//------------------------------//
// The Heart of the Matter. 
// Story: Not Your Panacea. 
// by LunarReaper 
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I take a hesitant step forward towards the azure spinning light of my home's core. The Crystal Heart, a beacon of love and brilliance that has been our guiding light since before the Princess. An artifact of unknown make and origin that in its carefully crafted magical grip held the power of the love of over a hundred thousand crystal ponies. It offered visions to those that approached, showed them a result of what their potential could be.

A decade ago my friend and I had taken it upon ourselves to check our potential. He spoke little of what he saw but I knew from the look in his eye's that it wasn't good. I saw something different. A picture of a mare who was graceful, powerful and kind. A mare who could ascend to heal all the sickness in the world but only if she left her friend behind. I have pondered that mare for the longest time and as I gaze into the Crystalline depths I ponder her again and I realise something.

I hate her.

She was someone who would forget the countless hours by her friends bedside, someone who would save the world without asking anything and I hated her. She was someone who saw the forest and not the tree's but wasn't that what all Princesses did, a token effort to remain impartial. What was the point in not seeing the individual? Of spending what amounts to millennia giving to a people gifts that they could give themselves in time. A stray thought flickers to existence in my mind. 'If you don't save them, no one will and If you don't teach them more of them will die.'

I glance away from the Heart towards the guards and the stallion who was my husband and while that previous almost alien thought lingers, another comes forth in my mind. 'Who will save my husband if I do not? Why do I have to sacrifice myself and that good, honest stallion to save people I don't even know and who will never know me? My hands grasp the fabric of my dress, a gift from a designer in Equestria, I feel tears on my cheeks as my mind is wracked with indecision. My gaze flicks from the battle to the frozen head of Amore before once again returning to the Heart.

It was the centre of all of this. I don't know if Amore knew what it showed him, what it did to him every year and then I realise in that moment that she must have. She congratulated me on a potential I had only seen for a moment and consoled Sombra for something I did not see. The Amore's have a connection to this artifact even if only passively. I can't confirm whether she had seen more or less than either of us but I do know that she had seen enough to send a letter off to a dear friend.

A friend in Equestria, the Princess of the Sun, Celestia.

I was so excited at first. A Princess wanted to meet me and then like every other year like clockwork the crystal faire came around again. Hours spent charging numbing and minor healing spells, of running back and forth to the bathroom to dampen cloths and tearing through every spell book that the orphanage had in the hope I would find something that could do what I was doing better. The Princess was at the Faire, she had come all this way to meet me but I knew that I couldn't go meet her, if I did my friend would be hurting. So I didn't go. I ignored my friends nudging to go and enjoy myself and held his hand while he snarled, growled and gasped in pain on his bed. I remember how terrifying a thought it was that I might lose him. It kept me awake at night long after that day and the feeling returned every single year.

The Princess arrived later anyway, after Sombra had fallen asleep. I was in the middle of changing his clothes and sheets when she arrived. She stood at the open doorway for a whole minute before I noticed her and as she introduced herself and began her spiel about knowledge, fate and responsibility I clutched my friend's hand and stroked his hair as she did so. Something in the way she looked at him caught me off guard. I ponder that meeting to this moment, the sheer lack of surprise on her face when I described his affliction went unnoticed in our brief conversation. Only now do I see the recognition of what he was. She said I could help him more If I learned more and in that moment whilst covered in sweat and filth I told her I needed time.

Now as I glance at my reflection in the crystalline light do I wonder just how much she knew in that moment. How much she could have told me that would have helped him then and there. But she didn't. She did what all mares like her do and slotted me away in the back of her mind as an asset. And then knowing my weakness for my dark coated friend she offered up the carrot and the stick. Learn from me and save your friend. A simple offer but even then it didn't sit right with me for as much as she smiled, there was something cold behind her eyes.

