Sometimes I wonder if it’s all downhill from here. If I’ve plateaued already, that the best days of my life have passed me by. Of course, then I remember that I’m the Element of Laughter. I think ‘destined to do great things’ kind of comes with the job description there. At the very least, I know that I’ll always have an impact on the lives of ponies around me.
So maybe not my ‘best days’ have passed, then then. But I do think that I’ve maybe left the most exciting time of my life behind me. But really, that’s for the best. I was a foal and a young mare, and I did foal and young-mare type things. I lived, I laughed, I fell in love and had my heart broken (plus a rib here or there) and then fixed it back up again (ditto the ribs). I lived on top of the world, at the bottom of a bottle, and everywhere in between. I travelled to Las Pegasus and Manehattan, to Colton and Bridleton, and there’s photographic evidence that I’ve been to Neigh Orleans, though I don’t remember anything of it (or the day before, or for about two days afterwards). I gave my parents and even my older sister Berry Punch more than a few euphemistic heart attacks, especially that time I brought home a minotaur. Even in Equestria, a pony dating a minotaur raises a few eyebrows.
I think the reason why it took me so long to find my cutie mark is because I wasn’t trying to find out who I was or what I wanted, the way everypony else was. I didn’t much care who I was. I just wanted to have fun, whatever that meant at the time. No, I wasn’t finding true happiness, but I was definitely finding some decent facsimiles. But, then I started getting older, and that meant that I had to start taking care of myself, thinking about my future and abandon my live-in-the-moment attitude, bit by bit setting aside my childish things and moving into the ‘real world.’
Also my parents finally put their hoof down and wouldn’t let me wander off during the summers or weekends, or even much during the weekdays except to go to school. Probably a good decision on their part, though at the time I thought that they were standing in for the sun, as the saying goes.
Of course, then I earned my cutie mark – the last pony I knew to do so, I was nearly grown up by the time it finally occurred – and I found out how much it made me happy to see smiling foals and to basically help to raise the next generation of ponies, and I ended up going in the opposite direction. Suddenly I became the responsible one, the steady one, the one with the goal in life. I hit the books so hard it left a mark. I had to, of course – they don’t let just anypony be a teacher, after all, and with the grade-point average I had, it seemed almost like a hopeless cause.
But I did it. I even managed to do it without hurting my social life too badly. I mean, yes, it’s been years since I’ve seen most of the old gang, but they’ve all moved on too. At least I hope they have. Doing the kinds of things we used to do – a not insignificant portion of which ranged from ‘barely legal’ to ‘very illegal’ – is a young pony’s game, and I think it’d be almost sad to see Rainbowshine is still dancing on tables in Las Pegasus (she isn’t, last I heard she’s on the weather patrol in Bridleton). But back then our lives were just sticking it to the authority for the sake of making a scene. Anarchy and hedonism is all well and good for a kid, but it doesn’t really get anything done. A wasted youth isn’t nearly as good as a wise and productive old age.
Nope. I am a teacher. I elucidate and illuminate and educate everypony around me, I ensure that the ponies I know – but especially my students, the foals in my class – are more informed, more knowledgeable, and therefore, better ponies all around.
It’s not exciting, it’s not glamorous, but it’s my special talent, it’s what makes me happy. And as much fun as the old days were, I wouldn’t trade the life I have now for anything.
---
The foals filed into the classroom from recess and found their desks quickly enough, but continued to talk for several minutes, keeping conversations and discussions that they had been having outside going. Most of the conversations centered on the storm over the Everfree Forest, it’s sheer size, and the fact that the weather patrol didn’t seem to have any intention of getting rid of it. Despite being an earth pony, Cheerilee was familiar enough with the weather of the Everfree Forest to know that the storm, though large in size, wasn’t going to be particularly dangerous. It was still unscheduled, however – Cheerilee had triple-checked her newspaper to verify this – and more to the point, she couldn’t see any sign of Ponyville’s weather patrol getting ready to combat the rain. She wondered if they had decided to change the date of the storm that had been scheduled for next week.
Eventually, Cheerilee had to bring the classroom to a semblance of order, especially given the importance of today’s subject. “Let’s quiet down, please! We have a very important lesson to get to.” Cheerilee asked as she stood up and walked from her desk, over to a presentation she had prepared. The classroom of foals quieted down quickly enough. “Thank-you. Today, we are going to be talking about cutie marks.”
