//------------------------------//
// Little Wonders 
// Story: Mrs. Brightside– Coming Out Of My Cage Extras 
// by Boopy Doopy 
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“Hey, Dad?” Katrina started, stopping her father for a moment just before she left with her kids for home. Tracy and Quinn were already sleeping in the car as she stood outside of it, the air not too cool despite how late it was. Her brother’s house was still very full, most of her family travelling long distances to go to the reunion, and naturally spending at least the night in his large space. Thankfully, Katrina and her kids lived just in town.
So did her father, a few miles closer to her than Trent lived, yet despite this, she hardly ever visited him. She saw him perhaps once a year, if that, mostly when everyone else was around. Their relationship was so strained, more now than it was before she transitioned. She knew he hated greatly what she’d done, and wanted to tell her off every time he saw her, but had the restraint to refrain from commenting on it like he did during the first few years.
But now she had something she wanted to say, and turned to her father to speak. He stared at her expectantly, a look on his face like he didn’t know what was coming. Katrina hardly knew what was coming either, only deciding to say what she was going to within the last couple of minutes.
“I just wanted to say thank you,” she told him simply, softly, but not quietly. There was something genuine in her voice, almost like relief, but not quite that. Perhaps it was repose? Whatever it was, it made her father raise an eyebrow and give her his full attention.
“For calling me your daughter, I mean,” she continued, clarifying for him. “I want you to know that I appreciate it, especially because I know you don’t– well, anyway, thank you.”
“Oh,” he said, definitely caught off guard by the statement. “Well, uh, I guess, um…” He didn’t know how to respond other than with a shrug. “It is what it is,” he told her as he rubbed a hand behind his head. “I can’t go around confusing my grandchildren, can I?”
Katrina sighed quietly, finishing, “No, I guess you can’t. But thank you, Dad. I appreciate it.”
She turned to get into her car, but was stopped by his hand on her shoulder. “You know,” he said, turning her back around with his voice, “It’d be nice if we could talk. Not about sports or your writing or any of that other stuff. I wanna actually talk to you. It’s been forever.”
“Yeah, it has. I think that’d be nice,” she agreed, trying to finish the conversation. However, it seemed her father had more to say, and held her back for just another second.
“Because I know you think I hate you,” he continued, “and that I want to hurt you or something. That’s what your little brother said you told him, but I don’t. Even if we haven’t always seen eye to eye– well, almost never for that matter– I do love you, just like I love your siblings.”
Katrina sighed again, this one more painful now. “I know you don’t hate me, but it feels like you do.”
“If this is about you being–”
“No, it’s not about that,” she stopped him immediately. “It’s just always felt that way. It really, truly always felt like you didn’t like me. Since I was a little kid.”
“How could you possibly think that, Kat?” he asked, almost stupefied. “I don’t hate you. I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make me hate you, save for murdering our whole family.”
“It’s the way you always talk to me,” she told him. “You’ve always talked to me like you can’t stand me since I could remember. Because I let my hair grow too long or I didn’t go to college for the right thing or I acted too sensitive or that I didn’t like camping with everyone else or that I worked in an office instead of something more demanding–”
“I don’t hate you,” he said slowly, speaking like he was trying to make sure she understood each word. “I know you didn’t turn out how I wanted you to turn out, but you know I still love you. That’s never changed, and it probably never will.”
“It doesn’t feel that way though,” she said quietly, above a whisper, but not by much. “I remember one time you said you would disown me if I turned out to be trans.”
“You know I was exaggerating, Katrina,” he said exasperatedly. “I didn’t disown you, did I? That should prove that I was exaggerating.”
“You also said I’d be a complete embarrassment if I was,” she continued, “and said that it was unnatural and that I’d be tricking men into dating me if I was trans. You made it clear that you would hate me.”
“If I knew that’s actually what you were, I wouldn’t have said those things.”
“That doesn’t make it hurt less.”
