//------------------------------//
// Extra Chapter: To love, and be loved. 
// Story: A Kindled Change 
// by Darkevony 
//------------------------------//


Extra Chapter

To love, and be loved.






The final excerpt of her royal highness, Princess Chrys’ personal memoirs.





I had really done it... I could feel it now. The truest sense of freedom I had ever felt. From the very inner reaches of my soul, I could feel the absolute happiness of having done the very thing I'd wished to do from the bottom of my heart. That incredible sense of control over myself, as if born anew.

I had won over the Mistress. I had wielded Fate herself and overpowered the madness within her. But most importantly... I had saved Twilight and her friends from the misery of the Formless.

My mind wondered how an unstricken Queen Chrysalis would see my actions. Would she have disapproved of sealing us all back into the darkness of that cave? Would she have wanted for me to cast her down like this? As I looked at her unconscious body, I was reminded yet again of who she was and what she became.

"I’m, sorry. Mom..." 

My words go unheard by anyone who could listen. In the somber quiet of the lonely dark, now I was truly on my own. No glowing crystals. No billowing winds. No conscious flame to be afraid of. Nothing save for the dancing of my own flame as it swayed to and fro, from the happiness of my decisions and loneliness from my new reality.

The silence was deafening, and the dark was unwelcoming. How had I ever felt comfortable with it before? Now I could not stand to sit within it for long. With Fate's powers, I was able to illuminate those old caverns with the same dulled crystals that were left behind. Yet as they cast the warm glow of my magic to stave off that darkness, there was now a much more somber atmosphere. The shadows the stalagmites and stalactites cast looked like they were reaching for the bigger darkness, hoping to be reunited. The imageries those barren halls created... I was reminded of those fiery birds once again. I pictured the three smaller ones flying off to join their parents, flying off into the setting sun.

And I remembered the scene outside Twilight’s window... Those bright-colored ponies all going about their day in the life and freedom afforded to them by their love for one another. Did they know how blessed they all were? Did they know how lovely a single photo of that image could look? The smiles, the camaraderie, the unspoken unity in their hearts as they rely on one another to make their worlds go round. Even the playful teasing of the children was a wonderful sight, annoying the grown-ups with their play. They were eventually met by those same kids running to their mothers and fathers with all the trust in the world in their tiredness, and being gently carried off on their backs. There is true magic in those scenes. 

I'd definitely grown weepier than I used to be. In allowing my emotions to affect me, I couldn’t help but cry at the thought of them. I'd longed for it for so long after all, even without knowing it within my incomplete mind and trapped in the darkness... that companionship. Perhaps that's what I always wanted from the mad Queen, and why it was that my thoughts for Twilight were so painful to think about. 

Oh, how I missed her.

How long had it been since I'd last seen her? After going to the outside world, I’d lost my ability to read time within the cave. Even the trickle of water from the roof which had been my indicator before now streamed erratically and unevenly, with no rhyme or reason as to the noise it made. In the uncomforting solitude, it felt like I spent more time in those days, weeks, months waiting for something to happen than I had ever spent since I'd awoken within the cave for the first time in those many years.

I did anything to keep my mind busy. To keep myself from thinking and regretting my time with Twilight and her friends. I drew with my hooves what I could of the outside world, using the soft soil to paint on the cave walls. To keep myself from ever forgetting about it afraid that my mind could one day become incomplete again within the darkness. I practiced talking as best as I could, but without a guide, I found I could not improve and eventually stopped trying altogether. And I learned to wield Fate in my capacity. Remembering the techniques and the uses the Queen had used it for, I tried and tried and tried to replicate them all. 

Why? Because I was in search of something very important. The second reason why I had let myself get separated from Twilight, above sparing them of our misfortune. My important duty as changeling princess. I needed to find the power to rid them of this madness. A spell to clear away those bad thoughts.

I had mimicked just about everything I'd seen of magic. From Twilight's levitating magic to the Queen's magically draining tendrils... Even in digging up my memories as far as they’d go, and learning to create those same crystals that adorned the walls, I was not able to find any such magic to rid them of those thoughts. 

That aside, it was a bit of a funny thought. Creating crystals that is. Was that a specialty of our race? I could not know, but it made a lot of sense. What did our Formless Kingdom of old have to offer the world to even be a kingdom of its own? Perhaps that's why the Queen was named the way she was.

For within that knowledge, I was also able to find how to crystalize those transparent, translucent gems with magical power. Magical power born from emotions. Which was to say... infuse them with our thoughts and desires, our wills and our wants, our heartfelt feelings... If ever I got to see Twilight and her friends again, I knew what I wanted to give them to represent my love for them.

