//------------------------------// // Paying Social Calls: Part Two The Finale // Story: Travelers Tales: Discord The Champion Of Ponyville // by Slippin_Sweetie //------------------------------// Amethyst Star a purple unicorn with a shoulder-length bi-colored mane, with three diamonds on her flank. She trotted through town with a clipboard hovering beside her, making notes of the decorations that had been recently put up. Everything was going well, especially now that Derpy was on confetti duty. How could somepony mess up tossing paper in the air? The mare trotted around a corner, her nose stuck into her clipboard, checking off everything they had finished so far. The streamers and banners had been hung, and most signs had been painted. Now felt like the best time to rest her hooves and get lunch. Discord popped into existence next to Amethyst, holding on to his ensemble of pets as he let out a sigh, “Alright, let’s see the decor...” he’d look around as he stroked his fingers through his beard at the decorations before turning to Amethyst. Amethyst let out a squeak, whipping around to face the draconeequs, her heart running a mile a minute. She caught her breath and scowled at the creature, a huff leaving her nose. “Do we have entertainment? I already had to lecture the Cakes on the importance of placating Celestia’s pallet; please tell me you have something other than tacky decorations to appease our humble all-loving Empress.” Discord jeered. “Entertainment? Well, Pinkie would usually play something, but she’s not here... so we allowed the fillies and colts to make up their own song for when she arrives. I think she’d really appreciate meeting the children.” Amethyst gave Discord a suspicious look, “... What are you going to suggest?” “Tch, you can only rely on the emotionally manipulative gazes of the innocent youth of your village for so long.” Discord snapped his claw as he summoned a band of self-playing musical instruments. “And of course,” He’d twirl himself rapidly before appearing before Amethyst in a magician’s outfit, taking his hat off as he pulled Angel and Owlicious from it and presented it to the mare. “I will be the entertainment. Honestly, have you ponies so little faith in me? I can literally do anything!” sighed Discord. “Would you like to be my lovely assistant? Amethyst does have a nice ring to it….” Discord hummed as he adjusted the hat on his head. The unicorn scowled at his impromptu changes to the scenery, stepping away from the self-playing instruments, her ears flattening to her head to avoid the terrible clash of cymbals. “I’d rather not.” She cringed, “I’d rather not be part of... whatever you have planned.” Discord quickly snapped his claw, and in an instant, the instruments collapsed on the ground, “Suit yourself; I suppose staying out of the stoplight is in your nature,” Discord said rather ominously. “Excuse me?! I’m fine, just organizing the decorations; thank you very much! And in my opinion, it’s nice that I get to do it for a change, instead of Twilight... Now everypony goes to her for those kinds of things... it’s not that she’s bad at it, but...” Amethyst started to ramble before realizing who she was talking to. Angel Bunny wriggled out of Discord’s grip, hopping over to Amethyst. “Hey, I don’t blame you, toots.” “Wh... what...” She blinked, shaking her head several times. “... I’m not even going to question it.” Discord passed an unamused scowl to Angel and Amethyst, “How can you creatures not wrap your head around this? It’s a talking rabbit; stranger things are concocted in Pinkie Pie’s bakery compared to this!” he shouted in bewilderment. He’d raise his snout to the mare, “You know what, I can tell when I’m not wanted. So I’ll just go.” He’d quickly revert his changes for the decor before collecting Owlicious and Angel, “But don’t come crying to me when your off-key choir of colts and fillies does nothing more than give you a pity stamp from her royal highness!” “Whatever...” The unicorn rolled her eyes and trotted away, stepping over the instruments on the ground. Now she’d have to get somepony to help her clean this up... Discord quickly stamped off, “Ungrateful… minor character….” He grumbled as he snapped a look to Owlicious, “What now?” Angel rolled his eyes while Owlicious cleared his throat, “Ahem, well, I believe the last thing on Mayor Mare’s list was making sure the local police are at their stations.” Discord sighed, “Oh joy! More small talk, you know I’m starting to think Mayor Mare either didn’t have anyone else to do this position or takes pleasure in slowly killing me by making me do the most mundane work in all of Equestria.” He threw his arms in the air, exasperated, “Can some vengeful creature stamp into the village and cause a ruckus!?.... Besides Celestia!” Discord chuckled to himself as he let out an amused