//------------------------------// // 3: Outside Advice // Story: Love On The Air // by BurnyWrites //------------------------------// Spike sat alone on his bed, letting the radio play whatever it desired. He had a few more hours until Lady Luxury returned to the airwaves, but he just couldn’t think straight. He spent all of last night going back and forth, thinking about the date he needed to plan and the radio show he wanted to call and ask for more advice. He spent so long just talking to himself, arguing what to do that he missed his chance, and the Saturday show ended before he could pull himself to call. Maybe not even advice, but to share the story and get a little empathy. He was ecstatic to have a locked in agreement, a promise to be together, alone, even if only for a short time. But he was still as lost as ever, not sure what to do, where to go, or even what to do next. He considered asking around the castle, his sister and Starlight may have what he needed but to even ask them was to get their judgement. Those constant hang ups eating away at him, that Sweetie was Rarity’s sister, that his love was fake, that it was crazy thinking, or worst that Sweetie was going to reject him, they all kept swirling in his head, getting louder and louder the more he thought about Sweetie. The only thing to pull him out of his cerebral spiral was a knock at his door. “Prince Spike, her majesty Twilight requests your presence in the dining room, dinner is to be served in ten minutes.” "No need to be so formal. Tell her I’ll be there in a minute.” He could hear the soft clopping of hooves against the crystal floor as whoever was sent to fetch him returned to their post. Spike rolled off the bed as the host of the radio show began to talk about some political story out of the Crystal Empire. As he climbed to his feet, he looked to his bed stand and read over Lady Luxury’s advice one more time. Whatever was to happen tonight, if anything were to happen tonight, it wouldn’t happen for hours. Spike needed to go eat. *** The Crusaders sat together in their twice renovated treehouse, improved and reinforced since the trio grew up. The treehouse was still their go to meeting place for both crusader business, which was more and more rare as they all went off to their careers, and for their casual hang outs, which never slowed down even a little. “I’m telling you. He’s gonna call again today. I just know it.” “That’s what you said last night Scootaloo, and now we’re here.” Sweetie fidgeted as she ate with her friends, all of them sitting around a barrel of apples. “He probably figured it out after Scootaloo said we work together on weekend nights. Maybe he’s solved it and doesn’t want to call.” “Ah’m with Scootaloo on this. He probably just got nervous, or Twilight or Starlight needed him…” “Or he was deep in some cheap mare.” Apple Bloom elbowed her friend as Sweetie grew more and more concerned. “Not helping Scoots.” Apple Bloom snatched the apple out of her friend’s hooves and took a bite. “You have nothing to worry about. We both saw how much he wanted you at the party. It will all be okay.” Sweetie took a few deep breaths before flopping back and looking up at the roof of their little sanctuary, lost in thought as she tried to figure out what was going on in that dragon’s mind, why he didn’t call, and what to say now. “Even if he does call, what do I tell him? Do I give him my genuine advice on what I would do, or do I feed him what I want to happen. Last time it all just happened so fast but now, oh the anticipation is killing me.” “Why dontcha give no advice at all?” Both of the mares looked at Apple Bloom, a suspicious glare from Sweetie said that she didn’t like where this could lead, but an intrigued smile from Scootaloo encouraged her to proceed. “Ya see, If ya think yer too close to the problem, let other people answer Spike’s question for ya. Encourage callers to give him advice, and add comments as you talk to the rest of ‘em. You’re not giving any advice, but it will still help spike.” The looks flipped as Scootaloo was hoping for Apple Bloom to give her own bad advice but Scootaloo saw nothing wrong with it, while a bright, beaming smile formed on Sweetie’s face as the idea sunk in. It solved all her problems. No need for her to give the perfect advice or give herself away, while still providing a guiding insight to her upcoming private excursion with Spike. The three sat quietly together, emptying more of the barrel as Sweetie let her mind run once again. At this point, she saw no downsides to the plan, only the glorious solution she had been