Sourced from Garammasara on DeviantArt
Sourced from Garammasara on DeviantArt
My eyes were scrunched shut. Even if they weren't though, there wasn't much to see with a forehead pressed hard against the classroom door.
Sure, there was a tall thin window that looked out into the hall, (Pinkie remembered it being there, and I myself had saw it when I rushed in), but I'd made sure to be on the side of it, mashed tight up to the bright painted wood. Frozen. Cornered. Waiting for Starlight to charge down the hall and throw open the door or teleport behind me to do whatever it was she needed to end Pinkamena's embarrassing failure of an undercover adventure.
But nothing was happening.
Slowly, even more slowly than a dropped salt lick lozenge melting in the rain, my heavy panting gasps calmed down. They got quiet. Less panicked. And that was when I heard other sounds. Not just the storm outside pounding on the roof, but pencils tapping on notebooks. Shifting scrapes from moving chairs. Grunts and coughs. All from in this room.
I was achy-legged and empty-bellied. I was dripping from rain mixed with sweat. I really didn't want to straighten up and turn around, because I knew exactly what was there. But I had to keep going. For Pinkie. I sucked in a breath, held it, and faced them. Thirty students at desks, all waiting to be taught by the Element of Laughter.
"G-good morning, class."
"Good morning, Professor Pie."
Loud. Very loud. I hadn't been ready for that. I think this was the most amount of ponies I've ever talked to at once, even though most of them looked antsy, tired, or distracted. Two unicorns in the back were passing notes. At least three pegasi were chewing gum. One student near the front wasn't even a pony; he was a bored, feathery blue griffon whose slumping posture put even mine to shame. I almost respected that. He had a slouch that could only come from a lifetime of practice.
There was a lecture podium a few steps away from me. It had a chest-high desk thingy, perfect to put between my pounding heart and the dozens of eyeballs looking my way. I trotted over, tail down and dragging because I had no idea what lecture to give when I got there. It was like one of those bad dreams Pinkie used to have, where she'd realize she showed up for work naked and unprepared. Except those dreams ended with her remembering that ponies are always naked, improvising a lesson plan on the spot, and then waking up full of smiles and triumph.
None of that was helpful to me right now. I didn't have my better half's improv skills, and if Pinkie was going to jolt back to the waking world, she would have done that when Starlight insulted her. Some of the students weren't even naked. They had raincoats on. I was zero for three with Pinkie's trusty dream logic.
When I got to the podium, I nearly cried with relief. There was a stack of lecture notes laid out for today. I didn't care that they were messy, foalish sentences scribbled in pink gel pen. That just made them all the more Pinkie, all the more precious. If there were any clues to her disappearance, they would be right here written by her own hoof. Or mouth, more likely. I fanned out the cards and brushed my mane from my face. Optimism wasn't my shtick, but I dared to believe that this mane wouldn't be mine for much longer.
"Alrighty, class. Let's see, it looks like today's lecture is on-"
"Aren't you gonna take attendance, Professor?"
The bored blue griffon had leaned forward to ask that. He was staring out the window, watching the rain come down. But I guess he cared enough to pipe up.
I sighed and I pushed the lecture note cards back into a pile. They would have to wait. The clues to the Crisis with a capital "C".
"Um... sure. Sorry. Little bit distracted this morning."
The griffon rolled his eyes as I pulled out the seating chart.
One name at a time. Breathe, Pinkamena.
"Okay. We have... Kettlecorn?"
"Here."
"Zipporwhill?"
"Here."
"Gallus?"
The griffon grunted.
"Honey Drop?"
And so on. Pinkie Pie did this every day, but for me it took awhile to get through all thirty-one names. I had to repeat myself over the pounding rain at least twice, and I also mispronounced "Ocellus" (the only student who was absent). Turns out I'm a weak public speaker. Though to be fair, I don't get much practice. Frustrated muttering to myself doesn't count.
Eventually, the attendance list was done.
