If I can't have a friendship, then no one can!
If what you say is true, then the future shouldn't have another alicorn. And eventually, you and Spike will fade away.
The insane words lingered in Starlight's mind ever since that night, and it never went away. Since then, she had constant anxiety whenever she slept. Kept wondering if the horrifying nightmare will return. And she also wondered if nightmares about the outcomes of her evil schemes will also return. Probably equally, or more terrifying than the first.
Besides, I don't need sleep anyway. Starlight told herself, although she was really, really tired.
And Twilight started to notice that she started having bags under her eyes and her mane looked unkept as if Starlight had barely brushed it in a week. And according to Twilight, she would usually find her following asleep with a book in her face. And when she questioned her about it, she kept making up excuses for herself. But how long before she runs out? And she doubted that Twilight had believed these said excuses. She wasn't an idiot after all.
And she had no idea why she was keeping the truth from her. She was her friend now, her ally, and her teacher. She wanted to vent to Twilight so badly about her fears. But she didn't want to feel like a burden. First, she lets a mentally unstable pony into her castle, and now has to listen to her babble on and on about her fears?
It was best if she kept it inside. At least for now. The last thing she wanted was to wear down Twilight.
She decided to make herself useful and wash the dishes that were piled up in the sink. With her magic, she lifted the pile, and with a flash, all the dishes were clean and brand new.
"Starlight!" Starlight was immediately startled by Twilight's sudden arrival.
She quickly faced her. "Princess!" Starlight said, clearly surprised, before dropping the dishes by accident, causing them to shatter. The two immediately cast protective spells to shield themselves from the glass.
However, Starlight didn't do her spell in time, and a tiny glass cut her hoof, which left a tiny, bleeding mark.
Starlight stared at the broken dishes in horror. And she immediately bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Princess Twilight!" her voice quivered.
But instead of anger that she expected from her, she looked at her in pity. "Its nothing to worry about Starlight. The dishes can be easily repaired."
Twilight shot a magic beam at the dishes, and in the blink of an eye, they all turned back to the form they were before.
"However," Twilight looked at Starlight when she put the plates on a nearby table. "I, unfortunately, can't say the same for you. What has gotten into you lately?"
Starlight felt sweat marks start going down her face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, I know that you have been acting a little frigid some time after you became my pupil, but ever since two weeks ago, you are now acting more paranoid and avoidable." Twilight explained before her expression softened. "Please, if there is anything that is going on in your mind, never be afraid to tell me."
Easier said than done. All what Starlight could do was turn her head away.
Twilight looked down at Starlight's cut. "Here, let me help you with that."
But she immediately pulled it away from her. "I can heal it myself!" she snapped at the Princess before immediately teleporting to her room.
Thanks a lot, idiot Starlight. she told herself hatefully. Now you just made a fool of yourself. Add that to the list of things that you really are. A foolish pony who can't even do one simple thing without freaking out.
But she can do at least one thing right. She put her hoof on her table, and she cast her horn on it. After a few moments, the cut healed and the blood had faded away.
Add magical to the list too. She said, trying her best to brighten herself up. But how could she?
All the brightness that was slowly starting to ignite in her immediately disappeared when she heard a knock on her door.
Please don't be Twilight, please don't be Twilight, please don't be Twilight. Starlight prayed in her mind.
But instead, she recognized the voice of Spike. "Hey, Starlight. Mind if I come in?"
Starlight didn't know whether she should teleport out of the castle to be left alone a while longer, or let the dragon come into her room. But she really needed someone to talk too. Someone that wasn't Twilight. And her feelings around Spike were not as bad as her feelings and trauma around Twilight.
"Sure, I guess." Starlight flatly called.
Spike opened the door, and was amazed by how messy her room was starting to get. By having some ripped papers lay on the floor, her bed was a little unkept, and some of her drawers were left open.
"Wow." Spike said after gazing at her room. "I didn't think that a well organized pony like you would leave a room like this." he said, with half amusement, and half concerned.
"I'm many things." Starlight retorted. "And 'organized' is not one of them. Or at least I realize that now."
Spike's smile quickly went away, and he touched her shoulder with his claw. "Why are you being so hard on yourself? You're very organized. Not as much as Twilight but you're up there."
"Why am I being hard in myself? Because I deserve it?" she answered him coldly.
"No you don't." Spike said firmly. "You're an amazing pony Starlight. You don't deserve all this torture that you're putting onto yourself."
"Amazing?" Starlight scoffed. "How can I be amazing when the only thing I did was rule an entire village under my evil rules, and almost destroyed the timeline, and almost killed you and Twilight?" she said the last part with her eyes now filled with tears.
"Starlight..." Spike was amazed by the last part too. "You didn't almost kill me and Twilight. Where did you get such a thought?"
Starlight wiped her tears from her eyes. "Why are you even here anyway?" she asked him, ignoring his question.
"Heard dishes crash, and Twilight told me to go check up on you, since she felt that you didn't want to talk to her at the moment."
"Well, she's smart for thinking that." Starlight rolled her eyes. She placed her chin on her desk, clearly exhausted. "And now, I don't feel like talking to you either."
"Starlight?" Spike's concern now started raising higher.
"Get out." Starlight ordered him.
"But Starlight-" Spike tried to address before being interrupted by Starlight once again.
"Get out!" Starlight raised her voice in an angry tone.
"But we barely talked. In fact, we never talk at all!" he protested. "Why are you pushing me away?"
But Starlight's anger continued to boil. Until she finally got out from her chair cast magic onto him, and forcefully taking him out of the room, and she slammed the door.
But now it turned out to be useless. Now she didn't even want to be in this room anymore. Or in this castle on general. If she wanted her feelings to get back to normal, or at least not make her anxiety go through the roof every five seconds, she needed to be free. Away from reminders. Away from what could've been.
"What's going on?" Starlight was alarmed by the sound of Twilight's voice.
She continued knocking on Starlight's door, more, and more. Until she had enough.
"Starlight, I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your friend by coming in anyway." Twilight said before immediately slamming open the door.
No one was in the room. Except for one note.
Bye.