Tactical Hillbilly

by aegishailstorm


If This Barbed Wire Fence Could Talk...

A glimmer of sunlight shone through an oak treeline as birds chirped in the distance. Wind rustled the north Texas grassland as various creatures went about their day. It was another day on Yee Yee farm. Everything was as it should be. A deer pranced out of an overgrown brush line into a meadow, and surveyed the area around it. It's ears swiveled leftward as it heard a conspicuous distant clicking noise which it had never heard before. A half second later, a single gunshot rang out across the landscape. And the deer fell to the ground. In the distance, a flock of birds took to the sky. All the little critters scurried back into their hiding holes.

Again, just another day on Yee Yee farm.

A man emerged from the other side of the meadow, clad in a white tank top, a set of overall jeans, cowboy boot's, and a camouflage baseball cap with the words; " Don't Tread on Me." Plastered across the front. He held a 12 gauge shotgun in his hands. He began walking towards the down deer, not 30 yards from him. As he crossed the meadow, he ejected the spent shell of 00 Buckshot which he had used up. His pace quickened slightly as he approached the deer. He took a knee right next to it, and surveyed his prize. " Heh," He pulled his hat off and wiped the sweat off his brow. "I'll put ya to good use." He grabbed the buck by the neck and hefted it onto his back. " You gon' feed Earl well 'night!" He said to himself.

"Yee Yee!" He called out, waving his shotgun in the air. He was headed back to his barn, where he'd skin and prepare the deer for dinner. Earl Dribble's Jr. smirked, and spit a bit of tabaco out of his mouth. He walked the half mile back to his Farm House and Barn. Well... It wasn't really fair to call it a house. But it was home to him nonetheless. And he couldn't imagine a better place for himself to live in.

Earl walked back in silence. There was no other reason to talk. There was nothing else on his mind. The cow's and other animals on the farm paid him no mind as he walked across his fields. Regardless of the fact that he was carrying a dead buck on his back. In fact, most of 'em didn't even both lookin g up from their grazing spot.

Earl left the field, opened the gate which separated his land from his house and barn with row on row of rusty barbed wire. Despite the poor condition it was in. He made sure there was never a gap in it. It all had to be covered. Three lines and four 'n a half feet tall. He crosses the dirt parking lot and headed into his barn. There, he grabbed a set of knives and began the process of cutting it up. After he had finished cleaning it, he threw the majority of it into his meat fridge. Patted one of his horses on the muzzle, and walked outside to start a fire for the night. Even though he had a shack of his own, Earl almost always preferred to sleep out under the stars. He as he left his barn, he looked up at the rusty old windmill which had been on the farm since the 1920's.


"Owww! What in tarnation!?" Applejack jumped to her hooves and looked around. She dusted her hat off and put it back on her head. One look around told the whole story. She appeared to be on the edge of a small piece of woodland. To the left of her was a gravel road. It didn't look like Equestria, the variety of flora was too great for that. She could hear birds chirping in the distance. As well as a noise that was familiar, but not familiar enough to identify it directly. It reminded her a bit of a train. She took a few steps forward, and came face to face with something she did recognize. Brandon Herrera and the other humans brought one to Ponyville. She recalled that they had called it a 'pickup truck.' Perhaps whoever was driving it could give her a better perspective on where she exactly she had ended up. She trotted over to the side of the road and raised her hoof in an attempt to wave them down. As it got closer she recognized the American flag flying off the back of it.

"Heh, maybe they're friends of the other's!" That raised her spirit's a little bit. The vehicle ground to a halt next to her, the left side window rolled down.

" Hmmph. What are ya?" He asked, tipping his hat, he had on a red flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, alongside a belt with an enormous buckle, and a set of work boots." I'm a pony, name's Applejack!" She said, sticking her hoof out. The man inside froze for a moment. " Well, ya don't look like no pony I've ever seen. But there's a first time for everything. Name's Buddy. Buddy Brown." He reached out and shook her hoof. "Are you looking for a ride?"

"Yeah."

"Where to ma'am?" She scratched her chin. "I dunno." He returned the nod, "Well. Ya look hungry, I've got a friend that could take you in for the time being. Hop in the back." She looked at the front cabin. Buddy laughed. " Hah, not with those muddy hooves! C'mon! Oh, by the way, I should warn ya-" He could hear laughing and barking behind him.

"I was travelling George, my Labrador. Don't worry, he shouldn't be a problem. Hold on back there!" He rolled down his other window and took off down the road.

About 15 minutes later...

The F150 pulled into the 'driveway' of Earl's farm. "Well, we're here. Buddy jumped out and knocked on the gate. " Eh???" As voice called from down the road. Earl appeared on the other side with his shotgun in hand. " Hey, Buddy! Haven't seen you in a while!"

" Good afternoon Earl. I've got a friend here who need's a place to stay for a while, think ya can help?" He chuckled. " Sure- Wait... Is it one of 'em city boy's?" He frowned. Buddy Brown laughed again. " Naw man, take a look, climb on out Applejack."

"Holy mother of moonshine! Is this your version of a horse?" He raised an eyebrow in suspicion as Applejack climbed out of the bed of the truck and trotted up to the gate. "Greeting's... Earl?" He looked down at the little pony for a few moments, taking a look at her hat. He chuckled, and swung the gate open.

"Welcome to Yee Yee farm ma'am. I can take it from here Buddy."

"No prob Earl." He drove off in a cloud of dust. Leaving the hillbilly and the mare standing alone.

" C'mon, let's go." Earl turned away and walked off. Applejack followed behind. "Where are we goin'?" Earl didn't answer. " Gosh, I wonder where my friend's are right 'bout now." Applejack thought to herself as she dug her hooves into the gravel.