"Huh. I mean... wowie zowie. Looks like we're all here today except one."
Except two, if you count Pinkie Pie.
I shook the thought away and gripped the notecards she'd left.
"I guess you all hopped out of bed all eager for some Pie-branded worldly wisdom, huh?"
Murmuring came from the class, but none of it had vibes of excitement. I noticed that Gallus wasn't the only one looking listlessly looking at the buckets pouring down outside.
"What's wrong, class? Rainy day got everypony down?"
Why in Tartarus did I care? Maybe I was only okay with my own wallowing. Not anyone else's.
"No offense Professor," Gallus was picking at a frayed feather on his wing. "But ponies were excited for the yearly pep rally today. I was too, til I saw how hard it was coming down out there this morning." Fed up with his feather, he jabbed a thumb talon toward the window. "No assembly or speech from Twilight this year, huh? Not with the field underwater."
I frowned. It was a natural face for me.
"The pep rally's not off," I announced. A few students actually looked my way, and one of the bubble gum pegasi actually paused her chewing. "Its just getting moved to the gym. Starl- I mean Principal Starlight said so on her way in."
The murmurs were louder now. Hopeful faces were replacing flat ones. My heart was thumping, just like it had when I stopped Pound Cake from crying at breakfast. The classroom right now was that moment multiplied by thirty. I wanted to smile, but I bit my lip and sadly suppressed it. My grins were still ugly grimaces. It wasn't safe for me to make them. The sooner Pinkie Pie was back and in control of our face, the better.
"Okay, everycreature, settle down. We still have class to get through before the pep rally this aftern-"
The classroom door swung open and I jumped almost out of my fur.
I had this horrible image of Starlight Glimmer charging through that entryway with her horn blazing, conjured like a vengeful demon because I'd just said her name out loud. Instead, a head poked in from the hall. Not Starlight's, but one just as scary-looking. Big lidless eyes that bulged from a sickly blue skull with no skin on it. The air was scared out of my borrowed lungs, which was good, because otherwise I'd definitely have been screaming.
"Oh," Gallus mumbled. "Hi there, Ocellus."
Bug student. Of course. Completely out of the blue for me, but just another normal day for Pinkie Pie.
"Hey everyone," the changeling mumbled shyly. She shuffled inside. "Sorry that I'm tardy. I got pulled aside by... um... nevermind. Sorry." I was still sucking wind when she nodded at me. "Hello, Professor Pie. Nice new manestyle." I flinched as she flittered past and settled into the last empty desk in the back row. The moment of panic had passed, but now all thirty-one students were seated. Looking at me. My hair especially, now that someone had pointed it out.
I had to deflect. ASAP.
"Righty-o. I know we're all a teensy bit bogged down from walking to class through the storm this morning." I scratched my wet neck, then made a big deal of flicking the water off my hoof. "Some of us more boggy than others, as Ocellus pointed out. But how 'bout we warm ourselves right up with today's..." I glanced at the lecture note. "Species Spotlight? Which is...er..." I double-checked the first notecard.
"Today we're learning about... Kirin!"
I paused for any excited responses. There weren't any. Were the kids all saving their energy for the pep rally?
Of course not. I'm just bad at projecting cheerfulness. Still, I had to keep trying. My missing half had left me with this lesson today. It was my only lead, and I was antsy to chase it.
Scooping up the lecture notes, I paced back and forth at the front of the room. Not confident enough to skip, but not dumb enough to stay still while impersonating Pinkie Pie.
"Let's get started off super simple, my little ponies. Who knows what a Kirin is?"
Anyone? Because I don't.
A colt with glasses raised his hoof. I pointed at him, since I didn't remember his name.
"Is it... a dragon?"
A few other students laughed. Not very nicely, which clued me in that no, Kirin weren't dragons. A filly in a raincoat raised her hoof. She looked super sure of herself, so I called on her.
