//------------------------------// // Chapter Three - Candle // Story: Echoes of her Guilt // by wingdings //------------------------------// Luna’s dreams weren’t bad as she slept, just… a mess. She had replaced Celestia as the ruler of Equestria and felt pleasure in ruling the masses, followed by the incessant thoughts of dream parasites and little squishy bugs. Annoyances. She was angry and then she was self-concious. Her feelings were out of whack.  When she woke up, she was disoriented. The sun was setting, and so she rose the moon, feeling a giddy excitement about it. She twirled the stars awake and made them spin and sparkle. Then, she and Cadance made one last check over the dreams of the Empire to make sure Sombra’s last vestiges were eradicated. The day seemed to pass in a blur as Luna became lost in thought and self-reflection. She spent time with Cadance, being treated like a princess, and then made her way to the train station. During the train ride, she thought. She thought and thought and thought.  Her emotions were spiking and she was thinking thoughts that were awfully reminiscent of how she thought when she was Nightmare Moon. She felt prideful and greedy. And Luna did not like feeling that way. Buzzing with nerves and ideas, she stepped out into Canterlot and teleported away to avoid ponies.  “Luna!” Celestia called from atop her throne, going over papers with Raven Inkwell. “It’s good to see you back. Is everything alright with Cadance and Shining Armor?” “Yes,” Luna said absently, trying to stamp down jealousy. “Where’s Quote Quill?”  “Here, your Highness!” The bespectacled unicorn teleported to Luna’s side, holding a clipboard. “I’ve been managing everything in your absence.” “Thank you, Quote. Come with me, I wish to discuss things with you.”  Used to her Princess’s erratic ways, Quote Quill began to trot alongside the alicorn’s longer strides. “Yes, Princess?”  Luna waited until they were out of Celestia’s earshot to start talking. “Quote Quill, you are my closest advisor.” She lifted the grey unicorn’s head up tenderly and gazed into her crimson eyes, making the secretary flush. “I am telling this to you as someone I trust, not as your Princess. Understand?”  Quote nodded, flustered, and adjusted her square frames. “Yes, your High- I - mean, Luna.”  Luna took a deep breath and shook her tail. “I’ve been having trouble with feelings.” She began to walk, slowly.  “You know, I did actually consider becoming a therapist. I took multiple psychology classes,” Quote mentioned.  “I’ve been feeling… I’ve been thinking– Well–” Luna started over. “I’m afraid that I might still be… a bad mare.” “Go on?”  “I’ve been thinking things that good ponies don’t think. I’ve been feeling jealous and- and angry, and… entitled!” She stamped a hoof to enunciate her point. “We are not worthy of our subject’s forgiveness, and we feel entitled!” She began to slip into the royal ‘we’ as she became more agitated.  “Many ponies experience intrusive thoughts, Highness. And you are not happy with these thoughts and feelings, no?” “No!”  “Then that shows you want to be a better pony.”  Luna pawed at the floor of the hallway, mane flowing as she wrestled with her thoughts. “I’m afraid of becoming her again, Quote,” she finally spat out. “Or, I suppose, just me. It was me, both times, all the time.” “You were blinded by bitterness. Those actions do not reflect you now.” Quote levitated some of Luna’s old lavender hangings from near the ceiling and wafted it near her muzzle to calm her.  “Mm. Thank you for talking with me, my friend.” Luna, now empty of pent-up frustrations, felt and looked numb. “I think I will retire. I feel poorly. If anything comes up, please take care of it for me until I have recovered.” “You are loved by your subjects and family, Princess, and you are a good mare,” Quote Quill called as Luna began to walk to her tower.  “Thank you, Quote.”  *** Luna lay in her bed, musing. Thoughts of Sombra’s fear magic causing nightmares, thoughts of reigning over the land, the beauty of her night and the moon, the coldness and anger she felt while trapped there, dreams and curses. “I swear I’m going insane,” she muttered, getting up and beginning to pace. Her shoes sounded on her floor.  Celestia. Clack.  Princesses.  Clack.  