About half the class looked especially attentive at that, while at least a few – all of whom had earned their cutie marks by now – lost a little interest. Cheerilee had been expecting as much, though, hence her visual presentation. First, however, she made sure that her own cutie mark was in clear view to the classroom. “You can all see my cutie mark, can’t you?” At a few nods, she turned to her presentation that lay upon a picture stand; with one hoof she moved aside the paper covering it and revealed several blown-up pictures of herself when she was younger, starting with her as a foal around the same age as everypony else in the classroom besides her.
“Just like everypony, I wasn’t born with a cutie mark.” Cheerilee resisted the urge to add the line that she had heard as a foal – her “flank was blank.” The pejorative blank-flank was common enough already; no need to add fuel to the fire simply for the sake of a rhyme.
She heard a slight squeal from one of the foals in the front of the class – Twist, a foal who wore thick glasses and had a slight speech impediment, though Cheerilee was confident she’d outgrow it eventually – at the sight of Cheerilee as a filly. “Aw…” Twist said, “thee’s tho prethious!”
Cheerilee smiled warmly, ignoring a few rolled eyes from other foals. “Then one day,” she said, continuing her story, “I woke up to find that a cutie mark had appeared!” She moved aside the picture of her as a foal, and instead showing a much later one.
“Look at her hair!” Silver Spoon exclaimed, before she could stop herself. A wave of laughter passed through the classroom.
Cheerilee herself joined in as she glanced at the photograph, showing her with a wavy, tossed mane and tail that looked like it had lost a fight with a waffle-maker, not to mentioned a checkered scarf, a single legwarmer on her left hind leg, and braces. At least nopony had commented on those. “Yes, I know,” she said, “but honestly, that’s how everypony was wearing their mane back then!”
Cheerilee didn’t feel the need to explain that by everypony, she actually meant a specific youth subculture that she had been a part of, nor that what she had been wearing had been considered quite risqué by adults at the time, and most especially that this was probably the tamest picture that existed of her at that point in time. This was not, after all, a history lesson, and her goal had been to keep the subject of cutie marks light, anyway.
“I had decided to become a teacher,” Cheerilee continued, “and the flowers symbolized my hope that I could help my future students bloom if I nurtured them with knowledge. The smiles on the flowers represented the cheer I hoped to bring to my little ponies while they were learning.”
Cheerilee also decided to leave out that, at a glance, her cutie mark almost resembled three smiling suns rather than smiling flowers, and the slight ostracizing she had experienced as a result. Having a sun-themed cutie mark was considered incredibly bad luck. But, Granny Smith, the resident wise old-timer of Ponyville (even back then), had herself stated that they were flowers, not suns, and everypony had listened to Granny Smith on that point, thankfully.
“Now,” Cheerilee said, pausing in her presentation, “can anypony tell me when a pony gets his or her cutie mark?”
“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Twist exclaimed, unsurprisingly – she was always Cheerilee’s most eager student. “When thee dithcoverth that thertain thomthing that maketh her thpethial!”
Cheerilee nodded, heading back over to her desk and looking out over the class. “That’s right, Twist. A cutie mark appears on a pony’s flank when he or she finds that certain something that makes them different from any other pony. Even two cutie marks that look identical can mean very different things. But most important of all, a cutie mark represents the thing that makes you happy.
"But, finding out what makes you, well, you, isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s a journey of self-discovery, and no amount of hoping, wishing, or begging will make a cutie mark appear before its time – ”
Cheerilee cut herself off when she spotted something in the back. “Applebloom! Are you passing a note?” she demanded, when she noticed the earth pony filly leaning across the aisle that separated her desk from Diamond Tiara’s. She had put Applebloom’s desk between Diamond Tiara’s and Silver Spoon’s when the two wouldn’t stop talking to each other during class, but it was looking like that wouldn’t be enough.
Applebloom had dropped the note, and was stuttering as Cheerilee left her desk and trotted up to the fallen piece of paper. “What could be so important that it couldn’t wait until after class?” she asked, turning the paper over with one hoof and revealing…
“It’s blank?” she asked, glancing to Applebloom, who was shrugging helplessly. Cheerilee sighed, shaking her head as she picked up the crumpled paper and tossed it into the waste basket – two points – before turning back around, heading back for her desk. She was about to ask Applebloom not to pass notes (and that no, it didn’t matter that she hadn’t been the one to write it, nor that it was blank) in class when she heard muffled laughter – no, not laughter. Sniggering.