The conversation seemed to be going nowhere. Katrina stared down at her feet, and her father had his hands in his pockets, looking around as though there was something interesting going on. Finally though, the former said, “I have to get home and put my kids in bed. I’ll see you some other time, Dad.”
“I’ll see you later, Kat. You should stop by sometime soon though, so we can actually talk. And I wanna plan out having Tracy and Quinn over for the summer. I had Jason’s kids over last year, and want yours this year.”
“Okay. I’ll see when I have time. Bye, Dad.”
Talking to him soon apparently meant the next day, because not long after she woke up, she got his call to head over to her childhood home. She considered saying no, but decided she might as well get it over with. She waste any time after she hung up, and dropped her children off at her older brother’s house for the day and then headed over to her father’s.
It was just the same as always, no different now than the last time she’d been here, a distinct memory in her mind. She was helping her brother move out, and she and her father were arguing about the state of her life and what she could be doing better. It was near the end of a lot of things and the start of others. There were a lot of memories here, too, none of which she was quite interested in getting into today. She had no doubt that she’d receive some though.
Her father heard her pull up, and opened the door to let her in before taking a seat on the couch. It was more empty in here than she remembered, too. The last time she was here, there was at least Jase, and for most of her childhood, her whole family lived in the building, the house always noisy with the sound of six people. Oh, how the time seemed to go by.
“It’s so weird being back here,” she said casually as she took a seat on the couch. “I should’ve brought the boys over here to see it.”
“If you want to grab them, you can,” he told her. “I don’t mind. Fifteen minutes doesn’t make a difference to me.”
“Eh, maybe some other time. I don’t really wanna waste the gas.” Then she said, “Anyway, what did you wanna talk about? Other than those two staying part of the summer with you.”
“Just about you," he replied. “I wanna catch up, see how you’ve been. I don’t think we’ve done that in fifteen years, have we?”
“I’ve been much better now than I was fifteen years ago,” she said, wanting to be serious but unable to help smirking at the difference in who she was between then and now. “You already know I’m an author, but lately I’ve been trying to break into other stuff. You know, fantasy writing and children’s books and things like that.”
Her father nodded, and then asked, “Looking for a relationship? Or are you already in one and just haven’t told us yet?”
“Nope. Still single. I’m not looking either.”
“Well, you know kids need a father figure in their life, especially boys. It’d be good for them to have that kind of guidance.”
“Well, if a man comes along and sweeps me off my feet, I’m not gonna say no, but it’s not like I’m out there actively looking for someone.”
“You’re not gay, are you? Or whatever the word is when you like both?”
For once, his ignorance actually made her laugh. “No, I don’t like women,” she chuckled. “I just wanted to be one. That didn’t mean I was gonna become a lesbian.”
“I thought you dated girls before, Kat,” he said. “I remember a couple of times you brought a girlfriend home with you when you were a teenager. That didn’t change when you did, did it?”
“Nah, I was never really into women. They were always more into me. I dated a guy in college for a while until just before I graduated. He said he was bi, but I felt like I was lying to him anyway, so I broke up with him a couple of months before graduation. I liked him a lot, but it made me feel terrible.”
“Wait, when was that? I don’t remember hearing about that.”
“I was like twenty one or twenty two at the time, and I didn’t tell anyone in our family because I knew how you’d react.” There was a little pause before she quickly continued, “I mean, I also thought I was kind of asexual, too, but I realize now that it was just dysphoria. The funny thing about that though is when I saw him a few years ago at the reunion for our graduating class. Apparently he went and got married a few years after we dated. He and his wife have kids now and everything.”
“Huh. Well…” Katrina could tell her father wanted to say something, but he held back. Maybe he actually felt a little bit guilty? Like it was his fault that she wasn't with some random guy she dated once in college?