circling around but not seen for days. However it all came crashing down as she realized there were still several things she’d need to solve. “But what happens when Spike asks about my work again. He’ll figure out what I do eventually.” “I don’t think you’re able to solve that. You’re either in or you’re out. Lady Luxury lives and eventually Spike finds out, or ‘Lady Luxury’ ends and you take over the show as yourself. You may have to take it up with Vinyl since your secret identity is a selling point of the show.” Scootaloo relaxed as she tossed another apple core out the window. “You and I are pretty much in this together. I’ll go with you no matter what.” The last bit reminded Sweetie why she was friends with Scootaloo. After all the teasing and stuff, she was almost as loyal as her hero Rainbow Dash. “We’re in it together. Would have been nice if you had passed on that question last week but now we’re here.” Apple bloom heaved the mostly finished apple barrel out of the way and pushed a table into the center of them, pulling a few papers and a quill out as well. “If yer gonna be lying longer, probably want to get your story straight. Scootaloo already almost blew it once, and I’m sure you both don’t want any more surprises like that. So what kinda job are you two doing together weekend nights that isn’t radio.” *** “Welcome back to Sweet Jazz with Lady Luxury. A special thanks to the girls on before us, but now it’s time for your dose of the best jazz selection in Equestria.” The planning went longer than expected, with several hours flying by as the three bounced every possibility back and forth, figuring out what the best lies would be. After several good ideas and even more bad ideas, they settled on a plan, less than 20 minutes before the show was supposed to start. The production duo raced to the studio, but were still pushing a late start. Sweetie continued the introduction. “Tonight is another free night. No major news to talk about, no world shattering mysteries or magical misfortunes, only the cool relaxing sounds of EPR’s late night Jazz show. Call in and you may be featured on the air, where we can chat about whatever’s on your mind.” Sweetie was still getting into the voice and was convinced it sounded funny, but Scootaloo just gave an approving nod and a wing gesture to show everything was alright. This happened last night as well, as the prospect of Spike’s next call ate away at her. This was her zone, one of the things she was best at, but the stress was slowly getting to her. “We’re gonna start the show off nice and slow. So settle down, grab yourself a nice book or a cup of tea, and unwind with one of my personal favourites.” Sweetie set up some songs to play next while turning to address Scootaloo, careful to wait until the music started so she wasn’t still broadcasting. Since she was feeling nervous, she did her best not to break her concentration, speaking still in her artificial voice. “I’ll take whatever, but If ‘Smith’ calls back, send him to the front of the queue. Normal rules.” “Gotcha, nothing fancy. Just a normal night.” Scootaloo pressed a few buttons, listening in to what the caller wanted to talk about, knowing that she would once again be barraged with both interesting requests and strange fantasies from people all around Equestria. It was something she had gotten used to, and sometimes hearing what they would say about a mare none of them knew really made her laugh. The first was exactly one of those types of callers, starting Scootaloo’s night off with a laugh. Meanwhile Sweetie’s dread just grew and grew. Over and over she tested her voice, just to try and hit what she thought was its normal sound. “Do, mi, so, mi, do. Do, mi, so, mi, do. La la la la la.” Exercise after exercise, nothing sounded right. She broke her concentration again and reset her spell only to have no change, just the same irritating inaccuracies she kept hearing. “You okay in there Sweetie?” “No, something’s wrong. The voice is wrong. I can’t get it.” “There’s nothing wrong. It’s the same as ever. Or if there is, it’s so slight that even I can’t notice it. If you need to, throw on another song and take a sip of water. We’ve got the full night ahead of us still.”  