“Remind you of anypony?” Diamond Tiara asked, her voice obviously supposed to be heard by her classmates, especially Silver Spoon, who also tittered. She probably hadn’t thought that Cheerilee would overhear.
She had been mistaken. “As a matter of fact, it does, Diamond Tiara,” Cheerilee said, turning around. She noted Applebloom’s dejected look – she was one of the ponies in class who had yet to earn her cutie mark – and shot the red-maned filly a conciliatory smile. “How many of you remember our geography lesson from a few weeks ago? Does anypony remember who Mi Amore Cadenza is?”
All hooves in the class remained on the floor, the lesson being only dimly remembered, except by one. Alula, who was a yellow-coated, purple-maned pegasus filly who possessed both pegasus wings and a unicorn horn, raised one hoof. “Um…the Princess of Cavallia?” she asked timidly, aware that a lot of pony’s eyes were now on her. Alula was embarrassed about having both wings and a horn, as she wasn’t really extraordinary, not beyond the normal limits of a unicorn or a pegasus, in any event: she was no alicorn like Luna or Cadenza. A lot of ponies expected amazing things from her – a lot of the other foals thought that she was an alicorn in disguise, in fact – but Cheerilee knew her to be just like any other filly her age.
Cheerilee nodded. “That’s right!” she said. “She’s the immortal alicorn princess of Cavallia and has been alive for a thousand years. And she did not earn her cutie mark until she was nearly thirty years old! Yet despite that, she was crowned princess of Cavallia before earning it, and is among the closest friends and confidants of Princess Luna herself!
“Or,” Cheerilee continued, turning back to her presentation, “if you’d like a more recent example, there’s me! I was older any anypony here before I earned my cutie mark. In fact, I was the last pony I knew to earn one. But I never let that get me down.
“You see, class,” Cheerilee continued, not specifically addressing Diamond Tiara, but the earth pony filly certainly knew that she was the target of Cheerilee’s lecture, “as important as cutie marks are to ponies, just as important is the journey of self-discovery involved in finding your special talent. Before earning his or her cutie mark, nopony knows his or her special talent – which is just another way of saying that his or her special talent could be anything, and the pony still gets to experience the joy of finding out what it’s going to be!”
“So it’s better to be a blank-flank!” Dinky Doo exclaimed from her desk.
Cheerilee reacted before the foals in the class with cutie marks could feel insulted. “Not exactly,” she explained. “Remember that a pony without a cutie mark hasn’t yet realized what makes him or her truly happy, after all. I’d say that, at the end of the day, it’s simply most important to be yourself. Everypony earns their cutie marks eventually, when their time is right. It might take some ponies longer than others, but it always happens, and until then, you should just enjoy yourselves and be happy!”
Applebloom and the other pre-cutie mark ponies in the classroom looked suitably assuaged, while Diamond Tiara and the other ones who had already earned their cutie marks also looked satisfied with Cheerilee’s explanation. The teacher didn’t delude herself into thinking that she had fully stopped the eternal conflict between cutie-marked and blank-flank foals, but she had, at least, forestalled this particular battle, and maybe imparted a little wisdom along the way.
“Alright then, class,” Cheerilee said, as she returned to her presentation. As she did, she caught a glance out the window, and saw that the rain had started falling – harder than she had expected, too. “Now, who here can tell me what is believed to create cutie marks…?”
---
By the time the school day ended, a steady downpour had begun in earnest, turning the dirt roads that comprised most of Ponyville into inch-deep muck punctuated by wide puddles and flowing rivulets. Most of the foals’ parents had seen the rain coming and had come to pick up their foals, bringing their waterproofed rain cloaks from home while usually pausing to complain to Cheerilee or each other about the unscheduled weather change. Unfortunately, not all the foals’ family could make it, due to their being too busy at their places of work. Ponyville was a safe enough town that foals could normally walk home from school by themselves, but today, with this unexpected storm, Cheerilee didn’t feel confident allowing them to do such.
