//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: The Empress' New Groove // Story: Equestria Girls: A New Generation // by Naughty_Ranko //------------------------------// When a blue Ford Fiesta pulled into the teachers’ parking lot at CHS on Monday morning, the woman driving had ditched the mousy wardrobe in favor of her customary jeans, ankle boots and an orange tank top with a print of her cutie mark on it. Picking up her leather jacket from the passenger seat, she slipped it on, rubbed her cheek against the collar and breathed in deeply. “Hm, I missed you so much. I’ll never cheat on you again,” Sunset told the article of clothing. Opening the driver side door, Sunset was halfway out when a thought occurred to her. Ducking back in, she fished a small box out of the glove compartment with a piece of tape stuck to it that read Street Kit in Sunset’s handwriting. Shoving the box into her pocket, she left her car and made her way to the main entrance of the school, her open hair of fiery red and yellow flowing out behind her in the breeze. Stopping momentarily at the horse statue out front, she looked it over. She still wasn’t used to the replacement they’d put up for the broken one a couple years ago. Rather than the smooth, powerful and realistic lines of the original, this one was a cubist interpretation of a rearing horse, with sharp angles and odd pieces sticking out that made it look nothing like a natural animal. Sunset hated it, but she placed a hand on the marble base and could feel the soft and faint hum of Equestrian magic from the other side. Seven years ago when she touched it, there was the roiling chaos of wild magic bursting at the seams to get out and cause havoc in a world that had no real concept of magic. Now it felt calm, peaceful, a reminder of her old home and a soft reassurance of it still being there while no longer posing a threat to her new home. Suddenly, a bit of movement caught her eye, as if someone was leaning around the edge of the statue and staring at her. “Hello?” Sunset moved around the back of the statue and found nobody, but she could hear quick footsteps moving around the other side. Having completed a full round, she just caught someone she thought she recognized running up to the front door of the school before vanishing into its halls. “Sunny?” Sunset shook her head and decided not to dwell on it as she made her own way inside and towards the teachers’ lounge. “Good morning, Gladys,” she said cheerfully as she entered. The single occupant of the room looked up from her phone and watched Sunset skip over to the counter and pour herself a cup of coffee while humming a little tune to herself. “You’re chipper for a Monday morning,” Ms. Harshwhinny observed dryly. “Did you get laid this weekend?” Sunset spluttered and coughed her first sip back into her coffee cup, pinching her nose with her free hand as her nostrils stung and she continued to cough. “I’ll take that as a yes. Nice. Anyone I know?” “You know, Gladys,” Sunset said after having cleared her throat, “I’m really doing my best to adapt here. I’m calling you by your first name, and I get that this is your safe space where you can say anything, but this is where I draw the line. It wasn’t that long ago I was a student here, and I’m not ready to discuss my sex life with the woman who taught me integrals in twelfth grade. In fact, I may never be ready for that.” Gladys simply shrugged. “Suit yourself,” she said and went back to swiping on her phone. Sunset sat down at the table next to the couch and drank her coffee in silence. “Seriously though,” Ms. Harshwhinny said suddenly, still looking at her phone. “Are you using an app? Cause I’m not getting a lot of good hits on my profile lately. I mean, look at this one.” Sunset stood up abruptly. “I’m gonna get to my class,” she declared, a little more forcefully than was strictly necessary. When she opened the door, she found a muscular man wearing a track suit and baseball cap coming her way. “Morning, Coach.” “Eyup,” Big Mac replied in passing and made a beeline for the coffee maker. It was then that Harshwhinny changed targets. “Mac, can I get your expert opinion on something? Would you look at this photo?” “Nope,” was the last thing Sunset heard as she closed the door behind her. Walking confidently through the halls, Sunset noted with satisfaction that her new old wardrobe turned some heads among the students who she had taught for the first time a week before. Just as she reached out to open the door to the classroom for 2-A, she stopped with a raised eyebrow. The inwards opening door was slightly ajar and she could see a shadow moving on the other side. Observing for a bit, she lightly kicked the bottom of the door and smiled with satisfaction when she heard a mild thud followed by coughing noises from the other side. Opening the door for real this time, she saw Sprout standing there, covered in chalk dust and with a dry eraser at his feet. “Good morning, Mr. Cloverleaf,” she said brightly. “You will