“It doesn’t matter, Dad,” she told him before he could say anything. “It probably wasn’t gonna work out anyway. And besides, who knows what or where I’d be if I stayed with him? I’m gonna choose being a woman over dating some guy from college every time. Anyway, how have you been?”
He described how he’d gone back to work a couple of years ago, and was now the manager of some corporate store in the city. He also said that, despite being nearly seventy, he and some woman he’d met on the job were hitting it off, and that he himself might be interested in dating again. It was extremely strange to hear, and certainly interesting. Katrina wondered if she would be looking for love at age seventy.
“I mean, I’ve got another good fifteen or twenty years in me according to my doctor,” he told her. “Why not spend that time with someone else?”
“No reason not to, and I’m not judging. It’s just weird to hear that my seventy year old father is gonna get married in a couple of years.”
“All my kids are doing interesting things. Jason’s in Equestria, Sam’s wanting to move overseas in a few years, you’re… well, anyway, I have to keep up. It’s gonna get lonely.”
And there it was. The topic that she knew her father wanted to talk about. She wanted to avoid it, but she seemingly began the process of working things out with Sam yesterday. Why not her father?
“When we were at Jase’s house yesterday,” she started carefully, “what were you gonna ask?” He looked confused, and she continued, “You started to ask if I was gonna wake up one day and then stopped when I cut you off. What was it gonna be?”
And now he sighed. “I was gonna ask if you thought you were gonna wake up one day and decide you wanted to be a man again.” Katrina put a head in her hand and closed her eyes, letting out a breath as her father continued, “It’s a real question. Do you think something like that would ever happen?”
“Dad…”
“Look, I don’t know anything about this, so I just wanted to ask.”
“You’ve had ten years to ask me that, Dad,” she told him, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“You don’t talk to me at all though. It’s not like I’ve been ignoring you for ten years like Sam has. I even got on her about that. You can ask anyone. It’s not like I’ve just been sitting around.”
“The first time I tried to tell you,” she started slowly, like she was explaining it to a child, “you stomped out of the house twice.”
“The first time you tried to, you turned me into a horse! You can’t drop that on someone and expect things to go smoothly! I would’ve listened more if not for that!”
“Would you have?”
“Yes!”
Katrina sighed and rolled her eyes while she shook her head, a move that made her father let out an exasperated breath. “I was there in the waiting room during the delivery of both your kids, wasn’t I? I willingly turned myself into a pony to see you. You can’t say I haven’t been trying, because I have! But you don’t talk to me. Not when you were a kid, and not now either.”
“You cannot put this on me, Dad,” his daughter told him, no anger or frustration in her voice. There was only simple flat emotionlessness, like she was stating a fact.
“You said you were going to disown me if I turned out to be trans before I came out to you. And then when I did, you stomped out of my house angrily before I could finish explaining it to you. On my birthday. Suggesting it’s my fault that you didn’t try harder to talk to me is not fair since you made it seem like you wanted nothing to do with me and hated me.”
“I don’t hate you! How could you think that?”
“Because when you frown when I say I’ve never been better in my life after asking about me and suggest that I should turn into a man and be a father–”
“I didn’t suggest that,” he interrupted. “I was only saying that you should find a father figure for them. I know you can’t be that because you’re their mother. For Christ's sake, I call you my daughter!”
“And it took over three years to get to that point. And when you frown when I tell you I feel good about myself and don’t stick up for me when you see Sam demeaning me in front of everyone, it doesn’t come across as love.”
For a long moment after her statement, the two of them sat in silence. Her father crossed his arms, and she sighed, leaning her head back against the couch cushion. She knew he despised her. Just the way he acted to her for all of the years of her childhood proved that. He was going to have a tough time convincing her otherwise.
“The issue is that we’re too alike, Katrina,” he finally said after a long minute.
That got her to raise her eyebrow and turn her head curiously. “You’re not about to come out to me and say you’re jealous, are you, Dad?”