And when the blatant offer of tutelage at the cost of distance didn't work she changed tactics. She dropped the hard sell but continued with the good old fashioned carrot and stick. Though there were a few little things so blatantly obvious that even a naive little mare like me could spot them. Books, gifts and a dress the exact same colour of my eyes made from the finest silk. Though I could never prove that the dress was commissioned by the Princess of the Sun I now recognise it as something she would do.

This dress was made by a mare who visited from Equestria, she told me it was apparently a gift from one of the few I had healed other than Sombra. Even though anyone I healed was a crystal pony (simply because those were the ones who would let me). I don't know how she got my measurements or why she left so quickly but I know that this isn't the first time for something like this. I used to get sent letters and extracts from books, little tidbits of knowledge that could be spared to advance my abilities. Things that worked when the next Faire came around. Some tomes cannot be copied from directly with magic and the schematics for a spell can only be copied by a deft hand onto paper for anything else could cause the spell to miscast. Even then I knew I was being bribed and for a time I was tempted.

Spells are finicky like that. For all the rote and memorisation you can do it can all amount to nothing if you can't recognise a faulty or incomplete spell. Still I studied what I could diligently. In preparation for when I needed it next.

And then, like a bad smell the Faire came around again. The magic I knew was getting less effective as time went on and I was at my wits end. Even with my new knowledge, I simply didn't have the practice with the new spells. I spent what energy I had left on that day crying and holding his hand. When he recovered he took me out to dinner and it was so easy to forget about my poor magical knowledge and abilities. Or of the dark looks he would cast at the castle it was even easy to forget the probing letters and the blatant stonewalling of a mare so used to wrapping people around her finger.

A sneer forms on my face as I tear my gaze away again, the battle is at a stalemate the guards are behind a wall of black crystal as their Captain faces off against my Husband. My hands are shaking, I want to help to say something or cast a spell to make this all stop. This nightmare just seemed to be getting worse. More tears fall down my cheeks as I steady myself and stare blankly at the severed head of a mare who, while not the best, had done what she could. But I do wonder if that statement is all the way true. The ring on my finger seems heavy at that moment.

We had been married by Amore herself and as a gift she had opened her personal library to me. A library that was in too much of a mess to even be useful in the beginning. Our wedding was a small affair shared amongst a scant few friends, fellow orphans new and old and finally the matron that raised us. I think for all her failings Amore really did believe in the Power of Love and while she was the first to leave from the affair she was also the first to congratulate us. I think for all the things she didn't say and do, she tried to make sure we were happy. And while her belief in the power of love is what got her killed it is a lesson that would be carried by all in the Empire. For even in these moments I can only think of what she could have done. I can't ignore the fact that she at least tried to be my friend. In her own way.

Those times in the library were often spent with Sombra or by my lonesome. On more than one occasion though I would find myself in the company of that complicated and slightly awkward ruler of our fair city. She would point me to books that she thought might help and while our conversations were stilted and often awkward, I believe that those moments helped. I think that with all the meetings she had, those evenings spent in my company were the most tranquil point in her day. I like to think that we had become a pair of oddly dysfunctional friends.

And that's what makes this so hard. I tighten my hands into fists as my gaze locks onto the ring and in that moment I smile. She did at least teach me something. I find myself standing and gazing out at the fight. I could collect her pieces in nary a second, patch her back together and revive her and yet I don't. I think back to the very few meetings (More staged run-ins now that I think about it) I had with Princess Celestia talking about random nothings with sprinklings of useful magical information. I compare them with the meetings with this mare whose head sits at my hooves. I sniffle and then I gaze back up and look at the fight properly. His men are down but the Captain still stands and so too does my husband.

I remember when we first met. I remember people similar to the Captain and that insufferable Dressmaker throwing stones at us. I remember in that moment far too many things to think or say. I take a step towards the head of Amore, my hoofsteps echoing around this strange crystalline structure. My horn glows with the power and potential to heal the world. To save those who would die without intervention. I move to take another step.

