Tactical Hillbilly

by aegishailstorm


The Last Ray of the Day

Earl didn't stop walking until he had reached his barn doors. Applejack followed behind him. She gazed around at Earl's farm to find nothing out of the ordinary. It had all the same feature's as Sweet Apple Acre's. There was a windmill, a barn, a plow, a grain silo, and a house. Though, it did appear slightly run down. Whilst she stayed outside, Earl went over to his minifridge and began extracting the meat he had cut up earlier. " Applejack... Was it?" He mumbled.

"... Yes?" She responded as thee earth pony slowly poked her head out from behind one of the barn doors. " Do ya like venison?" Earl shouted. She raised an eyebrow. " Never heard of it. What is it?" Earl fumbled around in his fridge. " It's what I'm gonna be havin' for dinner. Want some?" She walked over to his fridge and peeked in, though she couldn't quite get a good view into it.

"What is that?" Earl reached back into his fridge and pulled out a fully intact- though mostly frozen deer head. It's beady eyes were still open, and rolled right over at Applejack. She gazed back at it with a mixture of horror and confusion. " What in Celestia's name have you done to that deer!?" She stumbled back.

"It's venison!" Earl responded cheerfully. "Well... Not this, this is just the head. Ya ain't supposed to eat the head. Good 6-pointer buck. It's venison! Deer meat! I shot 'em myself!" He held up his finger, and spit into the hay behind him. " It's what we're havin' for dinner. If you want any that is. Or... Ya know, figuring that you're a horse-pony thing and all. I'm sure I could getcha some hay and apples. I've got some tree's out back that haven't been picked yet." Applejack laughed nervously.

"Heh, well... I'm skeptical, but I'll give it a go. You seem trustworthy." Earl clapped his hands and spun around. " 'Righty! Now, mind your time, I'mma need to get this thing ready. Don't go breakin' 'nothin." She tipped her hat in response, it was at this moment that she heard noises from the stable behind her. But she figured that it was nothing important, she walked outside and began to paced back and forth alongside a small strip of grass that lined the dirt courtyard.

"What have I gotten myself into?" She asked herself. This, 'Earl Dribbles Jr. was clearly a trustworthy-albeit eccentric human. Though she doubted that he'd have any information about her friends. Much less so how she got to Earth.


"Yee Yee!" The sudden cry startled her, Earl through the barn door's aside with a portion venison at the end of a long pike. Which he placed atop his campfire. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of pepper and salt shakers. Alongside a set of silverware... If you could consider it fair to call a pair Bowie knives that. He handed one to Applejack. " Keep it, I got a ton. Plus, ain't every day you meet a talkin' colorful pony." She chuckled at his remark. But decided to go on and ask him about the other humans.

"Hey, Earl?" She looked over at him to find that he had already begun to dig into his food, tearing bit's from it without a care in the world. "Earl!" He looked up." Yeah?"

" Do you know by any chance know a human by the name of Scott?" Earl's attention had already turned to a can of beer. He raised his eyes above the brim. "Which one? 'Cause I know quite a few Scott's. Mind specifying? " She scratched her chin.

"Green shirt, scar on his neck, kinda has a thing for watermelons?" Earl though about it for a few moments. " Ah, that Scott. Yeah! I know him. I know a few of his friends as well. Nice bunch." He took another bite out of his slice of venison, finishing off his half of the slab. "Ya still want some, or can I finish it?" She stared at it as though it was a ball of fire. "Er... Sure, I'll try some, but just a little for the time being." He shrugged and drew his Bowie knife again, the blade gleamed in the moonlight, he brought it down on the other half of the venison. Which eh had taken off the fire and set to rest on a crude clay platter. With near perfect muscle memory he brought the knife down on it and diced a small piece off. Applejack took it in between her front hooves. She bit into it. And grinned. " Hmm, it ain't as bad as I thought it would be."

Earl laughed. "See, I knew you'd like it." In reality, he hadn't known how she would have reacted. She looked like a pony, claimed to be one, but she could clearly eat meat. And that was a good thing, because he didn't want to spend his wonderful afternoon cleaning up magic horse vomit. He leaned off to the side. "Hmfh, apples?" She looked at her cutie mark, and back up at Earl. " Oh yeah, this ain't just for show. My special talent is apple pickin'. It's called a Cutie mark." The phrase made him cringe.

"Eh, odd. Well... how'd ya get it?" He had begun to whittle a little twig.

"It just appeared on me." She explained. Earl Dribbles Jr. raised his eyebrow. " I don't understand."

"It's magic. It permeates all of Equestria." This confused him even more. " Equestria, I'm sorry ma'am, you're gonna have to explain. I really don't understand a damn thing you're saying. Start from the beginning."

"Alight, long ago. There were 3 great pony tribes, the pegasi, the unicorns, and the earth ponies-" She noticed that Earl wasn't paying attention anymore. " What was that? You're gonna have to tell me 'morrow. 'Ol Earl's off to bed now." He got up from the hay bale he was sitting on and stretched his arms. "Agh!!! I been sittin' down to long." He crumbled the now empty beer can in his hand and stuffed it into one of his many, many overall pockets. See ya in the mornin' Applejack." He picked his shotgun up and began to walk towards his shack.

"Wait, where am I supposed to sleep?" Applejack called out.

" The barn's nice and warm! Or if ya want, you can grab a blanket and sleep out under the stars! Though I wouldn't recommend it, we've got feral hog's 'n other thing's out in them wood's that'll mess ya up if you're not prepared. Night." And just like that, Applejack was alone in the darkness. "Barn it is." She chuckled. This wasn't actually that bad. Though she still didn't know where her friends were, or if they were on their way here, or even if they knew she was gone at all. Applejack pushed all of those thought's off to the side, and collapsed on a bed of hay. She was asleep in an instant.