder that I couldn’t bad mouth her while I was there, something I already learned not to do by this point. She also told me that I should be careful how I talk to ponies, because apparently Canterlot nobility could take offense to even little things. She seemed to have an idea in her head that I was looking to try and help businesses around Canterlot rather than get into politics, not that I was planning to correct her. If that’s what she thought, then that was what she thought. I never explicitly said I was looking to start a business in Canterlot, so she couldn’t blame me for what I did.
Oh, but she would try to. I already knew before I even went out there that she would try to.
Eventually the day came for us to head out, and our group of six ponies got on the train to Canterlot. Golden Crest told us that he got us accommodations in the city for the week that we’d be out there, including Caramel and Pinkie Pie, although Twilight said she’d be staying in Celestia’s castle because the princess wanted to talk to her for a while. I could only wonder what about.
We had an entire train car to ourselves, which was nice. I wasn’t sure why we needed it though; when I went to Ponyville from Canterlot with Celestia, it only took about four hours to get from one city to the other. Apparently though, because it was on top of the mountain, getting back might have taken only four hours, but getting up took a full sixteen to conserve energy.
The six of us got settled in and ate some lunch before exploring the car, noting a few bedrooms to sleep in when it got late. After that, we mostly just sat in the car and talked– most of us did, anyway. I watched Caramel pace back and forth across the small room, looking like they were thinking out what to say. I had a good idea what it was about.
“Is anything wrong?” Twilight finally asked, looking up from a book she was trying to read. The pony kept on pacing back and forth, and didn’t respond immediately. They stayed silent and breathed deeply for a long minute before finally answering.
“Um, I should probably be up front about this,” Caramel started nervously, practically stuttering as they spoke. They rubbed a hoof behind the other and had their eyes pointed down at the train floor. I was almost as nervous as they were, but only because I knew their actions were a direct result of my talking to them. If anything went badly, it would be my fault. Not that I expected anyone to complain about what I thought she was gonna say, except maybe Twilight. And myself, at least internally.
“I, um– I th-think I’d like it if everypony c-called me a mare…” I could tell it was taking all of Caramel’s strength to get the words out there. They looked up for a second to see Golden Crest’s confusion and Twilight’s eye roll, then stared back at the floor and kind of flinched back.
“I mean, unless it’s gonna be a hassle,” they said quickly, shyly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not any hassle at all, ma’am,” Golden Crest quickly recovered, giving Caramel a kind smile. It elicited a bashful smile from the pony as he continued, “Is Asher taking after you now? Or are you taking after him?” The question made me turn my eyes to the floor in embarrassment. 
“Oh! I know! I know!” I practically jumped at how loud Pinkie Pie was. “Asher talked to her at the party I threw for Twilight Sparkle during the Summer Sun Celebration and helped her be more confident in herself so she could ask to be called a mare! And he’s such a great colt that he probably talked to her before so she could tell us all that she wanted to be a mare and feel happy and smile when she’s called one!”
The smile on Caramel’s face was gigantic, so wide and happy that it made me just a little more sure that maybe this was okay. Maybe. Maybe that was just me trying to find a reason to say being a man was okay when God clearly turned me into a woman. Or maybe it was okay for them but not for me, since I’d explicitly been changed from a man to a woman… err, filly. 
“Don’t think about all that right now,” I told myself, listening to the conversation between Golden Crest and Caramel as Pinkie Pie hopped around the train car we were in. Twilight was listening in, too, apparently, and had a scrunched up face because of what she heard. It was like Caramel just said they were gonna tear apart every book in her library.
“So you were the one who gave him the idea?” Twilight asked suspiciously, quietly, drawing me closer to her with her voice. “I mean, I can see how he’d come up with that if you did speak to him. After all, Princess Celestia said you acted different from everypony else, and I can kind of tell that, too. But he’s not a mare, and you’re not a stallion.”
That was a difficult comment to respond to because I didn’t know exactly what I should say. “I know I’m not a stallion and he’s not a mare,” I said. “But who does it hurt if you call somepony what they want to be called?”
I had to avoid cringing as I said it. What was I? The transgender rights defender? Certainly not. But it wasn’t like what I said wasn’t true. Just because other people were doing things that weren’t okay didn’t mean respect couldn’t be had anyway. It was one of the things I learned while staying with Lofty and Holiday.