Sweetie reluctantly followed her friend’s advice, magically grabbing some water while doing her best to relax for what would certainly be another stressful night. *** “And so with this new understanding, we can improve our current technology and potentially even usher in a golden era of research and understanding. Imagine a world where we didn’t even need magic anymore.” “You’re getting a little too close to your old self Starlight. Don’t let your research go to your head.” Twilight and Starlight talked as the three permanent residents of the Crystal Palace wrapped up their personal time following their dinner. Starlight was so gung-ho about her research that Spike didn’t want to step away, but his eyes were firmly on the clock, watching as minutes ticked by, getting closer and closer to when he would need to make a decision. Just when he knew the show was supposed to start, Twilight stood up from her cushioned seat at the table and backed away. “I really have enjoyed spending this week with you spike. It’s been great to catch up and hear about your adventures across Equestria. And it’s always a pleasure to hear about your research Starlight, but my job never ends. I need to read over some policy proposals before royal court tomorrow. Thank you for the time, but if you’ll excuse me.” Spike forced a smile as his adoptive big sister left, waving a forced goodbye. When Twilight left, the pair of guards at the doors left behind her, leaving Spike and Starlight alone in the dining room. However it was only moments after twilight excused herself that Spike rose from his seat as well. “Yeah, it’s been great Starlight, but I’m gonna head off to sleep.” He scrambled out of his seat and began to make his way to the door. However he never reached it as the familiar light glow of Starlight’s magic covered him, lifting him up off the ground to prevent his escape. “You’re not going anywhere dragon boy. We’ve got some things to talk about.” Spike gulped hearing Starlight’s ominous proclamation, quickly trying to cover up anything she may suspect. “W-what do we need to talk about. There’s nothing to talk about that I haven’t said already.” Starlight smiled as she brought him back to his chair, releasing him from her grasp. “Yes there is. Twilight may be the princess of friendship, but she’s still incredibly dense. She has to be if she can't see how nervous you’ve been today. You’ve been fidgeting all day, you barely ate any food that wasn’t gems or deserts, and you’ve been locked away in your room any time food wasn’t being served. If it’s something you can’t tell Twi, that’s fine, but I want to know what’s got our dragon all wound up.” Spike was shocked at just how perceptive Starlight was. His many years of living with Twilight got him used to no one being able to read him, but Starlight picked him apart better than Twilight ever had. This wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time she was being so direct about it. With a sigh, he looked down to the crystalline table. “I- It’s about a mare.” “Thought so. Am I gonna get any more details out of you, or do I need to guess who this mystery mare is.” “It’s just some mare. She’s been on my mind for a while. A few months now but it really picked up last week.” “Princess Celestia?” Spike couldn’t help but laugh at the suggestion of what was basically his adoptive mother/sister/aunt. Sure, she came onto him pretty strong last week but nothing like that. “No, why would you even think that?” “So it’s Luna then.” “Where are you even coming up with this?” “Well you were staying with them last week. Who knows what happened there. Or what legally didn’t happen.” Starlight giggles with a wink. “But if you’re not gonna give me anything to go off of, I’m gonna take some guesses. Moondancer?” “Have you even met Moondancer? No. Not Moondancer. Not anyone from Canterlot.” “Hmmm, interesting. Continue.” “Well, this mare, she’s just been on my mind for a long time, and I think I invited her on a date. I’m just not sure if she sees it that way or not.” “Ahhh. Sweetie Belle then.” Spike hesitated before trying to deny it. “W-what, not Sweetie Belle. That’s Rarity’s sister, I can’t date her after so long obsessing over Rarity.” “Please, I saw you two at the party. You two were basically falling over each other. I’m surprised you didn’t bring her home after what I saw.” “That’s not at all what happened-” “So you invited Sweetie on a date and you’re trying to figure out what to do about it. I mean, fair enough.” “That’s not why I’m worried.” Spike scratches the table with his claws, pulling out chunks of crystal that dissolved from his claws before rematerializing where it was pulled from, one of the many magical properties of Twilight’s magic castle. He kept doing this while looking away from Starlight. “Last week, I called in to this radio show and asked for advice. And the advice they gave worked, and I want to call in again and ask for more advice, but I’m not sure.” “Well if it worked and they’re willing to give more advice, then why not call in again.” “Because it’s embarrassing. It’s nerve wracking and embarrassing. It’s so hard to even just pick up the phone.” “Okay, then why did you call in last time.” “I… don’t know. It just kinda happened.” Finally, Spike looked back up to his pale pink friend, expecting some smug reaction but instead just getting a sympathetic smile. “Things can be hard, Spike. No one’s gonna make you call, or make you ask for advice from some stranger on the radio, but at least it’s something right?”  