//------------------------------// // Chapter 18: Guilt // Story: Filly Eyes // by Betty_Starlight //------------------------------// I bring the burning joint to my snout with my right forehoof as the dark blue unicorn filly with the swept over dark blue and neon green curly mane stares back at me with her green eyes and smiles blankly… I exhale smoke to her right and stare at her, “So, uh, I’m smoking wake n bake!” before bringing the joint to my mouth again for another drag. She smiles dimly at me and nods, “Yup!” I exhale smoke while lowering my snout so it flows up between us and raise my stare to her, “And you’re here!” She repeats herself, “Yup!” I exhale smoke to her right again and ask her, “How did you sleep, anyway?” “Oh, I slept fine since you let me in here with you last night! Thanks for letting me sleep in here, Twinkle! I uh, didn’t wanna sleep alone…” I finish taking my next drag and mentally count to 5 before exhaling to her right again and stare back at her, “Why not? What’s so bad about sleeping alone?” before taking a deep breath, in and out with my mouth and then, bringing the burning weed wrap to my mouth for another draw. She blinks and raises her gaze, “Well, when I was with Opaline, I was always alone, you know? Sure she was there, but uh, she wasn’t very friendly…” she crinkles her mouth before correcting it. “I tried to get a plushie, but she wouldn’t let me. She said it was ‘foalish nonsense’…” before sighing. I exhale through my nostrils and let the smoke rise between us towards the ceiling as I say to her, “So, you wanted to borrow two of my friends, then?” before taking another drag of my stoge. She smiles and nods, “Yeah, thanks so much, Twinkle! You really are a good friend!” I widen my eyes and slowly exhale smoke out my nostrils before saying, “Gee! You don’t have many options, huh?” “I like you Twinkle Shine!” I nod, “Right! Clearly no other choices!” before taking another drag off my half-joint. She giggles, “You’re silly!” her face straightens. “Uh, thanks for listening to me when I was talking about Opaline earlier!” A terrifying thought suddenly occurs to my intoxicated mind as I begin to take another drag… I hold it in my lungs while carefully considering what to say next… I finally exhale it out of my mouth to her right and turn to her and ask, “Uh, Misty! Am I your best friend now?” before trying my best to casually take another drag off my joint… Honestly, I kinda wish she would let me get about three or four drags in before unloading on me again! She smiles and says a third time, “Yup!” I stay silent for a moment as the half-joint burns in the cleft of my right forehoof before finally asking, “And you’re cool with that, huh?” and bring it to my mouth again because golly, this is getting heavy now! She nods and says a fourth time, “Yup!” I exhale smoke on her other side this time while resisting the urge to call her an idiot, and then look back at her and say, “Well uh, I’m truly glad I can do that for you, Misty!” I widen my eyes. “Yes! Golly glad!” and nod before quickly taking another hit while widening my eyes with shock as the impact hits me. “You sure are a nice filly, Twinkle Shine!” I suddenly hear a familiar voice in my head say, Golly right! I’m the nicest, huh! I frown suddenly with wide eyes and as smoke exits my nostrils, I say, “I need to go to the bathroom!” before snuffling the roach out quickly in the ashtray on the table to my right and I take off suddenly by squatting and launching myself into the air to flitter over to the door and open it quickly with my right forehoof and then, I float out before turning down the hallway to fly down that way towards the bathroom… I trot into the bathroom and stare at my reflection in the mirror to the right, beyond the sink there, when I see me, only it’s not me… This me has neatly rowed curls in her mane and smiles back, “Hello me! It’s me again!” I frown and furrow my brow, “Cozy Glow!” She smiles, “Still inside you, you little hellion!” “What do you want?” Her eyes widen, “Oh, I just wanted to see how things were going with Misty?” I lean forward slightly in defiance, “You leave Misty out of this!” She smiles mischievously, “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it, dear Twinkle Shine!” My mouth curls in contention, “What are you planning?” She smiles wider and eyes me carefully, “Oh, nothing you need worry your pretty little head about, dear Twinkle Shine! Now, go back and take care of your new friend!” I look down and sigh, “Look, Cozy Glow… We’re together now, right?” I raise my gaze to her. “I think we need to come to an agreement?” She sighs out her snout with her eyes up and staring beyond me in indignation, “Y-you’re right, Twinkle…” her eyes move back to me. “Oh, golly! Didn’t we already make amends once?” I smile at the other filly, “Yeah! But I guess living together is something we gotta work on too, huh?” I straighten my face. “First and most important order of business, what do you think about Misty?” Cozy lowers her