"Kirin are distant cousins of ponies. With big poofy manes. They live on a tall mountain far away from other creatures."
More murmurs. Ones that made me pretty confident that answer was right. Kirin were Almost-Ponies who avoided people. I could relate. Sweating hooves fumbled for the next notecard, almost dropping it. The nose at the end of my muzzle hurt, so I rubbed it.
"Okay, so a few of us are already in the know."
"Sure we are," Gallus snarked. "Anyone in Professor Shy's class has heard the whole Kirin rigamarole."
I did another nose rub, this time to hide an eager grimace-grin.
"Oh? Then maybe you'd like to share what you know. For your participation credit today, of course."
Gallus clicked his beak, not happy to be put on the spot. He was braver than me though, since he turned in his seat and spoke real steady.
"Professor Shy said that Kirin, the ones she met anyway, have feelings so strong it affects their magic. Which seems to come from deep inside them even though they have antlers. Or antler. Single. They each only have one. It's actually a little hard to explain."
"Right," I blindly agreed while pawing through the notecards. "Kirin are... like Gallus said, they um, look like..."
No more helpful words were forming. I searched Pinkie's memories as well as her notecards, but I don't think she'd ever seen a Kirin in person. Just heard about them from Fluttershy and AJ, gotten unreasonably excited, and then concocted a hasty lecture about them. I hadn't been paying attention when she did it. I never paid attention to anything when I wasn't in control. And now it was biting me in the flank like a manticore.
The students were still waiting.
I was panicking again. The burning desperate kind, not the cold stab of dread I got when Ocellus spooked me earlier. Speaking of Ocellus, she was eyeballing me with her bulgy buggy peepers. Like she could feel exactly how stuck and worried I was. And so she stood up.
"Kirin look like this, everypony."
I hissed as a hoop of honest-to-Faust fire magic swept over her. But I was drowned out by oohs and aahs that came real quick. Looking shy, transformed Ocellus bowed to hide a blush behind her new mane. It was ridiculously poofy, just like the first filly said.
I snorted to clear my dizziness. The noise got attention back on me. My nose was hurting really bad now, so I rubbed it for a third time before flipping to the next card.
"Uh, yeah! There you go, everyone. Kirin do look like that. It think the plan written here was to pass out crayons for everyone to draw a Kirin from imagination." I cranked up my voice like a knob on the bakery's oven. "But this was quicker! And way more creative. Big round of applause for Ocellus!"
The class tapped their hooves while I sighed. Maybe I was reading too much into these cards. Just because they were left by Pinkie, didn't mean they were clues for Pinkamena. Not everything was about me. There were thirty-one bright-eyed kids in this room with lives and hopes and futures. Stuff I didn't have or want. My muzzle was really bothering me now, but I kept my hoof off it. Teeth grinding, I just wanted to get this lesson over and done with.
"Kirin feelings are really strong," I read out. "And when Kirin bottle them up, bad things happen to them. They..." my mane was still wet, but my mouth was suddenly very dry. "They change into completely different beings when they're upset. They change so much that for a long time, we used to think unhappy Kirin were a totally different species."
Pinkie, no. Don't make me read this. I'm begging you.
N...niriks. Kirin spelled backwards, because a Nirik is everything a Kirin is not. Dangerous, miserable, and mean."
I tried to keep reading, but my mouth - my stolen, trembling mouth - wouldn't make any more noise. It's lower lip was trembling too much.
So this is how you see me, Pinkie. Yourself, but as a mutant magic monster.
"That's so cool! Hey Oce, can you do a Nirik?" It didn't matter which classmate had asked. Soon, all the others were chanting. "Nirik! Nirik! Nirik!"
Ocellus giggled, not tasting my despair over everyone else's excitement. She transformed again, and I didn't scrunch my eyes shut in time. I saw what a Nirik looked like. I saw my half of a soul.
The cards dropped form my hooves and scattered on the floor.
Pinkie Pie's Nirik.