Spike paused as he looked to his friend, before inevitably looking away again. “I’m not sure about it. What if Sweetie hears it and knows I don’t have anything. What if she’s listening to that show while she works with Scootaloo. What if it all goes wrong?” “Then you smile, you explain what you did, and you move on.” Starlight got up from her chair and moved around the table to Spike. When Spike saw this, he got up to dash away again but was again caught in Starlight’s magic. “Spike, you know who you’re talking to right? I was the villain. I hurt people and robbed them of their talent. But I moved past that. I became Twilight’s right hand mare, and things worked themselves out.” Starlight pulled the dragon into a tight hug, wrapping him in a deep embrace to reassure him. “If you like Sweetie, and she likes you, who cares where the story started. You’ll be fine, and hopefully, be able to live a long, happy life with her.” Spike sighed as he slowly accepted the hug and wrapped his arms around Starlight’s body. “Thanks. I think that’s what I needed. I’ll give them a call and see what advice I can get. You’re the best Starlight.” “You are correct.” She released Spike from his hug and lowered herself back on to her hooves. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there is a great and powerful mare in my room who needs to be punished for how much she frustrates me. Good luck Spike.” Starlight gleefully trots out of the room leaving Spike all by himself, with new reassured courage to call Lady Luxury for advice. *** “Although I don’t think I have any book recommendations…” Sweetie had gotten back into the zone once callers started filling in. She was still nervous but she had managed to get in to that perfect state where talking was just easy. So long as topics kept coming her way, she could go for hours. She knew, she had done it before. Meanwhile Scootaloo took her job seriously, but got the chance to relax. No major incidents, nobody slipping through the cracks and having to be shut down, and more than a few giggles she got listening to random people simply talk. She could hear the automated response questioning what people wanted to talk about, listening to calls with one ear while the other listened to the show going on right now, headphones pressed to her head with a wing. She passed through some softballs for Sweetie, a few tougher ones as well, but nothing too serious or dire. And especially no relationship advice as she didn’t want to throw Sweetie off her game. The show had been going for a bit over an hour, flipping back and forth between talk and jazz. It wasn’t Scootaloo’s favourite genre, but she knew what to listen for in case something went wrong. She had the show under control. She had everything under control, until about an hour and a half in. Just another caller, another possible guest and conversation. But just as the automated response ended, she recognized the voice on the other end. “Hello. This is Smith. Lady Luxury said I could call back and I’m looking for more advice.” The same crudely disguised voice as last time. Not nearly as much detail, but clearly the dragon she had known for years. She pressed some buttons on the setup to put him on hold and got herself ready to pass him through to Lady Luxury. She waved her hooves to get Sweetie’s attention. “Interesting. I’ve never heard of that author. Thanks Luxury.” “No problem madame. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. We’re gonna spin on in to another few songs but don’t tune off, we’ll be back with more listener discussion after. And now, for some jazz from the Crystal Empire. Enjoy.”  