//------------------------------//
// All Hallows Eve 
// Story: Mark My Words 
// by Goldfur 
//------------------------------//

October 31st: All Hallows’ Eve, Halloween, or here in Equestria, Nightmare Night. Mark had to admit he sometimes wondered at the coincidence that these two oddly similar holidays occurred on the same day in both worlds. Even so, after years of running a nation of magical ponies and other beings plus being a father several times over, he just chucked the question into his mental closet next to the box marked “Pinkie Pie Mysteries” and left it at that.

A month before the holiday, Chrysalis proposed a break from the now-traditional Canterlot Castle scavenger hunt for foals: instead, turn part of the castle into a haunted house. Given the size of the place, Mark didn’t see a problem sectioning off a portion of the castle for a few days to make it happen. It was only after work had started that he realized he had been suckered. Yolanda came with a “small change” concerning the already-started project.

Yolanda requested a portal disguised as an exterior door of one of Phil and Rosa’s warehouses. This would be linked to the Equestria haunted house. Before I could voice my objections, Penumbra laid out a plan to prevent any potential issues. Twilight would set up a magic dampening field to interfere with electronic devices like cameras. A changeling guard at both the entrance and exit would keep count of the number of people who entered and left. Rosa would acquire several wireless security cameras and install them in hidden locations. Shining Armor was already working on a custom shield spell to allow them to operate in the dampening field. That explained his interest in the topic at our families’ informal dinner the previous week. This also cemented my suspicions that, once again, I was outflanked and fighting a rear-guard action. I was the last pony to learn about the plans the rest of my herd had in motion for weeks. Some things never change.

My questions established that contingencies were already in place for this very well-thought-out event. Seeing that I was the last holdout, I decided to give in gracefully.

For the next few weeks, I was left to my own devices as Yolanda, Trixie, Chrysalis, and Penumbra set up castle corridors as a haunted house with every prank and stage illusion they could manage.

Trixie’s beaming smile and boundless energy told me in more than words how much she was enjoying herself. These days she seldom got to make much use of her illusion magic that used to be her stock in trade. The occasional show for the family foals and at hospital children’s wards fundraisers kept her in practice but I could tell she missed the challenge of a new performance. Trixie took charge of disguising the portal with a millimeter-thick illusion on either side that showed the area beyond. She also took charge of the attached large atrium of the haunted house. Trixie would greet those entering and, after giving some stage setup, give the guests three paths of scariness to choose from.

My wife’s first decree was that every non-changeling who interacted with the guests would pass through a pair of interdimensional portals to take on an anthropomorphic form. With some application of makeup, shoes to cover up hooves, and dim lighting, the resulting anthro-ponies wouldn’t look out of place.

The exception was Caleb Awad, of course. He turned down the opportunity to change to an anthropomorphic form, despite the teasing of his wives. He played the part of a severed head in a basket on a table that would suddenly come to life and scare the bejeebers out of any that came close.  An illusion hid the still-attached human body under the table, leaving nothing but empty to space to mystify, and perhaps horrify, the visitors.

Penumbra saw this as a chance to flex her prank-master muscles as well as oversee security.

It took me a while to figure out why Chrysalis had been brought in to help with the project. One aspect stemmed from her friendship with Rosa and wanting to help her do something for Yolanda. The Martine’s daughter was still recovering from Ivana’s betrayal following their visit to Equestria. Ivana had been cold and hostile towards Yolanda whenever the two encountered each other. I understood that the harassment on social media reached the point that Phil had spoken to the company lawyer on two occasions. Perhaps because our law firm was more prestigious (and expensive) than Mr. Kalchik’s, Ivana was on her best behavior afterward… for a week or so.

The second aspect stemmed from her former role as queen of the Crystal Hive. A few of her old subjects got Thorax’s consent to petition her for a bit of help. While they were all happy with their current arrangement, these changelings, for lack of a better term, had slightly odd palettes. While love was the chief diet of a changeling, other emotions gave different flavors. These particular changelings were rather fond of the feeling of fear, which Mark learned is different from abject terror which was completely unpalatable. The fear that one might feel before a drop on a roller coaster was, according to Sally, similar to how some liked spicy or sour foods. The brief thrill of fear was quickly followed by relief resulting in an intense euphoria brought about by feel-good endorphins and dopamine. Empathically sharing this experience made these changelings want Nightmare Night to last year-round.

