//------------------------------// // So y'all Landed in Texas? // Story: Tactical Hillbilly // by aegishailstorm //------------------------------// Applejack opened her eyes and climbed to her hooves. Two things dawned on her as she put her hat back on. First of all, she just remembered where she was. So she wasn't surprised when she saw Earl Dribbles Jr. stumble out from behind his shack with a massive knife and a sharp stick. His shotgun was slung over his back. Second... It was... Well, dawn. The sun was slowly rising over the Northern Texas landscape. And birds where chirping in the trees more to that. The entire ground was covered in a morning dew which made the fields sparkle. She smiled and trotted over to Earl. He appeared to be chewing something. A few seconds later, he leaned over to the side and spit something into the grass. Her nose picked up the scent immediately. She took a step back and winced in mild disgust. "Er... What is it?" She uttered a whinny of surprise. Earl looked at her for a moment. " It's dip!" She looked down at the ground, then back up at Earl. " What?" He facepalmed. Making sure to not skewer himself with the impov. spear in his hand. " Tabaco?" She shook her head. " Smells nasty. How can ya stand it?" "I dunno. I'm a country boy!" Applejack began to raise her hoof to protest, but Earl was already gone. "I hate it when he does that." The earth pony watched as Earl tore two apple's from a nearby tree and tossed one to her. " Mornin' snack!" She watched as Earl fadded further and further into the distance. He appeared to be headed for the woodline on the far side of the field. " Where are you going?" She shouted out. " Follow me!" Earl responded. Applejack broke into a gallop after the human. Though she soon slowed down on account of the various. 'Cow pies' which littered the field. Eventually, she managed to catch up with the Hillbilly. He was waiting for her at the edge of the forest. "Why did you just walk away like that?" She asked him sternly. " We're goin' down down to the creek." "What creek? And why?" Earl laughed, and twirled the spear like a baton. " You'll see. C'mon!" He walked off again. Applejack laughed nervously. " Be careful not to poke yourself with that thing now." "Hah! I've been doin' this since I was... Well... As long as I can remember!" Earl raised the spear over his head and jumped on into the creek. "And what exactly is that?" Applejack asked him. Earl's eyes surveyed the murky water for a few moments. Then, in one fluid motion, he bought it down on something just below the surface. "Huntin' 'dem frogs!" He raised his spear up in triumph, skewered on the end of it was, well... A frog. Applejack was horrified. "Alright, now. Would ya like it cooked or just wanna start snackin' on it right now?" Her mouth was wide open. "-Huh, what? What are you talkin' about-I-I mean, ya can't possibly be thinkin' of eating that, right?" Earl laughed and took a bite off of one of the creatures legs, finishing it down with a swig of beer. "Mmmm, ah! Tastes like chicken!" He laughed and held the frog up to the sky again, just before tearing into it. He paused to glance over at Applejack. "Oh, I'm sorry. I've got to be a gentleman. Would ya like some Applejack? Applejack? You don't look too good." "Oh, no thanks Earl. I'm fine." Applejack collected herself. "Good, 'couse we're just gettin' started!" He wadded out of the steam and began heading upriver. "What are you doing now?" Earl looked back at her and took another bite of his frog. " There was a storm last night, I gotta check my trees!" Earl resounded. "What do ya mean? I slept out under the stars just fine!" Applejack asked him. He reached into one of his many overall pockets and pulled out a short spool of handmade rope. "Either way, I need to check 'em for damages. Catch up, tell me more about that 'Equestria thing you was talkin' about last night." "Oh yes. Where'd ya like me to start?" Earl scratched his chin. "Ya got any friends?" Applejack smiled, " Why yes I do! 5 of them. Not countin' me of course, there's Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pipe, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight." Earl nodded. " I don't real have friends so much as acquaintances, well... I suppose there's Billy, wonder what he's doin' right 'bout now?" Meanwhile, on the next farm over... The sun was shining, and the cows were grazing. A few of them where even sleeping while standing up. All of a sudden, a figure emerged from the grass and tapped on one of their head's with a talon. " Hello there!" The bull opened his eyes and stared at the Draconequus in front of him for a few moment, then fell over. " Hah!!!" Discord fought back a laugh. But froze when he heard someone else laugh behind him. "Hey! What are ya doin' to my cows ya fiend!?" Discord turned around, and came face to face with Billy. A stout man with teeth and a hairline that had seen better days. He was wearing a set of wrangler jeans, a flannel shirt, boots, and belt with an enormous buckle. " Ya better git!" Discord laughed. " Why should I? You can't do this with the cow's in Equestria!" " 'Dat's it! You better leave, else I'mma gettin' mu rifle!" Billy yelled, he reached into one of pockets and fished out a jar of moonshine as well as a lighter. "C'mon now, you wouldn't want me to start a prairie fire now would ya!?" The American said with a crazed look on his face. "Oh well... But you haven't seen the last of me!" The strange creature disappeared in a flash of light before his eyes. The cow's around him mooed in surprise. Billy took a look down at the moonshine in his hand, and stuffed the jar back into his pocket. " I think I'll take a break from it for a while. " Billy began his journey back to his outdoor couch. Where he planned to spend the rest of his day doing... Well, nothing. All of the animals were taken care of, and he hadn't heard anything from Earl. But as he went to sit down, he began to hear voices coming from behind his barn. " Dawgone it! Who's back there? I'm armed!" He held up his fist and looked around. He finally caught sight of something behind an oak tree. It didn't appear human. It actually looked a bit like a horse. "Hey, Twilight, I think he saw us!" Billy heard someone whispering behind the tree. As he approached, the voices grew louder. "Yep, he definitely saw us!" A second voice whispered. Billy sneaked up to the tree and waited for a moment, then he poked his head out from behind it. "Boo!!! Gotcha-" He stumbled back for a moment as a frying pan hit him right in the face. "Oh, I'm sorry sir!" Twilight sparkle trotted out from her hiding spot. " This is all hugemisunderstanding." Billy rubbed the bump on his head, then looked at the frying pan which had stuck him. It was held by a little pink horse that was waving at him. He looked around , and found himself surrounded by more colorful horses. "Oh- SHIT!!!!" He jumped up and took off in the direction of Earl's farm. The six mare's gathered around the spot where the hillbilly had been just a few moments prior. "What was that about?" Rainbow Dash asked Twilight. She shook her head. " I think Pinkie scared him off. Fluttershy was still shuttering in the corner. " But- How do you know if he's not dangerous?" "If he really wanted to hurt us he wouldn't have reacted like that." Rainbow crossed her hooves. " Maybe he'd still be here if you hadn't hit him in the head with that pan!" Pinkie looked up at Rainbow, who was hovering a few feet off the ground. " Well, he looked fine afterwards!" She replied. "How did we get here?" Twilight looked around at her surroundings. " I don't know. One moment we we're in Canterlot wondering where Applejack went and the next we're hiding from what looks like a male human version of Derpy. Freak interdimensional rift maybe? Whatever the case, we're on Earth now. The home planet of Scott and Donut and Brandon and all those other humans that helped us out. " "Oh, oh!" Pinkie raised her hoof. " Yes Pinkie?" Twilight replied. "I think we should go find that human that ran away and tell him we're sorry!" She clapped her hooves in praise of herself. Twilight and the others though about it for a few seconds. Then all collectively agreed. "Good idea Pinkie. "