sigh. Owlicious rolled his eyes at the draconeequs’ whining, “And besides you?” The draconeequs huffed, “Ha. Ha. Very clever, aren’t you the wise old owl everyone fawns over.” “Alright, let’s go to the most redundant institution in Ponyville.” Discord quickly teleported them into the station. Several police ponies jumped up as the creature suddenly popped into the break room in front of them, several spitting out coffee or their half-chewed pastry. An older-looking stallion trotted up, appearing not to be intimidated by the draconeequs. “Hello Discord... we were told somepony would be coming, not... somecreature.” The stallion had a sandy coat and salt and pepper mane, his cutie mark a pair of handcuffs. “The name’s Padlock, Sheriff Padlock. I assume you’re here to get everypony in place?” Discord bowed at Padlock, “Yes, yes, I’m sure Mayor Mare had a similar sentiment to you as well, but she’s overbooked, and apparently, I’m Ponyville’s errandcolt.” He’d clasp his claws together, “Yes, now why don’t you get your ponies into place so I can finally do some regularly scheduled chaos!” he’d begin coughing into his laugh rather hoarsely. The sheriff narrowed his gaze before whistling, everypony rounding up and standing with their chests puffed out. They were lined up in squads, ready to be sent to their proper places. “These two will guard the Princess’ chariot once she arrives, one for the chariot itself and one to accompany her through town and to Town Hall. Once her visit is over, she is to be escorted to Sugarcube Corner for lunch. Several squads patrol the areas between those two locations and the chariot.” Padlock instructed, pointing to each platoon by order. “Here is a map of where each pony needs to go; I hope you can follow these instructions?” The older pony looked up at Discord. “I-Instructio-” Discord would cough more as he hunched over slowly, extending his claw beckoning for the instructions, “Ugh… Y-yes, I should be able to… follow the instructions….” He’d offer his best smile at the officer pony. The sheriff raised a bushy brow before chuckling under his breath. “Don’t worry, they’re color coded to each area. It shouldn’t be too difficult fer you, the all-powerful god of chaos, right?” Padlock trotted back to the donuts, taking a bite before dunking it into his black coffee. “Well, what er’ you waiting for?” Angel stomped his foot on Discord’s shoulder, gesturing to the rest of the ponies waiting for the draconeequs to lead them. Discord slowly examined his claws as he watched himself flicker out of existence for a moment before he quickly sat up, dusting himself off, “Alright… perfectly… organized… perfectly normal….” He’d slowly turn to the officers, “We’ll all get to our positions… on rollerskates.” he’d snap his claw as suddenly the ponies had skates strapped to their hooves, “Follow me… if you can.” He’d march forward, chuckling happily to himself, “Crisis averted.” The pony officers began slipping and sliding everywhere, bumping into one another. Soon there was a pile of ponies lying on the floor, limbs tangled together, groaning in pain. There was definitely going to be some bruising. A couple of the officers who actually knew how to skate kept their balance, following behind Discord with confused and concerned faces. “Sh-shouldn’t we help them up?” One of the more hesitant mare officers asked. Discord cleared his throat as he turned to the mare behind him, “Hm, oh yes.” He’d snap his claw and have the officer ponies marching behind him. However, it wouldn’t be so simple, some ponies were on scooters or pogo-stickers, and others were riding on their partner’s or friends’ backs as they were escorted through the street. Discord seemed pleased with the ordeal as the chaos appeared to draw the attention of on-lookers, terrified and in awe at the disregard for logic. “Come on, everypony, let’s get to your color-coded assigned destination!” hummed Discord. The officers, while bewildered, seemed much more comfortable now. Most of them were athletic, leading to very few stumbles or falls. Owlicious, on Discord’s shoulder, peered at the instructions Discord had been given. “First squad is Daffodil Bright, Cherry Pop, Lime Zest, and Poppycorn.” He’d point a feather at a location near where the chariot’s arrival would take place. Discord summoned a whistle as he directed the ponies where to go, “First squad! Daffodil Bright, Cherry Pop, Lime Zest, and Poppycorn over there! Dispose of your mode of transport or dismount your partner once you are in position!” He’d tweet his whistle, “Go!” The four ponies would jump at the whistle, abandoning their modes of transportation and galloping over to their positions, standing straight and rigid as if they were soldiers. Owlicious would sigh and glance at Discord, “Do you have to frighten them while you’re at it?” “At least it’s