Thus far they had been satisfying themselves by providing their services as thespians that could play a great Nightmare Moon on Nightmare Night. While Luna attended celebrations for Ponyville and Canterlot, changeling stand-ins went to a few other select towns. The cities were chosen by lottery to be fair, though Luna did receive the occasional petition by townsfoals, with corresponding candy bribes. While her sister was certainly a cake-aholic, the size of some of the sacks I had seen Luna sneaking back into the castle after Nightmare Night made me think both sisters shared the trait of a sweet tooth.

Changelings knew they could only go so far with a group of foals as their audience. Human teenagers, however, actively sought out scary experiences. Chrysalis instructed these changelings regarding the threshold via the human concept of creepypasta. That left them salivating at the prospect of helping with the Martine’s haunted house. As a result, a dozen changelings volunteered to fill the roles of various ghosts and ghouls. As an extra benefit, the actors could sense how far to take the scares with each patron. Changelings would direct them down paths that had varying degrees of scariness or give them a bit of a needed rest to calm down.

Of course, despite all of the planning, unexpected problems were bound to crop up. In this case, the problem had a name: Ivana Kalchik.





When the evening of Nightmare Night finally came, I was finishing off some paperwork. With Twilight attending festivities in Ponyville and Trixie overseeing the illusions at the start of the haunted house, one of us had to polish off the day’s work. That’s when Penumbra and Chrysalis entered my office. Penumbra nodded to Buried Spear, letting him know she was taking over protective duties. After he left the office, she frowned.

“We have an issue. As it involves our haunted house guests from Earth, I came to consult with you.”

I put down my quill and waited for Penumbra to give me the details.

“Ivana Kalchik has used Yolanda’s haunted house as a way to break her exile from Equestria. I don’t know if that was her original intention. Perhaps she just meant to ruin the Martine’s event. I believe she realized very quickly after her arrival where it was actually located. Security guards have repeatedly stopped her from exiting the area and into the castle proper. One was familiar with Ivana’s scent from her visit and positively identified her. After they informed me, I watched her act suspiciously on the security cameras.”

I cocked my head. “How was she acting suspiciously?”

“She is ignoring all the stations we set up for our guests, instead working the periphery of the area. Ivana is acting very irate at her cell phone’s lack of response, so we can assume that Twilight’s dampening field is operating as intended.”

I nodded, thankful for that small mercy, while also mentally kicking myself for not considering that Ivana would try a stunt like this and informing the guards to deny her entry.

“Any recommendations on how to resolve this? I assume we can’t count on her giving up and leaving.”

Penumbra shook her head, “Doubtful. When I left to inform you, it looked like Ivana may have switched tactics to trying to find a place to hide. She either hopes to sneak into the castle after the event has ended or to cause problems for Phil and Rosa by disappearing in their haunted house attraction.”

Sally sighed. “Tossing the unruly child into my old cell for defying her exile, while appropriate, is not an option at this time.”

I winced, “I can see that father of hers throwing kidnapping or some other charges at us if she fails to emerge from the haunted house by night’s end. If he gets a subpoena for the police to force their way into the empty warehouse where the haunted house is supposed to be, I don’t want to think about the can of worms that will open. Any recommendations for a Plan B?”

Penumbra and Chrysalis exchanged a look and then both of their muzzles split into fang-filled grins that were quite appropriate for the holiday. If I didn’t know them as well as I did, I might have run in fear at that look on their faces and even more the twinkle of mischief in their eyes.

“My padawan, we wouldn’t have come here without an… unorthodox idea… or two. Chrysalis asked three of the changeling performers to take on additional roles tonight. They must have seen her mood because they agreed without knowing any details.”

Chrysalis’ grin somehow grew wider – I suspected with a minor transformation. “Yolanda is respected and l-l-l… appreciated by every changeling of every hive. It’s only natural for them to want revenge on the girl who betrayed her trust.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You meant ‘It’s only natural for them to want just, non-permanent payback,’ didn’t you?”