“What? No! I mean personality wise.” That definitely got her attention, and he explained, “We’re both stubborn people who are stuck in our ways, Kat. We’re people who won’t have our minds changed once we’ve made them up. I know there’s not any way I’m gonna convince you that I don’t hate you, and you’re not gonna convince me that I’m the terrible father you’re trying to paint me as. Having that conversation is gonna be completely pointless.”
“Then why–’
“Don’t interrupt,” he silenced her. “I have somewhere I’m going with this. Anyway, I’m sure there’s not many things you’ve changed your mind about, but from what your mother told me, your plan before Equestria happened was to go through life and be a man. And then you changed your mind.”
“Yeah? Okay? Where are you going with this?”
“Well, I changed my mind about something, too,” he said. “I thought for the longest time that I had only one daughter. Even after you tried to convince me that I actually had two, I wasn’t willing to change my mind, because I’m stubborn and stuck in my ways.” He paused for a breath, or maybe it was just dramatic effect, and continued, “But then you called me and asked me to be there for Tracy’s birth, and even though I wasn’t in the delivery room, I realized you were right, and that I actually have two daughters. You changed my mind while I sat in the waiting room, and watching you hold your son in your arms clinched it for me.”
Okay, maybe he was going to be able to convince her that she was loved, even if his love was backwards and made no sense at all. His little story left her surprised at least, and made her heart flutter like she only got from her children these days. 
“I don’t think I frowned when you said you were feeling good about yourself, but if I did, I didn’t mean to. It’s just frustrating as crap to know thirty years of knowing you is actually completely wrong, just like it’s probably frustrating for you to think about anything before the last ten years.”
Completely ass backwards and absolutely infuriating was his love, she could say that much. He didn’t even apologize for how he made her feel, but she would take it. It was better than nothing, and probably a sign of endearment in his own shitty way.
And then, as though reading her mind, he went the extra mile and topped himself.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t love you,” he told his daughter. “That was never my intention. I love you just as much as I love Sam and Trent and Jase. I’ll admit that all of this still frustrates me, and even now I have to remind myself to not call you the wrong thing or say something that’s gonna upset you. But you’re my daughter, and I don’t think there’s anything I’m gonna be able to do to change that. I mean, I was just saying I was stubborn after all, and you do have me convinced.”
From anyone else, it would’ve just been annoying as crap to hear, but coming from her father, it was actually kind of sweet. She couldn’t help but smile at the end of his little speech. Maybe she had her mind changed about him, too.
“So what I’m hearing is,” she started jokingly, a little smile on her face, “if I decided I wanted to detransition and be a man again, I’d still be your daughter?”
“If you do that, then I will disown you for real,” he said sharply, Katrina unable to tell if he was serious or not. She didn’t really care that much, only laughing as he continued, “One gender change is enough. Wait until I’m dead if you wanna do that shit again. I don’t want to have this conversation again in ten years.”
“You definitely won’t be having it again, I assure you that,” she laughed. “Twenty seven years was long enough. I’ll disown myself from life if that ever happened.” She sighed and tapered off her laughing to chuckles before saying, “Anyway, you said you wanted to talk about Tracy and Quinn being here for the summer?”
“Absolutely. They need a father figure in their life, and their mother’s certainly not capable of being that, unless she wants to be disowned. I can be that in the interim while you look for a man.”
“I already told you that I’m not gonna look for a guy. If he comes along, he comes along, but I’m not going out of my way to find someone.”
“Well then I guess I’ll have to get online and put up applications saying my daughter is available and make them come to you. A lot of men like sports girls.”
Katrina only laughed at that. Yeah, her father was still shitty, and they’d probably find a reason to fight in the future just like they always did. But maybe he was an okay dad, even if it was in his own terrible, completely dumb and roundabout way. Did right now make all of that other stuff better? Katrina didn’t know, but it did make it hurt a little less.
She would take what she was getting from him though, since she’d already gotten the only thing she ever wanted.