"I'm sorry my friend, perhaps in another life" I whisper out with a sob as the spell casts... and the Captain's head leaves his shoulders. My hoof comes down along with the torn remnants of this filthy Equestrian dress and shatters Amore's head into a thousand little pieces. Perhaps there would be a time to bring her back later but that doesn't even cross my mind properly at this moment. I find myself shaking as my husband turns to me but at this moment I see and hear nothing. Not the change in my husband's voice nor the sound of a heavily armored body hitting the ground with a metallic clang.

I fall to my knees with a heavy dose of tears blurring my vision and hug my now naked body. The Empire is chilly this night, most wouldn't notice it and yet as sobs wrack my form and despair clutches at my mind I feel relief as warm muscled grey arms pull me in close. A dark and foreboding voice whispers sweet nothings into my ears. As our fur touches I shut my eyes to bask in his warmth I feel at peace. It doesn't matter that I just killed a man or that a mentor of mine sits in pieces. All that matters is him. There is a certain level of insanity that comes with that I think. I laugh at the absurdity of the situation, a laugh that turns into a banshee like shriek of despair that is soon silenced by the feeling of moist lips on my own.

That madness and insanity clings to my mind for long enough that I don't even realise that I am now being carried until the long creaking moan of a solid crystal door breaks me out of my stupor. A pair of scarred but gentle hands hold me aloft as we move through what I recognise as the Crystal Castle. I lean into the cold metal of an unfamiliar set of armour and stare up to the ruby red eyes of a stallion that I am both familiar and unfamiliar with now. He glances down at me with a frown as if he sees the sudden confusion.

"Whether you believe me or not, I wish this could have gone differently." He grumbles in a way that I can only see one stallion doing. A mad part of me thinks its adorable that he can look like the same brooding colt after having just murdered half a dozen people. I mumble something intelligible as I trace the filigree on the armour with a single pink finger. It's not something I have ever seen so closely and it's a decent distraction as my mind attempts to make peace with what just happened. The lines of carefully placed silver draw some unknown image that I cannot comprehend at the moment nor can I even hope to ponder where such an expensive piece could have come from.

Eventually we make it to what seems to be our destination for the night. Though really I can only guess from how Sombra sighs with clear relief at the sight of it. The room is richly furnished but I barely comprehend any of it as I am placed neatly on one side of the four poster bed. I don't move, I barely breath until the weight of the mattress shifts and draws my attention to the other side of the Empress sized bed. Sombra gives me a look as he flops down onto the bed, the fire is lit, his armour is gone and the Crystal Heart sits lazily in the fires flames. I move to shut my eyes before a familiar thought comes unbidden yet again.

'Who will save him?' I blink as the haze lifts for the moment and I find myself properly looking back on my actions. The answer I come up with as I turn my head towards my husband wearing a sweat soaked buttoned jupon with tied canvas trousers (an oddly opposing picture) is a simple one. It's me, it's always been me. I had been trying to save him since the first Faire and tonight I had stopped trying and finally made legitimate progress towards my goal, all it took was a couple of cruel realisations. And yet we find ourselves as far apart as we can possibly be whilst still being in the same bed. His breathes are heavy while mine have evened out as he breaks this moment of stilted silence.

"I will not fault you if you choose to leave, this path is paved with more blood and bodies than I ever thought possible.'' I feel the sudden urge to slap him. He keeps talking but I stop listening past that point as I wrestle control over my limbs and roll onto my side. From there it's simply a matter of awkwardly rolling and crawling until I reach the dark coated buffoon that I had married. He looks at me with an unreadable expression as I do so and with a sigh he stands up and flops down closer to the centre. Though he keeps talking of this frightful future as he does so. The slightly mad part of me is tempted with the thought of strangling him, even if that would go against my sane wishes. I ignore that part for now, segment it away to be dealt with later. Eventually I reach him and with shaking arms grab his shoulders and heave myself up onto his chest.