Thus it was that Cheerilee found herself walking Dinky Doo, Silver Spoon, and Applebloom home through the rain, wearing the spare rain-cloaks that the school had stored away (and which looked – and smelled – like they hadn’t been used for a very long time, if ever). Silver Spoon had complained quite a bit about the cloaks, the rain, the mud, the company, the fact that she still had to do her homework even though it was raining and she had to walk home through it (nopony else entirely understanding how one was connected to the other), and just about everything else she could think of despite Cheerilee’s frequent admonishments. Fortunately, hers was the first home that the four of them reached, and almost in spite of herself she did thank Cheerilee for the escort.
Despite Silver Spoon’s house being their first stop, however, Cheerilee found herself thoroughly soaked by the rain, the cloak she was wearing not as waterproofed as the other three that she had managed to scrounge up for the foals. She tried not to let it get to her.
Dinky Doo’s home was next, and it was also thankfully only a few streets away from Silver Spoon’s. Unlike Silver Spoon, Dinky had largely behaved herself and actually determinedly avoided mud puddles or splashing around in the rain. Not that she minded it, but as she informed Cheerilee, her mother was covering a shift at the post office today, which meant that she was going to come home tired, and the last thing she’d need to do is clean up any mess that Dinky tracked all over the apartment.
Despite the short distance between Silver Spoon’s rather opulent home and Dinky’s loft apartment above the post office, Cheerilee found herself having passed soaked and ventured into nearly waterlogged territory due to the trip. And the longest leg was still left: Sweet Apple Acres, clear outside of town with the usually well-behaved, but certainly easy-to-excite, Applebloom. Applebloom, unlike Silver Spoon or Dinky, was thoroughly enjoying splashing around in the rain and muck. “Ah’m gonna need a bath anyway,” she informed Cheerilee matter-of-factly after jumping and nearly belly-flopping in a particularly large puddle. “Might as well make it worth tha effort, right?”
“Yes, but what about your school books?” Cheerilee asked the filly. She’d, so far, managed to avoid being splashed by Applebloom, and by this point Applebloom’s house was in sight.
“Mah school bag is waterproofed!” Applebloom proclaimed happily. “Mah big sis made sure t’ get me an all-weather school bag just in case Ah ever got caught outside in the rain. You can practically go swimmin’ with it!” She paused, then smiled brightly when she spotted the deep pond that was on Apple family land. “Watch!”
“Whoa, nelly!” A voice with a matching country drawl to Applebloom’s own called as the filly tried to dash off, just as Cheerilee was about to stop her. Coming out from one of the fields, onto the muddy road, was an orange-coated mare with a blond mane and tail, wearing only a sturdy Stetson and seeming to be unconcerned about the rain. Applejack was pulling a small cart of apples behind her. “Now Ah know ya weren’t just about to go for a swim in this weather, Applebloom.”
“Aw…” Applebloom moaned at her sister’s admonishment. “But Ah’m wet anyway…”
“Ain’t about gettin’ wet, sugarcube. Y’know that the stream swells when it rains an’ floods the pond. Water ends up flowin’ fast enough ta sweep ya away.”
“But Ah’m a good swimmer!”
“Not good enough ta’ put mah mind at ease. You can go for a swim when the pond’s level drops, but not before, y’hear?”
Applebloom didn’t seem too happy with that, but didn’t charge the pond, at least, instead letting out a sigh, thanking Cheerilee for seeing her home as good manners demanded, and trudging towards the house. Cheerilee and Applejack both laughed slightly at the sight of the disappointed filly once she was out of earshot. “Ah remember when Ah didn’t think anythin’ could hurt me neither,” the farmer remarked. “’Course, even Ah wasn’t dumb enough ta’ jump into a floodin’ pond!”
Cheerilee paused at that, tapping one waterlogged hoof to her mouth. Had this been half an hour ago, she might not have wanted to sit out in the rain talking, but as it stood she was wet enough anyway to not feel a need to pay it mind. “I seem to recall something about a treehouse, and a tornado from the Everfree, and wanting to make sure it was alright…”
Applejack looked embarrassed for a moment, before laughing. “Shucks,” she admitted. “Guess that was pretty dumb. Thank-you, by the way, for bringin’ Applebloom home. Ah ain’t worried none about a little rain, but Ah can certainly appreciate the concern.”
“Speaking of,” Cheerilee noted, looking at Applejack’s modest cart of fruit, “is this really apple-bucking weather?”