“And besides, it feels nice to be called what I wanna be called,” I thought to myself. 
“It hurts science, for one, since you’re blatantly going against what you are and trying to say you’re something you’re not,” she started. I rolled my eyes extremely hard as she continued, “And if you keep telling yourself you’re something you’re not, eventually it’s gonna start hurting you and eating at your mental state. I would think the best way to handle feeling bad about yourself is to look at the positives and accept yourself for who you are, not try and convince yourself and other ponies that you’re something else."
Oh, boy, wasn’t that exactly what I thought to myself back on Earth about trans people? In fact, I still thought the same thing now, although I did realize it was much more difficult than just having a positive outlook about yourself. Being dysphoric hurt.
“Well, whether or not I agree, I’m not in the business of starting fights,” I told her, another thing I said to myself on Earth. “I’m not gonna–”
I cut myself off before I finished my sentence. Caramel explicitly said they were looking at me for confidence and to help with insecurity. Twilight was smart enough to pick apart exactly what I was about to say, which would go directly against helping them like I said I would.
“What?”
“I’m not gonna call them something they don’t want to be called,” I said. There was only a half second pause before I added, “Because Celestia told me that I needed to respect everypony here, and I don’t want her yelling at me if I don’t and somepony gets mad.”
“Humph. Well, she told me I have to call you a colt, but that doesn’t mean I have to call him a mare.” She sat back down and crossed her hooves for a minute before picking her book back up with her magic, turning a page with an angry expression.
“Why can’t I just do it because it’s the right thing to do?” I thought to myself as I took a seat next to the mare. “I should be helping because it’s the right thing to do, not because I have to help. I’m being just as awful as she is.” 
We had the exact same thought process and there was nothing she said that I disagreed with. The only difference was she was being external with her thoughts, versus me who stayed quiet. I knew speaking thoughts into words was worse, but that didn’t mean thinking bad things was okay. Why couldn’t I just be nice? 
There was no good reason I had for me to be so hostile to Caramel, even if they didn’t know I was being that way. It was hard not to feel superior though and think that our situations were different even though I knew they really weren’t. My attitude toward Caramel was complete crap for no reason, and I knew that, but yet I was finding it impossible to work past that.
“Not like I don’t already think bad things every single time I think about how I'm– no, stop. Not getting into that.” Being depressed and dysphoric and feeling sorry for myself wasn’t what this trip was about. It was about getting to be a politician, and it was time to focus on that. At least it would help me drown out dysphoria.
I waited until Golden Crest got a free moment before I tried talking to the stallion. I talked to him earlier before we left, but I wanted to make clear we were on the same page.
“I talked to a few of the ponies in Canterlot,” he said when I brought it up to him. “Made sure that they knew I was introducing you to them beforehand, you know? The ponies out there are very particular about not being disrespected, and us showing up out of the blue would be looked at that way.”
I nodded, and said, “When are we gonna meet them?” I asked. “Do you think anypony would want to have me intern for them right away? Or is it a more ‘wait-and-see’ type deal?”
“Probably the latter. I went ahead and told them that you were a colt, so a good outfit for you would be in order. We can stop by the shops before we get to talking to ponies. Actually, that’s where we were headed anyway because Caramel said he wanted– err, she wanted something for herself.”
Yes, shops were good, but the conversation circling back to trans stuff, which I wanted to avoid. “What day are we gonna go meet ponies on?”
“There’s not a specific day,” he told me. “I don’t mean to put you down, but you’ll be hard pressed to find a day in the year where everypony in Canterlot can gather around to meet in one place, let alone meet just a colt. Now granted, you’re an extremely smart colt, but still just a colt.”
Yeah, I was still only nine years old, even though I was pretty sure I turned twenty six over the course of the summer that never seemed to end. But still, getting my hoof in the door would be good.
“Now why don’t you relax now, kiddo?” he finished. “Enjoy the ride. You don’t need to get all focused on that stuff yet. It’s important to remember to be a foal and have fun.” He smiled kindly as he finished talking, then Silver Spoon dragged me away to do something fun with her and Pinkie.