funny.” Angel sneered. Discord shook his head, “Everything I do has a purpose, Owlicious; this is the minimum amount of chaos I need to maintain a natural balance within the world.” He’d tweet loudly, “Next group! Get ready to move into position! And please don’t abandon your scoots, pogo sticks, or skates in the middle of the street; somepony could get hurt!” “Well, what else are they supposed to do with them, carry them around everywhere?” Angel Bunny rolled his eyes, “Besides, they’re fault if they can’t see it on the road.” “Yes!” answered Discord, “Why? Because it’s hilarious!” chuckled Discord. The next group of ponies took their positions near Sugarcube corner, making their rounds through the streets to make sure nopony suspicious was lurking about... other than their resident draconeequs. Once the officer ponies were in position, Discord could hear the thundering galloping of Celestia’s chariot before pulling out his binoculars, quickly spotting the princess, “SHE’S HERE. EVERYONE GET READY!” With a snap of his claw, Discord quickly disposed of all the scooters, pogo sticks, and roller shakes and summoned the mayor before clasping his claws, twiddling his thumbs expectantly as the chariot carefully landed in the middle of the street. Princess Celestia carefully climbed out of the chariot before trotting over to Mayor Mare and Discord, “Madam Mare, Discord. It’s… lovely to see you.” she said hesitantly, more specifically to Discord. “It’s great to see you too, Princess; I hope your visit will be... ah...” Mayor Mare glanced over at Discord subtly. “One you won’t forget! Haha...” “Ah, Princess Celestia, it’s always a pleasure to attend one of your parties.” smiled Discord. Celestia raised a brow, “I don’t recall us ever having a party together.” “Willingly. But there’s a first for everything! Why doesn’t the mayor show you around? We prepared a lovely get-together for you.” charmed Discord. Angel and Owlicious shared a look before the rabbit jumped off Discord’s shoulder and into the Princess’ mane, peaking out and doing his best to look absolutely adorable. Owlicious rolled his eyes. Celestia chuckled warmly at Angel as Discord carefully plucked the rabbit out of her mane before dropping him next to Discord, “Yes, let’s hope we can make this quick… and painless.” Discord slowly swallowed as he allowed Mayor Mare to take the lead, hoping she’d go through this before he’d croak. “Yes, let’s get started, shall we? Please lead the way, Madam Mare.” smiled Celestia. Mayor Mare cleared her throat and nodded, “Of course, your majesty, right this way.” Six royal guards escorted the princess and her entourage to Town Hall, the ponies murmuring turning into a hush, awed silence at witnessing Celestia themselves. The mayor paid them no mind and went straight to her office, pulling out an appropriately sized chair for the monarch, which hadn’t been in the office before Discord’s visit. “I hope you find everything comfortable, Princess.” The mayor smiled nervously, “Now, what would you like to go over first? Agriculture, our local businesses? Education?” Discord let out a sickly cough at the mayor’s bland offer, quickly masking his cough by covering his mouth with his thick paw. Celestia raised a brow at Discord before turning to Mayor Mare, “I think your lovely businesses here would be the easiest to go over first. Please, lead the way.” “Oh! Y-You want to *see* the businesses? I just thought you wanted to talk about taxes... ah, never mind, of course, princess!” Mayor Mare stood up, putting the paperwork she had pulled back into her desk drawer. Mayor Mare would blush as she stepped out of Townhall with the Princess and Spirit of Chaos in tow, feeling rather stupid. “Well, there’s Davenport’s Quills and Sofas, Ponyville Day Spa, Rarity’s Carousel Boutique, but you know that’s closed for the time being... the Jeweler, Sweet Apple Acres, Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, the Grocer, we also have a morning market selling fresh fruits and vegetables. And then there are the bakeries and, of course, your favorite, Sugarcube Corner!” They’d trot up to the bakery, “Would you like to step inside? I know it’s a bit early, but I can’t help myself; I haven’t had anything to nibble on in hours!” Discord appeared to look more sickly as the mayor mentioned the discussion of tax, as a horse cough escaped his lips, “I think the Princess (for once) makes a good point; why don’t we go outside and see all the work this town puts out to make that taxable income.” He’d held back from retching at the formality of it all. Celestia pressed a hoof to her chin, “Well, who am I to deny you something to eat? And it would be nice to see a bakery.” “Let’s hope the Cakes don’t mind us visiting a little early!” Mayor Mare chuckled nervously as she opened the door, holding it for the pair. Most of the