But that was a big if. Would I ever get to see her again? As time kept passing by and seldom even a peep of anything changing, I was left to contemplate my future and the future of the Formless. What it is I wanted for them. And what it was that I wanted for myself.

Freedom.

True freedom, for me and my kind. A reality much like I had seen from outside the window into the scene of a serene Ponyville. One of unity, love, and companionship. I would be willing to pay any price for it. Even my own body and mind.

I couldn't deny my own feelings, and my own thoughts, as I could not hold them back anymore. I would not. More than those altruistic things, I had a selfish desire. An obvious want of the heart.

I wanted to spend my life alongside Twilight. I wanted to see her. I wished every day to be able to meet her again. I yearned for it, prayed for it, and lived for it.

But in the quiet solitude of the dark, I was alone...







One would think that I'd be over the moon when the sudden shifting of those winding halls and an explosive amount of magical power filled the cavern in order to open the mouth of the cave once again to give way to the visage of a lone Twilight Sparkle finally having had the power to do so. One could even think that I'd spend the better part of an hour just hugging the purple mare in my absolute relief to see her alive and well after so long, not wanting to let go in my desperation of losing her again. And finally, it'd be safe to assume that there was nothing but the mirth and the joy of that reunion.

Of course, you wouldn't be wrong at all. Yet... you wouldn't be one hundred percent right either.

In that embrace, there was a prickly feeling that just wouldn't go away no matter what I did and no matter how hard I tried. One very strong emotion that would not subside. An emotion twisted and corrupted by time, fear, and grief. A feeling so indescribably turbid, it had been the driving force for the one that wielded it for so long.

This emotion was coming from Twilight Sparkle.

It was not an ill-willed feeling. I knew very well what it was, for I had felt it in myself too when we were reunited. The fear of losing someone... the greed in not wanting to let them go... the compounding nature of the joy in our feelings for one another making all of that much stronger.

It was that selfish desire from before, grown tenfold. The result of being separated the way we had.

But unlike myself, Twilight had not had to face that emotion before in this way. She did not have the ability to feed it to her magic as changelings did. She had not had an avenue to vent it off to, and she had let it simmer for who knows how long. It was that feeling that clung to her heart that had made a similar tarry shadow cling to it like mine had when I subconsciously denied the Queen for so long. And with the new power and strength in the flame of her soul and her Fate, it radiated out to me like spears so long as I stood by her side.

Even after she came to visit me every day for hours on end trying her best to convince me to join her in the outside world, anyone could've understood the desperation in her words. I wanted anything to say yes to her requests. I wanted any small excuse to strip myself away from my responsibility and abandon my duties in order to go live by her side. Yet I could not, nor would I. Even if it killed me, my duty was something I had promised I'd see through to the very end. And each time I denied her requests, that feeling inside her grew and I could feel her heart breaking a little more each time with every refusal.

But I was slowly starting to understand that I was getting nowhere on my own in trying to save my kind in the way I truly wanted for them. Even if I did manage to cure them of their madness, for which I still did not have a plan or a spell for, how would they be able to live in the outside world? I had seen the conflict in Twilight's soul the first time she had found out about my origins, and she was far more accepting and kind compared to the rest of the pony-folk. Would all of my brethren once freed, fear that same gaze? Would they even be able to find a good home with that prejudice floating in the very air? They were not innocent, no, even if the ponies excused them for their madden, involuntary actions. But I knew they could change for the better once freed from it all, if given the chance.

And I understood, from the first moment Twilight mentioned it, even if it felt like a bad idea, that it was my duty as Princess to the changelings to give them that chance. To go to this 'school' Twilight wanted me to attend so I could work on making those roads and to better my speech. Unfortunately, Twilight could not fully understand the depths of this responsibility of mine yet.

I so strongly wished for the chance to confide in Twilight the circumstances of the Formless... I wanted to trust her with everything I had... But those feelings inside of her stopped me. I could see how restless she was from her own duties as newly crowned Princess. I could not let her know. At least not yet.

And even if I wanted to, Twilight had not been able to take a step into the darkness of that cavern with me. She was afraid of repeating the past and felt like she was constantly walking on eggshells around me. I could see it so clearly in her. We could not take that step forward no matter how much I tried. Without the clarity of words, I could not get her to understand my plight, and the plight of my kind. She would never know the gravity of what I was trying to do unless she saw it for herself.

She had likely tried to justify why I was the only changeling walking out of that cave time and again with each visit with any random excuse in her head in trying to avoid the more serious issues. She could not know the magic I had cast to render them into a deep sleep. She could not realize how deeply that madness still existed in their souls and how long it would take to rid them of it.