clean that up after class, won’t you?” Coughing one more time, Sprout looked at her. “I, uhm, was just … I mean yes, Ms. Shimmer,” he replied in defeat, having tried and failed to come up with an excuse on the spot, and hastily retreated to his seat. Hitch watched him pass by and looked at Sunset with what she thought was a look of respect, holding out the class book for her. “Thank you, Hitch,” she said simply, looked over the class and marked everyone down as present. Rather than sitting down, she leaned against the edge of her desk to start the lesson. “Alright, good morning, everyone. I’m sure you’ve eagerly devoured Chapter 2 of your textbooks, like I asked you to. So, who wants to explain to me how the feudal system works?” The silence was deafening. “Well, don’t all raise your hands all at once,” she observed dryly and turned towards the blackboard. Not finding any chalk this time, she heard some shuffling and a single snicker from behind her. Unperturbed, Sunset reached into her pocket and pulled out the box with her old Flanksy supplies of colored chalks and drew a triangle, subdivided into three horizontal tiers, on the blackboard. In the top triangle, she drew a small caricature of her own face winking at the students. “Let’s have the Holy Roman Empire as an example. As of today, I am the empress of this classroom.” Picking up a yellow piece of chalk, she added a little crown above her head. Turning around, she pointed at two students in the front row. “Hitch, Sunny, front and center. Your Empress has a proposition for you.” The two of them looked at each other dubiously, but got up from their seats to stand in front of Sunset. “Now,” Sunset proclaimed, “imagine every desk in this classroom is a plot of farmland. And your class assignments, homework and tests are the crops. Now, all your bases belong to me right now. And while I’m sure you all would love for me to do your homework for you, I don’t want to do that. So here’s my proposal: I’ll give each of you an entire row of desks and you collect tithes for me in the form of homework and assignments.” “What do we get out of that?” Hitch asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well, for one thing you get a place to sit down while you write something and don’t have to stand up for the whole class,” Sunset replied, which elicited a chuckle from most of the class. “Oh, I get it!” Sunny suddenly said and knocked on her desk. “This is our demesne, right? The land that directly belongs to us.” “Right, very good,” Sunset said with an approving nod, “looks like someone read the chapter after all. The second thing you get is protection. If someone wants to mess with you or your desk, you can call me in to help. So, do we have a deal? Land and protection in return for your service and a small tithe.” “Sure, sounds good,” Hitch said after a moment’s thought and Sunny nodded her assent as well. “Splendid!” Sunset turned and drew little pictures of the two students into the second tier of her pyramid. “Then by divine right of my own arrogance, I hereby proclaim you, Hitch Trailblazer, the Duke of Windownia and you, Sunny Starscout, the Duchess of Aislandia. You may sit down.” Turning back towards the class, she pointed at Sprout, sitting behind Hitch, who had raised his hand. “Ms. Shimmer, I mean, Your Majesty. You said that Hitch had to collect all the tithes from this row for you. Does that mean Hitch has to do my homework as well as his own?” “Tch, as if,” Hitch muttered. But Sunset simply nodded. “Right now it does.” Hitch whipped his head around to look at his teacher. “What?” Sprout grinned from behind Hitch and leaned back in his chair. “Cool.” “What the heck, Ms. Shimmer?” Hitch asked in disbelief. Sunset simply stared at him. “The whole reason I gave the entire row to you was so I wouldn’t have to deal with it myself. So the question is this: What are you gonna do with all the land you can’t work yourself?” Hitch blinked a couple of times, and Sunset felt something warm and fuzzy inside when she saw the realization on his face as the light bulb lit up over his head. Turning around, he asked: “Sprout, how would you like being my vassal?” “I don’t know. What do I get out of it?” Hitch gestured towards the blackboard. “Same terms and conditions apply. I might even help you with your homework. Plus, you get to keep your chair and don’t have to stand.” “Hm, and if someone messes with me, I get to call you and Ms. Shimmer to my aid. Alright, do I get a cool title?” Hitch rolled his eyes and said: “Sure, I hereby name you the Count of Lower Windownia, Sprout.” Sunset drew a picture of Sprout in the third tier of her pyramid, then turned to see how Sunny would react. Sunny looked at Zipp two desks behind her who gave her a flat stare in response. “I’m not engaging in this silliness.” “Come on, Zipp. It’s fun, play along,” Sunny wheedled. Zipp groaned. “Fine. But I have total autonomy at my desk and you don’t get to meddle as long as I do my homework. Also, I choose my own title. You may call me the Grand Poobah of all Dis and Dat.” Sunny furrowed her brows and looked towards Sunset for confirmation. Shrugging her shoulders, she began to draw Zipp’s face next to Sprout’s. “I don’t care what you call yourself as long as the homework gets done.” “Grand Poobah it is,” Sunny said with a shake of her head. At this point, Izzy raised her hand. “Ms. Sunset, I mean, Empress Shimmer! I’m not a part of either of the two duchies. Do I get a title?” “Yes, you do,” Sunset confirmed. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, do you make those charm bracelets yourself?” “Yes, I do! Would you like me to make one for you?” Sunset chuckled. “Sure, very mercantile of you. As Empress, I get to decide which places have the right to hold a market. So, how would you like to become an Imperial City? The city of …” “Izzyville!!!” Izzy said cheerfully. “… Sure, Mayor Izzy of Izzyville.” Izzy’s face joined those of Sunny and Hitch in the second tier. “Alright, all sorted out,” Sunset said, clapping her hands together and surveying her little empire. Then she pointed at the desk behind Sprout’s. “Except that. Zipp, is that your sports bag?” Zipp looked over and then back towards Sunset. “Yeah, is there a problem with it?” “Yeah, there’s a problem,” Sprout answered before Sunset had a chance to. “It’s on Windownian territory!” Zipp rolled her eyes, looked past Sprout and directly at Hitch. “Yo, Hitch! You’re not using this desk. You got a problem with me parking my bag here?” “I guess not,” the Class Rep replied. Sunset gave Hitch a look with a raised eyebrow. “You’re really gonna give out the land I gave you for free and let someone reap its benefits, Your Grace? Remember that you still have to pay me a tithe for it.” Hitch thought about that for a moment. “Actually, I’m gonna let you have that desk if you become the Countess of Upper Windownia and swear fealty to me.” “What?” Sunny asked aghast. “Hitch, she’s my vassal.” “Still am,” Zipp said with a smirk, “but now I get two titles.” Addressing Hitch again, she added: “I accept, Your Grace.” Then she pulled the chair from her new acquisition over and put up her feet. Suppressing a smirk at how well this was going, Sunset added some lines to her diagram, one going from Sprout to Hitch, two going from Zipp to Hitch and Sunny, and one each going from Sunny, Hitch and Izzy to her own portrait. Sunset got out her phone and began typing out a message while Sprout continued to argue. “Wait, wait, wait! You’re gonna give our land to one of them?” “One of them?” Hitch asked in befuddlement. “Those Aislandians! This is a Windownian desk you’re giving away. What if I want to put my bag there?” “You should have thought of that sooner. Besides, she’s just agreed to do double the work.” Sunset decided to let this play out and continued to type. “Alright, that does it,” Sprout declared. Picking up his own backpack, he placed it on the desk and pushed Zipp’s dufflebag off. “The hell, dude?” Zipp demanded. “You can’t just do that. That’s my land now.” “No, it isn’t. I’ve got peasants, right?” He said, patting his backpack. “I’m just gonna send some of them in there and occupy the land that rightfully belongs to Windownia. So there, hah!” Zipp turned towards Sunset who merely glanced at her over the rim of her phone. “You’re gonna say something, Your Majesty, or are you just gonna stand there?” Sunset shrugged. “You’re not my direct vassals.” Pointing at Sunny and Hitch, she added: “These guys are. I expect them to manage the land I gave ‘em.” In the back of the classroom something went ping, and Pipp, who had so far ignored what was happening, glanced at her phone. She sat up straight as her eyes went wide and she looked at Sunset who gave her a raised eyebrow. Slowly, a cheshire grin spread across her face and she gave her teacher a nod. Satisfied for the moment, Sunset put her phone away and turned her attention back to the ensuing argument. “Are you gonna do something, Sunny?” Zipp demanded. “You’re supposed to protect me.” “I … don’t think I am,” Sunny replied thoughtfully. “He’s not attacking the land I gave you.” “Hitch! Call him back and tell him to give back my land.” “Hey, you’re my liege, too,” Sprout said, rounding on his friend. “And I was your vassal first. You’re supposed to be on my side.” Hitch simply looked back and forth between the two of them, unsure of what to do. “Alright, looks as if I’m on my own then,” Zipp declared hotly, putting her bag back on the table. “If you can raise a peasant levy, so can I. We’re gonna fight this out.” Momentarily impressed by the correct use of the term levy by Zipp, Sunset nevertheless decided it was finally time to literally step in. “Alright, that’s enough. Landfrieden!” She declared while holding out her arms. “What?” Sprout asked after everyone had been stunned into a momentary silence. “The hell is Landfrieden supposed to mean?” Sunny rolled her eyes and said: “It’s German for ‘peace of the land.’ It means nobody in the Empire is allowed to go to war with each other.” Sunset tapped her nose twice and then pointed at Sunny. After garnering some surprised looks from her classmates, Sunny added: “Did none of you read the chapter Ms. Sunset assigned for this week?” “Alright,” Sunset declared. “We’re gonna solve this by having a Reichstag.” “Reichstag? Isn’t that the capitol building of Germany?” Hitch asked and earned his own baffled look from his classmates. “What? I like to read the international news.” “You’re right, Hitch. Today it refers to the capitol building in Berlin. But back in the Middle Ages, it wasn’t a physical building, rather it was an assembly of all the nobles of the Empire to come together and submit their grievances in front of the Emperor, the Kaiser, for arbitration. And I think we’re gonna hold it in a neutral place. Mayor Izzy?” “Yes, Your Majesty?” Izzy replied immediately, quickly hiding the bucket of popcorn Sunset could have sworn she’d pulled straight out of Pink Space behind her chair. Apparently, she’d been enjoying herself, watching the argument play out. “Would Izzyville be so kind as to host the Reichstag?” “Of course, we got snacks!” Izzy pulled out her lunchbox and put it on her desk. “Alright, your Empress summons you to Izzyville. If you don’t want your case to be tried in absentia, you had better attend.” Almost the whole class, in the cases of Zipp and Sprout grudgingly, assembled around Izzy’s desk to hear the verdict of the Empress. “Very well, I have heard from both sides,” Sunset declared imperiously. “All of you now hear my decision. First of all, I am somewhat disappointed in the Duke of Windownia and the Duchess of Aislandia for being unable to keep peace in the lands the Empire has so graciously granted them.” Sunny and Hitch looked a little sheepish at that. “Then again, this is not an easy case. By law, the oath sworn between liege and vassal, if it be legitimate and in good faith, can not be unmade. So I hereby confirm the Grand Poobah of all Dis and Dat in her appointment as the Countess of Upper Windownia also.” “Yes!” Zipp grinned and stuck her chin out at a seething Sprout. “However,” Sunset went on to say, “in the meantime new villages have been founded in the territory established by subjects of the Count of Lower Windownia. Those are his lawful subjects who have sworn their own oath of fealty to Lower Windownia. Henceforth, these parts made arable and the villages founded are part of Lower Windownia.” Sunset realized that she had gone a little too fast on that one when she was met by blank stares. “Translation: There’s enough space on the empty desk for both of your bags.” Most students nodded at that, but Sprout still seemed a little grumpy. “That’s your big compromise? Split the land and what, let Zipp and I both do one and a half times the work?” Sunset gave him a blank look. “If you don’t like my ruling, I can donate your part of the land to the Church instead.” “Who’s the Church in that example?” Izzy asked. Sunset shrugged. “Let’s say Principal Celestia. If I’m Empress, she’s God. I only rule by her divine grace.” Everyone chuckled at that, even Sprout in spite of himself. And that’s the cue, Sunset decided, raising her finger and pointing towards the back of the class. “MUAWAHAHAHA!!!” Every student suddenly jumped at the maniacal laughter emanating from behind them, and Sunset briefly thought that Pipp was very good at projecting her voice. “What the hell, Pipp!?” Zipp roared as she turned around to see her twin sister standing there. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!” “Ha! Who is zis Pipp you speak of?” she replied archly in a French accent. “Non, non, non, mon amis. It is I, ze Queen of Prance, and zis land belongs to me now.” It was in this moment that the other students noticed that neither Sprout’s nor Zipp’s bag was on the contested desk, instead having been replaced by Pipp’s pink purse. As if to accentuate the dramatic moment, the school bell rung, and every student looked up as if surprised by how quickly the lesson had gone by. “And with that,” Sunset said, “your homework assignment for next week is to think of ways to protect your Empress, i.e. me, from this dastardly foreign attack as we move from internal to foreign politics.” She twirled her finger in the air. “Reichstag adjourned!” Unlike the week before, Sunset actually enjoyed the atmosphere as the students packed up and began to file out, chatting excitedly along the way. “That was craaazy, when did you think of that?” Zipp was saying to her sister. Pipp chuckled. “Ms. Sunset actually sent me a Tweet while you guys were arguing. Look.” “No way.” Meanwhile, Sprout was catching up with Hitch on the way out the door. “Seriously, though. You think you could help me with my homework? I figure if I’m gonna uphold the honor of Windownia, I gotta know what those crazy German words mean.” “Sure, Sprout.” Only when she was sure that every student had left and was well out of earshot, did Sunset permit herself to grin openly and pump her fist. “Hell yeah! Sunsetific Method rules!”