"Ah. That would do it." Mrs Cake sighed.
"Err, lollipop-tart, you know how that strange girl said she had used our ingredients?" Mr Cake backed slowly away from the pantry, eyes as wide as serving platters.
"It appears to be that way, peach-crumble."
"She used all of them." Carrot Cake whispered.
"When do we get our next shipment?" Cup Cake cried.
"Thursday."
"It's-"Cup Cake closed her eyes and tapped a hoof in thought. One-two-three-
"Yes dear. Sunday."
"Sun-" her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she passed out.
"Oh good, it's not just me then?" Carrot swiftly followed suit.
Both dreamed of elaborate revenge fantasies involving confections.
Pinkie Pie bounced amongst the dying embers of the party. The last of the food had been devoured, the party favours packed prudently into her precarious pile and the cups were completely devoid of their previous cake occupants. As fun as after-parties were Pinkie didn't feel one was in order here: The guests of honour had started discussing, in various degrees of enthusiasm, their departure to Canterlot and Pinkie didn't really have friends here in Ponyville, not enough for a Very Important Ponies click, anyway.
I mean, every pony is a very-important-pony, but some ponies are more important than other ponies, just to me though, I mean, they're all important to somepony, and they're all special, sort of like that one pony there whose wings on fire, I mean, how silly is tha- Omigosh!
A rainbow streak plowed into the soft pink pony, breaking its fall.
"War paint?"
Carrot cake handed his wife the red icing. "Check."
"Battle Cry?"
Carrot did his best, but it came out more as a battle shriek.
"I have to admit, that did scare me."
Carrot, not understanding the subtext, beamed. "Check!"
"Sword?"
"Sword?"
"Yes, dear, we need weapons, don't we?" Cup patiently explained.
Carrot scrabbled around, finally deciding on a sturdy rolling pin.
"I'm afraid this is the best I could do, scrumptious."
"Then it will have to do!" Cup took the rolling pin firmly in her mouth and tested its weight, tapping it against her hoof.
Carrot let out his scary battle squeal.
"Omigosh, I'm so, so sorry." were the first words Pinkie said after regaining lucidity, or whatever could pass for lucidity in Pinkie world.
"You shot me!" an indignant, yet muffled, voice shrilled, "I can't believe you shot me!"
"I didn't mean to!" Pinkie scrabbled off the pegasus's face, just now realizing she had been sitting on it. It didn't take nearly as long for the pegasus to realize she was being sat on, of course.
"How many times do I have to tell you people," the mare growled, "I do not, not, like being shot at." She pointedly spat out some of Pinkie's tail,
Pinkie giggled despite herself. "For a moment there, I thought you were gunna say you don't like filly flank"
The pegasus flushed furiously, fixing an angry glare at Pinkie. Its effect was mostly diluted by virtue of her glaring at Pinkie through her plump posterior.
"Just what are you implying." she growled, her voice cracking only twice. Okay, fine, three times.
"Well, you're like... I dunno?" Pinkie gulped, scooting away.
"Rainbow Dash. I'm Rainbow Dash. I'm like awesome. I'm like radical. I'm not like, like-"
"Lesbian?" Pinkie supplied helpfully. Rainbow blushed and chose to glare at the ground even harder.
"Don't say that."
"Say what? That you're lesbian?" Pinkie asked in confusion, oblivious to the small crowd that had gathered around the singed pegasus.
"If my feathers hadn't just burnt off I would so be flying away by now." Dash whimpered as she hauled herself to her feet. "This is so not cool."
"I dunno, I don't think I could choose between one gender..." Pinkie trailed off thoughtfully, giving Dash a meaningful look.
Rainbow Dash's wings flared open, surprising Pinkie. Why hadn't she taken off yet?
"Look, I'm sorry, forget about the firework, okay, just- Just leave me alone!"
"I'm so sorry about that! I would have booked this flight path, really, but it was a surprise party."
"Oh, that makes everything okay then." The flustered pegasus rolled her eyes, voice dripping sarcasm that would have made even Twilight proud, were she not still several hundred miles away.
"Oh, yay!" Pinkie Pie crash tackle hugged Rainbow, squeezing her tight, oblivious to the meaning of the word 'Sarcasm'. She could spell kumquat correctly, though, so Pinkie had no further use of studying language.
"P-please get off me..." Rainbow fiercely whispered. The crowd around them giggled even more.
Pinkie, however, remained blissfully ignorant.
"Gargh! You're so- So annoying!" Rainbow took off, screaming, even her rainbow trail seemed to be blushing as the red streak spilled into the rest.
Pinkie simply attributed it to the Doppler effect, what with Rainbow Dash attempting to escape her at an appreciable fraction of the speed of light.
"N'aww... She seemed ni-"
Poomf!
