"Why Billy. You don't need to worry, she doesn't mean ya any harm." Earl reassured the agitated redneck. Billy reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a knife. He began to pick walnuts out of his teeth. But then glanced over at the pig which Earl had shot dead. " Ya in the mood for some bacon?"
"Eh, I just ate. Sling 'em, we'll save it for latter. " Billy scanned the ground, examining the tracks left by the herd of pigs. " Wanna go after them Earl? I reckon I'd be good for us to stockpile. " Earl thought about it very hard and waved it off.
"Aw naw, ya know, meat goes bad after a while, even if I were to keep it in my fridge. Plus, there's not enough space in there. Shoot!" He cursed. Shoving his hands into his pockets. Billy looked back over at Applejack. "Well, who are ya?"
All this time, Applejack was watching the conversation play out. They appeared to have completely forgotten that she was there. So she tried to force her way back into the conversation."My name's Applejack. I'm an earth pony. Pleased to meet ya sir." She stuck out her hoof, and Billy shook it. " Ya sure don't look like any pony on earth I've ever seen 'fore. Name's Billy, ma'am." He stifled his nose and went for the dead pig.
"I'll be darned if I'll ever be forced to waste a good kill!"
Meanwhile, over on the edge of Earl and Billy's property line...
"Oh darling, I cannot tell you how much I despise this place already!" Rarity cried out. The six had decided to head off in the same direction as Billy, but, thanks to Twilight's "guidance." As well as a healthy dose of complaining from Rarity. But that was to be expected. However, nobody had bothered to tell them about the Texan wildlife. Mainly, the insects. Sure, in Equestria, you had stuff like Bug Bears, Hydras, Manticores, Parasprites what have you.
None of those compared to horseflies, southern mosquitos, leaches, diamondback rattlesnakes, mountain lions, coyotes, feral hogs, cockroaches, hippies... The list goes on, and on, and on. And up until now, they had only heard of the wild pigs. And, something called the 'Chupacabra.' Which Brandon Herrera routinely joked about. Despite reassurances from the other humans that no such creature existed. Fluttershy was practically worried about it. Though Twilight had reassured her that there was nothing to be worried about.
"Gah!" Rarity screamed as a horse fly landed right on her eye lip. She bounded away from it and hid behind Twilight. Rainbow laughed at this, and kept on flying. Until she felt something bite her on the ear. It was the same fly as before, and it had brought some friends. She annoyingly swatted them away. Until finally, they seemed to get the message and leave. Rainbow thought she was safe, until the horse flies returned with even more companions. "Gah! You know what? I hate to say it, but Rarity's right!" She crossed her hooves.
"It's not so bad!" Pinkie exclaimed, " I found a friend!" She fumbled under a rock for a few moments, and emerged with a rather displeased rattlesnake in her hooves. It angrily looked around, hissing furiously and rattling it's tail. Warning that there would be dire consequences if the treatment continued. Fluttershy was mildly concerned about this.
"Uh... Pinkie? I don't think he wants to play with you."
"Of course he does! I mean, sure, he's a little grumpy now... But he'll warm up to me, I know he will- OWWIEE!" She squealed in pain as the rattlesnake sunk it's fangs into her left foreleg. The suddenness of it all caused her to drop the reptile, allowing it to escape into the bushes, where a certain draconequus was silently laughing himself senseless.
Pinkie meanwhile, was surprisingly unaffected by the rattler's venom, and continued prancing on though the forest as though she hadn't just been bitten by one of the most poisonous snakes in North America. Though, at the time, there was not possible way she could have known this. Twilight was the slightest bit concerned about it. But Pinkie didn't seem to mind.
After another 15 minutes of wandering eastward in the same direction. They came to a barbed wire fence, the edge of Earl's property line. It seemed as though part of it had been smashed though. The ground was covered in cloven hoof marks which Twilight identified as those of a pig. Or rather, a herd of pigs. Which was rather strange to them. Because they had never even thought of the concept of pigs and other 'farm' animals existing in the wild.
"Alright, I'm gonna fly up and do a quick survey, just to make sure we're not lost." Rainbow flew up over the treeline and looked around. To the south, she could see that the woodland devolved into a desert plain potmarked by cactus' and sagebrush. To the north it dissolved into lush grassland, with a gravel road winding through it. And to the northeast, about a quarter mile past the barbed wire fence, was a somewhat run down shack and a red and white barn. But no Applejack. Just a small herd of deer to the south, and scattered flocks of birds. She flew back down to ground level and delivered the news to her friends.
"Perhaps those deer have an answer?" Fluttershy suggested. Back in Equestria, deer possessed the ability to speak, just like many of the other species in Equestria. Those, they usually preferred to stay away from other creatures. Despite being quite hospitable and welcoming to any outsiders, they preferred a more or less isolationist policy. Whether this was born out of a biological inferiority complex was up for debate. But regardless, Twilight and her friends needed answers, and they didn't see any other way to get them. So, they headed south. In the same direction as the rednecks and Applejack.
Earl and Billy had been quick to recover the carcass of the feral pig, and were in the process of bringing it back to Earl's barn. Billy was busy telling a story about his herd of cows.
"Dawgone it Earl! I'm tellin' ya, there was somethin' messin' with my cows. And it wasn't none of them ol' collage kids either! And I'm pretty darn sure it wasn't none of 'em flyin' saucers either." Earl nodded in agreement.
