//------------------------------// // Interviewing // Story: With a Knowledge of Everyting... // by Lord Guffington //------------------------------// A/N:From your previous comments, I have decided to slow down the pace of this.I have no idea how this whole thing will work out, but we'll get there when we get there. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Interviewing "WHAT!?" I shout, standing up and glaring at her. I somehow forget her timid nature. How could she not be here?I mean, doesn't she live in that library/tree? I wince in pain as my arm is slightly moved around in my sling. "I'm sorry! It's just that nopony new in town has arrived since a few weeks ago! Just please don't hurt me!" She says quickly, probably outmatching Pinkie's speed a tad. She throws her forelegs over her head in case I would hit her. I see a bit of tears streaking down her face. Great, now I feel like a jerk. First of all, I would never hit a girl (or a mare for that matter) . Secondly, I'm not very violent by nature. Intimidating a little, but not violent. I draw in a deep breath. Inhale...Exhale.Good!Now go talk to her. "Sorry Flutters, it's okay if I call you Flutters, right?" she nods, "Okay. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just that I thought she would be in town. Why isn't she though?" I ask, raising a questioning eyebrow. I sit down to rest my sore legs. The reason them being sore is weighlifting, which somehow includes jogging everyday for eight minutes. The other I just ran through the forest being chased by wooden wolves. So yeah, pretty sore. I'm getting off track here. "I've never seen or heard of a Twi-wait, how would you know her?" she asks, raising an eyebrow in my direction. Damn it, It's either I explain the internet and T.V. or come up with a quick lie. With limited choices and a short amount of time, I choose the lie. Hey at least it isn't Applejack I'm talking too. She could tell when I wasn't telling the truth. Thank God. Or Celestia. I'm getting new to the terms here. "Uh w-well I thought everyo-everypony knew Princess Celestia's star student," I say quickly. Nice excuse there bro. Not now brain. Although I knew she was gonna find out later, I thought I might save it for later. "I thought you said you weren't from around here," she said,still pressing on. Dang she's good. Oh well. Might as well get it over with. "You want the short or long version?" She brought a hoof to her chin and looked off into the distance."Hmm...the short.I mean if that's okay with you," she said nervously. Hiding behind her mane, it took quite a bit of willpower for me to not laugh. "Okay, so..." I told her a bit about how she was on a T.V. show for little kids. When I said kids, she thought I meant baby goats.WRONG! I then told her about how we sometimes call our children "kids". After about five minutes, she finally understood. I continued how there were a lot of things about herself and the others. Now, I'm not a face reader, but when I got on the facts of her life and stuff, she seemed a little surprised by all the facts. I left out certain things from the internet, and yes you know what I mean. By the end of my little story, I saw the sun setting in the distance and the sky turning a brilliant shade of orange, red and purple. "Oh man. Hey do you mind if I stay here for the night. It's getting pretty late," I asked, stifling a pretty big yawn. "Oh gosh, I forgot to feed my animals!" she exclaimed while jumping down from the couch. She dashed into the kitchen while grabbing a bag of feed from a shelf. She spoke pretty clearly through the bag in her mouth. "Do you mind if you help me feed them? You can stay in the guest bedroom that's down the hall." "I don't see why not. The least I can do for letting me stay." It was a little difficult trying to hold the bag with one hand and only worse trying to tip it without dropping it. The main problem was getting Angel to comply. I know.Big surprise right? But in the end, we got it done. As we headed upstairs, Fluttershy showed me the guest room and then headed off to her room. The guest room was pretty simple. It had a bed that looked large enough for me to sleep in, a dresser with a mirror attached to it, and a small window looking out at the forest. I decided I'd try to at least take off my shirt. Difficult but not impossible, I got it done with a few grunts and winces of pain. I'm about ready to crawl in bed and fall asleep when I get the feeling of being watched. Wanting to have a bit of fun, I ask out loud,"You know it's rude to spy on others, right Flutters?" With an "Eep!" as a response, I chuckle sliding into my bed. There's no way she can like like that already.Or does she? My thoughts drift away into the sea of memories as I slip into unconsciousness. -------------------- I awaken from a dreamless sleep to the smell of bananas, a tickling sensation on my face, and being held down. 