view, “Well, I don’t know how useful to us she could be, but I’m thinking she’s been through some trauma. I mean, she was basically forced to commit a grisly murder!” her eyes venture right, “And while I don’t believe we’ll ever tell anypony about that, I do think the first step to making her of any value to us is to use that in order to gain her trust! Be there for her, and I think we could get an ally for life?” her eyes go back to Twinkle on the bathroom floor. I stare blankly at the mirror, “It really is all about gaining power with you, huh?” Cozy smiles back at me, “Remember, Twinkle! I’m where you came from! And you can never get rid of me!” her face straightens. “But seriously! If you want to gain any headway with Misty, you need to be there for her…” I shudder, “Even when she wants to sleep in my bed with me?” She nods, “Yes!” I suddenly hear a feminine voice from outside the bathroom, “Twinkle, are you alright in there? Who are you talking to?” My eyes widen, “Uh, nopony! Nopony whatsoever!” I shake my head. “Uh, hang on! I’ll be right out!” <*****> I stare up at the orange alicorn on the other side of the wooden oak table in wide-eyed disbelief, “Wait, so Misty did what now?” Sunny widens her eyes, “Well, Misty has been talking with Twinkle and Izzy said the two of them are getting along well!” I nod, “Well, that’s good!” Sunny smiles, “Right! So now, you need to be there for Misty, too!” I widen my eyes again, “I do?” She sighs, “Well, that and you gotta admit, you’ve spent a lot of time holed up in your room lately!” “I have?” She smiles and giggles, “Jessi! You need to spend time with your friends too!” “Really?” She nods and says, “Yes Jessi, really!” I frown as I wonder what I have gotten myself into, “It’s like you’re my mom, or something?” Her grin widens as she chuckles again… <*****> I trot back to Twinkle’s room where I wait patiently on my hooves on the floor, opposite to the door. I look up at her walls and can’t help but notice that she doesn’t put anything on them. I frown as I think to myself that it’s so odd that a filly her age wouldn’t have any interests or things she liked… Suddenly, the door opens and in trots a pink pegasus filly who shuts the door with her right forehoof and stares back at me, “Uh, sorry about that! I, uh, needed to take care of something.” her eyes go back up to me. “But how are you, dear Misty? Are you feeling any better today?” I widen my eyes at this question, “Uh, yeah Twinkle! I’m doing uh, great! Just great!” and then do my best to force a smile at this other filly… She smiles jubilantly at me, “Well, golly gee, that’s just swell! Hey! Would you like a hug?” I keep my eyes wide and glued to this other strange filly, “Uh, no! I’m good!” Her smile lowers somewhat and her eyes widen, “You sure, Misty? I mean, you know you’ve been through a lot and I really would like to help you!” So, less than 24 hours ago, I viciously knifed up an alicorn in her sleep… Now, this strange pink pegasus filly from the past was offering me a hug! I can’t help but think about the strangeness of my own existence as I eye her carefully and finally concede defeat and sigh before saying, “Well, you can hug me… Um,“my eyes train on her. “if you really, you know? Want to…” She nods frantically, “Oh golly, I sure want to hug you, Misty! You’re my friend!” “Um, sure!” She trots over to me tentatively and embraces me softly in a big warm hug, “It’s okay, Misty… Whatever you did is over now and you’re safe, okay?” I do my best not to let out a terrified squeal as I tentatively return this strange hug as I’m really not used to affection or caring at any level, much less what this filly is now offering me! “Uh, okay Twinkle. Th-thanks…” She returns to her hooves in front of me and stares back with her auburn gaze as she says, “Oh, golly! You haven’t eaten yet! Would you like some oatmeal?” I frown, “Uh, sure Twinkle!” She smiles and perks up, “Right away, friend!” and salutes with her right wing beforeturning around to fly out the door and around into the hallway by turning left. I blink and think to myself, Well, she was nice before, but she suddenly got better. Wonder what really happened in that bathroom? I sigh and trot out of her door and turn left down the hallway towards the kitchen beyond the dimly lit foyer with its many crystals and hanging decorations. I silently sit at the side of the table and frown as I stare blankly at the table and think long and hard about what I did yesterday and how this changes everything… I sigh as I contemplate what this truly means for my life… They said my cutie mark had nothing to do with Opaline? While that’s certainly a relief, it also makes me wonder what my special talent might be? My body shakes in silent frustration as I think of what that awful pony did to me! I could’ve been actually trying to get my cutie mark instead of serving her! I might even already have it by now if it wasn’t for that miserable horned menace! My train of thought is suddenly broken by the clack of a bowl of oatmeal, already