pastries had been set out, ready for guests to arrive, while the back door to the private outside dining area had been set with tables with fine white sheets, dozens and dozens of sweets, and confections piled together. It was practically a buffet of sweets. Of course, the centerpiece was the Canterlot Marble Cake that Discord had magicked up, accented by a dozen cupcakes made with roughly the same frosting style. “Oh, Princess, I didn’t know you arrived!” Mrs. Cake trotted out, her twins riding on her back and chewing on her mane, “I’m so sorry, I was busy with my goals; I didn’t realize you were coming so early!” Mrs. Cake turned towards the bakery and shouted, “CARROT, THE PRINCESS IS HERE!!!” “Coming, Sugarlump!!!” Mr. Cake shouted back, carrying another large cake on his back. Celestia’s eyes hyper-focused on the marble cake as she quickly turned her attention to the bakers that she assumed made it, “Oh, please take your time, we were early after all… do you mind if I help myself to a slice of that… beautiful looking care you have there?” “O-Of course not, Princess, help yourself!” Mrs. Cake replied, a cheery but unsure smile on her lips. She’d trot toward the marble cake as she helped herself to a massive slice that easily could’ve been slices for three or four ponies. Daintily eating the cake with a plastic fork, she presented her Canterlot etiquette in front of the ponies. Despite what a particular Gabby Gums article would tell you. “Are you sure we should trust Discord?” Mr. Cake whispered in his wife’s ear nervously, watching as the princess took a bite. Discord tried maintaining his composure as he walked up to the cake and grabbed a cupcake, politely eating it in front of the Cakes. He didn’t care much for sweets or any actual edible food, for that matter, aside from the occasional scone or cucumber sandwich. He slowly swallowed the bite of cupcake he had eaten before he violently flickered in and out of reality for a second, quickly masking his discomfort with a forced, “Mmmmmmm!” “It’s… delicious…” grumbled Discord. “Yes, it’s… perfect…” sighed Celestia as she took another bite of the slice of cake, already halfway through with it. “I’m so glad you enjoy it, princess! Please, feel free to have as much as you like.” Mrs. Cake smiled sweetly, shifting her children on her back. “Carrot, you can handle things here, right? I just need to put these two down for a nap.” “Right snookums...” Mr. Cake tried not to show his fear, nodding his head. Angel Bunny hopped up and took a small chunk out of the marble cake in front of Celestia, popping the morsel into his mouth. Owlicious sighed at the behavior, fluttering over to a branch to watch the action. In the blink of every creature’s eye, Celestia had a second massive slice of cake, ultimately finishing the first one. Half the marble cake was already gone, including Angel’s mere morsel. Discord stared, jaw agape as he felt himself liven up at the chaos in Celestia’s insatiable hunger for that cake. Taking pride in his ingenious idea of making the marble cake. Celestia carefully wiped her face before turning to the Cakes, bowing her head to them, “It’s wonderful, thank you.” She’d turn to one of her guards, “Captain, take a note for me to leave a wonderful tip for these bakers and their wonderful cake.” “Yes, right away, your majesty!” The guard saluted. Meanwhile, Mr. Cake was shocked. She had eaten only the ONE cake and not even all of it? How were they going to get rid of all of this food? At least the tip would hopefully be worth the trouble. Discord passed an “I told you so” look to Mr. Cake before fancying himself another cupcake as if it would make a dent in the massive horde of food the two Cakes made. “Thank you, Princess; it’s always lovely to have your patronage.” Mr. Cake smiled kindly. Mayor Mare sighed with relief, “What would you like to see next, your majesty? Are there any other businesses you would like to see?” Princess Celestia tapped her hoof to her chin, thinking for a moment before speaking, “I think that will be all, Madam Mare; just send the usual paperwork to me.” “O-Oh... well, I... okay!” The mayor seemed totally put off, this seemed like less of an official visit, and more like... the princess was taking a day off. Then again, who was the mayor to judge her? “I... guess I’ll... leave you to it then?” Mayor Mare slowly trotted to grab herself a slice of cake. Angel Bunny would shake his head in disapproval, getting impatient. “So, where next, big white and long?” The rabbit gave Celestia a cheeky smile. Owlicious face-winged, sighing deeply. Celestia would be taken aback by Angel speaking to her before shooting a look at Discord, “Discord, why is the rabbit flirting with me.” “...evolution?” he helplessly answered, scooping up the animal in his arms, he needed a cop-out and fast, “... Let’s not take