Before today, before this moment, never had I ever stopped to wonder if there was a word for me. It just wasn't something that felt safe to think about. I wasn't oblivious or anything. This head had enough sense in it to know I wasn't normal. After all, what kind of pony morphed into a completely different person when they got upset?
In the scattered cards I hadn't gotten to, one had a picture of Nightmare Moon. Another showed the Pony Of Shadows.
My muzzle hurt. All through the lesson, the pain had just kept getting worse and worse. It hurt so bad. So horribly, indescribably bad.
"Oh jeez!" Gallus's voice was loud and afraid. "Professor Pie! Your nose is really bleeding!"
I gasped and clamped both hooves over the slick wetness dribbling out. Unfortunately, with no front legs on the ground, I pitched forward and fell in a heap. Somepony whinnied in alarm. I grabbed a stray notecard, one full of empty dithering about being yourself and not bottling up all your emotions, and pressed it to my face. The smell of blood became a taste as the flow backed up and went to my mouth. I staggered to standing position, surrounded by worried students and frightened eyes.
"Class dismissed!" I rasped. Then, without any plan in mind, I shoved my way out the door.
A few students followed me. At least one asked if I was going to see the nurse. I didn't answer and just shambled faster, not wanting to be around anypony or anything. I didn't want "be" at all, but since it always sucks to be me, a ringing bell signaled first period's end. The thunder of rain was joined by the thunder of hooves from every classroom all rushing for good seats at the gym pep rally.
I shrieked and bolted down the hall, rounding a corner and nearly slipping on my own blood like a demented clown. There was a mop closet nearby. Pinkie's memories knew it as the place Cozy Glow once trapped her enemies. Good. Since the door had a lock, maybe I could seal myself inside and wait for the heat death of the universe. Or for Pinkie to come back. Whichever happened first.
The School of Friendship's halls were flooding with ponies. That didn't matter though, because I'd made it. The mop closet was dead ahead, past the Humanities classroom ran by Lyra Heartstrings. I got to my soap-smelling sanctuary and lurched inside, the latch locking behind me.
This place was small. Very small. But it had a sink, perfect for washing your hooves or bleeding from your nose down the drain. I opted to do the second, mane draped over the rim like a pink rag. That was the spot I stayed in for a long time. Long enough for the dripping blood to stop and be replaced by dripping tears.
"Oh, Pinkie..." I mewled. "How did I drag us down to this?" My voice sounded stuffy. Crying eyes and clotted nostrils had that kind of effect on talking. "Why won't you come back? I'm not your monster. I promise. Remember that one time you lucid dreamed and we were able to hug each other in your imagination?" I grimace-grinned through my sniffles. "We can fix this. I promise. Please, Pinkie. I don't... I don't want to be your Nirik."
Silence.
I was alone.
And I probably would have stayed that way if a wisp of purple magic didn't open the closet door.
"Alright, Pinkie Pie," Starlight Glimmer sighed. "I shrugged off your weirdness on the walk this morning. I even felt guilty after pulling Ocellus aside and asking her to scan your feelings while you taught today."
My back was to Starlight, but I didn't bother turning around. Pinkie had given up on me. I no longer cared about being cornered.
"But there's a limit to how long I can respect your privacy. Both as your boss and as your friend. And that limit is passed when I look up through my office window and see you sprinting down the hall with red spewing out of your face."
Still hunched over the sink, I managed a bitter cackle. It was darkly funny to envision Starlight Glimmer trotting after my trail of blood, maybe with a magnifying glass and detective's hat, til she came to its greasy end at the west hall's mop closet. By jove, where in Equestria could the rascally villain be hiding?
Jeez. I really am lightheaded.
"So that's the long and short of it, Pinkie. I'm making my move now."
Starlight stepped towards me and I stiffened up, ready to get hit by a stun spell.
But instead she laced her forelimbs around me in a hug.
"What's dragging you down today, Pinkie? And is there anything I can do to help?"