Sally waved a hoof. “Yes, yes. I’m sure that was what I said.” At my continued stare, she added, “Shall we tell you about ‘Plan B’?”

With these two working together, it almost made me feel sorry for Ivana. When I learned whom my herdmates planned to bring in as consultants, I shuddered. I almost told them it was too much.

Almost.





Ivana continued to skulk around the dimly lit halls looking for a place where she could hide.

She had thought tonight would simply be a chance to ruin Yolanda’s haunted house. Her “Ghost Face” costume and mask got her past the clueless muscle at the entrance. She hadn’t anticipated her good fortune of finding herself back in Equestria and didn’t plan to squander the opportunity. This was her chance to bring back conclusive proof. That would force the Martines to give her anything she wanted in return for keeping their little secret.

She noticed a door hidden behind a standing casket with a vampire hanging out of it. The prop moved realistically when she tried to squeeze past, eliciting a pang of fear. The figure didn’t move on its own or breathe, letting her exhale and pay attention to the door. It opened inward, letting her enter a storeroom filled with decorations that didn’t make it into the haunted house. After closing the door, Ivana slipped inside a wardrobe and slid down behind a curtain of dresses on hangers.

She settled in to wait for the event to end. Whatever was keeping her cell phone from working would likely be turned off and she could collect video evidence to go with whatever else she could snag as physical proof. Ivana began to yawn as she found a more comfortable position to lie in the wardrobe.





“Hiya, Uncle Mark!”

Hugs came from four different directions, sandwiching the alicorn stallion. Moments later, he felt fingers scratch along his mane from between his ears to the base of his neck. That’s also when he noticed four sets of breasts pressed up against him by the tall females. “Howdy, girls. Should I be concerned when the Cutie Mark Crusaders reconvene and I’m in the middle?”

Laughter surrounded Mark as the hands pulled back. Four grinning mares lined up in front of him, all in anthropomorphic form. Mark noted that the ceiling in the impromptu haunted house security station was just tall enough for their stature, which he estimated to be close to six feet. Scootaloo spoke for the rest. “Oh, no. You’re not the one who should be worried.” She turned her head to the midnight blue alicorn on her left. “Do you have it?”

“Sure do,” said Nyx. With a flourish, she produced a cell phone. Mark could see part of the text on the protective case: @IvanaGreatAndP…

Applebloom tilted her head. “Ya got the hoofprint thingy or passcode?”

“Gimme,” said Sweetie Belle as her horn lit. She floated the phone away from Nyx and in front of a passing changeling. “Femur! Ivana Kalchik’s face and voice, please.”

The drone stopped and tapped his chin while gazing up and to the left. With a smile, he looked forward as green flames engulfed his head. When they died away, a perfect copy of Ivana’s head and hairstyle rested on the changeling’s body. Mark shivered and thought to himself that this was easily the most unsettling thing he had seen all night.

Femur beamed. “Am I a Nightmare Night Witch or a Halloween—”

Mark saw the screen change just as Sweetie Belle pulled the phone away. “That did it! Thanks, Femur.”

With another gout of flame, the changeling restored his appearance to normal. “Glad to help!” He took a half step before stopping himself. “Wait. How did you know it was me?”

He might as well have been talking to a brick wall. All four mares huddled around the phone.

“Latest O/S, so no jailbreakin’,” said Applebloom while she absent-mindedly fiddled with the red bow that held her hair back.

“That still leaves us with plenty of options,” said Scootaloo.

Mark smiled. “Oh, so you’re going to change her password?”

This was answered with four identical looks that he recognized instantly. Even the number was familiar.

He sighed and turned around. “I’ll stop making suggestions regarding things I know nothing about. And I’ll leave the experts to their work.” He waved a hoof before trotting away. “Call me if you need me.”





Ivana started awake as the wardrobe felt like it had dropped, she wasn’t sure when she had nodded off or for how long. Reaching around in the dark, she found her cell phone and checked it. Still not working. She had no way to know what time it was. The girl bit back a curse, remembering that she was trying to be stealthy.