The farmer shook her head. “It ain’t. But the water n’ wind makes a few apples drop a bit early, and Ah ain’t in the business a’ lettin’ them go to waste. They make good cider. Not our cider-season quality cider, mind, but still good cider.”
“I’ll keep an eye open for it in the market,” Cheerilee promised. “Anyway, I better get going. See you later, Applejack.”
“’Later, Cheerilee,” Applejack returned.
---
Cheerilee did not for a moment regret seeing Silver Spoon, Dinky Doo, or Applebloom home, especially the last if she honestly felt that going for a swim in this weather was a good idea (though without Cheerilee around to show off her school bag to, she probably wouldn’t have even considered it).
She did, however, regret how soaked-through she now was. She more closely resembled a magenta sponge than a pony at this point. The rain cloak had completely failed her by the time she was back in town from Sweet Apple Acres, and she now wore it more out of a lack of anywhere to throw it out than due to any remaining need for its protection. Her mane, only recently recovered from a somewhat eventful day last month, was hanging around her like a waterlogged mop.
In sum, she was wet.
Cheerilee sighed as she trudged through town. Earth ponies were naturally resilient and hardy, but she knew that even considering that, there was a fairly good chance she was going to end up with a cold as a result of this little adventure. Still, the trade-off was peace of mind, which made the ordeal worthwhile –
Cheerilee heard the shimmering sound of unicorn telekinesis over her head, and looked up just in time to see a bucket full of water wrapped in a golden aura overturn directly onto her face. She let out a gasp at the sudden volume of water, sputtering. Over the rain and in spite of her water-filled ears, she heard laughter. Glancing to her left, she saw Bon Bon’s Confectionarium, and standing just inside the door a pair of grinning ponies, one a cream-colored earth pony, one a seafoam-green unicorn, and both appearing to have something of a death wish and utter confidence that it was about to be granted.
“Hi, Cheerilee!” Lyra called over to her second-oldest friend. Cheerilee had known Lyra since the two were in diapers, and Bon Bon for just as long. “It was Bon Bon’s idea!”
Cheerilee closed her eyes, counting to ten. When she opened them, she was looking at Bon Bon, and smiling wildly. “It just gave me a fantastic idea of my own,” she said.
Bon Bon stared uncomprehendingly for a moment, then let out a slight shriek as Cheerilee charged forward. She tried to turn and dash further into her store, but was too slow as Cheerilee leapt and landed on her, soaking the earth pony instantly as Lyra laughed while cantering backwards and well clear of the magenta sponge and her victim.
“Ack!” Bon Bon cried, struggling as Cheerilee stood and shook herself off, with Bon Bon right beneath her, soaking her even more. She wasn’t worried about the candy in the store, which she knew to all be safe in their containers. “Help!”
Lyra tapped a hoof to her mouth, considering. “Nope,” she said. “Way I see it, this is fair for dumping water on poor Cheerilee.”
“You dumped the water!” Bon Bon and Cheerilee both exclaimed.
“I was really more just a tool being used,” Lyra pointed out. “An accomplice that was coerced with threats of pain and you not making brownies tonight – wait, Cheerilee, what are you – ”
Cheerilee had trotted away from Bon Bon and back outside, retrieving the bucket. She then trotted back in and calmly proceeded to the sink that was behind the Confectionarium’s counter and began filling the bucket to the brim.
“Oh no,” Lyra objected, horn glowing defensively as Cheerilee finished filling the bucket. “No, no, I was unwilling! Dragged! Coerced!” She started galloping away, towards the door that would take her up and to Bon Bon’s apartment, but found it blocked off by a cream earth pony who was grinning as manically as Cheerilee.
“Treason!” Lyra exclaimed, just as Cheerilee came up behind her and overturned the bucket on the unicorn’s head, then threw her sopping wet rain cloak over her, and lastly pounced on her for good measure. Bon Bon joined in, and within moments all three were equally soaked – although this resulted in a net positive for Cheerilee, since she mostly just ended up transferring water from her own coat to the other two. After several long minutes of flailing limbs and cries of battle, the three mares managed to disentangle themselves, panting but laughing despite themselves.