away the fact that these kind ponies put in the effort to make these cakes for you, and you take two slices of cake and call it a day.” “I mean, not to mention the festivities and choir of young school foals and fillies accepting your company!” scolded Discord, “I mean, Amethyst, Something put a lot of work in the terr-lovely decor!” “Let’s put aside one talking rabbit compared to the elephant in the room! Your… obliviousness!” accused Discord. Celestia paused as her pleasant expression seemed to dissipate; she said nothing as she stood firmly in place for a moment. Unmoving, unexpressive, as if she was processing everything Discord spouted at her. Mr. Cake stared at this conversation and slowly backed away, “If you need me... I’ll be... somewhere else.” Angel Bunny scrambled his head out of Discord’s arms, popping out of his grasp as he wriggled around. “Yer draconeequs friend here is too lazy to do regular work on his own, so he enchanted the bird and me to talk! Real smart guy, ain’t he?” The rabbit had a cheeky grin on his face. Owlicious sighed, “Well, I supposed the cat is out of the bag, as it were. It’s nice to finally and properly introduce myself to you, princess. My Name is Owlicious, but you may just call me owl.” He presented a wing for her, pecking her hoof in the form of a kiss. Celestia’s look would turn to a scowl as she shook her head, sighing before pressing a hoof into her face and letting out a deep contemplative sigh, “Discord….” “Lazy, please! I do most of the work you just translate for the animals and then go busy yourself with your senseless flirting with the local townsmares!” Discord snapped at the rabbit. He’d sigh, “That’s beside the point, yes, I may have used a bit of chaos magic here and there, but it’s all for the balance throughout Equestria, I promise.” Celestia groaned, “Discord.” “I really, REALLY did try; I even went back in time to prevent a few mistakes on my end!” “YOU WHAT!?” shrieked Celestia. “This doesn’t take away from the fact you should really hear those foals and fillies sing the song they made you!” shrieked Discord. “......” Celestia let out a defeated sigh, “Did you do all of this, participate and purposely torture yourself for the good of Ponyville?” Discord tapped his claws nervously, “Well… of course, somecreature has to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible with Twilight, Fluttershy, and everypony else. I really have been trying; it’s just well… let’s just say I have a few medical issues.” “Medical issues,” Celestia said in disbelief. Owlicious hooted, “It is true; I have witnessed Discord going in and out of existence, almost as if he is going to disappear in a moment if he doesn’t do something... wacky. It’s rather disturbing, to be quite frank.” “But would anypony really care if he was gone?” Angel rolled his eyes. “Rude.” scolded Owlicious. “Actually....yes, if Discord ceases to exist, the world as we know it would disappear. I do not blame Discord for his unorthodox methods of helping… I am more… perplexed by his selflessness. By all accounts, he is a selfish creature.” lectured Celestia. “I’m right here, you know.” hmpfed Discord. “Discord, I appreciate you helping, but perhaps there are ways to balance out your chaotic nature while… being more palatable to the common public.” smiled Celestia. “And what would you suggest, oh wise Celestia?” scoffed Discord. Celestia would look to Mayor Mare, “Madam Mare, you arranged festivities for my arrival, yes?” Mayor Mare cleared her throat, jumping a little in surprise. “Ahem, oh– y-yes, I did, princess. The Ponyville schoolhouse was hoping to perform a little song for you, and a few ponies have even made gifts... I hope this isn’t too much...” “Who doesn’t like presents?” Angel shrugged. Mayor Mare turned away, still put off by the sight of a talking rabbit. “I believe Discord made it a point to highlight the importance of the event. So I will humbly attend the festivities.” proclaimed the princess. “Of course, princess! I’ll let them know immediately!” Mayor Mare would take one more bite of a slice of cake before running off. Celestia would shout for the Cakes, “Mr. and Mrs. Cake, would you mind if I shared this banquet with the good people of Ponyville in my honor? I will happily compensate you for your labor!” Mr. and Mrs. Cake ran out of the bakery and smiled widely. “That sounds more than reasonable, princess! We would be happy to share.” The two ponies began to lift the treats from the table, setting them on a cart to be pushed outside. “As for you, Discord, I think it’s only fair that you will provide our entertainment.” Discord sighed, “Alright, fine...” he'd slowly look at Angel. Angel sighed and rolled his eyes, “Don’t you dare do the rabbit in the hat trick with me...” "Looks like I'll be doing most of the work then, per usual." scoffed Discord.