"Eat Flour Pour, Sugar-Bandit!"
"You get her, honey-bun!" Carrot cheered as Cup Cake unloaded a bakers dozen of pain upon Pinkie Pirate.
"I'm sorry!" Pinkie squealed, alternating between shielding herself and catching the delicious barrage in her mouth.
"You ate into our profit margins!" Carrot cried, throwing a chocolate-coated pastry himself, "now eat profiteroles!"
"Ooh!" Pinkie snapped it out of the air, spraying high-pressure cream filling everywhere, "Scrummy!"
Bon-Bon dragged Lyra into the crossfire between the Cakes and the Pie.
"What exactly is going on here, hmm?"
"This ruffian," Cup Cake accentuated her point by making a wild swing with her rolling pin, which Pinkie effortlessly dodged in the process of catching another pastry lobbed by Carrot, "Just stole all our ingredients! We won't have anything left until next week!"
"This 'Ruffian'," Bon-Bon fumed, "Provided catering and party organization on behalf of Sugar Cube Corner. Why would you-"
"No," Pinkie sighed, "They're right. I did take their ingredients..." She gazed at the Cakes with watery eyes. "But I promise to pay you back for them, really!"
"Yes, dear," Cup patiently explained, still hefting her rolling-in menacingly, "but the cost of the ingredients isn't nearly as much as the cost of what we could have made with the- Wait, hold on a tic-" Cup whirled round to stare at Bon-Bon, "Did you say she did all this?"
"Err, yes?" The pony tried to hide her confusion.
"In one day?!"
"Apparently so." Bon-Bon nodded cautiously.
"Even hired a pretty sick DJ" Lyra grinned, earning her a hoof to the ribs.
"Well, I'll be..." Carrot mused.
"If you need more than bits, though," Pinkie jumped onto the train of thought before anyone could derail it,"I can replace most of it by tomorrow afternoon. Pinkie Promise."
"You do realize how much flour, sugar, eggs-"
"Eeyup!"
"-Butter, milk, cocoa, vanilla-"
"I really do!"
"-You'll need to get... by tomorrow?"
"Duh!"
"How are you planning on-" Carrot managed to say before a pink blur whizzed him around.
"I better get started!" it shouted.
Sitting on the doorstep of Sugar Cube corner was the exact amount of goodies that had gone missing the day before.
She had done it.
The Cakes couldn't believe it, they didn't know how, but she had done it.
Three o'clock the next day they gawped, they gaped, they inspected the load. Everything was back, down to the last egg, as if it had never been cooked at all, it had simply taken a stroll from the back room to the front door for some sunlight.
Sitting proudly beside it was none other than Pinkie Pie herself wearing nothing but a grin the size of a watermelon. heck, she had even brought a watermelon for comparison, and they didn't even need it.
"Please, please don't tell me you plundered all this?"
"Only the chocolate coins, and that was for authenticity. Yargh."
"How..." Was all that Carrot could bring himself to ask.
"Oh, it was really easy; I just went to everypony in town who came to the party yesterday and asked if I could borrow a cup of flour."
"What? A cup of-"
"Yuppie duppers! A cup of flour! Everypony was so friendly, and happy to oblige, one eensy bit of flour or sugar or an egg isn't that big a deal right? It adds up though!"
"You... Everypony in town gave you-"
"They're all so nice, aren't they?"
"Even... Rarity?"
"Oh, she gave me a whole thingo of milk, she was so generous."
"Surely, the Apples, they're not the type to give anything away for-"
"Oh! That reminds me!" Pinkie pulled a bushel of apples from the pile.
"Apples?"
"Yeah, they gave me all the stuff needed to make scrumptious apple-pockets! I really like apple-pockets!"
"Fluttershy?" Carrot was grasping at straws, but surely a pony as... Extroverted as the Pink Pirate would have scared Fluttershy off?!
"Hey! Can I borrow a cup of flour? Maybe some su-"
"Eep!" Slam!
"Hey, are we playing hide and seek? That's awesome! Here, you hide, I promise not to peak!"
Clash, pow, crack, clatter, pekew, clash!
"Twenty-two-"
"Gah!"
"Twenty-three-"
"Pl-Please don't try to-"
"Twenty-four-"
"B-b-b-but-
"Schfifty-five!" Pinkie announced to the world at large, "Ready or not, here I come!"
Pinkie ignored the house completely, too obvious, and chose to instead bounce around the side of the house.
Fluttershy stared at her from between shut blinds until Pinkie found-
"Oh my Celestia, Chickies!"
"Stay away from my precious little babies!" Fluttershy screamed, slamming the back door open.
"Haha, no, no, hahaha, too much, I'm too ticklish!"
"Wha- Huh?"
Pinkie rolled on the grass inside the chicken coop, shut carefully behind her, the chickens having a field day brushing against her with their tingly feathers.
