//------------------------------// // 2. The Land of Friendship and Harmony... BLECK! // Story: Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Equestria // by Stalin with Da Spoon //------------------------------// Blink... Blink blink... Blink blink blink... SLAP! And with the sudden high velocity impact of hand meeting face, the White Spy was awakened from his inter-dimensional wormhole travel induced coma, his long nose assaulted by a variety of natural smells, his ears filled with the chirping of birds or croaking of frogs, and lastly his eyes filled with light as it flowed through the lush trees and through the cloudless sky... And the sight of a very red and angry looking Black Spy, who was visibly seething as his teeth grinded together while steam visibly vented out his ears. His eyes were practically portals to the realm of H E double hockey sticks itself. As soon as White Spy opened his eyes, Black Spy wrapped his hands around his neck before violently and rapidly shaking him, crushing White Spy's wind pipe as he screamed in rage. Luckily, White Spy still had control of his legs, and using a rather simple trick, he would disarm his opponent with one single attack. Go for the nuts. And when his leg kicked upwards into the lower regions of the Black Spy, the audible sound of a nut cracking could be heard, as the Black Spy's teeth clenched and he gripped his crotch before falling back and writhing in agony, while White Spy got up and dusted himself off. After pulling through his nut cracking, Black Spy stood up as well, as the two expert spies stared each other down... Until they suddenly came to their senses, and began to actually look around. They noticed two things. One, they were in a forest of some kind. And two.... They were surrounded by a pack of snarling and growling wooden wolves with glowing green eyes. Upon this discovery, the two spies, rather un-characteristically, screamed like little girls and held onto each other. However, as they prayed to their divine begins of choice, they both had a light bulb moment as two light bulbs visibly clicked on above their heads, as they rapidly rifled through their pockets, throwing out pocket lint, buttons, keys, thermo-nuclear warhead detonation codes, and other things you typically have in your pocket, before they both pulled out their philosopher's stone of self defense. The spies may hate each others guts, but they both got two mutual friends that they could always rely on in times of trouble... Smith and Wesson. As the two spies whipped out their revolvers, cocking back the hammers and spinning the cylinders, the wolves visibly shuddered, before regaining their composure and slowly approaching the two spies barring wooden razor sharp teeth. Black and White looked at each other before nodding, as White quickly ducked and Black fired right over his arch-enemies hat while White ducked between Black's legs and fired his revolver as well. As the bullets flew, the loud thunderous ignition of gunpower as well as the bullets striking both their timber exterior and soaring right past them, they all whimpered and scattered, vanishing into the woods. As the two spies admired the result of countless years of training and honing their gun skills, the two high fived, before drawing their pistols on each other, until White raised his hand and shook his head, before gesturing to a path that seemingly led out of the forest, then looking back to Black and extending his hand, the sign of a temporary truce. Hesitantly, Black shook White's hand, before the two spies walked down the path together. However, before they could start walking, a sudden and loud thud was heard, as they looked behind them to see a metal crate of some kind. As they got closer to inspect, several shadows covered the ground as they looked up to see several objects descending from the heavens themselves, as they screamed and quickly jumped out of the way right before all of the objects impacted the earth with their heavy kinetic force. As they turned back to view the objects that had seemingly fallen out of the sky itself, they immediately recognized it as many items sucked into the vortex, including crates of weapons and ammunition, carts of tools, and boxes of donuts. The two spies looked at each other with devious looks, before snickering as they rubbed their hands together and quickly rummaged through the weapons crates, and both pulled out something more sufficient for self defense. There was a third friend they both relied on, and his name was Tommy. As they slung their Tommy guns over their backs, they turned and decided to make sure nobody else found this equipment, so they decided to pick it all up and move it into a large and inconspicuous bush which was somehow large enough to all of it. With their boxes and boxes of tools and guns put away like every good american does, the two spies went back to walking, feeling much safer now that they were sufficiently strapped. As they reached the exit to the strange forest, sunlight washed over them and they found themselves in a rather grassy and flowery field, which was honestly a rare sight to the spies, considering they mostly fought in urban or more exotic environments. As they took in their surroundings, White had his shoulder poked by Black, as he turned to see the spy pointing at what appeared a village of sorts. White shrugged, figuring it was their best option for finding out where they were, and followed Black to the village. Here's hoping there aren't any weird locals... Okay, nevermind, the town is full of weird and magical technicolor ponies with wings and unicorn horns that go against the physical laws of nature themselves. What is this place, a genetic altering bio-weapon testing site? A nuclear waste dumping ground? A genetic mutation facility disguised as a tiny town? An alternate inter-dimensional universe based on the existence of the hit TV-show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic designed by Hasbro to be enjoyed by little girls but is somehow liked by adults too? Nah, couldn't be that last one, because that'd be highly stupid. As the two spies slowly walked through the strange town of staring ponies that were indeed, staring at them, they exchanged looks of worry, as Black Spy nervously reached for his Tommy gun before being stopped by White Spy as he shook his head. Gotta make em' think were friendly for now. Who knows, maybe they might even be talking ponies, but it's not like that's even possible- "HIYA!" I spoke too soon, didn't I? "Yep!" Ugh... Anyways, the two spies visibly recoiled as the strange pink anomalous pony with the power to break the fourth wall manifested in front of them. They had no idea how this pony was speaking to them, why it was speaking to them- "Well, I'm obviously here to welcome them to Ponyville!" ... You're getting the Capone treatment. Black Spy looked to face White spy, before looking back at the confusing pink little pony that was currently smiling up at them with said smile so stretched it looked like her very face itself was going to split apart. And as they looked back at each other, they nodded and shook hands, before pulling out their Tommy guns and aiming them at the strange technicolor horse. "Oh, what's that?" And the rain of lead began, and as the two spies cackled, their drum mags slowly emptied. Once they took out their spent rounds, they then looked upon their handiwork, expecting to see a bullet ridden pink pony. Instead, pony was giving them a confused look, before giggling to herself. "That tickled! Now it's my turn!" Pinkie said, before reaching into her mane and pulling out a massive party cannon, lighting the fuse and laughing to herself as she aimed it at the two spies, who were shaking in fear. Three... Two... One... BANG! That was the tiny little flag that popped out of the cannon said, as the Spies practically almost fainted from it. "Oh wait, don't worry, it's just charging up." A massive cake then burst out of the cannon, the spies screaming before they were enveloped by the large cakes... Cakeness? Anyways, White and Black proceeded to be sent on a trajectory right back into the forest from whence they came while home-run music played, as Pinkie Pie donned a baseball player costume and giggled. "Strike, you're both out! Hehehehe!" Next time, on Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Equestria! "Bow before your new ruler, bird nosed bipedal monkeys!" The two spies looked to each other, then back to the weird nightmare horse before them. And thought back to Spy School, and one of their most important lessons... When in doubt, bow when someone says to bow, because they'll think your loyal to them and you can backstab 'em later.