'Mom must be cooking some of her delicious banana bread. That stuff is awesome. But what's tickling my face? And why can't I move?' Slowly opening my eyes, my vision is filled with yellow and pink, but mostly pink. Confused by the sudden colors, I attempt to get up, only to find my arms are restricted. I look down from my position to see... ...Fluttershy, cuddling me with a heart-melting smile. Normally I'd be freaked out by this, but since I just realized I'm still in Equestria, I let it slide. Dang these ponies are strong. I also frown a little realizing there's no banana bread, but it's Flutters who smells a bit like bananas. "Hey, uh Fluttershy? It's time to wake up," I whisper, gently shaking her. She stirs a bit, but remains sleeping. I shake her a bit harder, in which she starts to open her eyes. She looks around a bit before her eyes fall on me. I glance down to signal for her to look down also. She looks down and her eyes widen as her face turns to a crimson. With an "Eep!" as a response, she quickly flies out of bed and tries to hide her face with her hooves. "Oh my gosh! I'm sorry if I was invading your personal space! I swear it won't happ-!" I cut her off with a raised hand. "Relax. It's no big deal. Nothing to get embarrassed about," I said calmly. She seemed to relax and float to the ground, though the blushing and wing boner didn't leave yet. "So, what's for breakfast?" "Oh, well I was meaning to ask you. Are you carnivores, or herbivores. But...you don't have to tell me...if that's alright with you," She said, getting quieter to the end. "Well, my species is omnivorous. But since I'm here, I guess I'll change to herbivore. You know, safety issues," I say. Flutters gave a quick nod and trotted downstairs. I attempt to get out of bed, but apparently, standing up involves both shoulders. It takes a while, but I complete the task. I walk over to where I left my shirt and attempt to put it on. It's even harder than last night, but in the end I did it. Painfully. 'Okay, time for a senses test. Sight-' Before I continue, I'd like to say that I'm able to blur my own vision, and when everything is clear, I see more details. Anyways, '-check. Smell...still horrible as always. I mean 'check!' Hearing-' I hear Fluttershy humming and woodland creature noises. '-check. Taste...we'll get to that. With that done, I head downstairs. I see many animals running around and others eating. I see Angel from across the room, holding a carrot in it's paw, not eating it. I give a signal for him, in which he replies with a carrot being thrown at me. In all normality, it wouldn't hurt, but he's got some pretty good aim since it hit me in the eye. "Ow! Seriously Angel?! You could at least be nice to a guest," I say, cupping my face with my good hand. He looks a bit surprised from how I know his name since it was never mentioned before. My eye tears up a bit from the pain, but I quickly wipe it away. He shook his head to rid the confusion and continue glaring at me. I roll my eyes and continue to the kitchen. I see Flutters holding a pan in her mouth and flipping some giant pancakes. I walk over to a seat and sit down, waiting for Flutters to finish. Eventually, she does and puts the pancakes on a plate and turns it off. She turns around and jumps a few inches in the air, almost dropping the food. "Oh! It's just you Christian. I didn't hear you walk in. You know you can be very quiet," she says through a plate of pancakes. It must be pretty difficult to do that. "No worries. I've heard that a lot. It's strange, especially for my weight. So... are those normal pancakes?" I asked, pointing at the mound of delicious food. "Yes they are.How many would you like?" "Hmm. Maybe three," I said. My stomach growled in protest. "Make it four." Let's see if I really do eat only four... ------------------- "Sweet baby Jesus! These are delicious! You're a really good cook Flutters," I proclaim, finishing my ninth pancake in the last five minutes. I lean back and let the food digest in my stomach while rubbing my belly. The pain from the earlier incident with Angel fading away. Fluttershy looked amazed at how much I had eaten. "Oh, why thank you. Do you normally eat that much that quickly?" Flutters asked. By now she was half-way through on her second pancake. "Only when I've been hungry for a really long time, or the food is great. Which in this case, it's both." "Well thanks. Who is Jesus? Was he a famous human?" I recall what I had said in the last minute. "I guess you could say he's famous. Let's just say that he was important for may people's lives." "Was he important to yours?" "I guess. Kinda. Say, wanna tour the town with me? Don't I have to see it sometime?" "I don't know. Everypony will be a little scared by you. But we can go... if you want to I mean," she said while hiding behind her mane. 