“This’ll be fun to clean up,” Cheerilee remarked, looking around the store. “Maybe we went a little overboard…”
“Nah, gives me something to do,” Bon Bon said with a sigh. “Nopony is going to head out in the rain for candy. Plus, me and Lyra had a picnic planned, but that’s not happening, either…”
“Yeah, not sure what the weather patrol is thinking…” Lyra said, as she telekinetically grabbed a pair of mops, one for her and one for Bon Bon. At a motion from Cheerilee, she passed a squeegee on to the magenta pony. “I mean, I always knew that Rainbow Dash was lazy, but we used to be able to at least count on everypony else…”
“There’s probably a good reason for it…” Cheerilee said. Lyra and Bon Bon were mopping, while she followed with the squeegee, pushing the water from the wooden floor and outside. “Didn’t Carrot Top say something about organizing a storm for the Farmer’s Union?”
“I thought that was next week,” Bon Bon ventured. Working together, the three of them had quickly turned their impromptu water fight into sparkling floors, and were now all standing by the door. Cheerilee had taken the opportunity to throw out the useless rain cloak in the bin near the door.
Cheerilee shrugged. “I thought so too. Maybe they saw that storm over the Everfree and decided to just go with the – ”
There was a splash outside, like something pony-shaped hitting the ground. The three looked, and saw that Raindrops had landed in a large puddle in the middle of the road. “ – rain helps me to untangle all the things that – ” she sang as she splashed around, oblivious to the rest of the world, before taking off again into the sky and passing beyond the trio's range of hearing, then landing once more, then took off, then landed…
“…hey, she can sing,” Lyra noted. “Pretty good, too.”
“What has her in a good mood…?” Cheerilee wondered aloud.
“Well, let’s think,” Bon Bon said. “Her name is Raindrops, her cutie mark is rain, and it’s raining. So clearly it’s because Trixie finally learned about the birds and the bees.”
“Bon Bon,” Lyra warned softly. Bon Bon put a hoof to her mouth in embarrassment.
Cheerilee had been about to respond to Bon Bon’s snark with a bit of snark of her own – the three had known each other for far too long for innocuous sarcasm to set them off – but stopped at the look on Lyra and Bon Bon’s face. She’d thought that it was just a random comment from Bon Bon, but the two mares’ expressions told otherwise. “Huh?” she asked.
Bon Bon opened her mouth, but Lyra shut it with her hooves. “Nothing,” she said. “It’s coming up to that time of the year for Bon Bon so she just has…stuff…on her mind. You know how it is.”
“Mmph!” Bon Bon objected, taking Lyra’s hooves from her mouth. “Yes, please go and advertise that fact around town, Lyra…”
“Okay…” Cheerilee intoned. “But why’d you bring up Trixie?”
Bon Bon sighed. “Well…okay, short, explicit version is that since my heat is coming up, I’ve been getting ideas, and I was thinking back to that little adventure that me and Lyra and Trixie had a few months back, you remember how we told you, and how it might be interesting if Lyra had fingers again, but for that we’d need Trixie’s help and since she’s not exactly experienced and tends to get all panicked whenever the subject comes up I’m not sure how to approach her.”
“Also I object to the transforming me again part,” Lyra provided.
“It was just an idea,” Bon Bon said with a sigh.
Cheerilee’s mind whirled. She could almost feel the gears shifting in her head, putting together what Bon Bon was saying. “Oh,” she said, her snout scrunching a little in thought. “Oh…oh my, that’s a good point. She is uncomfortable with sexual subjects. Like she doesn’t know what’s going on and resents it.”
“Yeah,” Lyra said, shifting in place. “Yeah, me and Bon Bon figured out her problem. But it’s her thing to deal with, right?”
Cheerilee looked at Lyra like she was insane, but then instantly knew what the unicorn meant. If Lyra thought that not informing Trixie about the facts of life was something that would help protect her fellow unicorn, then she simply wouldn’t. She’d keep Trixie’s little secret so that Trixie wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by it in front of others.
But Cheerilee – Cheerilee was a teacher. And she was a friend. She couldn’t let something like this simply slide. But if she told Lyra about her intentions to elucidate and educate, then she’d almost certainly try and stop her.
“Okay,” Cheerilee said. “Well…I better get going. I don’t think this rain’s going to stop, and I’ve got to get home.”
“Sure,” Lyra said, oblivious to her intention. “Sorry about the whole bucket-of-water thing.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Bon Bon sighed. “I was just bored…”
“It’s alright, I got my revenge,” Cheerilee said with a smile. “See you later!”