Before Ivana had a chance to do anything further, the wardrobe pitched forward, spilling her out onto marble flooring. Dozens of mirrors in every frame imaginable lined the plain stone walls. Captain Penumbra and Queen Chrysalis stood before her.

The bug pony gave an unfriendly smile before speaking. “Ah, Miss Ivana. A pleasure to see you again on this fine Nightmare Night. I trust you’ve been well.”

Ivana sneered as she scrambled to her feet. She tore off her mask and threw it to the side. “I told you I’d be back; you can’t keep what's mine from me.”

The two ponies exchanged looks, then Penumbra spoke, “You are under the mistaken impression that we’re going to send you back home. Have you forgotten you were exiled? There are consequences for you returning.”

“I had no idea that the haunted house was going to land me in Equestria and violate the exile that doesn’t apply to me because I am a US citizen.”

Chrysalis broke in. “The second part of your argument is specious but the first is … feasible. Rather than debate the legal niceties, we’ve decided to, in keeping with the spirit of Nightmare Night and Halloween, give a chance for either a treat or a trick.”

Chrysalis pointed to a corner of the room where two standing mirrors stood apart from the others. “One of those mirrors leads back to Earth and one leads to a dimension ruled by terrible monsters. An even chance! Far more than you have given Yolanda since your last visit. Whichever you pick will be where you’ll stay forever.”

Ivana peered at the mirrors. Both were identical down to the Walmart sticker on each.

“You’re bluffing. You can’t afford to have me disappear in the Martine’s haunted house. My father will force the police to search every square inch of your business and house. Keeping this place secret from Earth would be impossible.” Ivana pointed the hand holding her phone at Chrysalis and sneered. “Give it up. You lose.”

With a flash of green magic from her horn, Chrysalis sent the phone flying toward her. One gout of green fire later, an identical copy of Ivana stood in the changeling queen’s place. The phone ricocheted, off her outstretched hand and bounced off the floor. The smile on her face looked much more like Chrysalis than Ivana. “Oopsie. Well, too bad if I broke it. That’s fine. Daddy will get me a new one.”

Ivana balled her fists and glared as her doppelganger continued. “Oh, you won’t be missed at all. I guarantee your father will be overjoyed. His daughter finally applying herself to schoolwork and taking an interest in the family business. Decades of infiltration experience will make me the perfect scion. My business acumen will allow him to retire sooner than he had ever dared hope. Trust me – after a month, he won’t think twice about choosing me over you even if he learned the truth.”

That left Ivana blinking. Before she could formulate a response, Chrysalis had picked up the phone and briefly showed its unlocked screen to her. How had she done that?

Chrysalis leaned down to show the phone to Penumbra as she spoke. “Let’s suppose you choose the wrong door. With this gift you so thoughtfully provided, it will be even easier to impersonate you, my dear. And if you choose the correct door, you’ll have this phone returned to you … in time. Oh, and look at these posts under these Snapchat and Instagram accounts – all of them trolling and badmouthing Yolanda. If it was known you were the source, how much trouble would you be in?”

Ivana made a running grab for the phone but her clone threw it in the air. Penumbra immediately jumped up, grabbed the phone in her mouth, and hovered out of reach.

Chrysalis placed her feet shoulder-width apart and relaxed her arms at her sides. “Now choose, Ivana: door number one or number two. Choose carefully.”

Ivana fumed inside, then decided she was not about to be told what to do. She ignored the two offered portals and jumped through the closest one – flipping her two middle fingers as she did so.

Chrysalis returned to her natural form as Penumbra landed. The batpony hoofed over the cell phone along with a gold bit. The changeling queen smiled. “I told you she would ignore those two and jump right.”

Penumbra nodded, “I suppose you do know spoiled brats better having been one for so long yourself.”

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes. “As our husband says, ‘You just got a tally mark on your list, buster.’” This elicited a joyful grin from the batpony.

Penumbra said, “I hope she enjoys her visit to that dimension that we set up for her. I know I did. I’m counting on the chance to meet her again. I’m dying to see how she’d react to me telling her the two mirrors she passed up both led back to Earth.”