Sweetie ended off the current conversation and set up some music to allow herself to talk to Scootaloo. But Scootaloo didn’t want the time, she was chomping at the bit to tell Sweetie. To get her ready for what was to come. “Luxury, It’s Smith up next. You think you’re ready for this?” It’s what Sweetie thought once she saw Scootaloo waving so frantically. Her heart sped up, pounding in her ears, but with a few deep breaths, she was back in line. “Okay. I’m… Wait, my voice. They’ll figure it out immediately.” “I’ve been on the phone lines all night and no one has said a thing. I think this might be going to your head.” “It most certainly is not in my head. I’m telling you, something is wrong.” “No it’s not. Are you still gonna open up advice from other callers?” Sweetie wasn’t happy that Scootaloo kept brushing her off, but she relented. “Yeah. I think so. We’ll see once it starts.” “Well he’s waiting for you now. Not much longer now. Unless you want to throw on one more song and delay the inevitable.” “Not much longer. I can do this.” Sweetie sat straight on her cushion, psyching herself up for another of the most stressful calls of her career. *** Despite Starlight’s pep talk, actually making the call was the hard part. Spike burned an hour just holding the phone in his claw, waiting to dial, staring at the oversized buttons fit for hooves instead of fingers, and ready to call. But he couldn’t. Twilight was somewhere in the castle, able to drop in at any moment. He requested the guards to not let anyone in, but Twilight was still princess and could command otherwise. Sweetie was somewhere, maybe listening to the same show he was about to call in to. He hoped Scootaloo didn’t like jazz so they would have other shows playing, but who knows. There weren’t many broadcasts anyways, so maybe they just worked in silence. That was the best Spike could hope for. Time ticked past as Spike built up the courage to dial in the number. He was so nervous that he nearly forgot the name he used last time. Smith. Smith, from Canterlot. Hopefully if he introduced himself that way, they wouldn’t pay attention to the changed phone number since last time he called. He waited for minutes, the radio’s music playing over the phone. Something experimental, more stressful than relaxing in his opinion. Not helping. Finally, he heard the phone connect, and he knew he was on the air.  “Hello caller. What are you interested in talking about tonight?” The smooth and melodic voice of Lady Luxury came through the phone speaker, loud and clear for the dragon to hear. “Hi Lady Luxury. I called you last week about relationship advice-” “Ahh, so Smith has returned. Interesting. For the listeners who missed that show, would you care to say what it is you are going through?” Spike gulped as he realized he’d need to go over everything once again, but it was the price he would have to pay. “Yeah, sure. You see, I had this crush on an older mare for years, but she rejected me. After I got over the rejection, I sorta, kinda developed a crush on her little sister.” “Yes, if I remember correctly, friends from a young age, she’s still a few years older than you, and you hadn’t seen her in almost a year.” “Yeah.” Spike winced as his false voice fell for just a second. He turned away to cough to help him get the voice back. “Yeah. You gave some really great advice and I was hoping for more. We finally met up and your advice worked amazingly-” “Thank you. It’s rare we get to follow up on our advice, but it’s always nice hearing a successful story.” “There’s more though. So, I invited her to do something more private like you suggested. We, uh, spent some time with her friends but I invited her to spend some time alone this week. Just the two of us.” “So you set up a date.” “I- I wouldn’t call it a date. I didn’t say it was a date when I asked. I’m not even sure if she would want to go on a date.” Spike scrambled to justify and defend, not sure on where Sweetie stood with the idea of going out as more than friends. “I have some ideas but since your advice was so good last time, I was hoping you could suggest something.” The pause was deafening, a long, empty cacophony of silence as seconds, hours, years passed by  between him speaking and her reply. Although likely only breaking for a moment, the temptation to hang up was growing in him. “You know, since you called in last week, I’ve been thinking about your situation. It’s strange and, while I am fascinated by your predicament, I think I’m not the best person to ask about this.” Spike deflated as the voice on the radio denied his request. Devastated, he was about to hang up, but didn’t as the mare continued. “But I am interested in hearing the rest of this story. So after this next song, I’m gonna open the phone lines back up and we’ll spend some time taking audience advice. With my own personal additions of course.” “Oh, okay. Sure.” Spike said, confused at the process but interested in the outcomes. “Excellent. Stay on the line and while we play this next song, we’ll get some calls ready to help you out.” The line went quiet as he could hear the radio start up once again. He was put on hold again, like he was when he first called. Would it really be the best for even more people’s advice, especially after he had so much success with Luxury’s advice. Maybe it wasn’t the best, there was no turning around now. Just to wait for a caller. *** “Scootaloo. It’s time.” Sweetie said while setting the song to play out. “Direct line for anyone with advice, good or bad. I really want this to work out.”  