Cheerilee took off, heedless of the rain now that she had a mission. Checking over her shoulder to make sure that neither Lyra nor Bon Bon noticed that she was heading the wrong way to get to her house, she set off at a gallop for the Residency of the Representative of the Night Court of Luna.
Trixie can’t go through life not knowing about sex, she thought to herself. It’s her choice what to do with the knowledge, but she needs it! Somepony might take advantage of her!
Cheerilee reached the Residency in just a few minutes. The two-story house was surrounded by a short iron fence and faced the town hall, which dominated the center of Ponyville and was surrounded by a broad cobblestone plaza. Steeling herself against the task that she now had to undertake – she passed through the gate of the Residency, walked up to the front door, and opened it.
“That’s because you interrupted it before we could reach the good part!” Cheerilee heard. Trixie’s office was located to the left of her front door, and glancing in, Cheerilee saw a rain-and-mud soaked Raindrops and a panicked-looking Trixie, each looking at a book. There was probably writing on the book’s pages, but that was not what Cheerilee noted. What Cheerilee noted was the two-page spread picture of two unicorns making out.
“What are you doing?”
Raindrops leapt in fright, trying to take flight as per her pegasus instincts. Trixie took up a defensive stance with her horn glowing, standing stock still, as per her unicorn instincts. The result was Raindrops colliding with Trixie and both tumbling to the floor in a tangle of legs and wings. The two looked like a pair of fillies caught with their hooves in the cookie jar, or else –
– or else –
“R-Raindrops,” Trixie, for some reason wearing a pure, virgin white cape, asked of Raindrops, who wore a pleather jacket and sunglasses. “I w-was at the general store and l-l-looking at magazines…and I found this…why are these ponies fighting?”
“They’re not fighting,” Raindrops said with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t know what’s happening?”
“It makes me feel funny…”
“Well, I’ll help you with that…”
Cheerilee was grateful for her magenta coat, it meant that her blushes were usually well-hidden. Neither Trixie nor Raindrops had such protection, each having turned an impressive shade of pink.
“Alright,” Cheerilee said, pointing at Raindrops. “I want you to go upstairs and get yourself cleaned off!”
Raindrops made a face. “Wait, what – ”
“Go on! I’ll talk with you later, but I need to speak to Trixie first!”
Raindrops blinked a few times, before apparently deciding that Cheerilee was not one to be argued with right now. “O…kay…” she said, standing up and trotting up Trixie’s stares, to her shower.
Cheerilee turned to Trixie. “Now, Trixie,” she said. “I can only guess that you found this,” she pointed at the picture, “and other pictures like it, and it made you confused.”
Trixie blinked a few times as she stood. “Why are you here?” she asked.
“To elucidate and educate!” Cheerilee proclaimed happily. “Now, Trixie, I want to make something clear. I don’t know how you managed to make it to adulthood without learning the basic facts of life – I would have thought that the Princess, at least, would have ensured that you were filled in – but I don’t think any less of you for it.”
Trixie had passed pink and now had a coat with a color that roughly matched Cheerilee’s own. “What?”
“Now, sit down,” Cheerilee said, placing her hooves on Trixie’s withers and pushing her to the floor. “Because there’s a lot to go over.”
“Cheerilee, I – ”
“And while Bon Bon shouldn’t of just let something like this slip the way she did – ”
“ – wait, she did – ”
“Trixie,” Cheerilee said sternly enough for the unicorn to quiet down, “this is going to take even longer if you keep interrupting, and while I’m certain that Raindrops wasn’t trying to take advantage of you, you should at least know about sex before going in!”
The red drained from Trixie’s features, taking her normal blue with it, leaving her a stark white as she stared at Cheerilee in shock. Cheerilee nodded. “You’re going to have to get used to that word first of all,” Cheerilee said with a sigh. “Sex, that is.”