Ivana landed with a thud into a nearly pitch-black room. She fumbled around for a moment, knocking into the mirror she came through. A second later, she heard the shattering of glass. She reached into her bag and brought out a flashlight. Before she could turn it on, torches set around the room sparked to life in a slow sequence, casting an eerie green glow from their flames. The walls of the wide room showed torn tapestries and banners. Looking up, Ivana saw broken windows high on the walls. A few scattered stars in a cloudless sky cast dim light into the area.

“Please remind me to thank the alicorn for offering us such fine prey for our sport this Nightmare Night.”

Ivana froze at the sound of those words. The voice grated like the grinding of rocks. As the line of torches lit more of the far side of the chamber, her vision cleared. She could see three thrones where monsters sat. Upon the central one was what looked like the jet-black skeleton of a bug pony with glowing green eyes. Dark oil dripped from the holes throughout its body. To its left rested what appeared to be an earth pony but its eyes glowed red and its grin revealed razor-sharp fangs. The last was a large horse made up of swirling dark water. Droplets constantly flew away from it.

Ivana stood and gripped her flashlight until the whites of her knuckles could be seen. “I demand to be returned to Equestria immediately … no, to Earth!”

The three laughed, and then the bug pony spoke again. “My dear, it doesn’t matter what you want. Your Equestrian ruler Celestia has no authority here.”

The water-pony turned its head to the center throne. Its voice came out like a high-pitched whistle. “Wasn’t it overthrown recently? Aren’t there new rulers?”

The demonic earth pony growled, “Doesn’t matter. The old treaty still applies.”

Ivana stamped a foot. “I don’t recognize your authority over me any more than I recognize any of the so-called Triarchs. I am an American citizen. The laws of Equestria don’t mean squat to me.”

“Ah, so you will also understand why the laws and rights of your ‘Earth’ and ‘A-mare-rig-ah’ don’t apply here. All that matters is the ancient pact we made with the Princess after her sister’s fall. You see, the white alicorn would occasionally exile criminals of… particular crimes to us on this night. But that’s not here or there or elsewhere. The fact is, you really should be running.”

Ivana gulped, suddenly feeling far less sure of her safety. She took a step back. “Running?”

The bug pony smiled as it stood in stages. Its joints popped with each movement. “Yes, running. You see on this night, Equestria offers us prey to hunt – a condemned criminal. If we fail to catch them before sun up, they are pardoned of all crimes and returned. If we do catch them, then we all have a good meal of sinew, bone, and soul. No matter the outcome, Equestria is left with a vacant cell in its prisons.”

Ivana’s irises shrank despite the dim lighting. “Ah … how … how many have been pardoned?”

The water pony splashed its way to the bottom of its throne. It put a forehoof into its chin as if in thought. “Hmm … over the past thousand years, you would be the first.”

“Don’t give up before you even start,” said the demonic pony. The arms of its throne melted into lava as he used his forehooves to push himself upwards. He walked unsteadily on his hind legs toward the human. “Your race is unknown to us. Doubtless, you will prove to be faster than ponies.”

Ivana took off at a sprint, squeezing through the tiny gap between the ajar doors to the throne room with the sound of laughter and the fading final words of the bug pony echoing behind her.

“To be fair, you have a five-minute head start! Please try to make it interesting for us, little snack!”





Ivana gulped for air as she tried to catch her breath. She had run through what seemed an endless series of identical hallways. All her attempts to open doors had found them locked. The clopping and splashing sounds of her pursuers were always just that little bit behind and out of sight. It was clear they were making no real effort to catch up, instead enjoying the chase.

Finally, pushing on a door showed a bit of give to it. Trying again, Ivana was able to shove it open a little further. With a desperate heave, she got it open far enough to fall inside.

She was in some kind of cavern. The sound of coarse laughter from her left filled her ears. She pointed her flashlight at the source, revealing a skeletal pony with glowing yellow flames for eyes. Green slime dripped from its mouth as it laughed.

“Oh my. It’s been so long since my last meal. I’m all skin and bones! It will be good to put your meat back on them.”