"Help me!" Pinkie Pie laughed a little too loud, even by her standards.
"Oh, oh dear..."
It took a bit of wrangling, slowed considerably by how nervous Fluttershy was around the strange new mare, but finally Pinkie was rescued from her tickle prison.
"I'm so, so sorry! Is there anyway I can make it up to you? Please?" Fluttershy pressed tight into the still shivering Pinkamena.
"Eggs."
"Eggs?"
"Yes. Eggs."
"Oh... Oh, okay, I don't really eat them anyway, they're mostly for the animals that aren't vegetarian and-"
"Wait-" Pinkie's Poultry Traumatic Stress Disorientation cleared up, along with the poof in her hair, "other animals?"
"Oh, yes! I'm caretaker for almost all of Ponyville's animals, pets or otherwise. They're so much easier to talk to than, err.... other ponies..."
"Oh, hey, you should totally meet my new friend Rarity!" Pinkie proclaimed, "She'd absolutely love you!"
"R-really?"
"Oh, yeah, I think that pony really just needs somepony to just listen, you know?"
"N-Not really, no..."
"Well, I'm sure you'll find out, really and- Holy bejeezus, is that a crocodile?!" Pinkie gasped.
"Actually, it's an alligator... She's very old, so be careful around her, or else you might-"
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name?"
The crocodile yawned a toothless yawn in response.
"Smiley's a bit... Under the weather."
"Smiley? Awesome! But isn't everypony, except pegasii of course, under the weather? I mean, it's really high, and-"
"Oh, no, she's just very sick. I think that might be the last batch of eggs she'll lay before... Before..." Fluttershy teared up, completely unable to finish. The problem was that the alligator wasn't.
"Hey, I promise not to take her eggs." Pinkie reassured her.
"No, I just..." Fluttershy bawled, burying her tearstained face in Pinkie's neck.
"Err... Do you... Do you want me to adopt one of the babies? I could totally look after it!"
"You'd... You'd really want to look after an alligator?"
"Yeah! it'd be sweet!"
"Well... You seem pretty responsible to me..." Fluttershy sniffed, "I'd hate to leave a baby alligator in the hooves of somepony who wasn't... Not that anypony responsible would want an alligator..."
Pinkie nodded solemnly.
"it... It really does make me feel better knowing that her babies might go to a good home..." Fluttershy considered. "I already have so much work to do as it is without raising some babies without... without their mu-mu-mummy-y-y-y" Fluttershy started crying again, holding Pinkie tight.
"Pinkie. Promise."
"She seemed really nice! She gave me the eggs!"
"Oh..."
"Don't worry, everypony was so happy to get free food yesterday, they were more than happy to help out!"
"Is that so?" Cup mused.
"Eeyupper ducky!"
"Pinkie... Do you live nearby? I'd love to hire you as Sugar Cube Corner's professional party planner, and host,"
"Oh, that's no problem, I don't live anywhere!"
"I beg your pardon, dear? I must have misheard, you sounded like-"
"I'm totally homeless!" Pinkie declared triumphantly.
"Why, dear, where did you sleep last night?!"
"I didn't!"
Indeed, the bags under her eyes, the tremble in her step... The poor girl mustn't have slept since yesterday morning at least!
"Pinkie, we have a spare loft upstairs... Would you be happy if we garnished your salary to pay rent? You could live in the loft above the bakery, plenty of room!" Carrot declared in a rare moment of initiative, and an even rarer one in that his wife actually agreed with him on it.
"That sounds great. Really!" Pinkie yawned, swaying on the spot.
"The bed's already made, sweetie." Cup smiled softly, motherly.
Pinkie nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly.
"Home.,,"
And with that Pinkie Pie passed out on her feet, hitting the ground with a loud snore.
"Cup! Cup! She's waking up!"
"Oh, dear, are you alright?"
"Where... Where am I?" Pinkie murmurred groggily.
"You're in bed, sweetie, in your new room. Your new home."
"Oh..." Pinkie smiled. It wasn't a big, broad grin, or a toothy chuckle. It was a simple smile, small one, a private smile.
The warm and fuzzies died pretty quick, however, when a stray thought entered her mind.
"How am I going to get all my stuff up here?"
Downstairs the cart finally succumbed to gravity, toppled by the errant breeze of a pegasus flight-testing her healed wings, teetering right into the window of the loft. The top heavy cart overbalanced and, pulled by the new anchor point, seemed to spill upwards, sliding into the upstairs room like some sort of perverse slinky.
As the cart finally crashed back, empty of its load, a small orange foal found it, grinned, and raced off in it as fast as her tiny wings would allow her to.
Finally Pinkie pulled both the awe-struck Cakes into a tight hug from her bed and sighed a happy sigh.
Home.