Rulers. Clack. Sombra.  Clack.  Fear. Clack.  Nightmares. CLACK! Luna stomped angrily. Her thoughts were going in circles. Fear, annoyance, guilt, jealousy, anger at others, anger at herself, nothing was working and she still felt terrible.  She opened her door quietly to find the corridor quiet and dark. Carefully, she removed her slippers and placed them near her closet, then fetched a candle and holder from her dresser and lit it with her horn, the flame flickering to life. Holding her light, she began to trot down the halls. She passed several of the night guards, who either bowed their heads or completely ignored her as she walked by briskly. As she approached a stairwell, a burst of reddish magic stopped her in her path. When it dissipated, Quote Quill stepped forward, pushing up her dark, square-rimmed glasses. The unicorn bowed her head, levitating the candle from Luna. “Can I be of assistance, your Highness?” “How did thee know I had left my room, Quote? Thou startled me.” Luna slipped into Old Ponish, too tired to catch herself.  “I have my ways, Princess,” Quote replied, turning and opening the door for her princess. “After all, I live to serve.” Luna’s assistant accompanied her to the library, where she began to peruse the shelves of the old archives in the dark, the only light the warm flickering of the candle Quote Quill held and her own glowing blue horn.  She picked out books and scrolls that caught her attention and passed them to Quote, who dutifully levitated them in a stack, walking behind the princess. The unicorn assistant briefly glanced at the titles as she stacked them. The Dream Dimension, The History of the Crystal Empire - Vol. 2, Dark Magic (MIND), Self-Sustained Spellcasting, and Forbidden Magics - Vol. 5 (Fear).  “Your Majesty, I do not mean to offend,” Quote began delicately, “But I’m wondering what you could be doing that involves such topics.” “It is none of your concern, Quote Quill,” Luna said in a dark, authoritative tone as she strode down the aisles of the library.  “Princess, I am your most faithful ward. Whatever you are trying to accomplish, I am sure I can help with.” Quote jumped forward slightly, catching up to Luna’s side.  “I said it does not concern you!” Luna whirled suddenly, mane of stars flowing faster as she raised her head. Her horn sparked and she stamped at the ground. Quote immediately flattened herself to the ground in a bow, her hold on the books faltering momentarily. One of them dropped onto the floor, breaking the sudden silence.  Luna snatched it and the rest of her books up in her magic, sneering down at her ward and walking away.  The candle had blown out.  Luna sat down on a cushion at the back of the library with her books and stared into the darkness, realizing what she had done. Trying to focus on her first book through her eyes, hot and blurry with tears, she opened the cover and flipped to the first page. It was of utmost importance that she complete this task before she hurt anypony else.  ***  A soft light broke Luna out of her reading. Two of her books were placed on her right side, five on her left, and one spread out between her hooves. For a moment, she lost track of time - was that the sunrise? Had she been here all night - until it got closer. Her candle, on its tray, floated over to her, surrounded by dark red magic. Quote Quill stood in the shadows near a bookcase and placed the candle to Luna’s right, illuminating the book better than Luna’s magic did.  “Don’t strain your eyes, Majesty,” Quote’s soft voice murmured as she backed away.  “Quote Quill, wait–” Luna started. “We apologize for shouting at thee, but this is my responsibility alone.”  “I’m your faithful servant, Highness, in whatever you need. If you wish, I will leave.” Quote’s glasses reflected the candlelight, her expression unreadable.  Luna was quiet for a long minute before responding. “Very well. Come here.”  The pale off-grey unicorn dutifully trotted forwards. Luna levitated a book to her. “Read this, and I will tell you my plan to prevent the second coming of Nightmare Moon.”  Quote Quill sat opposite of her princess, opening the tome of forbidden magics. “I would follow you even then, Princess,” she said quietly, beginning to read as her horn was bathed in a blood-red light.