"I think you're right Billy. I mean, as far as I know. Them alien folk only show up when you're growin' corn. Applejack. Have you ever seen a crop circle before?" The mare looked up at Earl with blank confusion. Trying to figure out what Earl meant by that. " No, I don't believe I have. You'd have to specify. "
"The giant circles of flattened crops out in corn fields that just show up from time to time for no explainable reason? You don't have those where you come from?" Applejack shook her head. " No, not to my knowledge at least. Unless you count-"
"Hi there, was someone thinking of me!?" Pinkie Pie's voice called out through the brush. Billy's eyes widened with terror as 5 colorful equines emerged from the woods.
"Hey, Earl. It's them! It's them rainbow horses I told you about!" Earl dropped his half of the pig and unslung his shotgun.
" Yawl better git! You mess with one redneck, ya mess with us all!" He raised the shotgun and fired over their heads. Causing the ponies to drop to the ground. They all knew better after witnessing what the other human's guns could do to an unexpecting target. And she liked her friends much better when they were in one piece.
" Hold on there Earl, these ponies are my friends. Remember, the Element's of Harmony I told ya about?" Earl scratched his chin for a few moments, then gave a toothy grin. " Yeah, I remember ya told me about it last night. Sorry for scarin' yawl!" He lowered his shotgun and waved to the 5 ponies. Billy crept forward and looked around at them.
"Don't worry!" Twilight shouted back, " It happens all the time!" Rainbow Dash huffed. It did not actually happen all the time. But she felt that it would be be better if they went along with them. Earl and Billy watched as Applejack and her friends all shared one big embrace, then turned to face the 2 hillbillies.
"Earl, Billy, allow me to formally introduce my best friends; Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash." The pegasus laughed. " Not last, and certainty never least!" Rainbow crossed her hooves. Billy meanwhile, was watching the clouds. "Hey Earl, I wonder where those pellets went." He grinned, and spit out the last of the tabaco which he had been chewing. " Maybe we'll look for it later. Right now, I reckon we oughta introduce ourselves."
About a quarter mile away, Discord was sitting in a tree watching this all play out, when he suddenly felt something sharp and hot brush by his right ear. "Huh, I wonder what that could of been!" He sarcastically exclaimed. He pulled a little pink band-aid out of the air and afixed it to the tip of his ear. "Better! Now, to deal with Twilight Sparkle and her friends!" He flew from his perch on the tree to one closer to Earl and Billy. As soon as they were done introducing themselves to the 5 other ponies, he teleported right into the center of all of it. And proceeded to 'introduce' himself. Which involved him levitating all six ponies into the air and chackling as maniacally as he could.
"Hey! I have a question for all of you. I had this really good plan all though out where I'd trap the six of you in a hedge maze and turn you against each other. It was actually pretty cool. But, then those humans showed up in Equestria, stopped Nightmare Moon, yada yada yada... "
"So, I thought to myself. 'Discord, wouldn't it be cool if I defeated the Element's of Harmony in a different universe? And my other side replied with; Holy hay, that's a great idea-" Billy grunted and threw his hat to the ground. " I knew I recognized ya from somewhere! You're that twit that was foolin' around with my cattle!" He reached into one of his pockets and, with nothing else around. resorted to throwing a jar of moonshine at the draconequus. Which shattered on impact. But left him with only a few minor cuts. He smirked again, but this time, was met with a buckling pain in his back. Earl had hit him with the stock of his shotgun. He swung again, and again, and again. Until the creature was writhing around on the ground in pain. Rarity fainted right then and there. And Fluttershy stiffled back a few tears. Rainbow meanwhile, just sat in the corner with a grin of her own plastered across her face.
"Now, do you have something to say to muh friend?" Earl pointed over at Billy. Discord shrugged. " About what- OWW! Will you please stop doing that!" He wailed again as Earl smacked him over the muzzle with his gun one more time." You ought to know what I mean. Billy's cows!?"
"Alright! Alright! I'm sorry!" He dropped Applejack and the others. Earl furrowed his brow. "Good by me, now. Applejack, what do we do with him?"
"I do believe that is our responsibility now, Earl Dribble's Junior." Billy and Earl looked at each other in confusion. " Who said that?" In the evening sunlight, the figure of a pair of MRAPS (Mine Resistant, Ambush Protected) troop transports rolled over the hill. Both were emblazoned with the emblem of the Texas branch of the National Guard. The first transport stopped at about 20 feet out, 4 men clad head to toe in body armor and sporting long guns threw a bag over Discords head and dragged him inside. Scott emerged from the second vehicle alongside Celestia and Luna.
"Oh man, I've really gotta lay off the moonshine." Billy murmured. Scratching his head.
Earl stared at the two alicorns."How do ya know my name? Are you one of them psychic folks?" Celestia laughed. " Your friend Scott gave us your name and the location of your farm. My name is Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. And this is my sister, Princess Luna. " The lunar alicorn waved sleepily. The 2 rednecks scratched their chins and shrugged in unison. " I've never heard of that place." Applejack facehoofed behind them. Twilight, meanwhile, was overjoyed to see her mentor again." One of the National Guard operatives made a circle with his finger in the air, signaling that it was time for them to leave.
"Oh well, thank you for helping us with our chaos lord problem, the fact that you managed to incapacitate him without the Elements of Harmony is nothing short of a miracle. Is there anything I could do to repay you?" Earl thought to himself for a few seconds. " Well, y'all could stay for dinner. " Celestia thought about it. "... Ok, is there anything else?" Earl shook his head. "Naw, I'm good as is. Billy?"
" I can't think of anything at the moment Earl. Maybe later." Scott smiled. " I can think of a few things."
"More guns?" One of the Texan guardsmen asked him uncannily.
" Well... yes. What else?"