The moment that stressed Sweetie out all night was finally upon her. All she could do was hope that the callers would be good, and that her producer would be kind enough not to play any more games with her love life. A hope that she could almost guarantee would fail. “Already on it. We’ve already got one caller. Date idea. I’ve got my ears peeled.” Scootaloo casually relaxed in her chain, more than confident in the plan. The problem was all that confidence Scootaloo exuded practically doubled Sweetie’s anxiety. Why would Scootaloo think this is so easy? It may be the hardest thing Sweetie’s ever done in her life and she was able to relax during it. And why did her voice still sound off!!? The calm personality heard on the radio was all a facade, almost completely different than what Sweetie felt in the moment. But it was her job. She was an actress and the invisible medium of the radio was her stage. With a deep breath, she settled back on to the air. “That one may be one of my favourites. Now for those of you just joining us, we’re doing a little follow up with one of our dear callers. He’s got relationship trouble and, I know I don’t do relationship stuff often on this show, but his situation is just so special that I want to help out however I can. That’s why I’m asking all you listeners to call in and help us solve this sister lover’s problem.” Scootaloo pressed some buttons to pass the caller on to the show. “Thanks for calling in. Now what might your name be?” “Hi Lady Luxury. This is actually my first time listening to your show. I’m Starlight.”  “And I’m The great and Powe-” “Sorry about that. My partner was the one who really wanted me to call in.” Starlight Glimmer. The Starlight Glimmer was calling in. Sure, there were the rare times when Sweetie would get a name she recognized, Silver Spoon was a surprisingly frequent caller, but she never would have guessed Starlight, right hand to the princess and Twilight’s chief researcher, would call in. Still Sweetie had to play it cool. Lady Luxury had to be neutral. “Starlight, great to have you on the show. So, what advice do you have for our friend in an awkward situation?” “Smith was his name right? I think you’re overthinking this. Who cares what your past was like? So what if you used to love someone’s sister? Things change. You just need to go for it.” “I’m inclined to agree, Starlight. Smith, you just need to put yourself out there.” “Exactly.” Smith was still on hold, but listening. Sweetie could only hope that a few miles away, the dragon took the advice of one of the mares living in the same building as him. “As for what to do on this ‘not a date’ thing. Well why not still make it romantic. Take this girl out, see the sights, or even just take a stroll through the markets.” “And see a traveling street magician along the way.” Another, quieter voice came through the phone before making a small oof, sounding as if she was just thrown on to a bed. Starlight continued. “A walk in the park, or maybe even just stargazing at the end of a night.” Sweetie just listened, taking in what Starlight suggested. She nodded to her unseen audience, liking what she was hearing. “I think that could go a long way to helping. Just something casual. Nothing too formal or anything like that. I think that’s wonderful advice, Miss Starlight.” Trixie shouted back, “And if it all goes well, you can take her home, throw her in bed, and ru-” Sweetie rushed to end the call before things could get inappropriate. “All right, thank you for calling Starlight. But please, a reminder to all listeners that we are a family friendly show please.” Her voice shifted as she went from the serious reprimand to her audience back to the dragon on the other end of the line. “Now Smith, how was that advice…” The line was dead. Spike had hung up. After a brief panic by Sweetie, she tried to play it off. “It seems like our caller disconnected as well. We’re gonna take one or two more in hopes that they’re still listening before we bring it back to the music. All right caller, you’re on the air.”