All the same, likely only thinking of me, she wanted to increase the changeling's reputation amongst the ponies. All so that I could live by her side. I had to take this chance even if our intentions didn't quite align because I understood that this would help me build that road. This was my out. The way forward. The excuse I needed in service of everything I wanted and needed to do.

In agreeing with her, I could see how happy that answer had made her. And I could feel how happy it had made me knowing I'd get to spend my days alongside her. But there was a new bubble of anxiety swelling up in my heart. That night, I asked her one very important request. With all my might, I desperately formulated the words I needed to say and needed to hear an answer for, hoping she would have it.

"Twilight. Please. Want spell. Make, bad thoughts. Leave."

Twilight didn't so much as question why it was I wanted this spell. She was just happy that this had been the first real request I had asked of her. She taught me how to weave my magic better around my horn, and the words needed to be recanted in order to pull it off.


"To do what we must, 
and shake off the rust, 
we pool our powers to cast,
a spell aimed at the distant past."


It was hard enough getting the words right, but after a long night of practice, I finally got it down. Twilight smiled the world in her pride for me as she saw me master it. But even amongst this heartfelt feeling, that fear inside her still existed. She could not shake it off. And I wanted everything to help her.

It's strange now that I look back on it, how I had come to the conclusion of being able to use this spell on others to help them. I had thought of it as a natural extension of the spell considering how I had used my magic until recently, infusing crystals and putting the changelings to sleep. Magic was sort of like lightning. A spell's effect would travel across a medium until it reached the ground and diffused into it. Naturally, I felt like this spell could work on others if two mediums were touching each other.

Much to Twilight's surprise, in wanting to help her I touched our foreheads together and cast the spell, wanting her to feel better. And while it had helped from what I could see in her soul as she was deeply touched by this gesture, the awful feeling from before still lingered heavily in her heart. If I could use this spell to clear the madness and insanity from the changelings and the Queen's overtime, so too would I do this for Twilight and eventually rid her of this turmoil in her heart. That's another promise I had made to myself.

The day finally arrived a week later when I was to debut into the world above and my first day of school started. I was joining in as a transfer student, and Twilight had been busy letting most of the ponies know that she was taking me under her tutelage. When we walked down the open roads in public towards the school, she stopped to greet the random citizens of Ponyville who would now be seeing a lot more of me in the coming days. She wanted to get them to accept me with simple pleasantries, but even as they spoke their candied words back at her, I could see the vitriol, disgust, fear, and distrust in their heart.

I could not help the hurt that came my way from seeing that, and all I could do was tremble behind Twilight's back while their gazes pierced me. I did not want to worry Twilight with my actions, so I did my best to hide the anxiety I felt in my heart. Thankfully, she hadn't given my actions then much thought, and we continued to school normally.

She walked me all the way to the classroom door, hugging me and whispering all manner of encouragements before deciding to leave. Watching her walk away and leave me behind hurt me from the deepest corner of my soul, despite knowing full well that this was only a very minor and temporary thing. But I could see how much it was hurting her too, even if she knew this better than I did.

Still, I turned to face my new reality with a kindled hope in my heart, and I stood by that door waiting to be called upon. Waiting to start a new beginning.





This is where my own story ends. My memoirs of how my life finally changed for the better after a long lifetime in darkness. 

It wouldn't feel right to describe the rest of my life in the outside world alongside Twilight considering that someone else has already written about it, with my blessing of course. With more curious minds being able to see what transpired in the time after, and one fellow in particular who wished to document those events for the history of how the changelings grew past their madness, I obliged him and recounted all the parts that others were not witness to. 

Together, we created the story of the time after. Of my experience going to school, learning to live in the world above, and growing up alongside Twilight, her friends, my own friends, and all the wonderful citizens of Ponyville. Of the harrowing adventures I lived through, and the emotions felt by me and everyone beside me. 

And although it's mighty embarrassing having your whole life being laid bare like this, I felt it important to talk about those misadventures nonetheless. I want to help my young readers understand that we are one and the same, no matter who we are born as or what kind of difficult responsibilities we entrust ourselves with. 

Life is all about growing up, and I know it isn't easy. Taking that one necessary step forward to begin changing our life for the better requires a lot of courage. We must hold out our hearts and open up to others who will help us change, even if we're scared of getting hurt. Life will not wait for us, so we must chase after it with all we've got. No matter how hard, how far, or impossible it may seem. We've got to find our happiness.

That's it from me friends. But my tale doesn’t end there. There’s more story to explore. See you all there!