'D'awww, so cute! Never change!' "Sure let's go," I said, bringing my plate to the kitchen to wash. Flutters does the same with her plate and we head outside. The day was beautiful, not too warm or cold, not many clouds in the sky. "It sure is a beautiful day Flut-Oof!" I manage out before the wind is knocked out of my lungs and my vision is filled with rainbow and blue. My arms are swung around wildly and the bad arm is the one I landed on. I've got a feeling who this is. "You stay away from her you monster!" comes a scratchy female voice. Yep it is her. "Oh my gosh! Rainbow can you please get off of him?" Fluttershy quietly shouted. That was a bit weird to say. Y'know, "quietly shout"? I'm getting off topic. 'I should of seen that coming. It's not like I'm already in enough pain,' I think to myself as I smack the dust off of me with my good arm. I try sitting up, only for my right arm to burn up in pain. I let out a pained scream before falling back down. I can see Fluttershy thinking about how to help, and Rainbow watching me cautiously. Might as well get it done with. "Hi there! You seem to have hurt me more! You're mane is more than two colors! I'm not a monster! I'm stating the obvious now!" I shouted. I tried making a joke out of the situation to dull the pain. It worked a little, but not a whole lot. "You can talk?!" Rainbow asked, mouth agape. I swear if it were any bigger, her jaw would unhinge. "Eeyup." Dammit brain. Not yet. "Wait, what did you just say?" "Yep?" "Alright, well I'm Rainbow Dash! The best flier in all of Equestria! And you are?" "Well, I'm Christian, the human. As you probably have already seen, I walk on two legs and don't have a lot of fur." "Okay? Fluttershy?" Flutters looked up to see her friend. "You make sure he doesn't get in trouble, okay?" Flutters nodded. With her answer, Rainbow flew off to a close cloud and fell asleep. Or at least she made it look like she did. I knew when she fell asleep on clouds and that didn't look like it. "She's gonna be watching us, you know that right?" Flutters just looked plain confused. "Alright, so let's get going. Mind helping me up?" Fluttershy walked behind me and started pushing me up from behind, while I was using the strength I could muster into my two legs and left arm. Eventually, we did it and then we started walking towards Ponyville. Once we made it to the first few buildings, A few ponies started showing up. Their reactions were typical: scared, frightened, disgusted, and many more. I saw a few of the background ponies, like Berry punch, Carrot Top, Ditzy Doo, Bon Bon, and... oh God Lyra. 'Wait, why am I creeped out? Nothing's wrong with Lyra.' I asked myself. The only one who approaches me is Lyra, of course. "Um, excuse me, but are those hands?" Lyra asks. I stick up one of my hands and wiggle the fingers. "What, this?" she nods,"why of course it is! Might I ask why you're interested?" "Well you see, I'm pretty much the only pony who knows what a hand is, and I just wanted to see if it was," she said matter-of-factly. By now she was as excited as a school filly. "I understand completely. Now run along and meet with your friend." With that, she ran over to Bon Bon, who had a worried expression on her face. I saw Fluttershy with yet another confused expression. "You know, you look cute confused," I said trying to snap her out of confusion. She shook her head and looked at me, trying to process what I just said. A few seconds later, her face turned a bright crimson and she hid behind her mane. I chuckled, "Relax Flutters. I'm just kidding." She seemed to relax a bit, her cheeks becoming less red, but she seemed a little disappointed. I frown thinking, 'Wow. She really does like me that way.' I shake my head ridding it of those thoughts. "Well let's get this tour done, okay?" I ask. She nods. Let's see what Ponyville is like... One tour of a town later... Well, Ponyville seems exactly as it does in the show. It's about 2-3 handegg(It's called football in America) fields long and wide, and Pinkie attacked me within the first few minutes of the tour. Let's do a quick recap. I was walking along side Fluttershy. I get attacked by a pink blob known as Pinkie. She talks really fast, and I somehow understood every single word. She planned a 'Welcome to Equestria!' party for me. and then left my sights in about .42 seconds. "So Flutters..." I begin as we start down the path to her cottage. "When's the Summer Sun Celebration?" "Well, if I remember correctly, then it should be tomorrow." "Really now? If I remember correctly, then that means somepony special will arrive soon," I reply. "Really? Oh! That reminds me that I need to help practice my birds for the celebration!" She quietly shouted (again, haha). She then ran off to the outskirts of town. 'Typical. Now where is that unicorn? As if my prayers have been answered, I hear the sound of beating wings. I turn around and see a golden chariot flying in.