"Is this the vision you were shown?" I mumble into his neck and upon hearing that he seems to freeze. He opens his mouth to speak but with energy I didn't realise I still had I lunge forward and clamp his mouth shut with a kiss. I break it soon after as I push myself up and look down at the blood stained stallion that is my husband. My hands remain firmly on his shoulders as my horn ignites and all the little cuts and scrapes on his body close in one fell swoop. "I wasn't in the vision you were shown was I?"

"No you were not." He states with a tinge of sadness that is almost entirely hidden by the change in his voice. A tinge that I notice anyway in the way his ears seem to straighten unnaturally quickly to stop them from folding back. A part of me is surprised at the curtness of the statement but I don't let it show. I shut my eyes and lean my head forward as I move my right hand down and undo the top button of his jupon (though I still wonder where he got the bloody thing) and offer him as much of a smile as I can muster.

"Then perhaps you should cast it from your mind." I comment as I undo the second button on his jupon and marvel at the slick chest fluff that reveals itself. He tilts his head at me and offers me a raise of one of his bushy eyebrows. I keep the smile trained on him as my gaze flicks around the room with more coherence than earlier. "It showed you your potential without me and I without you and from where I'm sitting at the moment It seems that we decided not to part."

"You could be an alicorn, gain the power to heal the world, live forever, why would you give that up for a monster?" I undo button three and four as I ponder this question. I feel my expression twist into one of disappointment as my gaze hardens to meet his eyes.

"You are not a monster, you are an Umbrum and there is no shame in that." I poke a straight finger into his chest several times to enunciate each word as I say it. Even if calling him by that feels odd on my tongue, given I had always just thought of him as a unicorn. The last button on his jupon pings away as my magic tears it off. I peel back the tight sweat soaked garment and examine the discolouration in his chest. My horn lights again and while I can't reduce the swelling by much I can still numb it to reduce the pain, a spell I have more than enough practice in. I bury my right hand in his chest fluff as I turn my gaze to the whistling snowstorm outside the balcony door "You all keep telling me I have the potential to heal the world..." My voice trails off as I gather my thoughts.

I watch the snowstorm for a scant moment longer. "But maybe I don't want to think of a world where I would leave you for such a thing." I lower myself down and nuzzle into his neck resting my chest and bosom on his delightfully fuzzy chest. "Maybe at one point that was my potential and maybe in a far off future it could be again but won't you allow me but one wish husband?"

He snorts as my hands drift down from his shoulders. His intelligent red eyes watch as I try to find the right words. He uses his left hand to flick and twirl my mane between his fingers as I do so. "If it is in my power then it shall be done."

"Stay with me. The world can be healed later, once we are both ready" I offer my terms, a simple but complicated wish that I know will be near impossible with what we have done. I ask it anyway because I love him and from the calculating look in his eyes he too knows the weight of my wish. He sighs as his hand drops from fiddling with my mane.

"Your impossible" he states with a smile and a single almost lazy nod. That thin smile I had been struggling to maintain widens as a giggle bubbles in my chest and finds its way out of my mouth. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and pull myself closer until our muzzles meet and from there I push myself up onto my shoulders and knees as I stare down into those ruby red peepers. His fangs glint in the flickering light of the fireplace longer and sharper than before while his mane seems to have this almost invisible wind carrying it. He doesn't even realise what he has become, what he was always meant to be.

"Aye I am but considering where we are I am also something else." He shuffles beneath me and I hear the telltale sound of clothing finding its way haphazardly onto the floor. I watch his horn lose its glow, gandering at the wonderful mixture of colours that have now joined his green aura. A brief lighting of my horn closes the curtains by the balcony, the snowstorm is out of sight for now but I can tell that neither of us will ever forget that first true haze of white just beyond our door.

"And what would that be my dear?" He grumbles in a low baritone trickling with dark power and mystery. He trails a even number of kisses down either side of my neck as what little clothing I have left joins its brethren on the floor

"I am your Queen," I reply with a salacious smirk. Our lips meet soon after and our bodies join together as one not long after that. We made our vows for better or for worse, I could heal all the sickness in the world but that would still not make me feel anything at all compared to being by your side.