Trixie stared. Cheerilee sighed again, sitting down in front of Trixie. “Now,” she said. “We’ll start with the basics. I’m sure you’ve noticed that a stallion has a different set of organs between his hind legs than a mare. That’s his…”
---
“…this goes on for a few minutes…well, if you’ve got a good stallion working you, it could actually go on for much longer, but on the other hoof some stallions can’t even really get started, but that’s okay, there are other techniques…”
---
“…now, of course, that really only covers stallions. Mares can have sex, too. Usually this will basically just involve the two masturbating each other – oh, wait, I think I forgot to go over what that is. Alright, sorry. Masturbation is…”
---
“…horns aren’t extra-sensitive in that way, despite the common myth. It’s mostly just solid bone covered by a thin lair of skin with no nerve endings, and fuzz. Any excitement that unicorns feel is almost entirely psychological. However, there is a mass of extremely sensitive nerves right at the base of the horn, sort of similar to the nerve clusters in the alulae of pegasi…”
---
“…from personal experience I can tell you that getting a threesome right can be difficult, since there has to be a degree of trust between all ponies involved, but if two of the ponies are in a committed relationship already you need to make sure not to elicit jealousy. Of course, when Bon Bon, Lyra, and I tried it, mostly it was just awkward since I’d known them so long, it was more like they were my sisters than anything…we’ve agreed to keep me out ever since, and as you know we’re still good friends…”
---
“…and things get really weird when minotaurs are involved, but that fun kind of weird that I mentioned…”
---
"... and I never did figure out where he got that royal guard uniform from, but he said I'd been a baaaad Blackcherry and he'd haul me off to Canterlot if I didn't do everything he said. That was a fun night, all right!"
---
“…and…well, that wraps just about everything up!” Cheerilee said happily, smiling at Trixie, who still had not had the color return to her face. Letting out a slight sigh, she put a hoof on Trixie’s withers. “I know it’s a lot to take in,” she said. “Um…no pun intended. But you couldn’t go through life not knowing about sex, Trixie, you just couldn’t – ”
“Whoa, wait, what?” Raindrops interrupted. Cheerilee looked behind her, and saw Raindrops, now cleaned and mostly dry, staring at Cheerilee and Trixie with wide eyes. “What did I miss?”
“Raindrops,” Cheerilee said, standing. “I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. I’m certain that you didn’t mean to take advantage of Trixie.”
“She kissed me!” Raindrops exclaimed, throwing her front hooves in the air. “It was a memory spell!”
Cheerilee blinked. “A what now?”
“A memory spell,” Trixie said absentmindedly from the floor. She was shaking back and forth a little. “Takes my…transfers it to…conduit through the mouth…”
Cheerilee stared at Trixie with one eyebrow raised. She noticed the book with the picture of two ponies making out in it still lying on the floor where it had been left, and closed it over – finding that the title was Dweomer Heart’s Diatribe on Divinations.
A spellbook.
Not…some other kind of book.
Cheerilee looked at Trixie. “You…you knew about sex?”
“Of course I did!” Trixie suddenly exploded, standing with her horn glowing bright blue. “I grew up in Neigh Orleans! I have seven cousins! My house was smaller than this one! I can’t recall a time when I didn’t know about sex! My aunt and uncle always answered any questions I had and even when they didn’t I had my older cousin and then there were my friends and the red light district is right next to the market district, not to mention the kind of stuff that goes on during the Summer Sun Celebration, I mean yeah I was too young to do anything when I lived there but all you have to do is look out a window around noon during the Celebration and you’ll pick stuff up! And it’s gross!”
Cheerilee’s eyebrow arched further. “Gross?” she asked.
“Yes! Gross! The way a stallion’s…or being expected to…tongue in the same place that…gah!” Trixie shivered, glaring at Cheerilee. “I don’t want to think about it! Ever! What did Bon Bon say that made you think that I didn’t know?”
Cheerilee opened her mouth to explain, before thinking over – very carefully – exactly what Bon Bon had said when she had explained her snarky comment. “Um…” she said. “I…I might have…misinterpreted what she – ”
The door to the Residency opened, and Lyra, wearing a rain cloak of considerably better quality than the one that Cheerilee had been wearing, wandered in. She glanced at Cheerilee, Trixie, and Raindrops, blinking a few times as she saw the expressions on the three mares, a look of sheepishness on her face. Slung across her back, under her rain cloak, were saddlebags that looked like they were laden with candy.
“So…I’m guessing I’m too late to stop Cheerilee, then,” she ventured.
---
…well. I think I maybe should have thought things through a little more before heading out to elucidate and educate.
This is still only the second-most embarrassed I’ve ever been, though. So there’s that.