A pair of tear-filled bat wings spread from its side as it crouched on its ledge. Ivana shuffled backward as it lunged toward her. She screamed and covered her eyes.

Her terror-fueled backpedal changed to the sensation of falling. Ivana landed on a grass lawn, a doorway with a shining “EXIT” sign above it in her view. A heavy industrial door slammed shut with an air of finality.

Teenagers in costumes stared at her – their attention drawn by her screams of terror that cut off when Ivana hit the ground. It took her another second to realize she was back on Earth at the exit of the haunted mansion. She sprang to her feet and rushed towards the door, finding it locked. She ran as fast as she could to the haunted house entrance, intent to get back to Equestria. She found the guard gone and the door shut and locked with a sign reading ‘CLOSED’ hung on it. More people stared as Ivana screamed in frustration, but she didn’t care.

“Excuse me, did you drop this?”

Ivana stopped pounding the door. She snatched her phone from the busty teenage girl dressed as Wonder Woman and stalked away. Holding her face up to the light and the phone at arm’s length produced a long and loud fart sound as it unlocked. Ivana barely heard the noise as she stared at the screen in horror. She swiped left and right.

“No! Every single icon is the Poop Emoji? And every app is called ‘I’m Poopy’?! What. The. Fuck?!”

She opened icon after icon, producing a different flatulence sound with about half of her attempts. The other guesses opened random applications that were familiar. This encouraged her to continue the symphony of farts.





In the haunted house security station, Mark turned away from the monitor and speakers showing the entertainment outside. Everyone present was back in their pony form. To his left, the four Cutie Mark Crusaders stared at the screen. Nyx said, “Wait for it.”





The arrival of the first Instagram message allowed Ivana to open that app immediately. When she did, she stopped cold. “No. No, no, no, no!”





Applebloom said, “Seems Miss Ivana had a change of heart tonight. Her Snapchat an’ Instagram posts have been a might bit more interestin’.”

Sweetie Belle smiled in a way that reminded Mark of Rarity in a very bad mood. “ ’I think guys who aren’t handsome have the best personalities. I love when they ask me out!’ ”

Scootaloo said, “ ’A little flab makes me feel safe because it reminds me of my dad.’ ‘So is roadkill the most environmentally friendly choice of meat or what?’ ”

Nyx cleared her throat. “ ‘I want everyone to let me know when I’m being mean and call me out on it.’ ‘For all of my fans out there that treat others like shit, just go away. I don’t want to hear from you ever again.’ ”

Chrysalis nudged Penumbra who smiled. “That was one of mine.”

“One of?” asked Mark as he looked back at the monitor.





Ivana’s fingers flew across the keyboard. “No! No! No! I never said that! … Wait … Why did it change to ‘I totally said that’?!” She began to breathe heavily. “No! No! I did not type ‘I really meant every word.’ Stupid fucking phone!”





Sweetie Belle said, “Settings, General, Keyboard, Text Replacement.”





After another minute of heavy panting and frantic typing, Ivana threw her phone into the metal entrance door again and again. After it was well and truly broken, she let out a primal scream.





Mark shuddered. “Remind me to never get you four angry at me.”

Chrysalis wrapped her husband in a hug. “Which four specifically, my husband? Do you not appreciate the efforts of myself and my senior herdmate? We are unlikely to simply accept this affront without proper compensation.”

The alicorn stallion shifted and ran his hooves on the insides of the changeling’s elbows. With a gasp, she pulled back. “Are you mad? You can’t show these four where I’m ticklish!” Four mares swiveled their ears in Mark’s direction. Now that the object of their attention had been dealt with, perhaps a new target was in order.

Mark chuckled. “Why don’t you just tell me what you want, dear.” He nodded to Penumbra. “Dears.”

The four Cutie Mark Crusaders moved closer like a chimera seizing up a wounded prey. Chrysalis showed her fangs on his right. From his left, Penumbra carefully wrapped Mark in a wing hug and likewise bared her fangs. “This was a blast. We all want the chance to outdo ourselves next year.”

The sheer intensity of the feral grins around him made Mark cave almost instantly. “Y-You’ve got my vote.”


# # # # # # # # #