with butter and brown sugar in it, being dropped from above by a small pink helper filly as she smiles at me and says, “I already added butter and sugar! Hope you like it Misty! I’ll be back with mine!” before floating around the table and heading back past the doorway into the kitchen… When the smell of cooked oats and delicious maple syrup hit my nostrils, I suddenly realize how hungry I actually am! Lamenting sure takes it out of you! I smile and take the spoon from the bowl in my azure glow and bring the oatmeal to my mouth for a bite… A bite that quickly scalds my tongue! I open my mouth and start to breathe in to take in more air to cool down the raging inferno happening inside my snout! She flitters in and widens her eyes before hovering over the table, dropping her bowl with a resoundingclack and saying, “Oh, golly! You shouldn’t eat so fast, Misty! It’s hot! I’ll go get you some juice!” before flying back to the door and into the kitchen again. I do my best to swallow the super hot oatmeal in my mouth and breathe in more air while my watery eyes stay wide! I see a pink pegasus filly flitter over the table and use her forehooves and chin to set down a tall glass of orange juice. It looks so juicy with the condensation on the outer rim of the glass as I float it to me in a blue glow and tilted the glass in the air to pour it down my throat… I’m soon refreshed by the citrus flavors on my tongue and the cold relief accompanying it. The empty glass goes clack on the table in front of me when I sigh and adjust my gaze to the wide-eyed pegasus filly standing on the table to the right of the bowl and glass and say to her, “What? I don’t need you! I don’t need anypony!” as I feel rage well up inside me at this filly who had the gall to be nice to me! Her eyes widen all the way as she says, “Well, golly! I was just trying to be nice and get you breakfast!” I suddenly realize what I had done and correct myself, “I uh,“I sigh, “I’m sorry Twinkle Shine! I just uh…” I blink and sigh again. “guess when you start thinking of yourself as evil, you push other ponies away?” Her mouth goes to an oval shape as she says, “Well, golly gee! That’s not good! Uh, do you want another hug, Misty?” I furrow my brow as I ask, “Do I get a choice?” Her eyes widen as she moves her head back slightly, “Uh, probably not?” I sigh before raising my voice, “Look! You don’t have to keep hugging me, alright? You shouldn’t hug me! I’m a monster! I killed somepony!” “Golly! I don’t think you’re a monster!” “I killed Opaline, Twinkle Shine! How could I be anything but a monster? I brutally knifed her when she was asleep in bed! I made her bleed so much, Twinkle! There was blood everywhere!” She raises her head and repeats herself, “I don’t think you’re a monster!” “You’re an idiot!” Her gaze lowers as I see a wily grin form on her snout and her auburn eyes stare down at me very carefully, “And you’re a sweet caring pony who got mixed up with a bad crowd. They didn’t treat you very well and you were forced to do something bad! That’s all there is to it!” I keep my eyes wide and trained at how stubborn she is! “I don’t even feel guilty! I feel no remorse for killing her, Twinkle! That’s why I feel bad!” She continues smiling, “Well, even if you did feel guilty, what difference would it make?” I blink and sigh, “Guilt would make me a better pony! It would drive me to be not like that anymore! I uh…” I close my eyes, “I want to feel bad, okay… I want to feel remorse, but I just… I just can’t!" I open them. “Not for Opaline!” I train my eyes on the filly standing on the table as tears stream from both of them as she grins down at me… “You know, you don’t need guilt to be a better pony, right?” I widen my eyes as more tears flow and frown before responding, “I...don’t?” She shakes her head, “Nope!” her head centers on me. “I don’t remember anything about trying to take over Equestria, but I wanna be better than Cozy Glow!” “So, as long as I control myself, it doesn’t matter what evil I might have?” She nods and mimics me, “Yup!” I smile, “So, I guess it’s how I act that defines me?” She nods, “Exactly!” I straighten my mouth, “I still don’t know why I don’t feel guilty, though?” Her gaze lowers, “Well, you said she was evil, right?” I gulp and nod, “Um, yes! Very wicked and cruel!” She nods, “Well, right! So, by killing her, you kinda did Equestria a favor, right?” My eyes widen, “Well, more than likely, now that you mention it!” She frowns down at me, “So, what’s the problem?” “I…” I blink. “I killed somepony… And I don’t feel guilty…” “So?” I look up at her face as she beams down at me, “So, I guess that’s okay?” She nods, “Well, golly right! But you know, I bet your oatmeal is cool enough to eat, now?” I smile up at her, “Thanks, Twinkle!” Suddenly, we both hear a hoof rapping on the door behind Twinkle and vaguely hear a distinct feminine voice say from outside, “Hey, Twinkle! You in there? It’s me! Jessi!” Her eyes widen as her mouth goes agape, “Oh, golly!” (To be continued...)